So the other day he remembers how his face felt when he was on coke and how he thought I noticed it and that I would then know what was actually happening (he was using coke). No, I told him. I didn’t notice that – how his face moved differently, I never guessed that. The man I knew would never do those things. I love this man. Not possible. What I did notice is that he stopped looking at me and that hurt. I couldn’t figure it out. It didn’t make sense. When he finally confessed that he was using coke all those years ago – I didn’t even know what that meant. What was he saying? So scary. Yes. I thought about leaving him. So many times. Instead, I went to the library and took out some books and read and read. Then searched and found the Nar-Anon meetings that I read about. I told him this now after he tells me about his numb face memory.
