: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

98 threads

687 posts

His cocaine and drink use by

So hear we go..big deep sigh My partners cocaine and drug use has completely spiraled out of control. Now its really taking its toll on family members and relationship. I am completely broken. This is a long term relationship 10 years plus. I am living with my in-laws. My other half liked to have a drink and smoked weed. But was in control of himself. He worked very hard long hours and was well respected because he was so good. He was confident to go alone in his business venture. He wanted me to leave my other lower paid job and join his company. Which I did as I wanted to help him too. Things were good. He would do anything to help anyone out, if they was in financial trouble he would be the person to help them etc. He had workers for him and to be honest was far too generous with their wage packets! Way way above the normal wage amount. Apart from the odd drinking incident when he wasn't very nice, he was apologetic for his behaviour, always keen to make it up. He was a confident person who had people in fits of laughter with his jokes banter. Business took abit of a hit financially, which was added stress on him. But he was still getting work elsewhere. I guess he was what he classed himself as the 'occasional' use of cocaine at this point. Of course I was not happy with this. Hoping to myself this was a silly phase and he would come to his senses. He had an accident which prevented him from doing his physical job for a few months with surgery, hospital apps etc I think this made his cocaine use worse. I can always tell when he has been bang on it, mannerisms etc. But it started with withdrawing himself and being awake til it was nearly morning. To be honest I was so frustrated that he kept me awake nearly every night with 'checking' every single bloody noise or needing a cigarette etc. I was so sleep deprived and I did vent my frustration saying how ridiculous he was. I remember one day I saw an article in the magazine about a man who lost it all due to his cocaine habit... I showed him and he laughed and cockily said that would never happen to him... He went away with his Dad to help him out with his business. He phoned me after a few drinks he told me that he had told his Dad everything. It was like an instant weight lifted off my shoulders. I thought finally he might actually start tackling the problem. Sadly things carried on how they are. As he is very good convincing us and himself that he can sort this himself. He just needs to be kept busy, and he can manage it. Work with the other place, dried up, I think someone told the boss what he was doing. So he was given a job at his Dads place. Off site work etc. It pays very well but not as much as he had been used to. Word started to get around about his cocaine use, the people that we used to speak to or go out with basically shunned us some of them took it upon themselves to try and help him, but they have also given up at the first hurdle I don't blame them .We used to actively go out together with other couples for dinner / bbq's etc, but this has all stopped. Which means part of my social life has been cut too thanks to his use. They all know I don't use. So it kind of hurts that I have been treated the same too. I have done nights away etc to help him escape. I have paid them so he didn't feel pressured to pay etc. One event was still near to home, he was that much in a bad mood because he didn't have any cocaine. Around the event I could tell he was frustrated, he wanted to rush about and go to the hotel. On the way to the hotel he reduced me to tears about what a horrible selfish person etc used to all the name calling etc, I get used to the vile name calling. He knew he pushed me to the point I was completely broken... he was then bit sorry for his outburst. He said he would be ok if he sorts himself out. He then left me by myself at this hotel for a good hour or so, he was all happy and that I should just forget what just happened. Me being me of course I did and looked forward to the evening, wow I was in for a massive disappointment! Lets just say I sat there by myself most of the night because he needed to have a cigarette or go to the toilet etc constantly. After being by myself for 30 mins at one point, I thought I see what he was up to, he was outside with no cigarette in sight just sat on his phone. To be honest I was so angry at this point and so disappointed. He really did ruin the whole thing by his selfish behaviour. I told him he had really upset me, I did get yet another pathetic apology. That is just one event, there has been a handful of episodes. Problem is when he doesn't have any cocaine in his system he turns to drink... he is a horrible vile monster! Awful verbal abuse I have suffered but when I have tackled him when he is sober I get from him they are just words He is draining monies like you wouldn't believe. Even though I have taken a wage hit working for his family I still save something aside to keep things running. Pets we have, car, bills etc He got into debt with something... rather than saying sorry can you help me out. He acted like it was his god given right to drain my monies to get him out of the debt! If I don't say yes I get told I am a selfish you know what. I would be much more understanding if lost job etc.. He still takes a good wage home every week. So