: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

374 threads

2733 posts

My dad by

Hi everyone, I'm just learning about asking for help and wondering if you can guide me. Also think I just need validation on my feelings. Dad's an alcoholic, I'm 36 and he has been all my life but I never knew it growing up. Parents split when I was in late teens due to drink and his physical aggression. For the past 4/5 years he has been getting worse. He lost his last job a few years ago due to drink. Many hospital visits, he drinks, panics, and calls for an ambulance. Once he even was resuscitated. I've been to his flat a couple of times in the last 18 months while he has been in hospital to clean the messes up, but it happened again a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from the local rehab team saying they were concerned as he wasn't answering his phone, police went over and he went back in to hospital. I went again to tidy and it was too much. One of my brothers had been in the day before and found tin foil. He warned me dad is now using meth and heroin. I just left. He had sold all his furniture except for a single bed and a broken chair. The weekend just gone he was moved to a halfway house as his landlord evicted him after the last binge. He would have been evicted sooner except lockdown happened. Police have been involved, community rehabilitation centres and his doctors call me when they are concerned as I'm the emergency contact even though I haven't had much in the way of contact with him over the past 2 years besides him calling/texting incoherently. I don't answer any more. My brothers and I have had enough. We have tried to help in every possible way you can imagine. Is it ok to be done? This time round I genuinely thought the phone call would be to say he has gone. I spoke to him on the phone briefly when he was in hospital, I was talking to the ward nurse and she asked if I wanted to speak to him and I felt I could not say no, and it made me feel so sorry for him and I kept thinking this is my dad I can't leave him be. But every time I hear from him it pushes me back and makes me feel low and I then want a drink. Maybe it's a genetic thing? Can that happen? I've spoken to my mum but she is very quick to turn it around on how she is feeling. Is this because she knew him as always being alcohol dependent? Our relationship is strained and she still treats me as a child who doesn't know what to do even though I am 36 with 3 beautiful children. I guess I'm just looking blindly for answers and for something to make sense. Any answers appreciated. Thank you x

1 post

Boyfriend has a cocaine addiction, how can I help? by

Hi there, I'll say now that any form of advice and support would be appreciated, as this has been stressing me out and bringing me down, so thank you in advance :) I've been seeing my boyfriend since September of 2019 and we fell in love hard and quick. He's my second ever serious relationship and after the end of my 10 year relationship in 2018, we decided to take things slow and steady. We currently live apart however, but are still able to see one another every weekend from Fri-Sun, often seeing each other Weds evenings too. He told me, a month or so into dating, that he had a cocaine issue. He was very honest, said that he uses to numb himself and only ever takes by himself, in his bedroom. He's been through a lot of loss, 5 years ago his 20 year relationship dissolved, a year later his mother passed away and a year after that (about 2 years ago now) his grandmother who he lived with also died. Her death almost ended with him being homeless and as a way of coping, he took to cocaine. Before we met, he explained, he was spiralling and taking almost every day. I regularly ask him, directly, how much he is taking now and I would say it averages out at about twice a week on the nights I don't see him. How much exactly each time, I don't know. He's assured me and I trust him on this, that he never takes it when he's spending time with me - I live with my best friend and we've both noted his behaviour is pretty consistent, no weird changes or mood swings etc. I've taken the drug a few times previously prior to the relationship and don't see any signs of its effects when I'm with him. He is on the whole, an amazing man. I can see a future with him and care for him deeply. I have stated that my hard line/boundary is that he must get professional help of some sort, as I understand this is beyond my scope and he has to do this himself. I myself have been attending therapy for the past year for anxiety/depression and I really believe in giving it proper effort, as I feel like it helps me. 2 weeks ago he contacted a local service, who he was originally in touch with just over a year ago, and they've said they'll have a therapist call him back but with COVID, there are understandable delays. I accept that this will be a long hard road with possibly multiple relapses, but I really can deal with that, as long as he's trying and getting help. I've said that to him, clearly. And he's said he hates taking it and wants to stop and believes he will; his logic being, he used to take it everyday and now manages on twice a week. I see him for 4 nights a week and it doesn't (currently) affect the kind of partner he is. He remains calm, joyful and loving, with an occasional argumentativeness which normally correlates with a comedown on the first day/evening he's here, but nothing to write home about. He has however borrowed a considerable sum from me to get a tyre clamp removed (all real, he sent pictures of the ticket etc), but his habit means he didn't have the money in the first place, despite his well-paid job, and he's paying me back but far slower than he could be. So I guess my question is, what do I do? Is this a case of getting out now while I can? Will this only get worse? How do I set my boundaries with him in this? Can me and him discuss timeframes? Any advice is appreciated x

