: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

528 threads

4186 posts

Day 18 cold turkey from codeine and starting to feel like myself by

Just thought I’d put up a post for anyone who’d like to comment or discuss their opiate withdrawal/addiction. As the title says I’m currently on day 18 and starting to feel more like my normal self. I won’t lie it has been fairly difficult but just so people know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The early physical withdrawals are the easiest part believe it or not as it’s nothing compared to the lack of motivation and energy you feel thru out so basically a mild depression. In the first week I thought I’d never get better I couldn’t do anything at all, I couldn’t tend to my 2 children, I couldn’t do any housework, I couldn’t do my job properly, I basically couldn’t get off the settee to do anything and I just thought this sad no motivation low mood was never gunna end but it does guys ! For the last few days I’ve been slowly getting better, I can tend to my kids I can do the housework altho it does tire me out and my thoughts are much happier now i can see myself slowly becoming my normal self again. Don’t get me wrong it is only day 18 and I’m still not sleeping 100% and I do still lack motivation but compared to 1 week ago I am so much better and so could you be. All the best guys and I hope this post helps just 1 person battle thru. I visit this forum daily so I will reply to anyone that wants to chat or swap stories or ask questions etc. :)

by RachBN

441 posts

The Betrayal by

Why didn't you tell your spouse/significant other/loved one that you tried coke (or whatever it was/is that has you out of control). And, that you want to keep doing coke, and you will keep doing coke. And, all the good/bad/ugly events that happen to you while you are experiencing the highs/lows/cravings/withdrawals - you will not ever tell me about. Why? Why was I not included in this decision of yours that has totally changed our lives? Why wasn't I even given a chance to know the truth of what was happening? This seems to be a common behavior of the addicted - hiding. It feels like a most awful betrayal and it hurts like Hell. To not know anything about it for years and feel something is so wrong. I hope someone can answer, because he still hasn't given me an answer to this.

Cocaine Addiction - Feeling lost, alone and pretty helpless by

Hi All, I am here as I do not know where else to turn! Up until a year ago I had never tried recreational drugs other than cannabis, I then hit 38 and randomly craved Cocaine, I then broke both wrists and used it combined with alcohol to ease the pain. I am female, have a wonderful Husband and children and am disgusted by my behaviour, it feels like I am in self destruct mode. I don't even enjoy using it. Since the lockdown my use has become more frequent every other day and I only use it if I drink alcohol. Alcohol has always been my crutch and now it triggers cocaine use. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time to that first night and never have tried it in the first place. I have not hidden the fact from anyone in fact I have been honest throughout. I don't want to be that person I look at in the mirror any longer after a bender. I spent 4 years rebuilding a new me after a breakdown and feel all my work is unravelling. I have a septum perforation which I have told no one about but is worrying me constantly, worry leads to alcohol, alcohol leads to cocaine. I know what I need to do and that is to simply stop - I just feel so lost. I was once the person who helped others with drug problems and in a year I have turned into that person needing help. Any advice would be welcomed and recovery stories, I cannot go on like this any longer, my family deserve better and so do I. Many thanks for listening.

I feel like I failed by

I don't really know what to do anymore. My daughter has used a wild concoction of drugs for at least the last 4 years. She is now 18. In her lucid moments she will admit she needs help but then won't follow that through. If I make suggestions I am interfering and she believes she can suddenly fix it by herself. Everytime I think she's turned a corner she changes direction again. She has a job, gets paid and blows the paycheck in a night and then ends up running up debts. I know she manipulates me and I hate myself for allowing that to happen. I'm so scared that I will get that call to say she is dead. That I will bury my child. I want to stop it but I know that I can't. If I talk about it to people you can see that look in their eyes, that thought that their child wouldn't do that but maybe that's just me. I'm sorry to pour this out but maybe this is what I need to do to keep me sane so that my son has a mother.

by JEM

52 posts

Help for my Brother by

Hi everyone, my brother is 22 and is addicted to alcohol and has been for 6 years now. We've tried everything we can think of to help him and nothing seems to work. He's on antidepressants (Citalopram), has tried talking therapy and has been to an NHS alcohol addiction rehab facility. However, he still goes off, gets drunk, lies to us (his family) and gets violent towards us when he's had a drink. I've had my head smashed into walls and been choked by him, then he turns around and tells us that he doesn't feel loved, even though we love him more than anything and keep looking after him and coming back to him. He has attempted suicide whilst under the influence, and we are just going round in circles. I'm constantly worried about him and just don't know what to do. It's starting to have an affect on my own mental health because I feel so hopeless and just can't see anything changing for the better. It kills me inside to know that he feels like this, but also that he can turn into such a violent person when he's drunk and assault us - physically and verbally. Does anyone have any experience with this or any suggestions? I really am losing all hope now and it's a scary, dark place to be in. None of my friends seem to understand and I feel quite alone in it all. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Brother passed in bad circumstances by

