: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

98 threads

687 posts

Don’t know what to do for the best by

Hi everyone I’m new to the site and desperate to find other people going through the same/similar thing to me right now. When I met my husband 5 years ago he was honest with me fairly early on that he was on a methadone script, naively I thought that meant he wouldn’t use again. I had not been around drugs before and had no clue what I would be dealing with. After the first year of our relationship I found out that he had used twice in that time, again I stupidly thought that was manageable. He was then clean, barring his script for two years, we got engaged and started to plan our wedding. Then about 6 months before the wedding he told me he wanted to use (he had always let me deal with our finances so it was one less temptation for him). My husband gets very bad social anxiety so the stress of the wedding was his excuse to use. So I gave in and gave him money but only after he got on my case for over an hour cos I couldn’t take the attitude he was giving me. He promised that this would just be the once (like we all haven’t heard something along those lines right?), fast forward and he is using on a regular basis and is really hard to be around. He tells me that it’s my fault he is using again and everyday he tries to tell me “today is the last day” but I’ve heard it too much now to believe him. I kept his drug history from my friends and family because I was respectful of his privacy so now I feel totally isolated and don’t know what to do. I work a full time stressful job and he is “looking” for work meaning I am the only breadwinner and he is using so much we are broke. I don’t know what to do for the best.

by MCmed

10 posts

Back home by

After 6 months of very little contact with our son he has split up from his partner and is back home with us. Very mixed feelings. No mention of why he has split. Anyway his behaviour today has been very erratic. He has been sniffing all day in a really grosse way. At times he has been excessively loud and over the top. What makes this seem worse is that he has had both his kids at our house today. We have been here before and we are obviously thinking he is up to his previous ways i.e. taking Cocaine. Are we just being paranoid?

by DNAnon

3 posts

Dying abroad by

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation. My brother is an alcoholic and lives in Holland..For this last few years I've known his health has been deteriorating badly..I've constantly asked him over the years to set up an account so we can bring his body home when he dies..He had a considerable sum of money a few years ago and was receiving a wage, so I assumed he could afford to put some by as the cost of repatriation is huge and felt it was his responsibility to prepare for this..However, nothing was ever done and he continually ignored the subject..To cut a long story short, I've now been told hes very I'll and has been admitted to hospital..He was told a couple of years back he needed B12 injections as his balance had gone but later found out he told a friend he wasn't taking them as he couldn't drink.He drinks from dawn to dusk every day,his memory has gone,his eyesight is terrible,he barely eats and is bone thin and his hygiene is bad. This has worried me for years and now I think hes not far from death.I have no idea what to do if he dies.He insists he wants his body to be brought home to the UK but has obviously given no thought to the distress he is causing and has caused..I go from so angry and frustrated to so sad to watch him just throw his life away..I don't have the funds to get him home never mind bury him. Was wondering if anyone has gone through this and could give me some advice please. Thank you

by

2 posts

Cocaine addiction by

I need to talk about my cocaine addiction with someone who is struggling to kick the habit as I am. I am so desperate to stop it as it is ruining my life and was going that talking to people in the same boat or even not would be a good way of distracting myself when I do feel the need to use it and actually face it at the same time instead of continually lying to myself and convincing myself that it’s not that bad or finding an excuse to actually use it. I get nothing good from it only a buzz when I first start. I’m so desperate to stop using cocaine before it completely ruins my life ???? I would be grateful if anyone could talk to me and give me some tips on how to change my thought processes and convince myself that I don’t actually want to abuse it ????

Can’t take his drug addiction anymore by

Been with my partner now for over 12 months and he hid his addiction from me at first but now I now he addicted to heroin, told me over the months he not going to take the deadly stuff anymore because he loves me and wants our relationship to work coz he got nothing with me ...... which he hasn’t . He is 47 and got a horrible flat with not furniture and nothing in it x But he told me today his urges are to overwhelming that he got to use again!! I work full time and I pay for everything for him even the roof over his head and he doesn’t give me a penny from his universe credit. I’ve give him chance after chance for him to give his addiction up and I’d even support him though it but still not good enough, so even thou I love him to bits I can not be with him anymore x I feel so sad and alone as I’ve hid his addiction from family and friends x ????

