: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

215 threads

1402 posts

Cocaine - cheating boyfriend by

hello (i really wanna put a smiley face or an exclamation mark to not seem blunt but ive hit an all time low rn so bare with me) me and my boyfriend have been together for just under a year, he’s a couple of years older than me and we met at work. ever since our first conversation we’ve had amazing chemistry and something about him has always seemed so right? we’re very similar people and have a lot of relatable things to speak about. ive always been really inspired by him as he was stabbed in a random attack by a group of guys when he was 20, he nearly died yet will never bring it up or use it as an excuse etc. he’s just extremely humble about it. he’s had a really hard life but has the loveliest personality and i was so drawn to how strong he was and how much he would open up to me. -also just putting this in here as its relevant later on, both of us are very sexual / kinky people and often spoke to each other about porn etc. and when we was on coke we’d often watch it together, sex was something spoken about often in our relationship- fast forward a few months and i end up helping him out with money a few times - buying groceries, paying his phone bill, etc. he’s always had bad luck with jobs and doesnt have any savings - i soon found out each month he was gambling most of his money away. we spoke a bit about it and i told him i wanted to support him and i just needed him to be honest with me and he agreed - a couple of times after that he ended up gambling more than he could afford to lose but each time seemed to be a wake up call and i was sure it wouldnt happen again. a month or so later i decided on my birthday i wanted to try cocaine, id never done it before but knew he had and he was welcome to the idea. little did i know that a few months before we ended up dating he had a coke addiction. it was only for a couple of months and he managed to get himself off of it, but i felt like a lot of the issues that happened after this rooted from me deciding to try coke as maybe if i was never interested none of this would have happened? i realised i fucked up when i went to pick him up on my birthday and he told me he’d done all of the coke he’s bought for us to do the night before, sitting in his room, by himself. i was so upset and horrified he’d lied to me about it and not told me that he couldnt be trusted with it. we ended up getting more even after me saying i didnt want to, he really pushed me to get it and said it was because he felt guilty. since my birthday we’ve done it together about 5-7 times, we’ve done it quite often in lockdown and always made a point that it is a ‘treat’ and not to be abused (there was another time we had some in the house for a party the next day and whilst i was asleep he did it all without me then we had to buy more again the next day - thats when i realised it was a bad problem). we did coke together a couple of days ago as he works nights and we’d ended up messing up our sleep schedule as we visited a zoo that day and obviously couldnt have woken up at our usual 4-5pm, so we purely did it just so he could stay awake long enough for us to sort our sleeping pattern out. i woke up the next day to him stating he hadnt slept a lot, and i found out he’d got another gram whilst i was sleeping and gone another night not sleeping - making him call sick into work. i was kinda pissed but didnt think much of it. because of his history with gambling every month or so i’ll check his phone to make sure he hasnt been losing all of his money behind my back, but this time i found something much worse than that. i found out he had been messaging girls and exchanging photos and dirty messages when he’d got the extra coke and i was asleep in bed next to him. listen to me when i say i am extremely understanding - i know what coke does to people and how it makes you horny and you dont think about anything other than the coke but like.... i was asleep next to him??? i confronted him and he blamed it on being ‘messed up’ and was super apologetic and affectionate but i refused to kiss him - when i eventually did a few hours later i couldnt stop myself crying because all i could think about was the messages. he’s asleep right now and i looked back and found a few messages from december with other girls (most probably on a night he was messed up again) so its happened once or twice before. i just dont know what to believe as he is the kindest, most affectionate and loving partner i have ever had and always makes me feel on top of the world - would i be stupid to stay with him if i give him a chance and he proves to me that it wont happen again? i know coke makes you eratic and horny so maybe it was just a one off thing? we dont use it often and after i confronted him he said he never wants to do it again because he never wants to hurt me like he did today. he’s currently sleeping and im hoping once he’s rested (as he hasnt slept for 48 hours) and has a clear and stable mind we’ll be able to talk and hopefully i’ll be able to forgive him? i just feel really lost and like im in a dream right now and really need someone to talk to. thank you, d x

