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1874 threads

9830 posts

I dont know how to stop listening with my heart by

Hi.im new to this group.my son is 27 years old and addicted to painkillers and drink.hes lived with his dad from the age of 21 and he kicked him out about 6 months saying he couldn't cope and had got to stand in his own two feet.my son has got somewhere to live but won't stick at a job.at the moment I've been giving him money for rent and food.and so has my mum.i just feel so guilty he will be homeless.he self-harming and talks about killing himself.he wint get any help.my husband.whos an alcoholic in recovery wont have him living with us.which is fair enough.its his sobriety.But I cant decide between them and I shouldnt have to.im growing resentful of my husband but logical I totally understand what he's saying.he has said when my son is ready to talk and ask for help he will be the first one there for him.last month I wouldnt give my son any money for his rent.maiy because I'm skint.and I nearly ended up killing myself.i took an insulin overdose then had to eat loads when I realised what an idiot I was being.and then I gave him the money because the thought of him on the streets upsets me so much.How do I keep thinking so much with my heart.this is making me so ill.i know he has to hit rock bottom but I dont know how to deal with it.ive had counsilling for it and it hasn't work.Everything they have said I agreed with.i wake up thinking about him until I go to bed.i work within the police which I dont think helps.any advice defo welcome

Cocaine addict boyfriend by

Hi all, I want to start by saying I really hope someone can give the advice I need to hear and can provide reassurance for how I will feel knowing that the actions that may need to be taken will hurt some feelings. The background story is I met my currently ex-boyfriend around this time last year. We were first year college students and I know that he wanted to try drugs mainly for the experience but obviously he didn't think it would come to this. Around May of this year i saw a complete decline in his mental health as him and his friends had, as a group, become addicted to drugs such as weed and cocaine. I didn't fully recognise the problem until he had moved home for the summer and began taking it at home in bed or at family events where it was more than unnecessary. This is when i realised he had stopped taking it for fun and began to depend on it. I called him out on it and he got defensive but weeks later told me he was scared of what he was becoming and the affect it was having. Now 5 months later I know he doesn't go more than 3 days without taking it, His mental health has plummeted and he has mental health related issues before the addiction began. I know he's completely lost touch with himself and it scares me. It became so bad that we broke up as he understood he needed to work on himself and get better but his friends have only made it worse as they cant see the problem with their usage. I've come here to this forum as I know I'm the only one who cares enough about him to want to do something. His parents and brother are unaware of the problem entirely and i think my first option is to at least talk to his brother if not his mother and suffer that he may hate me for this. I cant get through to his friends that it has changed and ruined such an amazing person. I know he is in at least 800 euro debt and 400 is from last night alone as I know he was taking coke and he later broke down to me as he is scared of it all and i cant see him this way. I want to help him. I want to see him better and I will take the fall if it means i get to see him healthy some day again. He means the world to me but i have somehow lost this boy to addiction along the way and i want to help him out seems as his friends are too shitty to do so. All advice and help is greatly appreciated.

1 post

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, its making me and my family ill by

Hi All. I have come on here as nobody really understands how this feels. I have a great partner and best friend but they just really don't 'get it'. My brother is a severe alcoholic. He is 34 years old and has been drinking since his late teenage years to help with his severe lack of confidence. He thought it helped because it made him more confident when really, he was still that sad lonely person inside. One of my brothers had a brain tumour which caused years of heart ache and pain in the family. 6 years after being diagnosed he passed away. This tore our family apart. This only made him worse and he ending losing his job, his driving license and most importantly his girlfriend. He suffers with childhood trauma and blames my parents for this. My parents love him so much and have tried countless times to help him even if admittedly they may have got it wrong in the past. Around 2 and half years ago, my brother was on deaths door. He FINALLY admitted to needing help and ended up in rehab doing the 12 step process. We felt like there was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. Unfortunately, after just over the 1 year dry mark, he relapsed. We managed to get him back into rehab for a short while and he was dry again. However, we keep telling him until he gets help from a mental health professional, he will always resort to alcohol. Sadly, this became true again and he has relapsed once again. He is extremely suicidal and thinks he is absolutely worthless and feels there is no point at all him being here. He is also prone to getting really angry and shuts absolutely everyone he cares for out of his life. He later regrets this and says he doesn't know why he done it only for it to happen again very soon. I can't sleep at night because i am so stressed and its effecting everything in my personal life. All i have ever wanted in life is for my family to be happy but its one hurdle after another. And after his 3rd time relapsing i truly dont think there is anything else we can do.We have tried everything. It is beyond heartbreaking. I feel like it is inevitable that i am going to lose yet another brother. And i dont think my other brother will cope if he passes away as he is very fragile. I know this is no place for judgement so i know this is something that i can say on here but after so so many years, as guilty as it makes me feel, i sometimes think 'i wonder if it would be better if the inevitable happens'? I love him so much but i truly just dont know how to stop his pain anymore. Thank you for this safe place to be able to air this. I am glad i've come across this forum.