he burns his money on toxic rubbish basically. He sometimes contribute to some things... One night he didn't have money for cocaine he woke up after drinking heavily he screamed and shouted at me what a selfish b____ I am, he needed money now otherwise he will be in trouble. In a horrible mess I was I drove him to the ATM and drawn out the monies he needed. I sat in the car whilst he 'met' someone. I just cried and cried wishing I would wake up from this nightmare. I said shall I ring one of my family members I tell them what I am up to now? Once again because he got his own way he was sorry for what he done and said... I have tried ringing for help, one of these addiction places etc and to be honest I just feels scripted like you can do this or he needs to do that... I guess what I mean I was hoping to speak to someone who understands the situation completely. I even thought going down private counselling route at my cost for him to get the help... she was lovely she said you have had enough but he needs to make the call himself if he was serious about it. I put the number his way, offered to be there when he want to make the call. Always an excuse why he can't and he then just says he can do it himself. But pointed out numerous times if he can why does he carry on doing it. He doesn't take care of himself personally hygiene wise. I have tried the oh I will pay for haircuts etc, I just get scolded for getting on at him. People are commenting about his serious drop in weight. My family members have noticed and tried speaking to him. They think its work related stress, they don't know the truth... I felt kind of angry because they was saying I shouldn't take things for granted as he is working hard to provide. Oh boy really I did want to blurt out the truth but somehow kept my composure. His Dad is at a loss a swell. He has tried small talks with him. But nothing changes. Other family members know and all pinning on me to sort him out... but I physically can't anymore, I am exhausted and broken myself now. But other family members are really stressed about it all. Then I suddenly changed, and for once thought really hard about myself, but he went away for a couple nights. It sounds bad for saying this but for the first time in ages it felt like I could breathe again, because I wasn't worried what an addict was up to, or treading on eggshells to see what sort of mood he was going to be in. For the first time he could be someone else's problem rather than mine. The house atmosphere was completely happy and calm. No tension or anger in sight! When he did come back I could smell the drink on his breath, I will be honest I wasn't happy open arms to greet him. I just was put off by the alcoholic breath and he did start to get into a rage about my reaction, but really what does he expect? As he was 'ill' when he was away and I think I was supposed to feel sorry for him? I just feel after that trip away I have put my barriers up to him more. I have tried the getting angry, getting sad, worried about his health & delivering ultimatums etc. Nothing works I can't find the right time to talk at him at all anymore. He's in a bad mood when he wakes up (so thats out of the question). He works in the day and then avoids me all evening and rocks in at 11 most nights. Always an excuse why he can't be around like something needs doing etc etc he likes to keep reminding me that I need to support and respect him. I had started to look online for people in similar situations. One story was honestly like if I had wrote it. It scared the living daylights out of me But anytime I talk he always takes it the wrong way with me? Like if he says I think we should have this... I say oh what about this instead.. I am then portrayed as the bad cop for having an opinion? Apparently its my fault he doesn't take care of himself, I said stop blaming it on me, do it for yourself for once! He lives in the past with what he has done well with. Like look at all what I have done for you etc. Its great and I appreciate everything he has done, hence why I am so upset because he was one of the most loveliest persons you could of met. But I don't appreciate what he is doing at the moment. I said to him he can just go and have a load of drink or do cocaine for him to 'forget' his problems. I don't drink nor do drugs and I can't switch off from whats happened! He sometimes sleeps in the other room, as he knows I know when he is on it. But now its taking its toll on me hard, I am not sleeping or eating well at all. My mind is whirring, its jumbled I don't know what is right or wrong anymore. My stomach knots up from stress and worry. I cry on most days now, tears can just trickle down my face even just thought of processing everything. He gets upset because I can't simply hug him now and forget the awful stuff that has happened? He somehow always manages to deflect the real issue and blames everything on me. He said why do you blame everything on my use? I don’t argue about it anymore with him, I have tried to talk to him about it on numerous occasions, but he just gets angry about it. So sometimes I just sit and be quiet but even that is wrong as I am told then I am not making an effort. I completely doted on him, he was my best friend, I ceased all contact with my friends etc to focus on our relationship. I really don't know what the hell to do anymore I am so lost and feel isolated. So have I done enough for him?