by zozo

6 posts

He's broken my heart by

For 4 months every day and night I've been involved with a man. A man who was recovering from asuicide attempt and alcohol addiction. He is 9 months sober but hasn't had the help in my view he needs. Our relationship has been intense. Close. Loving. He's always had Alot of time for me. But due to him having chronic back pain, was on opiates and has depression it's Been like a roller coaster. I've opened up to him and he has me. I felt like he was a best friend. I've always felt abit unsure about his intentions with women though. He brought his ex up alot. It's clear he still has a foot in the door with her despite splitting up two years ago. Then he told me about a fling he had after her. He's often told me stories about women stalking him and unwanted attention. I don't know why but I trusted him. Until last week when he added another women and started liking her pictures. I asked him about it today and he absolutely blew off at me. Blocked me. Swore at me. Told me not to contact him anymore. Told me to stop looking at his friends and family on Facebook. Just was really over the top angry and nasty. I asked him to remember he owes me £150 and he said he was blocking my number too but will pay it back. This man is 47! I was so angry I decided to contact the women he claims stalks him. It turns out he's been messaging her throughout our time together and two weeks ago he started ignoring her. She's told me this is how he has always been with women. So I now know he wasn't being honest. I am absolutely gutted and emotionally exhausted. I am thinking back over the last four months. I've lent him money. Helped him set up accounts to do online shopping. I've sent him gifts when he's down. I've been there at 3am when he cant sleep. He's been telling me he loves me. Talking about a future. Then one small comment and he's blocked me in all ways. I just need to type this out as I'm at a loss. If anyone's got any advice. I'm just determined to not take him back if he gets in touch.

1 post

I feel like I’m slowly dissolving into oblivion by

It’s been seven long years that feels like forever, my boyfriend turns into an abusive monster when he drinks and I can’t take being around him any longer so now I banish him from the house if he drinks. It’s easier now that he has his own place - I don’t feel so bad for locking him out - but I still can’t shake the worry and anxiety around his drinking. I creep around the house, keep the lights low at night and feel like a prisoner. Not left the house in over a year due to shielding so even more isolated than before. He has schizophrenia as well as alcoholism - a double edged knife, that I have to balance upon when I’m around him. He has hallucinations and is very paranoid. In a way I’ve become his carer - but sometimes i feel he’s taking advantage of my good nature - I end up doing everything when he’s around just to keep the peace and to prevent him stressing out on me. He can be verbally and physically abusive, he upsets my neighbours banging down my door in the early hours and shouting like a madman. I’ve lost count the number of times the police have been called. He’s relapsed again with the drinking - he’s managed to stop for six months. But then the schizophrenia gets worse - it’s like the drink calms him down to a point until that takes over and the monster is released. He gets scarily angry in fact they are violent rages that leave me literally shaking. I can’t believe how I’ve managed to stay sane through all of it - he’s physically injured me on a number of occasions but the worst is the mental abuse and manipulation. I feel like I can’t even trust my own judgement - somehow he always manages to get back here - even though I tell myself to stay strong and don’t let him back. I don’t really have anyone else around - I’ve become like a hermit, lost good friends along the way, struggling every day. I look in the mirror and don’t recognise the sad drained face I see some days. I don’t know who I am anymore or what makes me want to live like this. Like I’m invisibly disintegrating, and no one will notice when I vanish completely. Insignificant, is how I feel. He says he loves me and wants to talk. But I think that just because he ran out of money now! I want to believe him but there is no trust. I’m afraid to end things for some reason I keep holding on not wanting to give up on him, just one last chance in a sea of chances he’s already had. I’m better when he’s not around, but lonely and scared that he will die. I want a normal life but this existence is as far from normal as you can get.

