: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

442 threads

3350 posts

Does Cocaine & Alcohol Totally Change a Person To The Point Of No Return? by

First time posting and sorry if its long. My marriage ended 3 months ago due to my husbands repeated drug and drinking, i just couldn't take it anymore. Hes always had problems past 5 years have been bad but the last 18months have escalated really bad. Taking cocaine and drinking. He would use after work on most days. To the point if he doesnt have money for them he will, get intouch with doc and lie about pain or use household products (aerosols). I have tried and tried to help but it only enables him and i have to protect me and my child. He said he would get his own place and get help - but he continued to verbally abuse me and demand things when he would come and see our child. it rapidly changed to he now had someone else ( 4 days after i put my foot down) and 2 weeks after he left my phone. Totally erratic of him, and never dreamed hed be so cruel. over the past 2 months he has threatened me and continually messaged / emailed about the same things as well as sending awful abusive messages blaming me and how hes never been better and about seeing our child on his own which he isnt allowed to because of his abusive behaviours and drug issues. What baffles me the most is , he gets in touch few times a week , either to be awful, manipulative or have my child. He has never once asked about my child , how school is or asked if he needs anything , or paid for him. He said hes off weeeknds but never askes to speak to my son , drops off the planet all weekend but come mon /tues or wed thats when he starts - obviously on the come down. Ive been told by authorities his behaviour is stalking behaviour . I did not reply to him for a month and the messages still kept coming , he is with someone else but i dont know alot about it. I can only assume she is in to the drink and drugs to. i taken legal action for a divorce and he just will not engage like an adult - yet claims hes so happy now . Its just a constant mind game and abuse . I have no idea why he still wants to contact me knowing he isnt going to get a different answer, and legal proccedings have started, and if hes with someone else ,Im drained. He has contacted family members to see if im upset , and slagged me off to his new person infront of them on the phone. The whole things is insidious beyond belief i just dont know who he is any more. The whole new relationship was obviously forced to get a reaction out of me but im just so disappointed and hurt i will not engage in such behaviour. He lies constantly , and still tries to manipulate me . Its been going on for months now. Ive read and been told off professionals that drugs make them not of there own mind and they dont feel as non users , and hes numbing things out. Im not after a reconciliation , as hes done to much but im so fed up now of the constant mind games and contacting me . I really hoped hed get help , but i really cant understand why someone would choose that over their wife and child. I always live in fear i will get a call saying somethings happened or hes dead as he always drug / drink drives, and can get involved in violent behaviour. I dont know what advice im looking for maybe just a vent - or reassurance im not going mad. Ive noticed lots of signs of cocaine , runny nose, dilated pupils, muscle pains, stocking up on ibroprofen and cold and flu tablets, paranoia ( im cheating ), loss of appetite , more mellow , then comes the moodswings and aggression , lies , manipulation. He never has any money although works 7 days a week at the time , lost brand new cars , jobs , holiday homes , and even been to prison for a drunken attack, he has physically assaulted me also under the influence. In past hes always been able to stop for a time and want better but this time it seems it has far far to much of a hold on him that hes took that road out , but still wants an element of control over me. Its soul destroying seeing someone you love turn this way.

Feeling messed up by

Reaching out for help as I'm feeling like such a mess right now. My partner of 1 year has a drinking problem. Bit of background info.. he's high functioning, he maybe drinks 4/5 days out of 7. At least twice a week to the point he passes out. I've tried to address it, I gave him an ultimatum of me or wine about a month ago. He reduced his drinking to one night a week as he didn't want to lose me. But, its creeping back up again. He's a happy drunk, never abusive, but I don't like how he changes and doesn't feel like an authentic relationship when he's drunk. I've done so much reading, self help. Went to a couple of Al anon meetings, read condependant no more. I've heard everything and should know the right things to do After another evening of talking on the phone last night thinking we were having a loving open conversation I realised towards the end of the call he was drunk. I'm devastated and hurt and feel tricked. I'm so down. I stupidly decided to let him know how it feels, I took a diazepam earlier then started drinking. His ex wife was an alcoholic and he hated it. I want him to know how it feels. I know I'm being ridiculous and self harming by drinking. Has anyone ever tried to let an alcoholic get a taste of their own medicine? Does it work? I guess I want him to worry like I worry about him, to feel what I feel. We haven't spoken much today and maybe I'm trying a cry for help? I just feel so messed up and alone right now