How do I get my wife to accept she is an alcoholic by

I've know my wife of 16 years and in the 3 years before we started seeing each other romantically I was aware she drank socially, but not to any more excess than anyone else we knew. We lost our first child at 18 weeks which devastated her (and me, but understandably not to the same degree) and the first day I had to go back to work, I returned and she was drunk, something that was understandable and not alarming at the time. In the 5 years after that we went onto to have 3 children and whilst I am reasonably certain she didn't drink when pregnant or breast feeding, as soon as child 3 was weaned I did notice the odd time when she seemed slurry in the daytime (something she put down to tiredness) and of an evening she drank a good proportion of a bottle of wine (if not all and then into a second). Again I put this down to the fact she was at home looking after 3 kids under 5 so who wouldn't want a drink after that. In the last 5 years I have started working from home and noticed a fairly steep decline in her well-being. She has virtually no self-esteem and was suffering from panic attacks - which eventually got under control when I did get her to the doctors who prescribed sertaline(?). Her drinking seemed to have got steadily worse. I have broached this on 3 or 4 occasions only to be told each time that she was sorry, but it wasn't an alcohol problem, she is just bored (we moved to a rural village 3 years ago and she has a driving phobia so is somewhat trapped), has no friends to talk to/do anything with etc. In the last year I thought she had turned a corner, she settled into village life more and met some new friends and started retraining with an OU degree which gave her a sense of purpose. However the pervading smell of stale booze was on her breath most mornings and yet I rarely see her with a drink in her hand unless we are out in pub/restaurant and then she'll go fo it in a big way. This morning she smelt of fresh booze and so I went back through our online shopping receipts (she does the online shop) and the amount of booze she has been buying has really scared me (I very rarely drink in the house so I know it is been consumed by her) and scared me further was the amount of vodka, something I never even knew she drank - thought it was white wine only. By my reckoning she is drinking between 75 - 100 units a week. Whilst she was out this morning I found a half empty bottle of vodka hidden away in her wardrobe. I have no idea how to get her to go for help, all the previous times she refuses to accept that it is the alcohol that is the problem and that it is boredom or some other extenuating circumstance. I know she is fragile and I can't threaten to leave her as A) I don't want to (just want the old person back) and B) that would send her spiralling, so any advice to get her to admit that she has an issue with alcohol and needs help would be gratefully received. Sorry for the long post, I really have nowhere else to turn, in her fragile state where she puts way too much stock in what other people may or may not be thinking, if I spoke with a friend or relative about it I fear she would never leave the house again. thanks LS28

1 post

Fiancées weed addiction by

Hi I'm new here, I am currently struggling with the effects of my partners cannabis addiction. I know it probably seems like nothing compared to a lot of other stories on here, but I need to share this somewhere before I go insane. In principle I don't mind the addiction, I know that he legitimately struggles to sleep without it, and that his depression gets a lot worse without it as well. I do occasionally smoke weed myself, and I know that it is a drug that can actually be used sensibly and doesn't have to mess up your life, but I feel like he has gone past this. I want to be able to support him, and I know that he honestly could be a lot worse than he is. Currently he smokes 3 or 4 bongs every evening, sometimes more. We have children and he works all day, I have a great amount of respect for my partner being able to stay away from weed during the day so as not to let it overtake his work and parental duties. But what this is left with is that he needs to be high for the entirety of the evening that's left after the kids go to sleep. Basically this means that the only time we have alone together he is distant and switched off from me. I am really struggling with how this is affecting our sex life. When he's run out of weed, we have a lot of great sex, but when he's high we barely have any, and what we do have is just kinda going through the motions basically because he feels guilty I think. I have tried speaking to him about it and he agrees it's a problem but hasn't made any changes. Basically I just feel as though he's only interested in me when he doesn't have any weed, and as soon as he gets more I am second best. Although he would never admit it, I know he would always choose a bong over sex. Sorry this was long, and I know that this must sound pathetic, I just don't want to bottle this up anymore.

