: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

374 threads

2733 posts

Alcoholic girlfriend by

Hi all, Well I am approaching a cross-roads and I hope the outcome is the road were my girlfriend becomes alcohol free leading to her, myself, her 3 children and my 2 children can look forward in life. However, if she does not become alcohol free it looks like I will have to not just break up with her but three amazing kids as well. How long do you wait or support the process of help?(how long is a piece of string) At the moment we are waiting for the appointments from the NHS for my girlfriends therapy (psychotherapy). She has resorted to drink from years of abuse from her parents and being raped, beaten and psychologically effect my two previous partners. At the moment due to the trauma my girlfriend has she goes into alcohol fuelled episodes where she gets angry but never directly violent towards me or the children but in the last 4 weeks she has thrown things at me and hurt herself. I have had to call the police twice and an ambulance for potential overdose. She attended her first meeting yesterday at a alcohol dependent group and she is in the severe category. There's more details but that's the overview. She drinks from 6pm to 12 pm, not saying this is OK but she does get through a large part of the day without drinking. I work long hours and have to manage the episodes for the last 6 months waiting for appointments from the NHS mental health services team. I work in london, travel 2 hours in and 2 hours back, usually waking up at 4:45am and getting home at 6:30pm. I had to deal with a bad episode last week where I said to my ex-wife I cannot have the my kids at home in a 50:50 split arrangement. Her children call me Daddy (Dad) and the reasons I have not moved out of her house is - - I want to give the therapies a try before concluding its over. - My girlfriend has no support, so 3 children could be taken in care without me. Meaning I would not have any rights to see them or power if it gets to that point with Social Services. - I love those children and I would have to move back 120 miles away. I will be limited to only seeing my children because due to the distance I can only do so much. - I worry that me leaving would be detrimental to her children, because their previous Dad cannot go near them. - When my girlfriend has no alcohol she is amazing women. Genius level of intelligence, caring, loving etc... So I guess I am hoping to see that version back. I have no support or told my family, I have never experienced this before and I am trying to figure out my where I am draw my line. It will be good to get other peoples perspectives so I understand what I should do. It may help me to understand I may have to take the heart break of splitting with my girlfriend and her children but I will feel like I am failing the children even though they are not genetically my children I love them and protect them like my own.

Alcohol Dependant Husband by

I’ve been married for 16 years but we are very much together only for the sake of the children. We sleep in separate rooms and tolerate each other most of the time. He is a heavy drinker and most nights falls asleep downstairs through drink. He doesn’t drink at work ( he’s a teacher) but has a drink in his hand from pretty much the moment he gets in from work. He is unable to see how much money he spends on drink and how his love of alcohol has ruined his relationship with me as well as affected his children. I plan to leave when the children are older ( They’re 11 and 15) but am struggling to put up with him some days.

by

3 posts

Help! by

My grown up alcoholic son us currently staying with me for a few days after being made homeless after a suicide attempt. I'm really struggling with everything. He's drinking in the morning. Usually cheap cider but I'm finding the booze as he has no money and is likely to suffer fits from withdrawing if he doesn't drink. He has done in the past .Me and hubby are treading on eggshells for fear of another suicide attempt. The last one was a serious attempt and he was lucky to survive. He has mental health issues and self harms badly. Anyone able to throw any advice my way? Thanks in advance

by

2 posts

Help for my brother by

Hi, my brother (42) has develeoped an addiction to alcohol. This has been building up over a number of years, since our mum passed 3 years ago he won't discuss anything with his family. He's isolating himself from everyone, and recently he quit his job. He spends most of his time in the day drinking and getting out of his mind. No one in our family can seem to get through to him. As he's currently living with me at the moment he sometimes disappears for days on end and I have no idea where he is. I'm scared I'm going to loose him. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to help him? I've tried encouraging him to seek professional help but he doesn't want to know.

by

2 posts

Any advice please? by

My Dad has an alcohol addiction he until recently was drinking upto a litre of whiskey per day he is currently in hospital. My dad has been admitted quite a lot over the past few months with one thing after another & albeit at that time his consumption was not as great as it has got to before this admission. Previous treatments seen my Dad having vitamin drips & diazepam & his withdrawal symptoms subsided pretty quickly. However this time the same treatment has not worked & if anything he seems worse than what he was when he first went in he is now on his 6th day without alcohol his tremors are severe and they have had to up his diazepam. Will he recover from this? He can hardly eat or drink or do other basic tasks, I am frightened for him.