Heroin/cocaine, and now infidelity by

He's opened credit cards under my name and maxed them all out. He's sold my favorite jewelry just to get money for cocaine. He's spent all my savings and retirement fund. I don't mind spending the rest of my life supporting him through all his relapses, because I really am deep in love with my fiance. I can't even lie to myself and give him an ultimatum I don't even mean. but recently I found out he's been texting random women and men, sending them dick pics and explicit videos. Asking them to meet up and promises of sexual favors. In the end, he says that he never actually met up with anyone and never intended to but needed the attention to make him feel good. He had blamed it on the constant fights we were having about his ongoing cocaine use. But we talked it through. Or so I thought. But recently found out again, that he was talking to other women. His family chalks it up to the cocaine affecting his behavior. But I'm not so sure. I wish I knew wether a drug can really make a honest loyal person into one that looks for sexual attention, or is it just the way he is? Maybe that's just how he's always been? I can deal with the drugs. I can't deal with infidelity. And the situation is much more complicated because I've found out im pregnant. A baby that we both really want. But its highly irresponsible to being a baby into this world, if I can't be sure that he is a product of drugs that can be fixed. Or a person that just needs to go outside of the relationship bc that's who he is. What's your take? Can cocaine really be that big of an affect on behavior and descision making as to turn a loyal person into a person that needs sexual attention for validation?

by Esta

5 posts

Does he even care by

My boyfriend is a lifelong crack addict. We’re talking daily use, to varying degrees, only been clean (or had a clear mind as he puts it) maybe a couple years out of 32ish years. He’d convinced me that his age (he’s near 50 now) means he needs and wants to retire from it as he puts it. I try everything to encourage him to make better choices, sometimes he does, but every day with minimal exceptions, he uses again. We are now in a unique situation. He told me at the weekend he’s going to give up for 27days, or he’s a “prick”. I don’t dare ask anymore, but judging by his raging moods, he’s done it. Since then we’ve bickered, he’s tried, and succeeded, to make me jealous, he’s told me he’s questioned our relationship, also at one point he said he didn’t consider us a couple that we’re not together anymore. I’ve told him how much I love him, but all he responded with this time was he likes being with me. He also said that he tried to not call me, but had to. I did pull him up on the jealousy thing, but I think to some degree, sometimes he doesn’t listen or acknowledge me because he can’t accept how bad his behaviour is and would rather block it out. Part of me thinks now he’s gone cold turkey, which I don’t think was a good idea for so many reasons, that he’s now incapable of any positive human emotion. Does anyone believe an addict can experience positive feelings of love and appreciation of their partner if they’re a few days/weeks off the crack? For the first time in our relationship, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I moved in with my elderly mum before covid, and she only worries if I spend too much time with him, so I visit him at weekends. This week he told me he hates me during the week, he doesn’t feel like he’s in a relationship. For the most part, he’s stopped reading my texts, stopped talking to me on the phone, stopped asking me how I am. Partly I think he’s so disgusted by his behaviour, for how much he relies on me, that sometimes talking to me only forces him to be aware of his failings and shortcomings. It’s almost as though he can’t face me, except when he needs food, or is having a cash flow problem. Does he actually care, or is he just using me? I’m fortunate enough to be in a lucky financial position. I worry now that even if he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s only doing the bare minimum to keep me happy. Part of me is starting to loathe my feelings for him, I’m not one to give up, I’ve been tempted to walk away, but in some ways I know that ends I do, I’m strong enough to ensure I never go back. Insights and opinions welcomed please x