Theresa by

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

by Ivy

277 posts

Feeling lost - husband drug binging by

Hi, It's my first time trying to reach out to get some help and advice and I don't really know where to start.. I've been with my husband for over 12 years, and he's always smoked weed which i have not had any issues with, as it didn't affect him negatively, however 2 years ago just before we got married is when the problems really started. He'd gone out it in the evening to buy some weed and several hours had passed without any contact, I called and there was no response which was unlike him. I kept trying all night worried that he'd been in an accident or worse... He turned up at lunch time the next day apologising for dissappearing and "falling asleep at a friend's house" and promised it wouldn't happen again.. Stupidly I believed him The problem is he's been doing this for over 2 years now, disseapearing when he feels like and only contacting me when he needs money and then promising me it won't happen again, and we are going around in this never ending, and quite frankly deeply heartbreaking loop and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't trust him what so ever and every time he disseapeas it affects me too because I'm worried sick and can't concentrate on anything else. He's either having Coke or Crack binges which completely changes his personality and I feel awful for enabling him to do it when I end up giving his cards back to him, and if I don't, I don't know how he would react with me in that state. This is really affecting the trust in our relationship as well as my mental health, trying to help him whilst doing a full time IT management job and a degree, it's impossible. I know it's not about me and I feel awful for even writing this, I just don't know what to do, and I've tried to help and just failing at everything. I'm 34 and already have issues that make it harder to have children, and to be honest my environment at home is no place to bring up kids, and what's happening with him and our relationship is not helping, and personally I don't think I'll ever become a mum as a result, and that hurts more than anything Sometimes I want to just leave and then i remember all those times he's stuck by me and decide to stay because I don't want to take the easy way out, I love him so much and hate to see him doing this to himself.. But he keeps doing it anyway :(

I don’t know what to do any more. by

Hello, I’m writing as I really am at my wits end. My son is a heroin addict. He has just come off the phone and for the first time in six years I have left him to his own devices. I have refused him shelter or money. He is in a really bad way, but so am I. I have become too ill to go to work or function properly and for the first time in many years I now realise that if I don’t try to look after myself, then I probably won’t be around for much longer. I’ve burned out all contact with family except for my mother. Not because they didn’t care; at first. Because they don’t understand. Does anybody? I was about to phone the samaratans, then noticed this group . I’m reaching out for any support possible/available. The pain is unbearable. Thanks for listening.

by Ivy

19 posts

Will I ever trust him? by

Hello, I am seeking advice as I truly don’t know where else I can turn. I have been with my husband for 10 years and happily married for 3. I have always believed I was a bit of a ‘paranoid person’ and just ever so sensitive to when people are telling the truth to me. I’ve always had a vibe! Too many times to recount, I have questioned my husband as to whether he has taken cocaine when drinking, he has always utterly denied it and made me feel so comforted by his lies. To the point where I feel silly for questioning him.... but my internal vibe has been screaming not to listen. 6 weeks ago I discovered a bag of cocaine in my bedroom, when I questioned my husband he immediately shot me with ‘it’s not mine!!’ To which I then had to remind him that only him, me and my three sleeping children were in the house. He then admitted everything, he opened up and told me it’s an addiction. That the debt that we are in is due to this secret addiction and that it happens nearly every weekend in the comfort of our home whilst I’m sleeping after a hard week of work. Fast forward 6 weeks, he has stopped, is getting therapy and has been put on antidepressants by our GP. I am supporting him and saying all the right things, but I am angry!! I do not trust a single word he says, he has the ability to lie so easily that it scares me! I feel my whole marriage has been a lie, I feel all the times we have been away, all the evenings when I have been asleep everything we have done together has been tainted now by this memory of ‘he was off his head anyway!’ All the times I have asked and begged for the truth, I know I would still be utterly clueless had I not found it. He lied to his boss this morning about sleeping in for work and I genuinely was shocked at how easy he found it to lie!! We have booked onto marriage counselling but the wait is 10 weeks. I feel totally like the betrayal has taken over and my happy marriage bubble has gone forever. Will I ever trust him again?