by BT1978

2 posts

Day 1 by

This is my first post having just discovered this site today. I was looking for sites to help with withdrawal from Codeine addiction. This is my first day of codeine withdrawal. I need to stop. I feel like if I write it all down here - I am accountable and it’s out in the Universe, I have to do it and stick to it. If I’m being honest with myself I’ve probably been addicted for about 5 years but only in the last 2 years has it become a daily routine/chore/focus. I couldn’t go to bed without taking pills and my first thought in the morning is “how many do I have left? Do I need to buy today? Which chemist haven’t I been to in a while?” No one in my family knows or my partner. I have two children that I love and I just want to be rid of this hole I’ve gotten myself into. I would say I’m pretty high functioning - I have a busy full time job and carry out all my “mum duties” and housework without skipping a beat. But I feel like I’m hiding myself away more and more and feel almost removed from my relationships with everyone. I feel like I interact almost behind an invisible screen? I work in an office and mostly sit alone with this floaty feeling of euphoria, having popped my first lot of pills in the morning (with my first coffee!). I hide away in the kitchen at home using the excuse of cooking so I can pop pills and wash them down with wine/beer while I’m making the dinner. Top up again just before my partner comes home and that’s me for the night. This is my daily routine now. My partner works long shifts so doesn’t really notice. He knows I enjoy a wine (or 4!) but I know he would be horrified if he knew the truth. So why do I want to stop.....as I’ve said I’m beginning to feel separated from the people I love. I don’t socialise as much as I used to. I just mostly want to be home alone, not good when you’ve got kids and a busy life. I feel like I don’t have any real connections with anyone because during our conversations I’m nodding along but in my head thinking when can I take more pills? Should I drink tonight? It’s becoming all encompassing. As the child of alcoholics growing up, I swore my kids wouldn’t go through the same traumas and for the most part they are spared the fights and trauma that alcohol abuse brings but they've still dealing with a vague/vacant parent which must be confusing and worrying at times? There’s also the health implications. During my reading today - I always assumed it was the Codeine that’s the problem but the paracetamol in the tablets can cause more harm to the liver??? Recently I’ve felt a swelling feeling on the right hand of my abdomen which I’m terrified is the early stages of liver damage. I get really really insanely itchy skin at times - hands and feet mostly. I’ve also no motivation and I would say my mental health isn’t ever great either. I just want to be free from this mindset and constant thinking of pills and how to get more pills!!! Im terrified I’ve damaged my liver. I took my last pills at 4pm last night. I intend on going cold turkey. I feel like if I taper off then I’ll justify to myself an increase in usage and end up back where I started. So far I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a bad flu? I ache basically all over even my finger joints feel sore. I’m tired and really just want to have a bath and get some sleep lol! I also know this is probably going to get a lot worse before I feel better.... any advice anyone can give me to get through the next few days/weeks would be great. So I’m about to head home and this is the most worrying part of my day. For as much as I love my children, being a mum is BORING at times. Cooking and housework is boring, cooking/cleaning is always much more enjoyable when you’ve got this floaty feeling in your stomach. I really really want to go home and not drink (I’ve no pills in the house), but I can hear my inner voice already saying “just get a bottle of wine on your way home! It’s not as bad because you’ve no pills!”. Ugh....

by BT1978

19 posts

Wife of a drug addict by

I have been with my husband for 14 years we now have 3 children oldest is 11. My husband is addicted to heroin, crack and diazepam. He has been to rehab and stayed clean for 4 months and now he doesn’t use daily H And C but when gets the opportunity he will disappear and take H and C. He also has been prescribed diazepam but what he gets is not enough as he likes to get off it on them he is currently prescribed 30mg a day and when he abuses them he takes around 200mg in one go. He has resorted to secretly buying them online and will use H And C when he can. He is with addactions but he seems to lie to them and he is saying he is going to get help cos I was ready to end the marriage but he doesn’t ever seem to contact his drug worker it’s been 3 weeks and he hasn’t done any thing just says remind me. I don’t know what to do any more I have hidden his addictions from my family for years and I had finally told my mum, which was so hard and was due to the fact I had left my sons with him and he had went out and scored and then injected in our home and was completely out of it around my boys I have since not allowed him to look after our children. I feel very alone and scared about the future. I know if I end it he will go down hill but I don’t think I can no longer deal with his addictions. I am so confused. I really don’t think he is ready to change and everyone in his family tells me to leave him but I always seem to think he will change but somewhere inside I don’t think he will. I feel like I am a failure. I have tried everything to prevent him from using and nothing works what else can I do. I have even resorted to asking social services for help but they say I am a safety factor and basically nothing they can do. I don’t know who I am anymore I feel like a drug worker not a wife. Sorry for the rant but I am so lost. My husband has been on a methadone program for years, which doesn’t help just stops his withdrawing when he hasnt been able to get drugs. Has anyone had any one that has actually changed am I deluded to think or hope he will change. What am I to do. I love him but hate him at the same time hate what he is doing to me and the kids and what to leave him for my children’s well being but then he mentally messes with my head and when he is good he’s great but when he is bad it’s bad. I am totally confused in what to do. Any advice would be appreciated

