Hi Lola, I hope you’re okay.
That was a really well explained post. It’s very clear love your husband wholeheartedly and I really must say it’s great to see you acknowledge that despite his addiction, you know he is still and good man and also acknowledge he still holds many good and decent qualities because often people suffering with addiction are tarnished as being the lowest of the low and just bad people.
I’ll start by telling you that all of the problems he has found himself in, the loans, the loss of jobs etc are no reflection on his love and commitment to you. If anything being in a loving relationship when struggling with addiction is even harder because of the shame and guilt you feel knowing you have let your partner down.
You sound like you’re very clued up on addiction so I’m guessing you’re aware of the way it takes control of a person, can make them do things they would never imagine they would. And even though they would sober hold values and morals that wouldn’t for example ever allow them to consider stealing from work. Somehow, almost in a state of trance, when the addiction knows this is the only way it will be fed, somehow the person addicted will go through with almost anything they have to in order to continue using.
From the outside in, it would be easy to say, well he has a family, and a partner who supports him. He has been too CA and worked the steps so it must be his own choice to return to it.
I don’t think this is the case.
Alongside working the steps I would suggest he gets some 1 to 1 professional councilling. To really work out the route cause of why he uses in the first place. I really do believe, even if a person isnt even aware of it themselves. Deep down there is a reason why they can’t stop themselves or a reason why they reach for this.
Some people like myself used cocaine to block emotions when I went through losing my parents and then became a daily user. Some people may not have a specific event that started it but maybe a unhappiness within themselves like not feeling enough, or feeling under pressure for any reason or anything at all could of been a reason for using the drug.
The drug like all drugs like paracetamol etc is used to treat pain of some sort. Often cocaine is used by the user to treat emotional pain and things get out of hand and then the cycle begins, cocaine causes more pain, so you mask that pain with cocaine, which then causes more pain and so on….
I really think of he can understand his reason for using it will help along with the steps and hopefully lead him to a full life of recovery.
Stay strong
Love is the cure for addiction
James x