Hubby started smoking heroin by

Hi thanks for taking time to read .I don't know where else to turn .my husband has started smoking heroin having previously had the odd bit of weed or pint of beer. I'm very concerned. I feel so alone in this. He doesn't want me to tell his mental health workers - we both have bipolar. And I can't tell my mh team because they would tell his We have no children but recently decided to maybe think about having a baby . I'm frightened he will overdose etc and I'm frightened for our marriage too.we have been married 8 months . I dont know what else to say. He is depressed and lacks motivation. He often says he can't cope with life but that he's not depressed. Thanks if u have any ideas for us that would be good .

1 post

broken but strong by

hi never wrote on anything like this before but reading other people’s made me think I’m not alone. Sorry if it’s long! I recently found out that my husband is smoking heroin. He always dabbed in abit of weed over the years but I never thought this would be anything he would get involved with. it all seems to have started since his mum passed away suddenly. I took everything on, took the pressure off so he could try to grieve. I work and have two children but about a year after her death he started spending money more than usual, spending a lot of time getting something from the van, always took hours to do anything like popping down to the shop, spending ages in the bathroom (more than usual!) and it drove me up the wall! I’m there cleaning the house, making his lunch for work, looking after the kids, going to work myself. Keeping everything normal which I thought was normal. Then his friend started to hang about who I didn’t trust at all, and was being very sinister to me and said about him having a problem. I thought no he wouldn’t get involved in that. He has me and the kids here, why would he go down that road Wrong! he broke down one day and confessed he is smoking heroin. I felt sick, couldn’t breathe felt like I had been betrayed after all the support and help I had tried to give him. After the shock sunk in, I said he needs to sort his life out, I didn’t have a clue what it was. How it affected people, even what it looks like without googling it! money started to go missing from my bank, the children’s jewellery from their nan gone, my own wedding rings gone, he would say oh you’ve prob moved them somewhere, I’ll help you find them but really he knew they weren’t there. His tools had been stolen - conveniently. just patterns! being asleep during the day as he hadn’t slept all night but I just put that down to depression at the time! having to literally drag him out to work like a teenager going to school. nothing for birthdays, anniversary, Christmas etc which he used to do even something little. Not that i want anything as I’m not fussed but a card would do! He once then used my bank card to buy my own birthday card. But I was manipulated without even knowing at the time feeling sorry for him and believing the stories and excuses! I moved out after I realised my stress levels of questioning everything was affecting my children’s behaviour and knew I couldn’t help him with my lack of knowledge about the drug. I sought my own counselling through work to get my mind straight to absorb everything that had gone on. he pleaded with me to come back and he will sort himself out etc crying and asking for £10 here £10 there to borrow for bread and milk etc. I ended up just buying him the bread and milk instead of cash - realised I needed to put my foot down in some way without feeling like I was abandoning him. he isn’t the same person anymore and I cry most days for why it ever got to this and I miss how he was before but I know I have to keep strong! he lost his job recently and the day he got paid the money was all gone before I could move any of it for his own good, got fed more stories. he also has got loads of pay day loan transactions on his account which luckily is all in his name. just frightens the hell out of me! he has now apparently signed up to get help but I can’t try and support him anymore it was wearing me down mentally and physically and my children are my priority, but it doesn’t make me feel any better - I don’t sleep some nights worrying and thinking is he ok, is he eating, does he have enough stuff in the cupboards - sounds stupid but I guess I’m just too caring for my own good, but not realising that before I was just enabling it! He would ask to see the children which I would never stop but with supervision or just an hour or so at the park, he would cover up how he was and then one time he came over to put one of them to bed for me whilst I was doing homework with the other one, and then took my bank card and took money out then popped out, came back like nothing had happened. I gave him time to see his child and he then took with the other hand! Times when he’s even said to the children, I’ll take you to the park tomorrow just us and go on the bikes and I’m thinking this is nice, keeping him and them occupied and they want to see him, the morning comes. His phone is off and I can’t get hold of him and he then rings frantically later on in the day when he’s finally woke up with ‘my phones playing up. I overslept as I didn’t sleep last night’ He’s very good at making me feel sorry for him and I can’t tell you how many suicidal threats I’ve had from him etc but I know now it has to stop I’m just becoming an anxious mess with worry! me moving out and him not seeing his children everyday hasn’t made a slight difference I’ve backed off a little bit more now and I’ve had to keep the children away from him as he is not who he was and I think my older one is starting to get uncomfortable around him. She clings to me for dear life and sometimes worries if I pop anywhere without her - I’m not having her trying to deal with this! I was reading all your stories and it made me realise I’m not the only one, I was never around drugs or alcohol problems growing up I was so lucky but at the same time it hasn’t helped me understand it now I’m in the situation. I can’t detach but from reading others it’s made me put things more into perspective