Hi everyone, I’ve never done anything like this before but I guess I’m just looking for advice from people who find themselves in situations bought upon us by alcohol and it’s effects on our loved ones. So my brother struggled with alcohol for a good 20+ years. As the years went by it turned from binge drinking a lot to becoming an actual alcoholic who could not stop or go without drinking. He passed away last year and firstly I’m struggling to deal with the circumstances around his death as they are very unusual. As the years went by my and my brothers addiction got worse he became very toxic and mean on and off, the more time passed I guess it became more on than off. I won’t go into minute detail as there’s too many stories to tell but in general he would believe he was the victim of a bad childhood and everyone was against him, both things not being true. Over the years we all tried to help or support him but after over two decades of middle of the night phone calls where he would spit venom at you and those you love, making false allegations against people and even while temporarily living with my mother she was so frightened of him and his threats she had to lock herself and her dog in her room every night, we eventually had longer and longer periods of no contact. He lived over 5 hours drive from me, my sister and my mother so I guess after he would be nasty it was easy to go no contact for a time. It became pretty usual to not hear from him for months and I’ll be honest, sometimes he could be so unpleasant it was a relief at times. Last year in July we had a call that he had been found dead at home in his flat. He cut everybody off in august the year before and although attempts at contact were made as this was the longest period nobody had spoken to him, we just presumed he would come round In his own time as he always did. Turns out he had died 4 months previously and nobody knew. He was just lying in his bed all that time. All alone. And none of us realised. I feel I let him down so badly even though I have 4 children and felt he made my mental health so bad at times I needed to concentrate on my family I had made. I can’t stop thinking about how sad and lonely he must have been. Why didn’t I try harder? Am I an awful person? How do I keep going with the guilt?

How do i seek help? by

Hi, since new year started ive been clean from drugs and alchohol although, when school starts i know i wont be able to resist going out with my friends and taking something. Ive been doing drugs for about 2-3 months but i can really feel the damage on my body and the changes in my emotions, i noticed i got a lot skinnier and a lot more depressed and suicidal. Im still in high school, im failing 6 classes and my teachers noticed somethings wrong with me. I want to tell my parents that i started doing drugs, i want to let out my anger and sadness on someone so i can be forced or at least offered help. Im to scared to ask for help and im to scared to tell my friends about this cause i know that they wont be able to help because they hardly even want to stop. I really just want to die right now ive never felt more like a failure then right now..

Bad trip (?) Long-term stomach problems by

Hi everyone, Today I want to tell you about my experience, which practically ruined my whole 2021. Let's start from the premise that I currently smoke cannabis and that's it (actually not even because now I'm in Thailand for 2 months with my girlfriend and I don't even miss it) It all started more or less in the summer of 2020 when a friend of mine made me try some LSD that he had managed to get hold of (synthesized well because they were the classic cards with drawings on them, not a random sheet). I had a total of 6 LSD experiences of which only 2 times with a full dose (1 entire little square). In October 2020 a very bad thing happened: I was traveling by train to go to my friends at 300km from me, once arrived at the station I was stopped with my friend by the police with anti-drug dogs. Obviously, given the situation, I immediately declared that I had the grass with me and they made the report (Italy...) The real problem is that in the train (I was an asshole) I had eaten 1 whole trip of LSD So during the incident, the anxiety that I would already normally feel if I were searched by the police has increased so much After the incident I couldn't sleep for 2 days, I was shaking, but at least I managed not to make the cops understand that I was on acid, they just took the weed and that was it. In those moments I felt the greatest fear of all my life so far, I felt my heart beating in my shoulders, my eyes were trembling, I was sweating cold and I flooded my shirt (I'm not one who sweats a lot). The fact is that from that moment I felt extremely unstable in my head, doubts, fears, anxieties and anguish took place daily in my life. Plus the fact that I was embarking on a relationship with my current girlfriend but at the time I did not know what could happen between us. One day, with her, after what happened in Florence, we decided (stupid of me) to take hallucinogenic mushrooms but this time in a safe place, where there was no one. She was very well, I vomited almost immediately and in spite of that the effect went up anyway.... I don't know guys... I felt "saturated" with psychedelic mushrooms... as if I was feeling too much anxiety I heard an inner voice telling me not to take mushrooms that day but I didn't listen to it and I did my own thing, with the result that from that day until now (I think) a psychosomatic process has been created in my brain according to which I would ALWAYS vomit. From January 2021 to September/October 2021 I had feelings of vomiting EVERY DAY, every morning and every evening. A "high and low" feeling, it would come and go, go and come.... Today what is left of this feeling is just a heartburn, which I keep under control with natural bach flower drops and sometimes when necessary taking Maalox I have never had a real answer to my doubts, what I am telling you are only my assumptions and the problem is not 100% solved.... If I drink coffee I am sick, if I drink milk I am sick, if I eat spicy I am sick, if I eat a lot of Mcdonald's food I am sick. Even in the summer of 2021 I developed a social anxiety that made me stop going out (except for work...) with my friends because every time I went to a bar and drank a beer I felt terrible. Today I am in Thailand for 2 months and it seems that the heat, the peace and eating only vegetables or light foods is really helping me with my problem. However, 2021 will always remain a dark memory in my life, a year ruined. Now I ask you: do you think it was because of the hallucinogenic mushrooms/trips in October? Because it seems like the more time goes by, the MORE slowly my problem goes away. It was already easing up before I left for Thailand, but sometimes I still get a few bouts of extreme heartburn. I've scheduled a gastroscopy in March to investigate my stomach, since I used to be able to drink coffee and alcohol with ease (and I'm not an alcoholic at all, I'm talking about even one beer with company) It's really hard for me to talk about this and it's the first time I've sought help from the outside world other than my girlfriend or friends I am 22 years old.

