Would you consider moving home?
I know you probably feel like you can’t turn your back on your son as he’s your baby but you are being terrorised due to his addiction.
you need to get an injunction and put boundaries in place.
it must be awful having dealers turning up and unless you move or he’s clean I guess this will keep happening.
I think you should get in touch drugfam they can give you some advice and with families Annonymous to join a group for families affected by a loved ones addiction. Seek some one to ons Counselling for you too around your feelings and self harm.
you must protect yourself. You are also enabling his addiction by giving him money. See it as you being kinder by stopping this.
I don’t know if this has been any help but sounds an unbearable situation.
he’s your son, you love him and I’m sure he loves u very much but he is unwell and his behaviour is unacceptable.
xx