1 post

About to lose everything because of my cocaine addiction by

I'm going to try and keep this short as I've started writing on here countless times and never go through with it but I've been reading all of your posts for months. I'm 29 and have battled with cocaine addition for maybe 10 years now. In many ways I'm like 2 separate people, the person I portray who is successful, has a good career, well paid job and I have the natural ability to get along with everyone. Then the other side of me that I try to hide at all costs. I'm broke, in debt, I lie so much I can't even remember what the truth is anymore and my entire existence has become about cocaine and how I can get it. Im ashamed of who I am, there's people out there who would swear to you I am the nicest or best person they know but the truth is I am far from that. There is still a side to me that is that person and that small part I have left of the old me is how I've been able to get by for so long, by always being able to get paid well or make myself seem trustworthy. In the past 2 years I've lost my mum to cancer, my dad to a heart attack and me and my partner lost a child. In no way am I saying they are reasons for anyone to give me any sympathy because I have barely even acknowledged any of these things have happend and have used cocaine to simply block out any emotion I have felt. I now have a 3 month old daughter and Thougnt that magically when she was born I'd be able to stop but of course all I have done is distance myself from being home in order to carry on. I am heartbroken at who I have become and if I was looking from the outside in I would tell myself I am a worthless peice of shit. My daughter and girlfriend deserve so much more than who I have become but I can't seem to stop myself no matter how bad the consequences. I don't know what to expect from writing this but I can't keep living this way.

Boyfriend left me to recover by

Hi all, I need some insight into my situation because at the moment I’m lost. Doesn’t help that I have covid and am stuck in my house alone whilst going through a heartbreak so my brain is all over the place. My boyfriend ended our relationship 4 days ago, he has a drug and alcohol problem (cocaine mostly) and he has said he needs to heal himself and he isn’t ready to be anything with anyone. He has assured me there is no other reason for ending it but I can’t understand why he has ended a relationship where he himself has spoken about us being forever, marriage and kids. We had even decided to get a place together when I have to move out of mine in 2 months time. We spent a lot of time together and yes I partook in the alcohol and cocaine taking but I can take it or leave it and there were times where I would tell him I didn’t want anymore, he would carry on til it was finished. Unfortunately it was me that funded most of it and now he owes me quite a lot of money as a result. I do feel like I slightly enabled him but I have told him that it needs to slow down when we live together and if we want to start a family. Can someone please just help shed some light on why he would walk away from someone who wants him to get sober and is willing to help him anyway I can, someone he is meant to love and spend his life with?

Struggling with my husband's addiction by

I have been with my husband for 13 years. He had always smoked cannabis but, to be honest, it didn't bother me. I believed that it was a harmless drug and certainly less harmful than alcohol. However, his use increased to the point he was smoking morning, noon, and night. He then started to grow it to feed his habit. I thought rock bottom hit when the police battered down our door and I was charged alongside him, putting the job that I had worked so hard for at risk. He promised never again, but a year later he phoned to tell me not to come home from work, the police were there. Unknown to me, he had been growing a few plants in our garden shed. Looking back, I was so stupid to not realise what was going on, but ultimately the trust was broken and has never recovered. I still catch him with weed, although he no longer grows it (as far as I am aware). Just this weekend, I caught him with it. He goes on the defensive and says that it's not like he is growing it again. He doesn't understand the trauma of being flung in a police cell and charged for something you didn't do and that someone you loved put you there. Everytime he smokes, it is a kick in the teeth and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Today, for the first time in my life, I felt so down that I couldn't get out of bed. I don't know what to do.

1 post

Partner cheating and taking coke by

I’m feeling really depressed me and my partner have been together for 7 years we have a 4 year old daughter. Our life was perfect he was amazing, handsome everything I dreamed of but for the past 3 years he’s been using cocaine he admitted to me Oct 2018 after I found messages to some girl... I stayed with him and its just spiralled down hill, since then I’ve found multiple messages to random girls so I kicked him out Jan 2020, he went to his mams who isn’t the best influence and I turned up with his daughter as planned and he was asleep with some girl on the sofa, he forgot we where coming wtf! He says he only does it when he’s taken cocaine because it makes him horny and he thinks only about himself at that moment. I was heartbroken and still am because I know it’s not him, we stayed together through lockdown/covid and he’s continued taking cocaine every now and then, whenever I catch him out he’s genuinely remorseful crying begging me to stay with him and that me and our daughter are all he wants he doesn’t know why he does these awful things when he’s had coke... I don’t know what to think I’m so depressed and feel so alone I’m sick of venting to my friends I feel like I just repeat myself, I’m so embarrassed this is still going on after all this time! He’s currently working away and I’ve found loads of emails of him trying to have a one night stand I can’t believe it again!!!! I’ve told him I know and he’s crying saying he regretted signing up he wasn’t going to do anything he was just horny and being a creep.. he said he felt sick after and was looking at photos of me thinking why am I doing this blah blah.... wtf do i do I know I need to leave him but I love him so so much I just want the old him back :( I want my daughter to have her dad around I worry what he’ll do without me as his own dad died from drugs. Sorry for the long paragraph I have so much to get off my chest :(

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