Hi cisco
So sorry to hear what you are going through and I can totally relate to all of it.
As a first step, can you not make an appointment with your own gp to see if they can offer some guidance as to where you can get support?
I did go to several of my husbands gp appointments with him (he obviously has to agree to this), to try and get the gp to see the 100% truth. My husband never gave hospital or gp full facts – well why would he, he was in denial.
I never told any of my family and friends what was going on aside from our grown up son. I was, and still am, too embarrassed by what was happening.
Sounds harsh but you need to look after you and your son. You can try all you want but your husband has to want to make changes. In my case when he did agree to get proper help it was too little too late.
I know only too well the effects this will have on your health and mental well being. I was in a bad way for a very long time. I used to dread leaving the house as I knew what I had to come back to.
I wish I could be more help to you but I just wanted you to know that you are not going mad, and it is not your fault.
Please feel free to reach out if you need to.