my journey with a crack addict by

Hi Guys, I found out a few months ago my boyfriend is taking crack (and to me, is an addict in denial). He has pawned stuff to get it... uses weekly... I've been on a STEEP learning curve and think I've done well to be where I am (all things considered). I don't write this for advice, but if anyone sees themselves in what I write, it may help them. I will make it as short as possible and simply give ... my journey. * Found out partner was on crack cocaine. In shock for a few weeks. * I trawled streets, tracked him down to drug flats, roamed the streets late at night, put myself in danger numerous times, confronted drug people.. * I tried anger, threats, demands, emotional blackmail... tears.. guilt... shame... nothing made him stop. * I stopped being angry. I stopped taking it personally. I started detatching myself from it. * I've had constant ups and downs - days I would contact him and beat myself up for being weak. Then I'd be strong for a week or so, and let him do what he wants to do. Then I'd worry he was dead or OD'd somewhere and contact him. It's a cycle. If I didn't contact him, he would contact me. My last low point my birthday. I'd spent £100's on this man. He couldn't even get me a present. When I think of the thousands he's spent on that crap. Eventually when he had a period of sobriety, he gave me a present and card... them lapsed a few days later. * I've confronted one guy who won't leave him alone. It causes a massive argument and I left. When my boyfriend used the evening, he blamed me and called me a 'F***ing C***.' So I am now on the end of his anger and abuse. I walked out (luckily we don't live together). I haven't contacted him since. I don't really know what stage I am at now. I don't even know if I can say we are together. I am a realistic. I expect the worse and he has never let me down so far - with his using and pathetic excuses and apologies. But I feel strong.. stronger every time.. until I hope to get the point where I walk away for good. I see nothing but misery and futility with an addict.. and wonder what others' experiences are. Thanks for reading x

my brother and mother its insane by

family a mess I am an addict my brother also is mom probably in some ways not the harder stuff. My brother does nothing to help the household. I care for both parents full time they are 78 Dad is completely bed bound diapers and all. My mother gives him my brother money Every Day first thing in the am and throughout the day to go and get his ( hard Stuff) stuff. I use too unfortunately try not to a lot but fail a lot. If I ask her to give me money if I don't have it she throws a fit and is just mean as heck, With him its just given softly gently and almost on schedule Literally and seriously. I help them mostly because I want to but when I ask for things and get screamed at it really messes me up even worse .... i hope someone understands and that this make since. I have been in and out of recovery over the years had some really good time in fact before my daughter passed, but since living here now knowing the situation I just briefly described, no I have not pulled more than a few weeks at a time together. I could use whatever yall have to say. Im thick skinned so don't hold back, lol. Am I wrong for watching him do nothing and get money you use all day from her, for being upset pretty often and trying to get her to see how crazy it is. She really need me to help with dad and now help her too I feel so stuck and alone in all of this with them. I am blessed in being able to be here but if I'm falling in the midst of all the craziness I'm not all that much help at times. Thanks for being here

