: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

Drugs, alcohol and mental health

374 threads

2733 posts

Newly separated from alcoholic partner, struggling!! by

Hi, I'm new on here and to be honest, never thought I'd need to here. I've been with my partner 10yrs, lived the tireless life of lies, deceit, debt( caused by him), guilt, hidden bottles, drink driving, police coming to the house as kids were terrified on a couple of occasions- you get the jest? And the final straw came 2 weeks ago when he was found drunk in our local town at lunchtime, I picked him up, packed his stuff and told him I can't do this anymore. My depression and anxiety is through the roof, I've had to take time of work, I work nights and my eldest child would ring on every one of my night shifts scared and crying as my partner would be drunk in charge of the kids, which then affected my ability to do job. I feel angry that I still love him dearly, the sober version of him anyhow, Have I made the right decision ? I'm struggling with my guilt. I keep telling myself, this is what he needs realisation of what hes lost. He says he wants to stop, and Is seeking help, but then I get the phone calls where I know hes had a drink but hes trying to act sober. I'm trying to be positive but after losing all my trust through the years of lies, and me believing ( stupidly) his words of, I'm cutting down, I'm sorry for what I'm putting you all through etc it's hard to see a way forward, I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope I stop feeling so shit for not being able to stop this, it's so heartbreaking.

Cocaine has wrecked mental health by

My brother has been battling cocaine addiction for years now and it's completely wrecked both his physical and mental health, to the point where he has psychosis. I find it really scary - he can completely lose touch with reality and have horrible delusions. He really isolates himself in these episodes, and between that and lockdown I've not had much contact with him. On the rare occasions I do hear from him I panic if his name comes up on my phone because I assume it will be an odd message, a request for money or bad news. Is there anyone who has experienced this with a relative and come out the other side? He's got a mental health nurse assigned to him, but he refuses treatment and won't go to appointments, so there's only so much we can do. It's hard to tell now how much is the coke and how much is mental health. I don't know if this is just it now for the long term and he will always be ill, or if he can stay sober and his mind will 'normalise.' It's just a horrible situation and I don't see it getting better any time soon.

1 post

Will it ever get better? by

As I’ve posted before, I live with my addicted fiancé. He keeps promising to change and I keep believing it and then he will sneak off and get drunk. I can’t stop being suspicious that he is drunk and I can’t stop myself from questioning tiny things like if he’s chewing gum. I won’t deny he’s much better than he was but I don’t know if I can continue to live this way. Will it ever become easier to trust him or can you never trust an addict even if they are attempting to recover?

by HolKat

2 posts

Sister who does drink and drug binges by

Hi, since she was 14 (she’s now 25) she’s gone from home to home and stayed with me and just about every member of our family, refused drug counselling, support or to admit she’s got a problem. Today ( after a “good” few months she forgot she was supposed to see me and what day it was. I found her in her shithole apartment with left over drugs everywhere, she had broken her hand in a drug fuelled rage, she was a mess. And I feel hopeless. Me & family have done all we can, it’s me and aunts/uncles, there’s no mum and dad, no other siblings. I have my own family. I can’t do this again with her. I just want her to get help. I don’t know what to do.

Cocaine addiction. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? by

I have been with my partner for almost 2 years & a few months ago we moved into our first home together. I was aware of his cocaine addiction fairly early on in the relationship but didn't realise how much it was consume our lives. Earlier on in the relationship he would disappear all evening/night and I wouldn't hear from him at all. He wouldn't answer texts or phone calls. And then would tell me he was "sleeping". He had told me at this point that he once had an addiction but was clean. I even defended him when he told me his parents thought he was relapsing. In the next couple of months I developed a close relationship with his mum & she broke down one evening and told me he is using & even after a 6 week stint in rehab (before we met) never really stopped. She decided she couldn't cope anymore or help him so she kicked him out of the house. I was so inlove that I allowed him to come move in with me. This was when I started to witness the extent of his addiction.. he would come home after disappearing for hours suffering from severe psychosis & would be frantically pacing the house for hours. To witness this absolutely tore me apart. He refused rehab again because he claims if it didn't work the first time that there's no point. He started therapy but only had 3 sessions and said it wasn't helping. I was at a loss. He started exercising & really looking after himself after I told him I was at breaking & he was clean for 2 months. A house come up that we both loved & he said we should go for it .. I expressed my concern about his addiction & he agreed that I'd be in full control of the finances so he wouldn't have access to money for cocaine. We moved in. And for another month he was clean and doing well.. And then he relapsed. Id come home from work and sometimes he wouldn't be home. Other times he would be pacing around the house due to psychosis. His recently agreed to try therapy again. And up until last week was 5 weeks clean. Can therapy alone really help him?! His never been abusive or horrible to me whilst using. He uses so much that I don't think he even realises I'm there half the time. I just need to know that I'm not in a never ending cycle. I need to know that therapy can help him beat this? :(

