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13722 posts

Relapsed after 4 month by

So the last month has probably been the worst in my life. I relapsed about a month ago after 4 month clean. It started because I was in agony with pain in my shoulders and I started taking pain killers which were making me happy. Taking them more than I should. I've stopped now. But I think this led to me relapsing. I went out all night. Came home had a big argument with my gf and I was horrible and calling her every name under the sun. She packed my bags and kicked me out after 12 years. I'm now living in shared accom, untill I get a flat. My mum said I can go hers but I don't get on with my dad. It's all my fault. This stuff ruins life's and family's. It's turned me into something I am not. I've lost my sponsor now and I'm looking for a new one. But we are still good mates, and I am going to my 1st face to face meeting today as I need to beat this so much. I was just going to avoid coming on here, I let alot of people down, mainly myself. My kids seen me in the madness and I have to live with this all my life now. But this site helps me and I need to beat this addiction, disease. So I'm back and I'm not going to give up.

5 years in by

So I’m 5 years in, I’ve been his rock, paid his debts, I ran the house and worked while he spent our money on a range of drugs, He led us both down that path but it wasn’t for me, I got out. We hung on to each other through 3 miscarriages, I thought we wanted the same thing But when corona hit he was in a downward spiral already, moved out and back to his mums where he and his best friend have spent almost every other day since getting wasted on beer and cocaine. I was pregnant again, I fell apart when he left but I found strength and got help, I got into counseling and dragged myself out of depression, this time and I think because I was finally away from the stress of his screaming and anger I had a beautiful baby girl - she’s the love of my life!! And I’m the best me I’ve ever been. I’m far from perfect but I’m happy, I’m kind and I’m the best mummy. I think I always felt guilty so doing that stuff never sat with me well, and until I met him I had no clue or interest in it so I guess I had a lucky escape. I was always aware of the waste of money and how dirty I’d feel if my family found out. He was high the whole time, even the night before I had her, Skip to now, I love him! I really do! I couldn’t hate him if I tried!, that would make this all so much easier. But no change, Always an excuse, It’s football! It’s darts! It’s my day off! He spends his wages the month before on tick, and betting and beer and then expects people to feel sorry for him that he’s broke but no one knows where his money is going but me, he skips food for 3 or more days at a time, I helped him put weight on but he’s back to skin n bones, am I the only one who sees it? I see him maybe once a week so he can see our baby and he cries that he misses us but then follows it up by collecting his friend and doing more. He drives my car because I want to help him and he needs to work, I buy him a meal if we go out when I see him, I encourage him to be around baby in the hope he will make some effort to curb his addiction. He’s living at his mothers still, the slightest thing sends him on a crazy screaming crying and ranting thing. Last night again, I had no idea he had left me and gone straight home to do that, i sent a text just asking why after such a lovely day together and why so quick as it had only been around half an hour, he lost the plot! Screaming and crying and punching, he called me in the middle of it, his friend was with him, watching him, I could hear his mum in the background begging him to calm down. It scares me that he can’t see how crazy this all is! That his friend just watches on!! And his mum thinks it’s just beer! She blames me, thinking I’m the one winding him up, she has no clue that it’s cocaine that’s twisting his brain. And today I wake up feeling so lost, I cry over him, I want him back but I’m scared he will never stop! We watched a man he knew and didn’t like become homeless and beg in our town, we watched him walk the streets shouting and then we saw the headlines when he was found dead a year later. He won’t even think about how this will be him. I’m scared for him, I love him, I don’t want to walk away and leave him with nothing to live for but he shows no signs of even trying. He said he misses me and our baby but I no the routine, he’s on a 2 day cycle and it’s destroying him. He even considers his dealers as close friends. I no there is no hope, I just wish I had a friend who I could confide in that could hug me right now as I’m mourning a beautiful man that’s killing himself.

Telling family about husband's cocaine addiction by

Hi, My husband is a cocaine addict. He was clean for two years but relapsed three months ago due to the pressures of the pandemic. We just got married three weeks ago. I have been aware of if his addiction for a long time and so it is not new information to me. Since his relapse he has been massively suffering with his mental health and has developed really severe anxiety. This is having a large effect on our life and what we are able to do and not do. As part of his recovery he has told his family about his addiction so that they are able to understand better and support him. I made the decision so far to not tell my parents. The reason for this is that they have been facing a lot of adversity themselves and I don't want to add to their worry but they are also struggling to understand why my husband is the way he is right now, like what his triggers for the anxiety were and also why he does not want to take anxiety medication (he is worried about getting addicted to it). I don't know what to do for the best. My husband would like them to know as he feels like in order to be himself they need to know this part of him. I am scared of worrying them, hurting them and also of them judging my husband as they might struggle to understand that addiction is an illness and may turn against him. Please can anyone who has been in similar situations give me some advice on how you think I should move forward with this? Thanks for your support.