1 post

Boyfriend cheated on me with an escort under the influence of substance by

Hello. Not sure where to start from. After 18 months in a relationship; I find myself leaving him and it falls so hard on my heart. Prior to meeting him, I had no clue how a person under addiction looked like or behaved. I learned all his behaviors and understood using it when he lost his mom, but i never thought that he will be craving for it every 6 months to a year. I forgave him a few things done under the influence as i got to know him inside. I knew he needed help; he asked for it himself and i had faith. He started outpatient treatments and he is so charismatic and caring when not being under the substance influence; everyone loves him. I started having self esteem issues as he tempted to do sexting online when he would use it, and caught him and it was hard for me to trust him, but i did find the trust through belief and faith. Well; treatments have been helping him and he was being as a person whom i fell in love with the first time i met him and felt connected to through his eyes / soul. He went on a trip ten days ago, and prior to the trip i got upset seeing my friend bringing weed into our home. My boyfriend cut even weed to almost none for almost 2 months. He used the situation against me as we had a huge argument before he left on the work trip out of state. I was under impression we talked it over during his long trip , but i found out that he used drugs on the 2nd day being in that city and went with one escort. I was so crushed. He tried to call me every day to explain that he had no sexual intimacy, but just a bj and i was disgusted to hear it. I found myself in shock. 2-3 days of trying not to talk to him and finally i chose to listen and it sounded that we were talking more normal and i almost wanted to look it over as i know it was the substance. That same day he stayed in a hotel and not calling as promised so i felt it that he was using drugs constantly and that he could have been with some woman/ call it woman intuition especially if one knows her man well like i do know him. At that moment it was my intuition / an assumption. Days were passing by with arguments back and forth and me not wanting to answer his phone calls. Finally i did today. We spoke calm way and even there was a smile on our faces. I noticed that he was on drugs again and i was harsh friendly and compassionate if that makes sense. He thanked me for being understanding and promised that he wont use it again and regretted as i told him that he can pick up his stuff when he returns as i will pack them organized. I even said that he could stay for a few days under the same roof until he finds another accommodation. After having that talk; he kept on calling me and asking where i was; and it came another shock to be shared. That hotel night, my intuition did not lie; he admits to me that he had sex with another escort and that he had a blast and that he was under influence and that he thought that i dumped him because of the bj one and that i hated him. He wanted to share all this with me to get it off his chest as he felt guilty, but he does not say sorry at all; but he asked me to look at my heart for forgiveness; that he knows that i will leave him if he would cheat on me. He started explaining how it meant nothing to him, and how he wanted to be in control and how he regrets especially after i put it in stone to pick up his stuff after return. He started blaming me for things how h was not happy and a few hours prior to it he said how he was just sabotaging himself knowing that he wanted to spend his life with me, but thought that his substance addiction will never end although his treatment was going well. I feel that i am still in shock like i experienced trauma. I started even looking for answers if it is considered cheating when doing it with an escort. I couldnt believe to myself reading it. I came across from your chat blog . Please help me to cope this and to shake me up if i should consider forgiving him? Honestly i can not believe that i am considering it; but i know if there was no for substance he would not have done it; but i think he took the drugs in purpose in order to go with an escort. Please share your opinion what i should do; if i should look for that forgiveness or i should just leave as i have started to pack? Thank you 🙏🏻

by Esta

12 posts

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