Hi Smith,
I can only echo the words of Brighterdays here – I completely agree that you need to set boundaries and from my own experience as well, if there are no consequences to what your husband is doing, there is no incentive for him to change.
I feel a wee bit similar to you as also 4-5 years ago, my partner had a big coke problem that cost him everything. I left him, he got sober and sorted out his life, and we had been together for 3 happy years until last year, he relapsed and it’s been hell since then. When he first told me, he did start going to meetings but as there were no real consequences – i.e. he didn’t lose me or suffer any big life changes as a result, he kept on relapsing for a year. He cost us thousands, and he nearly drove me insane as I spent the whole time telling myself I was just being paranoid while he lied to me over and over again. This all came to a head earlier this year when he lost his job, and after all the broken promises and lies, I’d had enough. Kicked him out and he finally hit rock bottom after losing everything. He’s now doing well, but I don’t for a minute think that would be the case if I’d kept up appearances and spent my life telling myself everything is okay when it isn’t.
I hope you don’t mind me being blunt, but your husband will not get better if he’s not even acknowledging he has an issue, nor doing anything about it. He will only get worse. He has a history of addiction and if he’s taking cocaine again, it is only a matter of time before this becomes a real problem. With mines, he slipped at work a few times and then the addiction started telling him he could take cocaine, just a wee bit, as he’d been sober for so long. 8 months later, he’d blown thousands. Financially, you might be okay just now, but it will escalate. He might already be racking up debt you don’t know about, that’s the power of addiction.
If you choose to ignore this, you’ll regret it. Trust me, if I could go back, I’d have kicked my partner out and roped in his family for help a year ago when he first confessed to a slip. It gets worse so fast, especially when your husband was already an addict before. Don’t keep all this on your shoulders. If he won’t talk to you, he won’t change, it could cost you every penny you have, and you’ll drive yourself insane. That can’t be what’s best for you or your family.
Wishing you all the best x