my journey with a crack addict by

Hi Guys, I found out a few months ago my boyfriend is taking crack (and to me, is an addict in denial). He has pawned stuff to get it... uses weekly... I've been on a STEEP learning curve and think I've done well to be where I am (all things considered). I don't write this for advice, but if anyone sees themselves in what I write, it may help them. I will make it as short as possible and simply give ... my journey. * Found out partner was on crack cocaine. In shock for a few weeks. * I trawled streets, tracked him down to drug flats, roamed the streets late at night, put myself in danger numerous times, confronted drug people.. * I tried anger, threats, demands, emotional blackmail... tears.. guilt... shame... nothing made him stop. * I stopped being angry. I stopped taking it personally. I started detatching myself from it. * I've had constant ups and downs - days I would contact him and beat myself up for being weak. Then I'd be strong for a week or so, and let him do what he wants to do. Then I'd worry he was dead or OD'd somewhere and contact him. It's a cycle. If I didn't contact him, he would contact me. My last low point my birthday. I'd spent £100's on this man. He couldn't even get me a present. When I think of the thousands he's spent on that crap. Eventually when he had a period of sobriety, he gave me a present and card... them lapsed a few days later. * I've confronted one guy who won't leave him alone. It causes a massive argument and I left. When my boyfriend used the evening, he blamed me and called me a 'F***ing C***.' So I am now on the end of his anger and abuse. I walked out (luckily we don't live together). I haven't contacted him since. I don't really know what stage I am at now. I don't even know if I can say we are together. I am a realistic. I expect the worse and he has never let me down so far - with his using and pathetic excuses and apologies. But I feel strong.. stronger every time.. until I hope to get the point where I walk away for good. I see nothing but misery and futility with an addict.. and wonder what others' experiences are. Thanks for reading x

My codeine addiction by

I am a 28 year old, female and I have been addicted to codeine since 2012, and this is my first time ever admitting it to anyone. No one knows, I'm good at hiding it. It all started after surgery in 2012, I was given codeine to help with the pain and I then started buying it online. I got to the point where I was taking 12x 30mg tablets 4-5x daily. Every single day! That's 1800mg a day and some days I would even take more. Some days I'd take 2500mg. The thing is, I like taking it, I'm functional on it and it makes me feel happy, but I'm so determined to stop. I'm in so much debt that it's all I can think about, I must spend £700 a month on codeine and it's disgusting. It's time to stop. I'm tapering down. I have 112 tablets left to taper down from and I can't afford to buy anymore either. Does anyone have any advice on how I can cope with the withdrawal? I'm so f***ing determined to get my life back. I'm taking citalopram (prescribed) and multivitamins. I got down to 9 30mg tablets 4x daily and now I'm on 7 30mg tablets 4x daily. My plan is to go to 6x4 tablets tomorrow, 5x4 the next day, then 4x4, then 3x4, then 2x4 and the 1x4 and then nothing. I know this is fast, but like I said I just can't afford to buy anymore now. So far I feel okay, somehow. Any help, advice or support would be greatly appreciated. I really need some help right now. Thank you

