Hi Vivian
This isn’t about comparisons (in the nicest possible way btw!). Everyones suffering is unique to them and your opening statement on 8th Nov 2022 reads very differently to your last. Addicts have an art of manipulation (excuse my bluntness, as a recovering addict I gained a PHd in manipulation) whereby they create illusions and you end up with the conclusion that all isn’t bad. I always in this type of scenario ask Would I want my son/ daughter to end up with x? (x being the addict)
No chance. You’ve mentioned all the money he has goes into coke, what else could that money be used for? You might state you don’t know but you know it could be put to better use. We all know cocaine is terrible for your respiratory system, mixing it with all the others he is currently on surely is a toxic mix.
You mention you don’t do things that normal couples do which is sad. My dear wifey and I tried to do these things and we did. Except I wasn’t in the moment and always wondering about the next hit. We would go out to eat, was I hungry due to the effects of coke, no. Would I drink more than I should, yes I did. Did I make the evening last all night, yes I did. These behaviours aren’t normal. I could never just be in the moment because the moment supplied no hit, always chased the next high which never came. My emotions had become numb to give or receive love due to too much cocaine.
You know you deserve better than this. Don’t fall into the trap of this isn’t perfect but it’ll do. Only you can decide what makes you happy but am sure it’s not this. If he shows no signs of improvement or wanting to stop then how do you know it’ll ever get better? Well here’s the truth, it won’t.
Food for thought, your heart will say stay but logically using your brain can you?