: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

374 threads

2733 posts

Son's father has liver disease by

Hello, I separated from my son's father when my son was 2 years old, mostly due to my ex's drinking and drug taking. Since then, he has carried on drinking, not been able to hold down a steady job, nor contribute in any other way (eg, helping with homework, buying him things he needs). I now see this as part of his addiction and it doesn't make me as angry and resentful as it used to! Despite this I have always tried to allow my son to have a positive relationship with his father, as far as possible, while making sure my son is safe when he's with him (his father lives with his parents so there are always two other adults around when my son visits for the day). At Christmas I learned that my ex has alcoholic liver disease but do not know much more than that, other than what I have read about it online. It is very difficult to talk about with my ex, as he either glosses over things and says he is feeling fine at the moment, or he is very depressed about it (understandably). Either way it is hard to get any sense about what is happening treatment wise, or what his prognosis might be. I have always tried to be as honest as possible with my son (who is now 8) without overburdening him (the lies and deception are one of the worst things for me about addiction), so he knows his father is an alcoholic and that it has made him ill (the yellow skin is impossible to hide anyway), but not more than that. Personally, I am also finding it very hard. While I have moved on with my life and now have wonderful supportive loving partner, who has a great relationship with my son, it is horrible seeing someone I used to love do this to themselves. I guess I had always hoped he would beat his addiction one day but that now seems unlikely. Does anyone have a similar experience and how did you deal with it for your children? Who is best to contact to help us as a family? Thank you!

1 post

Is my partner a cocaine addict by

Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. I have been with my partner for over 15 years and we have 2 small children. I found out a couple of years ago that my partner took cocaine at a friend's party which was a huge shock to me. He admitted it, said he hated it and that he had done it once before too. I give him an ultimatum that if he ever done it again we were over. He promised it would never happen again and I believed him. Since this happened at a friend's party I have always been suspicious/paranoid of his behaviour, this is where I need the advice because I don't know if I am over thinking it or if it is blaintly obvious, but I am pretty sure he is taking cocaine in our house. I havent found anything so I have no concrete evidence but his behaviour etc is what's making me think this. To put it short, he has friend's that take cocaine regularly and the majority of them deal. He often nips out on a Saturday on his own and says he going to the shop or lending his friends something etc and I have a feeling this is when he is buying it. Every Friday/Saturday night without fail goes like this... opens a can or 2, 10 mins later he goes to the toilet, if I am downstairs he goes to the upstairs toilet, and if I am upstairs he goes to the downstairs toilet. He's in there aboit 5-10 mins. He then comes out and randomly has a runny nose. Throughout the night he is back and forwards to the toilets and he is sniffing all night. I end up going to bed earlier than him because I can't stand to be near him, it's like he just changes on a weekend. We put a film on and he talks all the way through it, and I have noticed he can never give me eye contact. He stays up until 3-4am sometimes later, when he does come to bed, he is up and down blowing his nose etc and just generally faffing about before falling asleep. Sundays he stays in bed until around dinner time and spends the rest of the day blowing his nose. Monday comes and he is back to work and again he's back to his normal self. Now this is every weekend without fail. I have never taken cocaine before so I don't know if all this is me being paranoid. I havent asked him because I have no concrete evidence and I know he would deny it if I asked him with no proof. I have searched all his belongings, and I have not found anything. I've also noticed there is really fine scratches on my toilet window sill, some diagonal and horizontal lines. Could this also be a sign? Apologies for the long post.

My Partner is a coke addict by

In denial, it all started with a few lines on nights out for years in control so he says. But his life really revolves around it. Waiting for the next time he can use and it’s pretty mischievous every other day at least. The money (not mine I might add) but borrowing and spending all his salary. But for me it’s the mood swings and vile attitude I can’t stand. He’s actually horrible I feel like I can’t speak to him about anything he flies of the handle he nit picks me all the time. I left him last year for 4 months and he said he stopped and he was getting help he was writing to me every week big long letters of how he lives me and how he’s doing it for us so we can be together and was devestated. I love him so here we are back together and he’s still using only now he’s keeping it secret but I am no idiot I know the sniffing, runny nose, the no sleep, the toilet visits, his disgusting mood the next day when he eventually rises from his bed. I dunno what to do as I know it’s an illness the drug gets hold of them and it’s an escape for other things and I feel sad for him I really do but I also know I don’t want this life I really don’t. He has no interest in a physical relationship unless he’s coked up, it’s effecting all the areas of his life on a physical and mental level because of the extent of his abuse of coke.he’s hair loss to his digestive system one time he must of sniffed so much gear his lips where blue I thought he was going to die or a heart attack laying in bed with him fidgeting can’t sleep irritable legs I can feel his heart thumping out of his chest. He’s a 40 year old man when is enough enough ? Please tell me anyone how can I help him ? When he don’t want to help himself. I don’t enable him in any way financially or anything like that and I carry on with my life day to day and I put myself first in terms of my well being and needs. Still trying to be here for him but the mood swings are very hard to put up with and I have had enough. So I guess people who have experience of how to help or anyone who has advise or who can talk to me would be much appreciated as I fear he’s going to loose everything soon his job, his life and me. Thank you