Taper vs Cold Turkey My Story by

Hi I’ve read a lot on these forums about tapering against cold turkey and thought I’d put my own story out there to see if can help anybody going through or considering to go through opiate withdrawal. I’m by no means an expert on this nor do I advocate one particular route, what I’m writing on here comes from my own personal experience and basically what worked for me. I’ve been addicted to codeine for 10 years with a routine of taking 15-20 30mg codeine phosphate tablets every night around 11pm, enjoying the high for a couple of hours then going to bed, this was how it was for the past 5 years at least. In the early days my dosage was lower but still followed the same pattern. I first started taking them after being prescribed the pills following surgery and quickly realising that if I took a few extra id get a buzz and feel nicely relaxed and that was it I was hooked. Like most addicts I knew fairly early on that I was addicted but tended to just push it to the back of my mind as I liked the high too much, it wasn’t until the last few years that I knew there was a major problem. I was spending around £100 per month to subsidise the 200 tablets that I got on prescription, I wouldn’t eat a large meal after 6pm so as to get the best possible high on an empty stomach, whilst on holidays abroad I would have to make excuses to run back to the room every night before my wife so I could quickly take my fix. Not to mention to overall effect on our relationship as id always be up till the early hours waking my wife up when I finally went to bed at 1 or 2 am. Id then roll in from work and have to sleep every afternoon for a couple hours. The addiction literally had consumed me completely. From about 2014 onwards I wanted to quit and decided like most do that I would taper my dosage down, confidently believing that I would simply drop my dosage each week till I was eventually clean. The trouble was I was in control of my taper as nobody else was aware of my addiction and therefore everything would start well and then after a few days of cutting down, sometimes down to 4 or 5 tablets a night and id think to myself as I have done really well I will “reward” myself tonight and id take 12 or 15 that night, the problem was because id cut my dosage down id normally get a real high when I up’t the dose, and then I’d just tell myself that id start the taper again next week and so on and so on. This went on for years. Id attempted cold turkey half-heartedly on a few occasions but never really believed I’d do it id maybe go one night and then the early withdrawals would kick in albeit mild but enough to make me think that again id jump back on my tablets that night and maybe would quit the next week instead or start another half hearted taper. It was like a revolving door. I think the problem with opiates as you all know is that you can function just enough to keep a lid on it so much that even those closest to you are blissfully unaware of your problem. Even though you are sinking deeper with every dose. Friday 1st march this year was a normal day, nothing different about my routine. I woke up feeling the usual grogginess after taking 18 tablets or 540 mg the night before. The day past as normal and it was getting towards bed time, we had our 2 year old grandson staying so decided we’d watch tv in bed and went up to bed a bit earlier so the grandson could fall asleep. I cannot give any real reason why but lying there waiting for the clock to get near 11 I decided I wasn’t taking them that night. Maybe it was lying next to my beautiful little grandson realising that I was not the role model he believed I was and that if things did not change I may not be around to watch him grow up as the levels I was taking could really be fatal or eventually I could lose my family due to the stress I was placing on our relationship. Whatever it was it came from nowhere but I went to sleep that night without any codeine. The next day I woke up with very mild symptoms but nothing I couldn’t handle. And seemed to have a real confidence that I should try and get through another night and see where I was after that. Day 2 came and I woke up again feeling not right but still managed to function going out shopping with my wife etc. the feeling was similar to that when you are coming down with a flu or cold. I very quickly realised that this was going to be my best chance ever of becoming clean and went about arming myself with vitamins, protein shakes, Imodium and anything I could think of that would fuel my body with the right things to get me through the coming days. Days 3 and 4 came and went without any real issues other than insomnia kicking in big style. But Instead of lying around the house I busied myself everyday walking for miles with my dog and constantly taking vitamins and supplements. It was at this point that I thoroughly knew and believed that I could actually do this and I was not under any circumstances going back now! I visited my gp on day 5 and explained the situation in full, this helped me immensely as they made me aware they were there to help if things got worse. It also stopped my main source of pills. I was given a sleeping tablet to help through the early stages with the insomnia but really I look back now and think that that maybe prolonged the insomnia so I would proceed with caution if anybody is thinking about that route. Unless it’s very short term. Day 7 was a pivotal day as I disposed and burned all my codeine, 240 tablets popping away in a fire. I absolutely knew at this point I had no alternative but to see this through. In less than 2 weeks’ time I will be 90 days clean. I would be lying if I said that it had been easy, but id also be lying if I said it had been hell. I have been extremely lucky to the point that during this I have only really suffered physically symptoms. I somehow have avoided