It is Christmas day and I am weeping as I type this. My husband is now estranged from most of his family. He is drinking morning, noon and night. There is no kindness or common sense left in him only his need for alcohol which supercedes his need for food or sustainance. He says he is too weak to stand and expects me to see to his toileting needs. I do the best I can and also give him a daily wash but I am ashamed to say inside my head I detest what he has become. I have endured these relapses for years and each gets worse than the last one. I try to spend my days out of the house or in another room but lately he has started shouting or should I say bellowing for me throughout the night when I’m trying to sleep usually because he’s panicking that he has or hasn’t got a drink. He knows if he doesn’t keep ‘topped’ up he will go into withdrawal. I am worn out but the services I’ve contacted are all about support groups for me… I know all about the so called boundaries and finding my safe place etc. I am torn about what to do. Should I ring 111 and explain this to them .. can they help? Should add that he is not capable of getting his own alcohol now and relies on me to supply him. I could cut off this knowing he will get more ill than he is now and I’ll more than likely have to call for medical assistance anyway. I know and accept this terrible disease is also mentally debilitating him and he is not wholly responsible but I am sick of living this way. Thank you all for reading and wishing you love peace and happiness