by Sk21

3 posts

I still denying his situation with cocain by

I have read several of you and am anesthetized. I met him 3 months ago, the second time he was at my house, he spoke of the dysfunctional family, alcoholic brother, rich but uncontrolled parents, that his uncles say that him and his brothers' harm was that they had been given everything, spoiled. He said he was trying to quit something, that he had erased the guy's phone, and I asked: I use powder ... cocaine, 5 years now, he has 40. When we slept, I noticed that he has spasms in his arms, legs, head, that he breathes really bad and that he has too much nose and a lot of throat discharge. He is very loving, too polite, he talks too much about himself, the things he knows about me, I wanted to tell.  Whenever we saw each other at my house, I insisted that he go there, I went to his house once when his brother was out, but he introduced me to his brother one day.  He told his mom about me, they are from another city, she said she didn't have faith.  The aunt also saw us together. In these 3 months, several problems at work, because he always tired, forgotten, disorganized.  He gave me sexual disease  (tricho) of some girl who stayed months before, I did and paid for the treatment for both of us, now only with protection. I'm having a lot of patience as he always says. He has only dated 2 women until today and was many years ago, like 10 (I believe that before cocaine), he has no serious relationship till now.  I talked but did not impose, if it is.  He was to a doctor and takes 2 Amato and Desve drugs, but it hasn't been therapy yet.  He did this because a partner bought the medicine because he had no money.  He receives an allowance from his father (he's 40), the family doesn't know anything.  Once driving mad at having offended a woman in a bank, as he is not aggressive, he was scared that the cocaine was changing him, he told me he had been using it for 7 years, not 5 years as before.  He should use it for 10 years even more maybe.  Partner pressed, he went a doctor, but I don't think he wants to, he just says he wants to, but I don't think it's true.  He sleeps too much, doesn't like to go out, tried the walks I suggested.  He already suggested that he will hurt me because it is a strong addiction, and he doesn't want to date, but till now he has acted as a boyfriend and we talked about it.  I have only supported him, but I saw that he becomes very selfish, he just talks about him, he doesn’t lie about what he told me ultil now, I checked everything, the company also, medicines too, I think he just lies about years of use and frequency (twice a week), to deceive himself.  Because if he sits on the couch, he turns off!  And he didn't opened the company one day, slept and they fought a lot with him, so he took the medicine.  He already had that hallucination of insects coming out of his nose and in my house, insects in him.  I warned him of all this.  Apparently now he is using heavy because stress at work, has used lsd, ecstasy, lolo ... and marijuana.  I am afraid of him using crack together, because if he already uses it many days a week and leaves him exhausted and already a little irritated by the initial effect of the medications, crack is cheap helps cocaine effect.  Are they all going to crack?  And in his room there is no TV, just the wires, in the rest of the house there is.  It must have sold for drugs.  And use all the money that his father give... ro cocaine. Because he says there are bill collectors calling him, and cell phone hasn't paid the bill yet!  And he wants to get away from me ... because he wants a commitment to cocaine, he says it is not fair to me because he is always tired, and in sex he makes a huge effort, because I insist.  He will not get out of this right?  And now?  Everyone tells me to walk away from him while there is time.  He does not lie, he is mistaken in the use, but he is polite etc.  Will everyone be aggressive, and liars?  So far I have not seen lies with me, I never saw someone using and how they are during effects and after.  He doesn't have another person because he can't even have one haha.  He has emotional dullness and he already said that he likes the space alone in his house.  Worst phase he must have ever had and he knew me.  I am from the health area, same age.

1 post

Son has Opioid Addiction by

Where to Begin...... My son is 25 years old, Has had an addiction to opioids and most recently Fentanyl since he was 20, I have known about his addiction for 2 years, and have spent all my money to get him out patient care, he will be good for a few days/a couple of weeks, then he uses again. Last week I come to find out he hasn't paid his rent for 3 months (3 thousand dollars) or any of his other bills for that matter. His father and I (who are not married) have agreed to put him into In patient treatment, which I am sure you all know how expensive that is. I don't mean to make this out about money, but when he is dragging me into the poor house as well..... Last week I found out he tried to kill himself, an failed attempt of hanging himself, I sent him to the ER, where he was released with paper work 5 hours later. My son and I live 5 hours away from each other, so that gave me time to go get to him and bring him home with me. I live in the boonies where there really are no drugs available, so I drove down, picked him up and took him home with me to detox, until he can get into rehab. As I sit here typing this, knowing he goes into rehab 1 week from today, I honestly don't know how I can make it that one week. He is getting angry, and demanding to see his girlfriend one last night before he goes in, but I know he will use while with her, which he has no money, so then what? we he steal for it? how will he get it. I want to tell him that if he goes to stay with her, I will not pay for his past due bills or his rehab. which he will be homeless in a matter of a month They call this tuff love, and that label is so true, this is the toughest thing I have ever had to do.

by Karot

2 posts

16 years of marriage and 3 kids... by

Hi, I just discovered few weeks ago some coke in my husband’s jacket. After taking to some of his friends and even family members he has been doing it for several years. I guess at first it was a social thing, he worked with high end marketing agencies in London. But almost year ago he lost his job. Then it has been the spiral... he hasn’t been sleeping at normal night time in a year. He spends hours in his office drinking and now that I know, having small doses during the day. He combines coke with diapazan 10gr... Nose constantly congestionned, stomach bugs. Once or twice a week he goes spend the night at his friends. Last August he asked me to separate. I didn’t know about the addiction but the behaviour (angriness, sleeping most day, not wanting to spend any time with his children...) was enough for me to agree. But I didn’t know he dragged also our finances in a catastrophic path. I am now moving over Christmas with my children back to my parents in France. But I am quite concerned for him. He has been denying all of course. Probably due to child custody. But I still love him and I feel very frustrated not to be able to do anything. Any advice ?


7 posts

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