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Husband using all our money for cocaine by

So my husband has a cocaine addiction. We met 5 years ago through smoking weed and as we got to know each other he introduced me to cocaine and speed. We were on it constantly, then he got offered some spice. He smoked it in a bong and had a seizure, then on I stopped all of the drugs and haven’t touch any drugs in 3 years. I now have a 5 month old baby girl and I thought everything was perfect. A month after having our little girl I got a call from our estate agents saying the rent had not been paid (Which confuses me because my husband told me he had paid the rent) . I confronted him about it and this is when all of the lies started. He denied it and we had a massive argument and he threw me out, leaving my little girl behind whilst I stayed at my mums. (It was heart wrenching having to leave her). 3 days later I found out that he had spent all of our rent money on cocaine, i then confronted him and it turned out that he had also spent all of his wages on it even though he had told me that he didn’t get his wages for that month. A month after he told me he wanted to stop doing it and needed my help so I tried to help him but nothing seemed to help. The day before Valentine’s Day this year he had spent quite a substantial amount on it again and when I asked him if had any more since the day before Valentine’s he said no. The next morning he told me that he had logged onto my bank, gone onto our kids savings account for their birthdays and taken 40 pounds out. I was so angry. We talked and kissed and made up and I thought I could trust him again. A few months down the line he had been paid and he wired all of his money into my bank so that he couldn’t buy coke but then asked if he could have 40 pounds back to get some and like the idiot I am I said yes just 40. Later that night he came home begging for more money to get more and I was saying no. So he went a took our our baby girls milk money and snatched my card off me and drew more money out. I was devastated. Today he asked for 20 pounds from his wages to buy a bit and I said yes and he swore on his fathers grave and his little boys life that he wouldn’t ask for anymore. He came back a few hours after begging for more money, I kept saying no and he started raising his voice at me in front of our Until I eventually gave in just to stop the kids from seeing him like that and he’s been out ever since. Blaming it all on me saying that I haven’t helped him. I need to protect my little girl from all these drugs and from the person that he’s becoming but he’s already said that if I leave I can’t take my daughter with me and any parent knows that being told they can’t take their child with them is heart wrenching. I love him but I can’t take much more of this, I really need some advice on what to do. It makes me so upset and heartbroken. I’m stuck in a situation and don’t know how to make everything okay for everyone including myself. He’s pushing me to breaking point and it’s really affecting my mental health. I can’t bare the thought of not being with my daughter. Please help.

by 68862

5 posts

Drugs or suicide by

Hi again and thank you to all who responded to my last posts. My son has been in communication with me today said he’s scared to come, hasn’t showered for a week and still has the same clothes on from a week ago! This is not my 38 year old ex royal marine that I know He has also implied that he is suicidal, he is coming down from a week of cocaine but how do we deal with this? Any thoughts gratefully received I know if he’s going to do it he will and I will provide support but the dilemma is ‘tough love’ support vs gentle approach to support his come down after a week of cocaine ...

Son's Addiction. by

Hi everyone, I haven't posted anything on here for a while, here goes. Visited my son at the weekend, and he seemed depressed and withdrawn. He says he has stopped taking heroin, but can I believe him ? He was receiving support from a local drug project, buy unfortunately, didnt end up going to his latest appointment. They gave him a week to reply to them, saying if he didnt contact them, they would close his case ! This is a shame, as he wasnt receiving help from anywhere else. He finds the helplines to generic, whatever that means ! He lost his job a few months ago, and is trying to find work, but finding this hard. Hence he has asked for a loan, which we have given to him. Trying to get help for him is difficult, his GP is not keen to refer him for community health support, as he has had substance issues. I didnt find any evidence of the drugs when I was there. He did apologise for his mood at the weekend. I did wonder if he was on a detox, but there was no evidence of this. I don't know what to think ! X

by Llm888

67 posts

Advice by

Hi, I'm a man of 2 boys and have a partner. I used to use coke occasionally every 2nd 3rd weekend. I've been using it daily now for I don't know how long. No one has noticed. I've had a lot of stress and trauma a breakdown plus multiple medicinal conditions. I grind my teeth at night which led to a burst ear drum, the tooth I grind is on sinus line. So I think that's why every thinks I look like shit. I'm in serious pain day and night now from this. I need to stop. My partner is in hospital have major surgery in the morning so don't want to hit him with this straight away. What do i do? I know I have been using it to mask a lot of issues and then it continued because I was actually waiting for someone to notice. I look jaundice and barley function. My kid are looked after well and I've a great neighbours. So no worries there. Just wondering how bad it is stopping

