It is completely understandable and normal that you would miss him. In your husband, you saw a human being who despite the curse of alcoholism, you loved unconditionally and deeply. You spend more than three decades with him and you were compassionate despite the toughest of circumstances. I have the greatest respect and admiration for you. My situation was very similar. I was married for 30 years. I had three children with my husband. He was the love of my life. His earlier years battling alcoholism were much more severe and they left a permanent scar on me which I was apparently unable to erase from my mind. Towards the end, he had mellowed significantly. He was actually a lovely person. I feel as though I was the one who messed it all up. One night, I sensed that he had been drinking and I asked him how he could have done this to us again and I left the house with my daughter. He took his life that evening and that man who shared my life with me is gone.
