I am devastated to read this and my first question is, have you heard anything from him? Are you okay? Is he okay? I have been in the same situation with my husband multiple times, which is horrifying. The last time he did it he walked away from me in such a state, telling me that he was going to the woods to hang himself, and I had no option but to phone the police. They acted very quickly and made me feel so secure in my actions. They immediately dispatched officers to numerous locations and assured me that he wouldn’t be in trouble for his substance usage, but that it was most important to check on his welfare. I was the same as you, out at all hours roaming the streets looking for him until the police returned my call to say that he was fast asleep at his parents and that there would be no further action. The next morning, he was furious, but he was alive. He couldn’t believe I had acted on it but I had actually had enough of him acting this way and making me poorly with worry, whilst he was just asleep. Its torture and safe to say he hasn’t acted on that again.
You cannot keep living like this, blaming yourself and waiting for the next time for him to treat you this way. As James said, I will never advise you to dismiss his words.. however, you cannot live your life this way. He is abusing your kind nature and is isolating you from everyone.
Please give us an update when you are able. We are all here for you and will support you through this.
xx