Is my husband an alcoholic? by

My husband of 12 years has always liked a drink but no more than any of his friends/colleagues etc. Before lockdown he'd have a couple of alcohol free days and the other week days he'd drink maybe 5 pints, then pretty heavy at the weekend. Since we went into lockdown, he's been drinking a least 7 pints a day, every day (more at weekends). He often falls asleep on the settee by about 8pm, around the time the kids go to bed so we don't ever get any quality time together. He will not have the conversation with me about him having a problem. It ends in an argument and him accusing me of being controlling and nagging. His reasoning is that he can't possibly have a problem because he gets up and works from 7am in the morning and he has a very technical job which he does no problem and doesn't have a hangover. He is very active and even at weekends, does loads of exercise, 'burning off the alcohol' in his eyes. He never starts drinking until late afternoon in the week, mid afternoon at the weekend, always doing all his jobs first and this is how he justifies it to himself. So he's drinking average 50 pints a week (always beer, never spirits) and I worry so much about the state of his insides and the health risks. How can I deal with this and get him to understand he needs to slow down before he really makes himself ill.

by BT1978

2 posts

Cycling around and around by

Anyone else have someone who has periods of being able to control their addiction, return to their ‘old’ self for a few weeks and then spiral back down and fall back into bad habits? OH thinks he’s doing really well and lockdown is good for him but I can’t help but clock up the times he is drinking. I’m wondering if I should maybe start some sort of diary to see if it is as bad as I think or if I’m overly focusing on the negative?

Cocaine Behaviour Confusion by

Hi All, I've been reading quite a lot on here over the past few months. From what it sounds most addicts hide the addiction. The addict I know says hes clean yet then makes no attempt to actually hide the fact he isn't, he will snort in the bathroom but won't deny it and he will also think nothing of snorting in front of me or getting the drugs out in front of me it's like he kind of revels in the fact I am angry about it? I don't take drugs and he knows it's not acceptable to me but it's almost like he does it for a reaction. Its almost as if he says hes clean so I give him a chance to spend time together? He's always in Love with me in the run up and the actual high period but come the next day his mood changes and he says hes not lied about what he feels but he just doesnt actually care. From what I read on these forums he's the total opposite of most addicts, is he beyond help?

My boyfriend has cocaine issue by

My boyfriend had a cocaine addiction before I got with him due to a bad breakup years ago. He got himself in alot of debt and he sorted himself out. We now have a 3 month old baby, and when I was pregnant the sneaking out and lying started. He would say his cousin needed picking up or while I'm asleep go out and not answer his phone and come home at 6am. When we got our own place, he would come home with a .2 as he calls it, and then as were watching a film, hed say hes going to get more, an hour drive away from ours, and not come home till 3am. Once I woke up and he had gone and left his cousin in the spare room. He lies and says hes doing a surprise for me... and the next morning we would argue and he wouldnt understand my point of view, and then tell me its cause he is depressed. And cries, and tells me to help him.. but he keeps doing it. He thinks I'm stupid and that I dont know when he has taken it. His jaw moves and he talks different. I love him so much and just cant leave. We have a son.

by HelenL

2 posts

Advice please by

Hi all. So my husband has a alcohol & cocaine problem. It has gradually got worse over the years. To the point where I don't even know him anymore. I dont even know myself anymore because of it. It rules my life. He won't get help even though it is ruining everything around him. His job has been effected. His relationships with people are strained & our kids are seeing too much anger & upset. I've begged and pleaded for him to get help. But he just blames me. He says that I should back him 100% always. Whether he's right or wrong. That I should show him love even when he's drunk. Now I love him. I've been with him for 20 years since we were teenagers. And I know he has an addictive personality. But over the past 4 years. He has changed so much he never used to drink and now he can't even have 1 without wanting more and more. I know he's depressed & I know he needs help. But he turns to drink. And drugs to cope. And I just don't know what to do any more. Its like he hates me now with the awful things he says. I'm just so lost I never thought this would be us. I always imagined us being grey and old together. But now I just don't know. How can somebody change so much. How can somebody act like they don't care about you. Its heart breaking. And the sad thing is. He always manages to get me back on side thinking things will get better. But he still doesn't get the help that I know he needs.

2 posts

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