1 post

Codeine Addict Needs Tapering Advice by

I've been reading messages on this forum and have found the strength to deal with my addiction (so far) but none of my friends or family know and I desperately need some advice now I'm getting towards the end of my taper. I've been using codeine for 14 years and have tapered from 64 Nurofen Plus a day (=820mg) to 12 (=150mgs). But..... I'm terrified of withdrawal, it's the restless legs at night and insomnia that I just can't cope with. I'm aware of the non physical symptoms I'll also have to deal with, I've experienced anxiety, depression and feeling flat but have managed these ok so far. My question is at what dose should I be able to stop without experiencing any physical symptoms? Each Nurofen Plus has 12.8mg of codeine. Could I stop when I get down to 4 a day or should I take myself right down to 1 a day first? The ibruprofen has ruined my health, I now have a kidney disorder called Renal Tubular Acidosis and have been an inpatient on high dependency wards several times (one step down from intensive care) I also have deep stomach ulcers which have also resulted in many inpatient stays, if I can help anyone by talking or sharing anything I'm happy to, just ask. X

Theresa by

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

by JEM

868 posts

How I found out the truth by

My husband had a hidden crack addiction My gut instinct was telling me something was off but he was so loving I kept putting it aside. Then I got sent sent a video of him doing crack at an exes house by her daughter. I kept quiet so I could try and find out the whole picture and that was so incredibly hard; I was absolutely devastated,I was completely broken. He used to be so awful about her to me so I knew he would never talk or tell me truth / he was already hiding too much. Truth I found out is the only thing a crackhead doesn’t do. Any pills or drugs yes; but truth loyalty - forget it. So I put a tracker on his van (iTrack) really easy to use (I am no techy) I bought it from Halfords and you pay a small annual subscription; an app on the phone you can see exactly what’s going on. It was easy to recharge it - I used to do it once a week when he came back off a bender and passed out and then back under the seat before he woke up! without it I would still be being fed BS in the dark whilst he lied his face off. I would literally watch him criss crossing the town scoring and running dealers around as he slipped in to full addiction. He would be parked in lay-bys when he should have been at work Round crack houses when he should have been at work Spent nights driving round getting up to all sorts I know it wasn’t right but it helped me realise what a lying devil he was He would lie straight to my face and not bat an eyelid The hardest part was staying calm I know it sounds extreme to go to these lengths But I felt like I was going mad and I wanted to know the truth and I didn’t want to waste anymore of my life and I desperately needed to know the real truth so it could set me free

1 post

We can’t stand by and see him with no money for food by

My stepson is a drug user and me and his dad have been trying to help him manage his money so his 4 weekly wage is paid to us. When he gets paid we take out for his rent ( which we pay to make sure he has somewhere to live) send money to his ex for his daughter and then send him money each week for his food. Last week when he got paid a large amount went to a drug bill which left him hardly anything for food until he is paid again. Every month he owes money - in the past we have paid his debts and each time said it is the last time & he promises he is not using etc etc. We can’t believe a word he says now. We are going to take him food but what we are really doing is paying for the drugs in a round about way. It is such a dilemma - we are taking him food to make us feel better but is this the right thing to do ? We have tried to get him to seek help via GP and a drug charity - he said he had an appointment etc etc but that turned out to be a lie.

by JJ30

3 posts

Don’t know what to do by

My Brother in law is using cocaine and I think has been for some time. He has now lost his house and is living with his mum who is in her eighties. He is in his fifties with now job and sponging of his mum and she is now running out of funds. I know he is using as I recently caught him in a lay-by, asleep in his car with cocaine on his lap in a small tray, and he was totally spaced out and struggling to open his eyes and talk. When challenged he denies he has a problem. He recently went to see his daughter who was celebrating her 21st birthday and his mother gave him £20 to give to her and when he got there he told her that he had to spend the money on petrol, he lies so much I don’t believe this was true. His mother is also in denial that there’s a problem. My question is has anyone else been in a similar situation and can tell me a way of convincing him that he has a problem and needs help.

1 post

AH by

Hi- I don’t know what to do! My husbands a hard working man and gives me all the money to pay everything. Am I being petty or not ? He likes a drink most nights whether it’s few cans or sometimes none. Come weekend he takes cocaine regularly and has done for many years. He is always happy, never takes time off work and can’t see the coke habit being a problem. He says it’s what most people do on a weekend ( it’s just like having a few drinks). I don’t agree and want him to stop it but he said he won’t. I feel like I’m stuck in limbo .... what should I do?


3 posts

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