depression, anxiety, mood swings and other associated mental symptoms. I wonder if this is down to that fact that there were no mental reasons for me starting to abuse codeine, as I’ve already stated I was prescribed for pain relief and I simply enjoyed the high. As I say above its been no bed of roses, things I have suffered with in the early stages were insomnia, looseness on the toilet, constant sneezing and constant itch in the nose (like hayfever) a cough which I still have now. Most of these have worn off now but perhaps the most debilitating thing that persists is drowsiness and fatigue and sporadic insomnia (this is never more than maybe once or twice a week at most). It’s not every day but there are some days where I simply feel drained of energy and motivation. It’s difficult to explain to someone how bad that can feel especially if you need to be active. But on the whole I would say writing this today I am probably 85% back to normal. And that’s pretty amazing considering how much I abused my body for 10 years. Anybody reading this thinking oh my god here is someone that’s 3 months clean and still has symptoms don’t be alarmed. You learn to live and deal with these days, you start to understand that this is a process and you become very patient and allow these days to come and pass knowing in your heart and mind that each day you are healing and becoming stronger. I have done more in this last 3 months than id done in the last 10 years, I walk for miles each week, I live super healthy now, back then I liked a drink and would often drink 4 cans of lager a night whilst taking the codeine. I have probably had no more than 10 cans of lager in the last 3 months! and again as I write this I have not had a drink of alcohol for over 3 weeks. that’s not because I’m abstaining it’s because I now value my health and mind so much more and have no real interest in drinking it was just part of the codeine ritual. My relationship with my wife has gone back to where we were when we first married and we are so much closer now. Even though sleep can still sometimes be difficult it is an amazing feeling to now just go to bed when I’m tired this can be 9.30 if I want or whenever. My body is still healing, I am well aware of this and understand there may still be more hurdles to cross ahead. But when you see and feel how your life changes in such a short period of time you gain a mental strength to never want to go back to that dark period of your life. If I’m honest I am a better person for being through it. I am my own hero in one sense as I am achieving something so many cannot do. But my message to anybody out there is get off these poisoness tablets as soon as you can. Ride out the storm and you will be amazed at how quickly you get your fight mode switched on to win the battle!! I cannot stress enough that seeking medical help from your gp is a must if you are to win this war, your gp is your ally, they can provide resources when you are up against it. If you see a gp that isn’t supportive make an appointment with another until you have the support you need. You will be amazed at the strength you gain from knowing there’s help out there if things get tough. I am just a normal bloke, nothing special about me. I’m not strong willed or publicly confident or have any particular abilities that would set me apart from anybody reading this in a similar situation. But what I am is living proof that you can go from being a serious opiate addict to a clean living healthy normal person in as little as 3 months. If I’m absolutely honest by about week 3 I was functioning comfortably enough to lead a fairly normal life without drugs. I am not there yet, I understand that and have accepted that to reach that 100% normal feeling may take many more months or even longer. But the doom that I was filled with before I quit and in the early days of recovery is now replaced with excitement about waking up every morning knowing that whilst there is the odd bad days there are far more good days where I feel alive again. I do still think about the high feeling sometimes and yes I would say I can miss that feeling sometimes, but it’s like when you have been in a relationship with someone that was bad and didn’t work and you might miss a few things about that person but you know in your heart that you’ve moved on and it’s for the better and you’d never go back because it’s all in the past and you’re in a far better place now. Sorry this post has been so long but I had a lot to cover, in summing it all up tapering never worked for me, it may work for some but I believe the self-discipline required has to be immense especially if you are doing it alone, It may be easier if you can give up your supply and get somebody to give you your dosage daily. I guess what I am saying is if my thoughts on tapering are similar to yours and you can relate to that then you may want to consider going cold turkey, I genuinely believe if you make it through the first 2-3 days that you find a will power from somewhere within to push you through! Please though understand fully what it entails and ensure that you are physically capable of dealing with this and you should really seek medical advice first although I appreciate this is one of the hardest things to do especially if you are on a repeat prescription as effectively this cuts the supply, but as stated somewhere above if you are to beat this then you really need to follow this advice. I have found and used numerous vitamins and supplements and will be happy to let anybody know what worked for me if they are interested. This is another part of the process as mentally to know your pumping all of this goodness into your body helps with all aspects of your recovery. if even one person reads this and it sets them on the path to being clean then I will be delighted. I am walking talking proof that you can and will win your battle!!

