: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

482 threads

3579 posts

Does he even care by

My boyfriend is a lifelong crack addict. We’re talking daily use, to varying degrees, only been clean (or had a clear mind as he puts it) maybe a couple years out of 32ish years. He’d convinced me that his age (he’s near 50 now) means he needs and wants to retire from it as he puts it. I try everything to encourage him to make better choices, sometimes he does, but every day with minimal exceptions, he uses again. We are now in a unique situation. He told me at the weekend he’s going to give up for 27days, or he’s a “prick”. I don’t dare ask anymore, but judging by his raging moods, he’s done it. Since then we’ve bickered, he’s tried, and succeeded, to make me jealous, he’s told me he’s questioned our relationship, also at one point he said he didn’t consider us a couple that we’re not together anymore. I’ve told him how much I love him, but all he responded with this time was he likes being with me. He also said that he tried to not call me, but had to. I did pull him up on the jealousy thing, but I think to some degree, sometimes he doesn’t listen or acknowledge me because he can’t accept how bad his behaviour is and would rather block it out. Part of me thinks now he’s gone cold turkey, which I don’t think was a good idea for so many reasons, that he’s now incapable of any positive human emotion. Does anyone believe an addict can experience positive feelings of love and appreciation of their partner if they’re a few days/weeks off the crack? For the first time in our relationship, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I moved in with my elderly mum before covid, and she only worries if I spend too much time with him, so I visit him at weekends. This week he told me he hates me during the week, he doesn’t feel like he’s in a relationship. For the most part, he’s stopped reading my texts, stopped talking to me on the phone, stopped asking me how I am. Partly I think he’s so disgusted by his behaviour, for how much he relies on me, that sometimes talking to me only forces him to be aware of his failings and shortcomings. It’s almost as though he can’t face me, except when he needs food, or is having a cash flow problem. Does he actually care, or is he just using me? I’m fortunate enough to be in a lucky financial position. I worry now that even if he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s only doing the bare minimum to keep me happy. Part of me is starting to loathe my feelings for him, I’m not one to give up, I’ve been tempted to walk away, but in some ways I know that ends I do, I’m strong enough to ensure I never go back. Insights and opinions welcomed please x

by Liberty

226 posts

Cocaine addiction by

Hey people :) I haven't done this before... but I feel like I need to just say it... I use cocaine for many reasons, the biggest is it helps my pain (I have sickle cell) It also calms down my mental health, I'm able to write music & think quite logically when on it... so it traps me every time. I live in South London and I HATE IT. I'm a young black woman who's a tomboy, I get abused a lot out on road.... someone always wants to fight me or Rob me. So f**k it.... Just get me some packet & let me be! I'm very aware of it. Lol. VERY AWARE. But as aware as I am I'm still trapped.... I come off it, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm anti, I'm in pain, just problem after problem. I think I've reached 24 and I cant see my future anymore, I know no matter how hard I fight this illness It will progress.... it will continue to mess up mobility and mental so I think unconsciously I've given up. I just dont care anymore.. the system gave up on me, the NHS also gave up on me, my career is over(elderly carer).... But maybe I do care cause I wouldn't be here.... I could easily ignore it, but I'm no junkie... I'm just very lost right now... :( I wanna be better I do...

1 post

Partner alcoholic and cocaine addict by

Hi all I’ve never really done this before but here goes: I’ve been with boyfriend for over 3 years now and he has an alcohol and cocaine addiction. We live together in my flat and he rents his house, so I always feel so terrible throwing him out as I know by doing so I’m making it worse as he feels more detached and turns to drugs but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I feel like an idiot for always believing his lies, even blatant lies I seem to rationale that they could be true. I’m completely lost. I work all day and then my nights and weekends are spent trying to get him on wagon and uncovering his lies. For a few days I get so excited that it’s worked and see the man I love but then two days later I come home and he is drunk and I find coke in is pockets. I am really at my last straw as it’s ruining both our lives but I also see the hurt he is going through in his eyes. It’s not like he is going out partying he is just drinking vodka whenever he can on his own and doing lines in the toilet or when I’ve gone to the shop. He has gone to AA meeting tonight (but we’ve been there so many times). Im just tired. Im 35 and want children so im scared I’ll end up in 5 years and I would have let him take all that from me as there is no way at the moment I would bring a child into this environment! Any help or advice I would really appreciate.

My fiancé’s addiction to cocaine by

My fiancé who I’ve been with 2 years has finally admitted he has an addiction to cocaine. I knew he used heavily before he met me - he claimed to have stopped when he met me because he knows I don’t agree with it and throughout our relationship things weren’t adding up, I was finding empty bags etc and the explanations were sketchy. My issue is that I have no one to talk to about this, I have a couple of friends both of which are too immature and would judge. I can’t talk to my family because they’ve got my best interests at heart and would hate him. He only has 2 siblings and they both know but quite frankly don’t care. He’s taking around an 8th every other day. He’s started going to NA meetings but today he fell asleep during it and because I kept waking him up he left the meeting claiming it was because I’m nagging. I know deep down it’s not my fault but I’m a fixer so I’ll say sorry regardless. I feel like I’m enabling his habit - he says he wants to quit and I can really see that he means it. Someone he knows quit by cutting down so that’s the path he’s taking. It just doesn’t seem to be getting him anywhere though. I feel like saying ‘that’s it you’re not doing this anymore. Not in our house and not in our relationship’ but i know that’s harsh and likely to fuel a drug binge. At the minute he tells me when he’s doing it and how much etc. But am I being an enabler? I question him, he gets defensive. But I’m really at breaking point after what he’s done in his meeting today. I’ve took the keys for the house, we’ve spoken about locking him in for 3 weeks, giving him no way to get anything but surely that can do more harm than good? I’m just at a loss of what to do and I feel so alone. I’m not leaving him, I love him with all my heart, but this is heartbreaking and mentally ruining me.

