: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

502 threads

3968 posts

I am so confused by

I have been with my bf for 2 years. Occasionally he does cocaine and he turns into a person I don’t recognise and becomes a nasty person who says vile things; sometimes I don’t feel safe around him. When he is on c, he says I don’t love him and I don’t care about him. He talks about my past and refers to me as a slag or hoe. I cook, clean, and give him all the love and time I have and yet I don’t know why he does this. He expects me to let him stay over at mine when he is drugged but I don’t feel safe due to past experiences with him on drugs. I really don’t know what I am doing or what he is doing. I feel like I am faking a perfect relationship in the hopes it will all be better and become perfect.

Does he even care by

My boyfriend is a lifelong crack addict. We’re talking daily use, to varying degrees, only been clean (or had a clear mind as he puts it) maybe a couple years out of 32ish years. He’d convinced me that his age (he’s near 50 now) means he needs and wants to retire from it as he puts it. I try everything to encourage him to make better choices, sometimes he does, but every day with minimal exceptions, he uses again. We are now in a unique situation. He told me at the weekend he’s going to give up for 27days, or he’s a “prick”. I don’t dare ask anymore, but judging by his raging moods, he’s done it. Since then we’ve bickered, he’s tried, and succeeded, to make me jealous, he’s told me he’s questioned our relationship, also at one point he said he didn’t consider us a couple that we’re not together anymore. I’ve told him how much I love him, but all he responded with this time was he likes being with me. He also said that he tried to not call me, but had to. I did pull him up on the jealousy thing, but I think to some degree, sometimes he doesn’t listen or acknowledge me because he can’t accept how bad his behaviour is and would rather block it out. Part of me thinks now he’s gone cold turkey, which I don’t think was a good idea for so many reasons, that he’s now incapable of any positive human emotion. Does anyone believe an addict can experience positive feelings of love and appreciation of their partner if they’re a few days/weeks off the crack? For the first time in our relationship, I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I moved in with my elderly mum before covid, and she only worries if I spend too much time with him, so I visit him at weekends. This week he told me he hates me during the week, he doesn’t feel like he’s in a relationship. For the most part, he’s stopped reading my texts, stopped talking to me on the phone, stopped asking me how I am. Partly I think he’s so disgusted by his behaviour, for how much he relies on me, that sometimes talking to me only forces him to be aware of his failings and shortcomings. It’s almost as though he can’t face me, except when he needs food, or is having a cash flow problem. Does he actually care, or is he just using me? I’m fortunate enough to be in a lucky financial position. I worry now that even if he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s only doing the bare minimum to keep me happy. Part of me is starting to loathe my feelings for him, I’m not one to give up, I’ve been tempted to walk away, but in some ways I know that ends I do, I’m strong enough to ensure I never go back. Insights and opinions welcomed please x

My Son is an alcoholic binge drinking by

I’m 69 years old and have been dealing with my sons addiction for many years I’m at the end of my tether now Feeling exhausted constantly upset and anxious He lives 160 miles from where I am I having been traveling up and down the country all year Just trying to keep him working He is fine when I’m with him doesn’t drink but as soon as I leave he goes on a bender His health isn’t great he had a hip replacement in February He stopped taking his pain killers and took to heavy drinking 3 months after the op he got drunk fell down the stairs and displaced the hip and broke his femur A and e were more worried about his heart rate and breathing and couldn’t operate until he was stable He was on hospital for 3 weeks due to pneumonia as well as everything else I don’t want to write a long post But have so much to say J

Cold turkey from cocodamol by

Hi all, I'm a 24 year old mum of 3 young kids. I have been taking cocodamol for about 5 years, I am desperate to get off it. The doctors haven't been much help and I'm just done, so today I'm going cold turkey. My body is highly dependant on it, my body craves it within two hours of taking a dose, I'm scared but I know this will kill me if I don't get off it. Can anyone here offer me advice, how can I get through the first week of withdrawels?

by baldoc

7 posts

Boyfriend - addict by

Hi Everyone This is my first post on here but I have read a lot of the forum posts. My situation put briefly is this: - been with boyfriend just under 2 years - asked him if he did drugs when we met he said no but he had when younger - noticed a lot of money troubles/lies/disappearing when drilled into it admitted he had been doing coke - he said he would give it all up for a few months I think he may have but not sure - all kicked off again recently and found out he’s been doing it again and also he has been spending money on webcamming sites - I initially agreed to support him after he fully broke down and started cocaine anonymous meetings and then I found about the webcamning a week into him being clean. It seems from many of the posts that no one seems to change, I guess I’m looking for beckon of light or just the cold truth that maybe I should be walking away now. It’s so hard as 35 year old woman to walk away from someone that promises you the world, I feel like I’ve given two good years and I will likely end up alone and childless because of him and this relationship not being what I thought it was. I just feel so low and also so ashamed and embarrassed. I feel I can’t tell anyone about the webcam thing and have only told two people about the coke, I just feel so sad :(

by Becky

4 posts

Anxiety and Panic Attacks after Codeine Withdrawal by

Hi, I'm new here. I've just completed a medically-supervised detox programme to get off codeine. I was taking huge amounts (up to 30-40 tablets a day) and had been taking them on and off for about ten years. It was only fairly recently that I started taking large amounts - to start with, I only took the prescribed dose from my doctor. I've managed to successfully quit and although the physical withdrawal symptoms were unpleasant, I got through it, with the help of Subutex. However, the mental withdrawal symptoms are nothing short of horrific and don't seem to be going away. Severe depression, severe anxiety, panic attacks, feeling frightened nearly all the time and a feeling of impending doom that I can't seem to control. Is this normal? Has anyone else been in this situation before? I can't help thinking that I felt better when I was on codeine, but I couldn't continue taking such huge amounts of it. I just want to feel better psychologically and I don't know how long these horrible side-effects will last.