by

2 posts

Am I over thinking this... by

I've been with my husband for years but no children, we love each other very much and we can be quite happy, apart from the problem with alcohol. I have never been a big drinker, nor have I come from a family who drinks a lot. We like a couple here and there, but to be quite honest I spent a lot of time not drinking, just because it didn't interest me. Him, on the other hand, is the polar opposite, comes from a family of people who drink to access. He almost sees me as odd because I don't but I completely get why people like a drink, as I do sometimes. When we were a bit younger, I'd lose him for days. He'd go out for a few and not come home, or he'd crawl in an absolute mess. I could never get hold of him because he would just ignore me, as he knew he'd be in trouble I assume. I then spent ages calling around his friends because I'd fear the worst. We've had trips booked and he knows about them, and we'd be leaving to go early and he'd crawl in absolutely smashed after saying he'd go for a few. Ultimately meaning we couldn't go. This has been happening on and off for the past 7 years. Normally it'll happen, I'll get let down because I've stupidly relied on him, we'll talk it out and we sail along fine until it happens a few months later. I've found my bottles of alcohol polished off without me knowing so I don't buy alcohol at all. He does, and I notice he has to have them all. He basically goes off the rails with alcohol and forgets about the impact it has on others. It makes me so mad meaning I'm going to be grumpy. I've tried to keep my cool but it's so hard when it happens. He then spends days feeling sorry for himself, not looking after himself and never doing any housework and I'm left with everything. All came to blows a few months ago when he said he was doing one thing and was actually at the pub early lunch meeting people. So I packed my bags and left the house to stay with friends. I told him I needed space away. He finally agreed with me that perhaps he needs help. He drinks when he is sad and when he is happy and has no stopping point. I've flagged this so many times I'm exhausted from it. I've tried not to push him into anything as I know it needs to come from him, he started following the alcoholics pathway or steps and was doing so well. Then started drinking again. Presently, he trying to find a balance, he has realized he has a problem stopping so is limiting himself. It has been working, but I really really can see him struggling to hold back and say no more. And here we are today. Basically, he has crushed me emotionally without realizing, meaning anything to do with alcohol and him is tainted for me. Every time drink is involved or he is around others drinking I basically lose my husband or I worry I will. I've caught him after a night out meeting mates in the pub having a pint at 11.30am. None of his family see it as an issue because they're all like it, mine are happy to help but don't want to get involved unless last resort and none of his friends realize how bad this is to me. Thing is I'm looking horrendous to everyone because I'm left feeling so low and upset, but nobody understands my situation and what I'm coping with. I'm so embarrassed and alone. Am I just being a nag or is this someone with a problem? And if it is a problem what do I do next as obviously I want to help.

by Tess

5 posts

I don’t want to break up by

My husband has always been dependent on alcohol to overcome his shyness. We have been married for 13 years and in the early years it never seemed so much of a problem. There would be the odd embarrassment & yes, he would drink, but as we got older it became a bit of a gripe, and after we had our first child it became evident that it was a problem. 6 years on, it’s still a problem. It’s the lies, the worry that he could be drinking while looking after our child. The trust is broken, but I can’t bring myself to leave. I’m worried about the impact it would have on my son as he’s already been through a lot as his younger brother died. I worry about me not managing as my own mental health is fragile. I think we may be in a codependent relationship, but I can’t really work our what I get from it. I just want him to stop, and it sounds so simple, but obviously it isn’t. He’s been drinking heavily the last 4 days and I’ve called him out on it, he says he wants to change but I don’t know if it’s even possible. Please help.