by Daisy5

10 posts

Partner always reeches and vomits when hes on cocaine by

Hiya, my partner has been a cocaine user for nearly 3 years and does it often, he’s trying to get help at the moment but he is vomiting all the time he does it or before he goes out to get it when he tells me he’s going to the shop he starts reeching, anyone else have this effect who has used? I’m just worried about him as I’m trying to get him the best help I can to stop but he users roughly 4 nights a week and it’s hard to try help him. Thank you

Day 18 cold turkey from codeine and starting to feel like myself by

Just thought I’d put up a post for anyone who’d like to comment or discuss their opiate withdrawal/addiction. As the title says I’m currently on day 18 and starting to feel more like my normal self. I won’t lie it has been fairly difficult but just so people know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The early physical withdrawals are the easiest part believe it or not as it’s nothing compared to the lack of motivation and energy you feel thru out so basically a mild depression. In the first week I thought I’d never get better I couldn’t do anything at all, I couldn’t tend to my 2 children, I couldn’t do any housework, I couldn’t do my job properly, I basically couldn’t get off the settee to do anything and I just thought this sad no motivation low mood was never gunna end but it does guys ! For the last few days I’ve been slowly getting better, I can tend to my kids I can do the housework altho it does tire me out and my thoughts are much happier now i can see myself slowly becoming my normal self again. Don’t get me wrong it is only day 18 and I’m still not sleeping 100% and I do still lack motivation but compared to 1 week ago I am so much better and so could you be. All the best guys and I hope this post helps just 1 person battle thru. I visit this forum daily so I will reply to anyone that wants to chat or swap stories or ask questions etc. :)

by DODO

74 posts

Boyfriend cocain addiction. by

Hello, i have been with my bf for nearly 6 years, i have 2 children of my own but he has none. When we first met i was so set on making sure the next person i was with was going to be "perfect", he was! I waited about 4 months b4 introducing my daughters to him but when i did they loved him and he loved them it was fantastic. After about a year we moved into a house together and for about 4months it was great, then i noticed him drinking more, disappearing out of the house for half an hour, and coming back seeming more "drunk" and glazy eyed. I brought it up with him and he told me everthing.. he has been bad on cocaine for years his mum and dad have had to pay off dealers. He told me he now has somthing to stop for (our little family). And from then it has been a vicious circle, me finding out him promising to stop, he started his own business over 2 years ago which i thought would help but its just got worse, i have found out he has been to a prostitute, messaging other girls on fb wanting to "meet", i even found him on my sofa with one of my work colleagues that was staying over.. i threw him out after that and he lived in his parents campervan for 2 months and to my knowledge actually stopped using and was so committed to me and the girls. I beleived EVERYTHING he said and stupidly let him bk in, now it is worse than ever he lies, blames me, foul tempered, running his business into the ground. I feel so stupid and naive but i cant leave ive tried he either doesnt let me or ive give in. He had a phone call tonight with aspire to sort mettings and help but then 10 mins after i cud see in his eyes he had used!!!! As i asked him he blew up saying i am insane and cant beleive i have said that but i know he had. I feel like giving up, walking away but ive tried and he makes it impossible. He says im no help for him but i have no idea how to help him. My life feels like shit i feel like im letting everyone down. My daughters are well looked after and loved so much but i feel like im on egde all the time trying to hold everything together.

by REUTH

6 posts

Ex drink driving with kids by

What can I do? He is an alcoholic (denies this) but regularly daily drinks several beers from mid morning and then gin then red wine. He drives our kids home every Friday, Saturday night. They are age 13 and 16 and old enough to know Dad drinks but they out of loyalty protect him. My daughter told me tonight she smells alcohol on his breath and is scared to “make him mad” by telling him she’s scared of him driving. My solicitor is unhelpful and says that I’m unlikely to be able to prove it. What can I do?

by

2 posts

Recovery and Codeine by

Hi new here to the forum and so glad I found it. I have been in recovery since 2013 nearly 8 years sober from cocaine and alcohol. I started taking codeine due to a health issue for pain but after becoming brutally honest with myself, I am taking them when I am not necessarily in pain, taking them to change the way I feel. I have been taking them for the last 12 months. I have never taken more than prescribed ever and have only taken x2 every four hours as prescribed. It feels good to share this. I wish with all my heart I was not an addict, it’s something I absolutely hate about myself, I always feel separate and apart from friends and family etc the fact that I am different. With regards to the codeine, I have managed to taper down to two 30mg tablets a day for the last two days, which I will then taper down further. I am looking forward to meeting other people in the same position. Sometimes its lonely knowing your an addict when your surrounded by “normal” people. Thanks for letting me share.

by DODO

2 posts

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