: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

374 threads

2733 posts

Codeine almost destroyed me... by

Wow, this is hard. For over two years I have been addicted to Codeine. It started off as regular amounts but the wheels fell off pretty quick. At my worst I was taking 60 tablets a day (equivalent to about 1800mg). I’m not sure how I’m still alive. It was so bad that I even contracted Covid-19 and I didn’t cough once (it can be used as a cough suppressant). The shame was so deep that the only person I ever told was my father. I’ve kept it from my wife as we have three children and she needs her energy for them. It wouldn’t be fair to add to her worries. I don’t know how but I’m now codeine-free. I haven’t touched it for ten days and that was when I tapered myself down to just two a day. To go from 60 tablets to 0 took about a month and a half. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I still feel deep shame that it controlled me so deeply. But the world was so dark. It was only the artificial happiness that the drug created that seemed to be getting me through the day. I still get the occasional need to rush to the toilet but the physical symptoms of withdrawal appear to be gone. The psychological pain is the hardest. It’s broken things in me that I don’t think go back together. But I know this will get better as time goes on. I’m not sure why I decided to share this but felt compelled to say something to someone as I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Thank you.

Oxycodone painkiller addicted Son by

Hi. I previously wrote on here 2 years ago regarding my Son who is now 22 years old. Its been really hard during lockdown particularly as I have worked 8 hours a day throughout leaving him at home to his own devices (finally lost his job). We have had multiple ambulances, and calls to mental health crisis teams, Doctors and the local drug services with whom he is registered. Nobody wants to listen and he has withdrawn permission for them to speak with us. Doctors and crisis team say he's a adult and shut the door on us. He is currently on a programme with them taking methadone to come off the tablets. However he is still topping up with painkillers and more methadone. Doesn't come out of the bedroom except to go to chemist for the methadone. I am constantly trying to reach out to him and to motivate him but it is like speaking to a zombie. I have started to feel very angry and everything he does is stressing me out. Anybody else experienced similar with adult children?

1 post

Heartbroken and need help by

Hi to anyone reading this and thank you for giving your time. I’ve posted on here before for advice about my partners drinking and drug use, and things have since escalated (I made the mistake of posting on a more general forum for advice but most people didn’t understand the anguish of being with someone with these issues and I was told by so many people that I have no self respect / esteem / self worth etc. So that was pretty painful - please be kind). I broke up with my partner at the weekend and I’m heartbroken (I’m 27 and he’s 28 and we have been together for 2 years). We got on really well except for problems related to this issue. I can count on one hand the amount of weekends that we have actually spent together because one day is always dedicated to getting drunk and taking coke with his mates. I have no issue with him seeing his friends but they always just get off their faces all night until the early morning hours and he is then hungover all weekend (when he has planned to see me). I have lost count of times this has happened and I have been cancelled on. He also engages in risky behaviour like getting in cars with people who have had a lot to drink and he doesn’t see my issue with this. He just tells me not to worry and it’s ‘his life to live’. Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago as he saw his mates after work on Friday night and I hadn’t heard from him by 3pm the following day. I was worried about him and went to check on him and found him still drunk with a beer in his hand with one of these friends. I decided to break up with him once he’d sobered up, but he convinced me he would prove he could get this under control and I really thought I’d got through to him. Fast forward to this weekend, we arranged to see each other on Saturday night (he is my lockdown bubble as I live alone, whereas he still sees his mates regularly so this is an issue in itself). On Friday, he tried to say he had forgotten that he was suppose to be seeing a friend. I was annoyed but tried to compromise and said I could come later after he had seen said friend. However he refused and we argued as it was only the week before that he convinced me I was a priory to him (he said he doesn’t like ‘bouncing around like that’, yet there has been plenty of times where he has been with me and left to go and meet his friends so this is very hypocritical). I accepted defeat and said I would just meet him on Sunday instead and he used this as an excuse to meet his usual group of mates. It got to 1:30am and he text me (without me asking) to say he was going home soon as he knew it was important to me that he knows when to call it a night. However (and this is what I feel bad for), he still uses an app with his location attached and he posted a picture to this app outside of his house, presumably to make me believe that he was at home. However his location showed that he had actually then got into a car and carried his night on elsewhere. I asked him outright where he was and he said at home and so I called him out for lying and he made a bullshit story up. The next day, he blew up at me and basically blamed me for how he was feeling and said that I have ground him down and he feels like he is living in a ‘glass house’. He said I don’t make him feel loved (despite looking after him in every way and being there every time to pick up the pieces when he is on a comedown). I have been so patient and tried to understand his point of view, but he has pushed me too far this time. It breaks my heart that he views this group of mates as the most amazing people in his life and I’m just a nag that is grinding him down, when in the grand scheme of things they are dragging him down and I am trying to get him out of this mess. He says I’m like a teacher rather than a partner now, but what does he expect when he acts like a 16 year old?! I am just so sad at how we ended up as we used to be so happy, but when I look back he has always centred everything around his friends. I just totally give up and can’t have him making me feel like I am to blame for the demise of the relationship. I would not be getting on his back about this if he actually stuck to his word and tried to sort it out 😔 Any advice or support would be welcome...