Ground Hog Day by

My sister is a Bipolar1 alcoholic - uncompliant on both fronts. I know that for many with BP1, maintaining balance with meds is out of their control. This doesn't apply to my sister. Manic, stable, drunk and dry, her explanation is consistent regarding her chasing the manic high: "It's like a drug and I want to maintain it", which she knows is impossible. I don't want to stop it." We do! And because she chooses to not check in with her psychiatrist or GP, she knows she'll soar. She never reaches anything near psychosis, so, truly has the capacity to take the reigns. Won't hear of or have a word of it from others. Drinking always follows. She knows this will happen. She has meds that help her hypermania and alcohol cravings minus any unpleasant side effects. She likes the detox etc clinic she's hardly visited. Why does she stop drinking, brief as it is each time? "Because I get bored" or to "Get in shape (lose booze kg) for a show." Again, this explanation is stated when manic, stable, drunk and dry. I've long past caring about what she dies with her life. When she chooses this route, it's as good as choosing to be a raging arsehole. I'll spare you the details. No regard for others and how this affects them, especially those she lives with. Unfortunately, I'm one of them and due to autoimmune/financial issues, I'm stuck living with her. I'm housebound with chronic depression (19 months). I am Bipolar2, which pretty much means depression with minor elevations. From day 1, I've been actively responsible for my care and treatment, which has had me in a happy and stable place for 27 years, till 19 months ago. Right at this point, while trialing meds, I'm in particularly dark place. I'm contemplating suicide. My sister's intolerable behaviour is now a major contributing factor. The only change in her and her chosen situation is that it's progressively worse. To be clear - no parent in their right mind would have their child in this environment. There's no way around either of us leaving due to financial circumstances. I have nowhere to go and there's no chance in Hell anyone would live with her. I've spoken to GPS, psychiatrists, psychologists, countless phone counsellors and friends . At the end of our discussion, the general response is "Oh" because there doesn't seem to be anything else I can try/do and she clearly won't change, knowing damn well what she is doing.

My fiancé’s addiction to cocaine by

My fiancé who I’ve been with 2 years has finally admitted he has an addiction to cocaine. I knew he used heavily before he met me - he claimed to have stopped when he met me because he knows I don’t agree with it and throughout our relationship things weren’t adding up, I was finding empty bags etc and the explanations were sketchy. My issue is that I have no one to talk to about this, I have a couple of friends both of which are too immature and would judge. I can’t talk to my family because they’ve got my best interests at heart and would hate him. He only has 2 siblings and they both know but quite frankly don’t care. He’s taking around an 8th every other day. He’s started going to NA meetings but today he fell asleep during it and because I kept waking him up he left the meeting claiming it was because I’m nagging. I know deep down it’s not my fault but I’m a fixer so I’ll say sorry regardless. I feel like I’m enabling his habit - he says he wants to quit and I can really see that he means it. Someone he knows quit by cutting down so that’s the path he’s taking. It just doesn’t seem to be getting him anywhere though. I feel like saying ‘that’s it you’re not doing this anymore. Not in our house and not in our relationship’ but i know that’s harsh and likely to fuel a drug binge. At the minute he tells me when he’s doing it and how much etc. But am I being an enabler? I question him, he gets defensive. But I’m really at breaking point after what he’s done in his meeting today. I’ve took the keys for the house, we’ve spoken about locking him in for 3 weeks, giving him no way to get anything but surely that can do more harm than good? I’m just at a loss of what to do and I feel so alone. I’m not leaving him, I love him with all my heart, but this is heartbreaking and mentally ruining me.

by Hilton

6 posts

My Son Cannabis addict by

My son is 20 years old and has been smoking Cannabis for a few years. He tried to hide it at first but the smell made it obvious he was using. It has become more and more of an issue, he smokes at least 3 to 4 times a week, alone, outside. He’s wasted in a morning and looks terrible. We banned him from smoking in the house or having anything to do with weed in the house, but he just sneaks it in or lies about it. It causes huge arguments between us, his moods are low, then high and any attempt to talk to him escalate into a blazing row and him being aggressive. A few weeks ago after a particularly bad row he agreed he would stop bringing it in the house. He never thinks he has an issue as ‘everyone smokes it now’. We are very concerned that he is smoking more often than ever, and worry he has a serious problem, especially as this morning he took Edibles, despite both myself and his dad working from home. So now he’s stoned in the daytime too. He lives a good life with us, he has his own floor in our house which we’ve threatened to move him from, but we‘re worried he will move out and live with other users. We’re so worried about his mental health and the risk of him moving to other drugs, does anyone have any advice please?

by Linda

43 posts

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