: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

101 threads

710 posts

Day 1 by

This is my first post having just discovered this site today. I was looking for sites to help with withdrawal from Codeine addiction. This is my first day of codeine withdrawal. I need to stop. I feel like if I write it all down here - I am accountable and it’s out in the Universe, I have to do it and stick to it. If I’m being honest with myself I’ve probably been addicted for about 5 years but only in the last 2 years has it become a daily routine/chore/focus. I couldn’t go to bed without taking pills and my first thought in the morning is “how many do I have left? Do I need to buy today? Which chemist haven’t I been to in a while?” No one in my family knows or my partner. I have two children that I love and I just want to be rid of this hole I’ve gotten myself into. I would say I’m pretty high functioning - I have a busy full time job and carry out all my “mum duties” and housework without skipping a beat. But I feel like I’m hiding myself away more and more and feel almost removed from my relationships with everyone. I feel like I interact almost behind an invisible screen? I work in an office and mostly sit alone with this floaty feeling of euphoria, having popped my first lot of pills in the morning (with my first coffee!). I hide away in the kitchen at home using the excuse of cooking so I can pop pills and wash them down with wine/beer while I’m making the dinner. Top up again just before my partner comes home and that’s me for the night. This is my daily routine now. My partner works long shifts so doesn’t really notice. He knows I enjoy a wine (or 4!) but I know he would be horrified if he knew the truth. So why do I want to stop.....as I’ve said I’m beginning to feel separated from the people I love. I don’t socialise as much as I used to. I just mostly want to be home alone, not good when you’ve got kids and a busy life. I feel like I don’t have any real connections with anyone because during our conversations I’m nodding along but in my head thinking when can I take more pills? Should I drink tonight? It’s becoming all encompassing. As the child of alcoholics growing up, I swore my kids wouldn’t go through the same traumas and for the most part they are spared the fights and trauma that alcohol abuse brings but they've still dealing with a vague/vacant parent which must be confusing and worrying at times? There’s also the health implications. During my reading today - I always assumed it was the Codeine that’s the problem but the paracetamol in the tablets can cause more harm to the liver??? Recently I’ve felt a swelling feeling on the right hand of my abdomen which I’m terrified is the early stages of liver damage. I get really really insanely itchy skin at times - hands and feet mostly. I’ve also no motivation and I would say my mental health isn’t ever great either. I just want to be free from this mindset and constant thinking of pills and how to get more pills!!! Im terrified I’ve damaged my liver. I took my last pills at 4pm last night. I intend on going cold turkey. I feel like if I taper off then I’ll justify to myself an increase in usage and end up back where I started. So far I’m starting to feel like I’m getting a bad flu? I ache basically all over even my finger joints feel sore. I’m tired and really just want to have a bath and get some sleep lol! I also know this is probably going to get a lot worse before I feel better.... any advice anyone can give me to get through the next few days/weeks would be great. So I’m about to head home and this is the most worrying part of my day. For as much as I love my children, being a mum is BORING at times. Cooking and housework is boring, cooking/cleaning is always much more enjoyable when you’ve got this floaty feeling in your stomach. I really really want to go home and not drink (I’ve no pills in the house), but I can hear my inner voice already saying “just get a bottle of wine on your way home! It’s not as bad because you’ve no pills!”. Ugh....

My son is waisting his life on drugs by

My son is 18 years old. Hes be using drugs since 13. He has 2 other siblings the same age (triplets). They lost there father just before there 1st birthday. He has been a difficult child but was brought up in a loving home and family. I have had lots of services to help him, but he would not engage with anything. I had to make him leave in may, I could no longer cope with behaviour, and effects on his sisters. The final straw was paying of his drug dealers. Over the weekend I saw pictures of him and he looks awful, I messaged him still offering help but it's all my fault and he does not want help from us, I feel heartbroken and cant get him out my head, help

1 post

I feel like I failed by

I don't really know what to do anymore. My daughter has used a wild concoction of drugs for at least the last 4 years. She is now 18. In her lucid moments she will admit she needs help but then won't follow that through. If I make suggestions I am interfering and she believes she can suddenly fix it by herself. Everytime I think she's turned a corner she changes direction again. She has a job, gets paid and blows the paycheck in a night and then ends up running up debts. I know she manipulates me and I hate myself for allowing that to happen. I'm so scared that I will get that call to say she is dead. That I will bury my child. I want to stop it but I know that I can't. If I talk about it to people you can see that look in their eyes, that thought that their child wouldn't do that but maybe that's just me. I'm sorry to pour this out but maybe this is what I need to do to keep me sane so that my son has a mother.