by Tess

5 posts

My husband needs help by

Firstly, i want to apologise for this being such a long post, i don't have much in the way of support and i am literally at the end of what i know i should deal with. I want to paint the picture wholly so you can understand perfectly. My husband (3 years - together for 10) is a cocaine and possible alcohol addict. We have 1 daughter together (7 years) and a son on the way (28 weeks pregnant) He is not a bad person, he has such a good heart, he is kind, caring, romantic etc until he uses, then he changes for 2-3 days at a time. I am not prepared to give up on him yet, and want to find the best way to support him. I am a carer to my disabled father, who lives with us, and i don't have a driver's license limiting my capabilities to do things like shop etc He started using about 4 years ago, during preparation for the wedding, he admitted he was “curious about it” and obviously started the downwards spiral from there. I told him of my thoughts of it and how i didn’t like such a vial drug and he vowed to stop. Which he did for a few months, but then one day started back up again. This was a constant cycle until last year when it become more increased usage. At first it was just once a month maybe even less, and was only recreational, he would return home and i would be non-the wiser. Until one night (2 years ago) we went out together (which we rarely do anymore) and he was kicked out of the club for being caught trying to use in the toilet. We argued because he ruined my night and he promised never again. He stayed clean for over 6 months. It was only when his grandad died that he really started hitting it hard. About a year ago, money started vanishing and started to put us in alot of trouble with bills/debt, but he kept denying where the money had gone, telling me he was still owed money from work (self employed scaffolder) or that he used it to buy X item which cost “more” than it actually did. Of course i believed him, i didnt want to think that he was using again. Until i caught him grinding his teeth one day and showing all the signs of being completely off his face. At christmas we basically had no money, which was very upsetting for me as it meant daughter would not get many if any presents, something i never thought i’d have to contend with. He then started giving me his wages, at least for about 3 weeks. By now it seemed he was using weekly, but only on a friday as his friday treat after work. Just before i found out i was pregnant he agreed to change his job as he felt the job was the influencing factor to his usage. He set about looking for a new job, but all the while his mental health took a nasty turn. He started crying for no reason (which is completely unlike him) having nasty nightmares about something happening to me or daughter which scared him and eventually he agreed to go to the doctors, who signed him off work for a month to allow really strong anti-depressants to get into his system. Our finances took another turn and we became flooded with debt. After returning to work his kind, loving caring nature started to disappear at the weekends again, he would just not return home, ignore or even block me on the phone and leave me wondering if he was even safe. At the end of feb, i found out i was pregnant again, and he was over the moon. His “normal” self returned he was attentive, wouldn’t even let me make myself a hot drink. Until st georges day when he went out and got absolutely smashed. He was supposed to be picking our daughter up from her after school curricular activity, but failed and meant that my dad had to go instead. We ended up in the worst argument of our relationship as i pointed out his utter lack of responsibility to our daughter, being pregnant too my hormones were everywhere, he lied down on the sofa and just told me to “F*** off” one thing led to another and he accidently hit me (waved his hand at me and it connected to my mouth) he was immediately remorseful, jumped up to comfort and help me. Unfortunately i had my 12 week scan the next day and the midwife saw my face and jumped into action. Since then things have been so chaotic with social services involvement and constantly being watched by midwives, and my husband is somewhat plagued with guilt. So plagued that he uses cocaine to cloud his disgust in himself. He seeked help and was doing well, 5 weeks clean (which was remarkable from where we were) things were returning to normal in the household and everything seemed like it was getting back on track. Then his sister (lives a distance away) was in the area and popped in. Her partner is a daily cocaine user and as you can imagine one thing led to another and husband ended up relapsing. Since then hes used every week again, and he says he wants to stop but hes so weak he cant say no. he goes to the pub to collect his weekly wages and i used to go with him, to help him avoid temptation, but now he just goes straight from work and lies and says hes stuck at work. He says that his issue is when he has a pint or two he gets the craving for coke and one thing leads to another, but now hes picking it up and bringing it home (without my knowledge) and when we put daughter to bed, he literally spends the rest of the night (9/10pm -3am) in the bathroom for long periods of time. Thats how i know hes using, but short from literally kicking down the door and causing it to wake people up… what can i do. He never leaves instruments lying around and always cleans up after himself. Its only because a few times ive noticed the little white powder drops, which ive spoken to him about and now he cleans the floor to either stop me noticing it, or to keep it clean because of daughter. He wont talk to me, he wont be honest with me and as of the last 3 weeks hes just not been returning home atall on the friday. He says “ill be 5-10 mins” on a friday and then i don't see him until saturday afternoon. He ignores me again, blocks me and the only message i'll get is i think it's best for you if i disappear. When hes sober he agrees he needs help, that he doesnt want to do it, he hates the after effects, the disappeared money to overall destructive-ness of the drug but then friday hits and we’re back to square one. I deem fridays as the “night from hell”. How can i help him? Im worried ive enabled him and i want to stop that, but he also has basically no support network other than me, im worried about his mental health and what would happen if i kicked him out. Theres times when i have told him not to come home in his state and when he sobers up he returns looking so ill. He doesnt sleep, eat and makes me worry even more about him. I have a support network that are helping me to look after me and my daughter to try and stop us taking on the problem, but when your a family unit that relies on him to bring home the bacon its very hard. Threatening him that he will lose us makes him run and hide - which in turns sends him on his coke path, but i cant just “accept” it because its not healthy for any of us. I love him very much and cannot imagine my life without him in it. I am not ready to give up on him. Our daughter is seemingly unaffected by the problems, shes always branded “a happy child” shes well looked after by me, and with my dads help she gets all attention a child could need. She also doesnt want daddy to leave, and he doesnt want to leave either. Thank you in advance for any guidance :)

Withdrawal killing both of us by

Hi there, My fiance and I have been on a health kick following his diagnosis of gout, as a result of his drinking. I was so proud of him, he managed to ditch beer completely and moved to watering down his wine. After 20 years of drinking everything, every night. Back to the doctors for a checkup and they threw him in an ambulance with rapid heartbeat and a high pulse. I was gobsmacked, we'd been at it for over a month. I figured any withdrawal was well and truly over now. Apparently not. He'd always had an anxiety disorder which over the years, had gradually increased in intensity. The isolation for weeks on end as a result of him not being able to walk with the gout, the stress of the pain and removing the alcohol which masked it, hit full throttle. Long story short, he's now at home pretty heavily sedated. On top of my full time job, I'm now a full time carer, exhausted by endless panic attacks at all times of night and the need to do absolutely everything for him. I feel terribly guilty being so drained and quite obviously depressed. I can't talk to him about it and I'm scared how I'm meant to go on paying the bills without him at work. He's completely weak, it took him 8 days to be well enough to shower himself. I just feel that our life and our relationship, is at breaking point. Anyone been through something similar?

by Aallan

5 posts

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