Does he even care by

My boyfriend is a lifelong crack addict. We’re talking daily use, to varying degrees, only been clean (or had a clear mind as he puts it) maybe a couple years out of 32ish years. He’d convinced me that his age (he’s near 50 now) means he needs and wants to retire from it as he puts it. I try everything to encourage him to make better choices, sometimes he does, but every day with minimal exceptions, he uses again. We are now in a unique situation. He told me at the weekend he’s going to give up for 27days, or he’s a “prick”. I don’t dare ask anymore, but judging by his raging moods, he’s done it. Since then we’ve bickered, he’s tried, and succeeded, to make me jealous, he’s told me he’s questioned our relationship, also at one point he said he didn’t consider us a couple that we’re not together anymore. I’ve told him how much I love him, but all he responded with this time was he likes being with me. He also said that he tried to not call me, but had to. I did pull him up on the jealousy thing, but I think to some degree, sometimes he doesn’t listen or acknowledge me because he can’t accept how bad his behaviour is and would rather block it out. Part of me thinks now he’s gone cold turkey, which I don’t think was a good idea for so many reasons, that he’s now incapable of any positive human emotion. Does anyone believe an addict can experience positive feelings of love and appreciation of their partner if they’re a few days/weeks off the crack? For the first time in our relationship, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I moved in with my elderly mum before covid, and she only worries if I spend too much time with him, so I visit him at weekends. This week he told me he hates me during the week, he doesn’t feel like he’s in a relationship. For the most part, he’s stopped reading my texts, stopped talking to me on the phone, stopped asking me how I am. Partly I think he’s so disgusted by his behaviour, for how much he relies on me, that sometimes talking to me only forces him to be aware of his failings and shortcomings. It’s almost as though he can’t face me, except when he needs food, or is having a cash flow problem. Does he actually care, or is he just using me? I’m fortunate enough to be in a lucky financial position. I worry now that even if he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s only doing the bare minimum to keep me happy. Part of me is starting to loathe my feelings for him, I’m not one to give up, I’ve been tempted to walk away, but in some ways I know that ends I do, I’m strong enough to ensure I never go back. Insights and opinions welcomed please x

Husband is an alcoholic now diagnosed with cancer by

My husband has been a heavy drinker for years. 2 years ago bouts of illness came to a head and he was finally diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. It is slow growing in his bowel and his docs say he should live for many years even though he has spread to his liver and pelvic bones. I made the docs aware of his drinking as I was fearful due to the tumours in his liver. The docs sternly told him he must stop. Obviously he hasn’t. He dropped out of a detox after 2 days and I subsequently left him for a week until he promised he would go to AA. He went to three meetings. He has been medically retired. He does nothing all day except sit and watch tv and drink. He drinks a litre of vodka every 24hrs. Yesterday his doc told him his latest scans show his tumours are stable. This should be good news but he looks awful. He shuffles around and has started slurring his words sometimes. He sleeps in the day but not at night. His feet swell sometimes and he has bloodshot eyes.. I wonder if there is a tinge of yellow to them. His cancer symptoms are very similar to alcohol damage .. so nausea/vomiting/ fatigue/ loss of appetite/ diarrhoea/constipation/ weight loss... he tells me he drinks because it relaxes him and helps his anxiety and also helps his bowels. I know this is an excuse. He is awful to live with. Selfish, self centred, abusive at times... I have noticed recently that the drink seems to be having more of an impact on him .. does anyone have any experience on what this means? Is his liver slowing down?? Sorry for the long post. I feel trapped and I’m so sad.. for him and our family.