by Jim

22 posts

Don’t feel too good. by

So for the last few years I’ve been abusing the pain medication tramadol, at first I would take a few here and there, then it escalated to 20 to 30 a day, no ones else’s fault, I wasn’t going through anything traumatic, I just liked the way they made me feel and how confident I felt, as it went on I depended on them more and more, I couldn’t speak to anyone unless I was “high”. I started taking speed because the tramadol was becoming harder to get (I used to get them off my mum, but she realised there was a problem and stopped). So I started taking speed, made me more happy and far more confident, whenever I was sober I felt like no one enjoyed my company so to be a “better” person I made sure I always had something. The thought of going out, going to work, even speaking with long term friends while sober was a killer, I convinced myself that I’m better on something, and people would like me more (stupid I know). I met my partner four years ago and promised her I would get help, she has supported me so amazingly and I love her for sticking by me, but I’m still taking these things and it’s making me miserable, some people have said to just stop it and make myself busy, and I try but then I go right back to putting poison in my body, I just need a bit of advice, I can’t tell my partner because it would destroy her, my mum just tells me to stop and go to the Gp but they just wean me off the tramadol then there’s no contact after and I just fall right back down. If anyone else has been through something similar or is going through it please reply and any advice is welcome. Sorry it’s so long!

1 post

Boyfriend's cocaine addiction. by

Long story short I've know my boyfriend took cocaine before I got with him. I put it down to a social thing and didn't have a problem as everyone does it now. Anyway as time passed it started to become clear he was doing it more than I thought. We had a talk and he agreed he was taking it too much and agreed to cut down. Now I'm 4 month pregnant and he's changed into a completely different person going out all of the time, turning his phone off, ignorning me and getting himself into so much debt. He's admitted he's got a problem and made an appointment for the doctors but he's not doing anything about it it's just getting worse. I've tried everything to get him to open up and cut down but nothing working. I'm so stressed with everything and not enjoying my pregnancy at all because of it. Is there anyone in a similar situation I can talk to or even going through what my boyfriend is so I can get a better understanding.

Coke rules my life by

Spose the title of this thread is the brief summary of my life... stop there if ya like Cos I do tend to waffle on once I start and will probably bore ya to death with the long version.... I’m 45 this year a middle age mum with everything someone could appear to need in life a good childhood/upbringing/parents Ive got a safe warm beautiful home a kind supportive stable hardworking partner and 2 healthy beautiful kids I am loved I am blessed I have more to be grateful for than lots of other people in the world yet here I am totally fu*king up my life I used to smoke weed and go out raving in my teens/early 20s then bout 20 years ago started doing coke Annnnnd can’t find the inner strength to stop and for some bizarre reason it’s got more out of control in the last ten years or so when my life has been at its most stable and I have every reason in the world to not do it Want it need it or crave it yet I’ve literally got everything I need and yet I’m literally constantly teetering on the edge of losing it all because of what or who I am I’m not a nice person really I am manipulative sly greedy selfish I lie constantly to hide my secret life and to enable me to facilitate my addiction We moved town last year I hoped that would help but I’ve managed to excuse the pun sniff out new contacts locally and here I am same old me at odds with myself hating myself but not helping myself and just carrying on my brain being fuelled by trying to find money to get gear finding some gear ticking gear doing gear hating myself for doing gear then next day waking up and going through it all again I am not a social user I’m a secret user I don’t go out and do it I stay indoors I hide it well my partner ain’t stupid he knows I’ve got a problem but not any idea just how bad I’ve even got to the point now I can even sit down and eat dinner with him and the kids (even tho I don’t wanna) when I’m on it just to make him think I’m not doing it! That’s how fu*ked up and sky I am!! I am prob doing it on average 4 times a week most weeks but if I’ve got money it burns a hole in my brain and if I had the access to funds I’d prob do it even more if I ain’t got the money I’m ticking it or I’m devising ways to make the money or lying to get it out my partner cooking the books and basically putting my selfish needs above that of my own family Don’t get me wrong my kids are looked after loved well turned out and have never gone without but if I didn’t do what i do they’d have even more I refuse to officially ask for help Cos no way am I having that sh*t on my records no way am I risking losing our kids I have looked into going to addict meetings but il be honest I’m a snob ya see them standing outside these places “looking” like addicts and I don’t want to be associated with the likes of them!when truth is I am one of them I don’t believe in counselling I’ve tried it in the past and not found it helpful So at this point il also mention I’ve got long term physical and mental conditions I’ve been mentally unstable my entire adult life and on long term perscribed meds’ antidepressants painkillers I suffer horrendous pmt hormonal imbalances Depression low self esteem anxiety and binge eat I get referred to consultants and fobbed off for everything I have self harmed I have been suicidal I’ve recently been assessed by the mental health team but yet again kinda fobbed off with it being hormonal and left to get on with it then I just carry on self medicating and living this miserable life ruled by the cycle of Coke I look at my kids and hate what I am I look at my hubby and hate what I am they deserve better way better I love them so so so so very much but it’s like my brain loves coke more than it loves them told ya I’d bore ya to death I’m going to stop now Cos my fingers and heads hurting and I’m boring myself now too lol I’m sorry nonidea where all that just come from actually no I do just quickly I have done some tonight as normal then I see the gazza video and it got me thinking how very sad and tragic it was to watch him how vulnerable he looks and how if someone who had that much money and access to help can’t get help he needs what hope has someone like me ever got of beating my demons and my addiction ???? x