1 post

Coke rules my life by

Spose the title of this thread is the brief summary of my life... stop there if ya like Cos I do tend to waffle on once I start and will probably bore ya to death with the long version.... I’m 45 this year a middle age mum with everything someone could appear to need in life a good childhood/upbringing/parents Ive got a safe warm beautiful home a kind supportive stable hardworking partner and 2 healthy beautiful kids I am loved I am blessed I have more to be grateful for than lots of other people in the world yet here I am totally fu*king up my life I used to smoke weed and go out raving in my teens/early 20s then bout 20 years ago started doing coke Annnnnd can’t find the inner strength to stop and for some bizarre reason it’s got more out of control in the last ten years or so when my life has been at its most stable and I have every reason in the world to not do it Want it need it or crave it yet I’ve literally got everything I need and yet I’m literally constantly teetering on the edge of losing it all because of what or who I am I’m not a nice person really I am manipulative sly greedy selfish I lie constantly to hide my secret life and to enable me to facilitate my addiction We moved town last year I hoped that would help but I’ve managed to excuse the pun sniff out new contacts locally and here I am same old me at odds with myself hating myself but not helping myself and just carrying on my brain being fuelled by trying to find money to get gear finding some gear ticking gear doing gear hating myself for doing gear then next day waking up and going through it all again I am not a social user I’m a secret user I don’t go out and do it I stay indoors I hide it well my partner ain’t stupid he knows I’ve got a problem but not any idea just how bad I’ve even got to the point now I can even sit down and eat dinner with him and the kids (even tho I don’t wanna) when I’m on it just to make him think I’m not doing it! That’s how fu*ked up and sky I am!! I am prob doing it on average 4 times a week most weeks but if I’ve got money it burns a hole in my brain and if I had the access to funds I’d prob do it even more if I ain’t got the money I’m ticking it or I’m devising ways to make the money or lying to get it out my partner cooking the books and basically putting my selfish needs above that of my own family Don’t get me wrong my kids are looked after loved well turned out and have never gone without but if I didn’t do what i do they’d have even more I refuse to officially ask for help Cos no way am I having that sh*t on my records no way am I risking losing our kids I have looked into going to addict meetings but il be honest I’m a snob ya see them standing outside these places “looking” like addicts and I don’t want to be associated with the likes of them!when truth is I am one of them I don’t believe in counselling I’ve tried it in the past and not found it helpful So at this point il also mention I’ve got long term physical and mental conditions I’ve been mentally unstable my entire adult life and on long term perscribed meds’ antidepressants painkillers I suffer horrendous pmt hormonal imbalances Depression low self esteem anxiety and binge eat I get referred to consultants and fobbed off for everything I have self harmed I have been suicidal I’ve recently been assessed by the mental health team but yet again kinda fobbed off with it being hormonal and left to get on with it then I just carry on self medicating and living this miserable life ruled by the cycle of Coke I look at my kids and hate what I am I look at my hubby and hate what I am they deserve better way better I love them so so so so very much but it’s like my brain loves coke more than it loves them told ya I’d bore ya to death I’m going to stop now Cos my fingers and heads hurting and I’m boring myself now too lol I’m sorry nonidea where all that just come from actually no I do just quickly I have done some tonight as normal then I see the gazza video and it got me thinking how very sad and tragic it was to watch him how vulnerable he looks and how if someone who had that much money and access to help can’t get help he needs what hope has someone like me ever got of beating my demons and my addiction ???? x

Seeking for Advice! by

First of all, Hi Guys and I'm so glad that I choose to seek help like this because i like other's people oppinion than to seek help at psychiatrist or other because i think that is nothing ashamed to seek help.. So this is my story and how it beggins. I come from a small country in southeastern Europe.. I am 26 years old and have a wonderful wife and a 6-Month-Old Son I need to tell someone my story life and then about my low-drug abuse and a new vice (gambling).. So i was growing up with my Alcholic father My Wonderful Sister who is very smart, My Mother who is absolutely the strongest person in this story next to my wife. I work as a waiter at a nice sea-food restaurant and i make about 30-40 $ a day. I smoke weed and snort Amphetamine.. I have never offered my wife any of those sh*t.. She only smoke cigarettes She doesn't mind my habit of smoking weed reggulary every second day.. I have a credit debt she has a credit debt and we have a finnancial problem almost 2 years, and im working my as* every day, We have a wonderful marriage relationship with open set of minds no secrets at all and everything was smooth, Before i felt that my habbits of drug abuse and playing slots(the last 4,5 months are my first time in my whole life to play slots)My wife know that i go at casino after work and i cant even look at her eyes when i come home broke.. (This doesnt happens every day) I tried to change myself but i lasted 5 or 6 days.. Im not embarrassed to confess this too you all.. I am a street boy as we should say in my country, I really want to change my way of life and cant wait for someone to try to help :) My wife is a goddess for me and i want to change for her and my son and in the end for MYSELF, They are my everything in my life Тhanks in advance..