by Dot

6 posts

Gentle Encouragement by

My Boyfriend has had issues with his drinking for years and has finally decided to get professional support. I have my made phone calls and researched on his behalf but when it comes to actually talking to these people and making appointments he backs out. I know this is all very scary and I can't imagine the anxiety he must be feeling but what can I do to help him take this step? I will not and have never forced him to do anything he is not comfortable with but I can see his drinking getting worse and worried it will get a point of no return. How can I help him?

by BrettT

2 posts

Crack Addicted Mum by

Please can someone offer me some advice? I cut my mum out of my life about 6 months ago... she has always been a bad alcoholic (I have tried all my life to help her to no avail and finally realised there was nothing I could do to help). Her drinking was destroying my own life and my mental health and relationship with my partner so I cut her off. She came into some money recently (not good news at all when the person is an addict) and she has gone from bad to worse. I heard today she is now addicted to crack cocaine and it has completely destroyed me. I can't stop thinking about her sat there getting high, smoking crack... she's my mum and I am so angry at her and it hurts so much... what can I do to try and get over this/stop thinking about this? She's 60 years old for god's sake.... Please can someone offer some advice because I am driving myself insane and it is affecting my life again... Thank you

Wife is a secret drinker by

Hi all, my wife is a secret drinker to the point that it's become difficult to be with her any more. She drinks not to get blind drunk but is one of those people who when she drinks the next morning she don't get a hangover, but over the past several years it's becoming more and more difficult to be with her, I can tell when she drinks because her demeanour changes and she turns from a loving caring woman to a hateful argumentative bitch who verbally abuses me. Her family, daughters and myself have all tried to tell her, she just tells them to mind their business. When I ask her about the drinking she either denies it, lies or just avoids the subject. Last week when I noticed she had been drinking vodka (because she slurring her words) she told me if I didn't like it I could leave as she doesn't have a problem. Like others here I have tried to help her, tried to support her but it's not working. I have a good paying job which I put all of my wages into a joint account every month, I tell her the money is for her/us to use to live so it's not I don't support her financially or emotionally. She doesn't earn a lot and I feel as a husband it's in me to help which I do. I have now told her it's either the drinking or me, the next time I find her drunk I'm out as I am fed up of playing this game where I now feel like I'm wasting my life. If I do leave I would leave with nothing, no where to live and literally the clothes on my back and my car as a home. It's her home and I would never take it as she struggled to buy it for years. Am I being nasty or selfish in doing this or should I just tough it out, but how long do I have to put up with this behaviour. If it was me then I am sure something would have been done years ago. The longer it goes on the less I love her, she is not the woman I married 5 years ago and is slowly turning into a drunk who I don't want to be around. I'm so fed up and it's making me depressed and to the point I'm making excuses to stay in work for fear of what or who I will meet at home. Thanks.

by Sapphy

2 posts

Stuck by

I am sitting here now my husband passed out on the couch (bottle of whisky in hand) it’s 8:30am. The reason is apparently lockdown and what else does he have to do. I have been with my husband for nearly ten years, he has always used cocaine “recreationally” and I knew this before I said yes to marrying him. For years we have done the same cycle one minute he loves me the next he’s telling me all the stuff he’s done for me and how I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. I can’t be intimate with him anymore because of all the past horrendous ordeals he’s put me through, the words he has said to me, comparing me to more “fun” people I feel broken, alone and my guard is firmly up. But I can’t leave, I can’t seem to let go because I love the lovely man who I know is deep inside. But am I making it worse by staying? I believe I have ptsd now I know I have anxiety my heart races all the time, what mood will he be in, will he care about me today, what state will he be in when he comes home, will he even make it home? I’m so worried that my behaviour now is making him worse. I don’t want either of us to be unhappy but I can’t seem to bring myself to make the change becuase I don’t want to give up on him or us. He tells me he doesn’t care, does he mean that or am I not being supportive enough. I will never forgive myself if something happened to him because I left or because I stayed.

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