Codeine abuse? by

I’m currently going through a reduction regime as I became addicted to Codeine about 10 months ago. I started the reduction on 28 30mg tablets a day and I’m now on 5. I was just wondering whether it is normal to feel some sort of withdrawal? Even though you’re still taking it? I reduce 30mg every 2 weeks so it is a slow process but I can feel the difference. Im also afraid I’ll miss the feeling of the euphoria which I tend to crave and I don’t want to end up relapsing. I’m just looking for support to help me towards realising that being under the influence of Codeine doesn’t need to be my way of life. I became addicted to codeine because I endured a traumatic birth of my daughter and ended up with a second degree tear of the muscles in my birth canal then followed by various infections which were incredibly painful. I was stitched up and prescribed Codeine for the pain and discharged the next day. It was then that I realised that it took away and masked post natal depression and made me what I thought feel happier and less tired. And obviously as I grew tolerate to opioids I felt I had to keep increasing the dose and it just escalated from there. It’s not a way of life I want for myself but I find it difficult to imagine life without it ????

Husband chasing cocaine lifestyle? by

So my husband left me last summer, his only reason was that he just wasn't happy, but if I'm honest it was news to me and seemed to come out of no where! We'd had previous issues but I thought these were resolved and we had not long moved into our "dream house". The seperation was tough, and there were points I was very worried about him as he just seemed down and looked "grubby" I thought maybe he was suffering with depression and voiced this to him. He seemed to pick himself up a bit and just before Christmas told me that he wanted us to work on things and appreciated me so much more now. Things had mostly been going well. We had a few hiccups but overall it seemed better (he did not move back in but it was like we were dating again) on a number of occasions, he told me he didn't deserve me and wasn't worthy of me and every time I'd reassure him he was. He kept telling me that he wanted to be a better person for me and our children and I believed he was working on doing that until a month ago when he ended things again and I've since found out that he has started dating a girl 12yrs younger than him. Now cocaine has caused issues in our marriage on a handful of occasions over the last few years, up until the first time (when he came home in a state after knocking someone out) I had no idea he even used it. He swore to me it was a one off and he wouldn't do it again, and has sworn the same thing on the handful of other occasions that have arisen and I've let him convince me that these were isolated incidents. I'm now finding out through mutual friends that it is much more than that and he is binging on it everytime he goes out at least which is every other weekend. Apparently he's been doing this the last couple of years. We have children together and I'm worried about it impacting them if the habit becomes even more regular. I honestly don't recognise the man he is anymore, he is selfish and doesn't even seem concerned for his children's feelings regarding our split. When he isn't with the kids he seems to just be constantly partying and chasing this 18-20s lifestyle. I'm starting to wonder if the long term coke use has had an affect on his mental state and whether that's the reason our marriage broke down - he lacked happiness with his family when he wasn't on a cocaine high. He tried to be better and give it up, realised he couldn't and that's where all the feelings of worthlessness came from before he just gave up completely? I'm not really sure what my question is, I just needed to get everything off my chest, though if anyone has any answers regarding long term effects of cocaine on mental health I'd be interested to hear them. Thanks

by lc100

14 posts