Crack by

Hi, I have never done anything like this before but wanted to give it a try. I am an ex soldier who struggles with PTSD, throughout the last 7 years I have turned to drugs to get me through my down days. Before I knew it I was addicted! Trying to kick a crack addiction has been the hardest thing I have had to do. After lots of counselling and therapy I have managed to to kick the habit and was clean for nearly 2 years, but things have started to slip and I have found myself using on the odd occasion around once a month this has happened for the last 3 months now. The signs are there and I am struggling to understand it all. Why is this happening ? And why can’t I control this better? Has anyone else had this happen? Am I still classed an addict if I use once a month? Any advice would be great Thanks K

by Salzz

5 posts

Wife secret drinking by

I don’t know where to turn, no one to talk to, would appreciate some views, don’t know what to do. Together 20 years, early 40’s, 2 beautiful kids, very well paid job, wife at home, foreign holidays, no debt, not even a mortgage. Things ought to be pretty good. A couple of years ago, pretty much to the day, I discovered my wife was secretly drinking. She’d always liked a drink, but this was startlingly heavy, I calculated about 150 units p/w. I raised this with her, said she had to get some help and supported her through some brief counselling. Since then she has continued to drink pretty much every night, just a glass of wine or a beer, saying she has it under control, likes a drink to unwind. However, I have found on more than one occasion that she has been drinking during the day too, and she certainly always goes for it on social occasions. I have confronted her 3 or 4 times more over the last couple of years, and each time she says it isn’t a problem, or I’m to blame, or she denies it. Last summer I raised it and she said I was controlling, that she wanted to get a job, to have her own money etc and that I was the reason she needed to drink. I tried to adapt, I even started giving her £500 every month in cash to spend on herself, whatever she wanted, no questions asked. That stopped in February when I found she was secretly drinking again (clearly the cash wasn’t helping). Last night I came home from work to find her acting suspiciously, usual hallmarks of her drinking, she was cooking the dinner but could barely string a sentence together, wouldn’t look me in the eye. Then I found an empty water bottle in a kitchen cupboard which still had a few drops of wine in the bottom. She’d been out shopping that day (driving) and my guess is that she’d taken it with her. I’ve caught her doing this twice before (with vodka previously). I discovered last night’s bottle after dinner when she was about to drive one of my children to an event. I took over, and when I got back I handed her the empty bottle and asked for an explanation. She tried to act surprised but had nothing to say. We nearly split a couple of months ago when, again, I discovered she was secretly drinking although she denied it. Indeed we agreed to separate, but we had a big holiday all booked and didn’t want to let the kids down. We arrived back this weekend and we had a great time. Everything seemed ok but looking back she did drink every day. Usually a couple of large pinots during the meal, plus maybe a beer or 2 beforehand and maybe a glass or 2 of wine afterwards. But she was on holiday, so it’s not unusual to have a few drinks is it and I didn’t want to spoil things or be criticised for trying to control her. Despite all this, she seems to function ok, rarely has a hangover, you can’t easily tell she’s even had a drink a lot of the time. It’s not as if she is aggressive or ‘drunk’ as such, which does make me question whether I am overplaying this. And I’m pretty confident that she has completely stopped for a few weeks at a time, so maybe she does have control over it. She certainly won’t admit there is a problem, won’t talk to me about it, won’t seek help. Probably the worst it’s got for me is a year or so ago when I found she was hiding vodka in one of my kids bedroom (after I’d found her other hiding places) or when I stopped her driving one of my kids to a party with vodka in her handbag (she swore she was taking it with her to get rid of it). I’m seriously thinking about leaving, but I don’t want to leave my children. She’s a great mum, they love her dearly, and they’re very settled at home, so I wouldn’t want to disturb that situation. But it means I would be the one moving out, living on my own. I’d also not want other people to know the reasons so as to protect her and the kids, which probably means people would not understand and ostracise me. Either way, the future looks pretty bleak. Occasionally I think about ending my life but not seriously, I love my kids too much. I think I’ve been pretty calm and patient with her. I’ve generally spoken in soft terms, tried to reflect an understanding of what she might be going through, but I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to feel angry. I was so annoyed last night. After I showed her the bottle and she didn’t have an explanation I didn’t say anything more, just avoided her and slept downstairs. It is now nearly 8pm the next day, I’m still in the office and I don’t want to go home any more. Am I missing something here? Is there something I should be doing? I know there are always 2 sides to a story. I must be at fault somehow, at least partly, but I don’t know what to do for the best.


Hi everyone i'm really worried about my drinking, I can't seem to stop once I've opened a bottle of wine, i generally finish it, and often open another. Last night I drank two bottles and then had rum after my partner went to bed. i think I really have a problem, I'm scared about my health deteriorating and admitting my problem to my partner's family. I'm scared of losing my partner because of it and although he doesnt think I have a problem, I feel I really do.

1 post

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