1 post

relative refusing help but cannot care for herself by

Hi, My whole family are at our wit's end. My aunt has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. She has been hospitalised multiple times and been through various rehab/detox with no results. She has evidence of irreversible damage because of alcoholism, cirrhosis and multiple head injuries, fluid in abdomen. She is basically reaching the point where she can't care for herself but will refuse any outside help She is now getting older (over 50s) and lives alone in a rented flat. She was recently admitted to hospital and discharged. My family are still actively involved. Her son visits every day to take her alcohol because she has previously fitted when withdrawing. She is now not washing/taking care of herself/ excrement all over the appartment. Other tenants are complaining and I worry she will be evicted. She has money so wouldn't meet the threshold for council/residential housing. But no idea where she would end up if she did get evicted. We don't know what to do. The GP is aware of the issues but can't really help. My aunt doesn't want help. Her son now has mental health issues and is self-harming because of this. He is so afraid not to visit in case she dies overnight, it is ruining his life. He is however enabling her and we cannot get him to stop. If she doesn't want any help and is able to make that decision for herself- I guess there is no where else to turn aside from leave her as she is? If she ends up homeless but has the monetary means to buy a house/ rent- can social services get involved or not? Is there any point paying for one of these private interventions to try and get her into a rehab facility? Would be grateful for any ideas or insight. Thanks

1 post

My boyfriend uses cocaine for recreational purposes but he won't stop by

Hello, First of all, thank you to anyone who might be reading this, I come here for advice. My boyfriend of 22 smokes weed multiple times a day (this he says he does in order to not get drunk every day and wake up with a hangover to work) and uses different recreational drugs most weekends with his mates, such as acid, MDMA, Ketamine and cocaine. Cocaine is his favorite, but he has stopped using it as much because I hate it when he does. He drinks a lot too. When he was 18 to 20 he would do cocaine every weekend form Thursday to Sunday. Even selling at parties and taking up to 6 grams. At this point he has calmed down a lot, but every time he gets drunk he wants more and seems to get a craving for coke. I've told him that if he took it again I would leave, because I cannot stand him doing it, it gives me terrible anxiety and anger.This was 2 months ago and he has done it 3 times that I know of since, I have told him again that he needs to change, that I can't stay like this. He says that it isn't a problem and he can stop anytime and say no when his friends do it (which he has done before and thats great). But he wants no help, not even from family.And he doesn't want to delete his dealers numbers either. I don't know what to do here, mostly because I don't know where the line is between drugs for fun and drugs because he needs them. I also feel like I should inform his mum because I am worried and she knows nothing about it. Please help me, any advice will be a life savior. Thanks!

1 post

Cocaine Addiction - Feeling lost, alone and pretty helpless by

Hi All, I am here as I do not know where else to turn! Up until a year ago I had never tried recreational drugs other than cannabis, I then hit 38 and randomly craved Cocaine, I then broke both wrists and used it combined with alcohol to ease the pain. I am female, have a wonderful Husband and children and am disgusted by my behaviour, it feels like I am in self destruct mode. I don't even enjoy using it. Since the lockdown my use has become more frequent every other day and I only use it if I drink alcohol. Alcohol has always been my crutch and now it triggers cocaine use. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time to that first night and never have tried it in the first place. I have not hidden the fact from anyone in fact I have been honest throughout. I don't want to be that person I look at in the mirror any longer after a bender. I spent 4 years rebuilding a new me after a breakdown and feel all my work is unravelling. I have a septum perforation which I have told no one about but is worrying me constantly, worry leads to alcohol, alcohol leads to cocaine. I know what I need to do and that is to simply stop - I just feel so lost. I was once the person who helped others with drug problems and in a year I have turned into that person needing help. Any advice would be welcomed and recovery stories, I cannot go on like this any longer, my family deserve better and so do I. Many thanks for listening.

Will this ever get better? by

I’m not even sure why I’m posting today... I just feel full and need to offload. I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years, living in our house for just over 3 years. He had told me he had an issue with gambling quite early on but he never seemed to struggle for money after this initial blow out and for all I knew he had put it behind him. 6 years later we move into our mortgaged house and not long after we moved in I noticed he was drinking heavily. I would find cans and bottles hidden as well as notes and letters to himself where he was saying he wanted to kill himself. Eventually I addressed this. Turns out he had severe gambling addiction and was drinking he said through boredom. I tried to support him. I paid for a councillor - he didn’t go. He went to AA but then quit. The last 2 years have been a cycle of him trying then falling off the wagon. As such, we haven’t had sex because I don’t feel in the mood so no way I’m ever going to be a parent at this rate. Last October, I had enough. I told him to go and stay with his parents. He made real progress. He then came home and has started paying me some money towards the house (before this I had nothing off him). He’s still drinking though. He drinks sometimes and hides it from me. Then, last week I found a container with small plastic sachets of white power. I don’t know what they are. We have not had the best of weeks and have barely spoken. I love him but I don’t know if I can keep living like this. Anyway I just really wanted somewhere to offload - I feel like all of this is a weight on my mind all the time. This feels better getting it out.

by HolKat

2 posts

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