Wife secret drinking by

I don’t know where to turn, no one to talk to, would appreciate some views, don’t know what to do. Together 20 years, early 40’s, 2 beautiful kids, very well paid job, wife at home, foreign holidays, no debt, not even a mortgage. Things ought to be pretty good. A couple of years ago, pretty much to the day, I discovered my wife was secretly drinking. She’d always liked a drink, but this was startlingly heavy, I calculated about 150 units p/w. I raised this with her, said she had to get some help and supported her through some brief counselling. Since then she has continued to drink pretty much every night, just a glass of wine or a beer, saying she has it under control, likes a drink to unwind. However, I have found on more than one occasion that she has been drinking during the day too, and she certainly always goes for it on social occasions. I have confronted her 3 or 4 times more over the last couple of years, and each time she says it isn’t a problem, or I’m to blame, or she denies it. Last summer I raised it and she said I was controlling, that she wanted to get a job, to have her own money etc and that I was the reason she needed to drink. I tried to adapt, I even started giving her £500 every month in cash to spend on herself, whatever she wanted, no questions asked. That stopped in February when I found she was secretly drinking again (clearly the cash wasn’t helping). Last night I came home from work to find her acting suspiciously, usual hallmarks of her drinking, she was cooking the dinner but could barely string a sentence together, wouldn’t look me in the eye. Then I found an empty water bottle in a kitchen cupboard which still had a few drops of wine in the bottom. She’d been out shopping that day (driving) and my guess is that she’d taken it with her. I’ve caught her doing this twice before (with vodka previously). I discovered last night’s bottle after dinner when she was about to drive one of my children to an event. I took over, and when I got back I handed her the empty bottle and asked for an explanation. She tried to act surprised but had nothing to say. We nearly split a couple of months ago when, again, I discovered she was secretly drinking although she denied it. Indeed we agreed to separate, but we had a big holiday all booked and didn’t want to let the kids down. We arrived back this weekend and we had a great time. Everything seemed ok but looking back she did drink every day. Usually a couple of large pinots during the meal, plus maybe a beer or 2 beforehand and maybe a glass or 2 of wine afterwards. But she was on holiday, so it’s not unusual to have a few drinks is it and I didn’t want to spoil things or be criticised for trying to control her. Despite all this, she seems to function ok, rarely has a hangover, you can’t easily tell she’s even had a drink a lot of the time. It’s not as if she is aggressive or ‘drunk’ as such, which does make me question whether I am overplaying this. And I’m pretty confident that she has completely stopped for a few weeks at a time, so maybe she does have control over it. She certainly won’t admit there is a problem, won’t talk to me about it, won’t seek help. Probably the worst it’s got for me is a year or so ago when I found she was hiding vodka in one of my kids bedroom (after I’d found her other hiding places) or when I stopped her driving one of my kids to a party with vodka in her handbag (she swore she was taking it with her to get rid of it). I’m seriously thinking about leaving, but I don’t want to leave my children. She’s a great mum, they love her dearly, and they’re very settled at home, so I wouldn’t want to disturb that situation. But it means I would be the one moving out, living on my own. I’d also not want other people to know the reasons so as to protect her and the kids, which probably means people would not understand and ostracise me. Either way, the future looks pretty bleak. Occasionally I think about ending my life but not seriously, I love my kids too much. I think I’ve been pretty calm and patient with her. I’ve generally spoken in soft terms, tried to reflect an understanding of what she might be going through, but I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to feel angry. I was so annoyed last night. After I showed her the bottle and she didn’t have an explanation I didn’t say anything more, just avoided her and slept downstairs. It is now nearly 8pm the next day, I’m still in the office and I don’t want to go home any more. Am I missing something here? Is there something I should be doing? I know there are always 2 sides to a story. I must be at fault somehow, at least partly, but I don’t know what to do for the best.

New to the forum by

Hello everyone I'm new to this forum and was looking to find some people to talk to about my situation who are going through the same thing as well to maybe get some help or advice about well anything really.. I've been addicted to coke for nearly a year now had been doing it before that but only on weekends or nights out then it obviously spiraled out of control.. just wanted to see if there was anyone here I could just have a chat with really. Thanks

by Hox

16 posts

Help PLEASE by

Desperate need for advise, I feel like I’m going insane. So my boyfriend of a year drinks and does cocaine. This happens about 3-4 times and week and it’s excessive. Everytime he does this it gets to a certain point of the evening and he will ignore my texts, calls etc this happens on a regular basis. When confronted the next day he will say he started to prang out so ignored me. Yesterday for example he said he was leaving his mates and he will text when home, I said “ok cool I’ll call you” then surprise surprise nothing. I asked him this morning and he said he didn’t text because then I’d call and he was paranoid due to the coke. Now this all seems like pure shit to me. I’ve told him just to text saying home or he is paranoid etc etc. Is he bullshitting me and up to something else because something isn’t sitting right. HELP any advise please

Help me understand cocaine addiction please. by

Last year on july 2018 my couple start saying I had cheated on him ... I came home and one day found cocaine on the table, now after that he said he had been using it for two years, he had always smoked weed and drink.. at least ome drink a day.... Anyways. On july last year everything went to hell , he treated me horrible, came home inspecting all my clothes saying I had cheated, he would even inspect every wall with a flashlight and say that I had cleaned marks. Is this normal when you are under cocaine influence , I have cero idea of how to deal with this. Please share anything ...