Partners coke addiction by

My partners coke addiction is destroying me! None of this will probably make sense but im hoping getting it off my chest might help. Hes done coke which was socially for about 10 years but the last 5 has been a back and forward thing but i suppose i was in denial myself for a long time. Because i didnt have proof hed manage to lie to me where money had gone ect. It has been bad for a long time weve split so many times and hes promised the world and weve tried again and then im back here again crying with that pain in my chest. I know i need to leave because its not guna get better any time soon and i know the longer i stay with him or keep going back and fourth im going to end up in such a dark place myself. I know hes not ready to stop and they have to be ready they have to want it. It breaks my heart hes my first love we have been together 9 years since i was 16. Its so fustrating because the stuff is everywhere around. theres so many dealers in just the village we live in never mind a the 5 mile radius around us. It angers me so bad. I just feel like its all so unfair! My dad is a heroin addict has been my whole life hes walked in and out of my life. It was something i struggled so bad with growing up all i ever wanted was my dad growing up. Hes put us through it. Finally a couple of years ago i started to feel like i was over that but now im back at that stage its like a double wammy i feel so hurt and let down all i ever wanted was for him to be there for me and now im doing again with my partner. Like how is that fair i have cried my whole life because of soneones addictions and the effects it has. Im fed up! Its like me and my partner will be getting on for a little while then well have an amazing day or 2 then all of a sudden its ripped away from me again! Thats exactly how it would be growing up id see my dad for abit hed promise me alsorts hed pick me up ect then boom hed no longer be around. Its just like history is repeating itself. My partner got home on thursday, oh it was amazing he was in such a lovely mood tell me how much he loved me , like hed just realised it again kind of thing basically his words, friday again such a lovely day. Im really feeling positive by this point things are lookibg good, saturday day agsin a good day. I could tell hed clearly not had any Saturday i fall asleep on the couch then go to bed. He ends up at a friend till past 4 sniffed up. He gets up for a little bit then sleeps till 5.30 gets up think he might of had some more thst night i took myself to bed and he went to see his mate. Sleeps alot of sunday then boom all hell breaks loose because hes on a come down. How is any of this fair. I tell him if your not ready fair enough tell me just walk away leave me because i dont have the strengh no more. Theres a complete lack of communication vecause he wont talk to me. He just wont talk! He lies his come downs are so bad he spends majority of his wages and he earns good money too. I can basically catch him red handed but he still wont admit it. Like he think im stupid when i know full well or have evidence. I know ive gone on already but if i actually got it all out id be here all night. I dont know what i actually want to get from posting this maybe its to get alittle bit of my chest so i can go to sleep. Im just so angry at the world and hurt! Some days i just wish i could pack up and run away. Im at the point i hate the village i grew up in a loved. Mojority of the people you pass in the street is rather on it or selling it.