Hi Lottier
Sounds really tough. I’ve not come out the other end yet with my husband , and foolishly I have hope every time he manages to stay clean for a couple of weeks , but really it’s only usually because he’s ran out of all options for borrowing /lying etc to get more funds
When he is in these more sober moments he goes through all sorts of emotions, a temporary happiness (which I am questioning is fake ) so of course I get sucked back in , then there will be a sudden out burst anger and very nasty and manipulative, which I am thinking is perhaps the more real him.
Do you think your staying in hope the old him returns? Sorry to say it doesn’t seem much of a life , for both of us, always putting their needs first and even when we do , get treated like crap.
Is there any way you can reach out for support – family , counselling , GP ? Time to put yourself first… Spend time with your friends , laugh again and be you .. when you are well and happy you will get a better perspective and will realise you don’t need him around bringing you down anymore…he sounds very insecure and controlling and deep down perhaps knows once you do reach this point, you will leave.
Sending strength xx