Hi man, I hope you’re alright.
Honestly I wish I could give you a straight answer.
I was the same, I wasn’t at one point spending £200 a day on a 3.5 sniffing all day and going home, eating dinner and making an excuse to go back out and carry on sniffing. It was insane. I wanted so bad to quit but I couldn’t get past a few days. I did t know what was wrong with me because I genuinely wanted to stop more than anything when I was on it I’d spend hours looking at this forum or watching YouTube videos trying to find a solution.
I went to a few meetings and although I encourage everyone to try them, they wasn’t for me. I found I didn’t believe alot of the people in the room but honestly bro if you haven’t tried CA then please give that a go.
If I’m honest, I think I got to the point where my Mrs had left me, everyone else around me was buying houses settling down growing up and I was still trying to keep my head about water and getting on it every day and I just asked myself is this the life I want to live. Not seeing my daughter, not being respected by my friends. And I was able to slow right down. Then I realised the days I was off it where so much better than the days I was on it. I started to feel again, I had emotions and then one day I kind of said right well I’m only doing a 1.75 a week now on a Saturday and the rest of the week I’m good so why bother with the 1.75. of course it’s not that simple but I managed to be clean now for around 6months but this time I feel different, I feel like it was my choice and not me being force into it or pretending to do it because I had been caught out and secretly having no intention of quitting.
My advice mate, find your happiness outside of the gear. Give yourself a reason to fight the urge. It can be anything. The money, the health aspect, a relationship, anything but you need to have something to draw on when it gets tough because we both know after a few days how your head will think of nothing else other than getting on it.
If I can do it bro, you can too believe me I was a right mess and I’m not saying I’m a saint but I’m much better person than I was a year ago.
I’m always here if you want to chat mate but definitely look up your local ca meetings and if you have a close pal to talk to then try open up to them for some support too.
Stay strong man, you got this
James x