At a loss by

Is it possible to ever recover from a cocaine addiction? And be able to trust someone who has had this addiction ever again? Especially when it has been a secret addiction within the marriage and they have become particularly nasty and completely abandoned/ don’t care about their family (young children) and responsibilities? I don’t know the person my husband has become as it’s destroyed him for two years and I have only just recently become aware of it but it explains so much of his behaviour and attitude. I don’t want to make excuses for it like ‘it’s the drugs’ but I can’t believe he would be this cruel / nasty / emotionless to me and the family he apparently wanted. Anyone who knows anything about addiction, recovery or can relate I’d really like some thoughts to help my own.

by Cxxx

59 posts

Alcoholic partner by

Hey all, sorry just need to vent a little to help my mental wellbeing. As anyone living with or married to an alcoholic partner knows loving them is soooo challenging as they can be very different people dependant on how much they have drank, leaving you feeling either on cloud 9 or an emotional wreck. Over the last few weeks I have been in a really good place and feeling positive and my wife's drinking has been heavyish but normal for her; however this week since my kids have gone back to school her drinking has spiralled again leaving me feeling frustrated, worried and hurt. Just to give some context she typically drinks 2 to 3 bottles of wine a day everyday (this has gone on for 10 plus years) and she often starts sneaking in drinks from the moment she gets up to when she starts drinking properly midafternoon and continues drinking until she goes to bed typically taking a glass of wine with her. On a good day she drinks 2 bottles and is what I would consider best case as she functions and acts quite well. However, when she's at her worst the amount she drinks goes up to about 4 bottles a day which is sadly where we are this week. The biggest frustration I have is how she acts. Like any alcoholic she acts secretively, hides bottles and thinks I don't know when she is drunk, which is very obvious as she either passes out early evening or staggers around he house with bloodshot eyes and cannot string a sentence together. Then when soberish in the morning acts like nothing has happened and we start the cycle over again. Her Jekyll and Hyde behaviour leaves me feeling frustrated as I want her to just accept she has a problem, get help and get better. I have tried so so many times to help her stop and nothing ever works. I know deep down that only she can change and she has to hit rock bottom before this happens, however it is so emotionally draining watching this happen to her and knowng I have to remain strong for our children. Due to lockdown and working from home I have no means of talking to anyone about what's going on or how I feel so i have to bottle up everything, which isn't healthy. I am not looking for sympathy, I find that just posting on here and reading how you are all coping does help me a lot as i know you all are going through similar things yourselves so can truly understand what's happening in my world. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit brighter.

Harsh reality of years of lies by

Hi everyone, this would be my second actual post on here although I couldn't count the times I've sat and wrote pages and pages and decided to delete it all. The good news is guess is in terms of my addiction and problems, honestly for the first time in best part of 10 years I feel in a good place. It's like something has finally switched in my head and I feel like the poisen I've been using has no place in my life. Anyone who has been through addiction will probably know what I mean. I've told myself 1000 times that's it, I'm done, but for some reason and I can't explain it. This feels different. The issue now is, and the reason for this post. Is the aftermath and trail of destruction I've left behind. I've comes clean to my partner and told her everything. This isn't the first time I've admitted things but I always carried on and found new ways to hide it. Despite the hurt and the lies and all of the bad things I have done I honestly, hand in my heart, love my girlfriend and I know some people may not understand but it's always been like there's 2 people in me. The normal person who I portray and the dark secret person who lies, steals, manipulates and has been gripped by cocaine for as long as I can remember. My girlfriend now, and I can't blame her, is so hurt by everything and learning that so many things have been a lie doesn't think she can every forgive me and to be honest I think we are over. In my heart I completely understand and from outside looking in I know she deserves better. But nothing I ever did was ever intentionally to hurt her, I despise myself for what I've put her through over the years and knowing the life we could of had by now considering the money I've hidden and wasted and I mean probably close to 100k I wouldn't blame anyone for hating me. But I know that I have so much love to give her, so much happiness to offer and this time completely free of this dark secret. Selfishly of course I don't think I could cope without her. Not in a possessive way, but I mean that she literally is the only thing in my life worth fighting for and I know it sounds pathetic because I've lied to her for years but without her I know that the drugs would eventually ruin me. We have a 4 month daughter now too and I want to be the man I have always pretended to be and the man they deserve but am I being selfish to expect her to give me a chance after everything or do I have to accept this is my own fault and its too late? There's so much more I want to say but I guess that's the short version. If I could go back and do everything again and warn myself of how bad things get when at first it seemed so minor and innocent I would because imagine finally having everything you've ever wanted to have to watch it slip away for the one part of you that already has caused so much damage

long term drinking by

i'm tammy, i'm from essex. i'm an alcoholic and have drunk most days since i was 18. i'm also a mental health patient with schizophrenia. i live alone and it's just impossible to stop drinking. i grew up in care and have no-one to talk to, no friends. i have a new support worker but i can't trust him as men have taken advantage all of my life. i can't stop drinking for even one night. the best i can manage is a few hours later every night but the physical anxiety is impossible to ignore every time. does anyone have any advice? thanks

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