1 post

Theresa by

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

by JEM

472 posts

Partner in recovery by

Hey all, so as you can see from my previous post my boyfriend was taking cocaine behind my back for months. Every time I pulled him up on it he denied it. Even though I knew and he knew that I knew.. I gave him so many chances, held him whilst he cried to me saying he hates it and doesn’t want to take it, it was so obvious that he was addicted but he would never admit it then the cycle would start again. The confusing part; he would never disappear, turn his phone off or go on weekend binges. He wanted me with him all the time, even when he’s taken it.. He would beg for me to stay with him.. It was a crazy time and I was so drained and thought if I left he would do something stupid (looking back I know it was just pure manipulation!) Anyway. As you can see from my last post he promised he’d stop and get help. Nope, it continued. So I left. I’d had enough I could not cope anymore and I knew I had to get away. For my own sanity. I’d become so focused on his addiction that id lost myself. The best decision I could have made for myself. I packed my bags and got a one way flight. I stopped all contact and concentrated on me. He never gave up, I had messages, calls etc for the entire time but I was done and I made that clear. I felt amazing! Like the strong, outgoing independent woman I was. He knew I was not messing around anymore. I wasn’t returning. He was a mess and I was told by many friends/family that he’d gone off the rails and was rock bottom. I felt heartbroken for him but he had to do this for himself. Plot twist! Fast forward to now - 9 months later. We are actually back together and have been for a while. I returned from abroad due to a new work opportunity. He knew I was back and it went from there. He said whilst I was away that he would sort himself out. I never actually believed him but wow. New business, cut off ‘friends’. Went to the GP (which is massive for him!) No social media. Stopped drinking alcohol. He is 6 months clean and I am so proud of him. He is a completely changed man, so affectionate, caring and such a better person to be around. It’s like our honeymoon phase is now. He’s saving money, we’re planning our future. Everything is amazing at the minute. However, the damage is still deep rooted in me and I still find it so so hard to trust him completely. I feel paranoid if he has a runny nose (which happens a lot even when I know he hasn’t taken anything), if his mouth tastes slightly different when we kiss. If his attitude is different. Honestly I feel crazy at times like I’m always looking for clues that he’s done it even if I have no suspicion that he has. Every time we see any family/friends he’s very honest to them about how he’s stopped and doesn’t take it anymore. But why do I still feel this way? He knows if he goes back to it I’ll be gone so maybe I worry he’d just hide it? I hate feeling this way! We do have home testing kits but I don’t want to go backwards when we’ve gone so far forward. It’s just so hard to completely ‘chill out about it’ I’m on edge if it comes on tv, if he bumps into old ‘friends’. I hate feeling this way. Ahhh. Very sorry for the very long post! Xxx

Where to go now? by

Hi, I've read through a number of forum posts and it's reassured me that I'm not alone. The only difference I seem to have is the gender reversal to the norm in my situation. My partner of ten years endured an upbringing that ticks just about every box on a psychiatry check-list. She's diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety issues. She also has a substantial history with narcotics and alcohol. She is beautiful, inside and out but when it all gets too much she'll binge on anything she can grasp to the expense of anyone and everything else. Usually this involves just disappearing for a bit and then turning up, crap excuses thrown in with 'it won't happen again' - followed by a period of calm (currently 2-3 weeks). Counselling and AA (though a bit too religion driven) have all been tried with increased periods of stability... but I just don't believe anything she says anymore about pretty much anything. It's all been slowly eroded. Recently she lost her driving licence (again - car number 2 written off) and then decided to go and get trashed... handed a 3 year ban for DUI - I'll go and get wasted... honestly, she is a bi-pedal soap-opera storyline generator! To the point when the police ring I'm just not surprised anymore. I am now trying to hold down a full-time job and manage our three children and I can do this... But I'm starting to realise it would all be so much easier to do if she just wasn't there. I know all the reasons why she is the way she is and her upbringing is a case study for a nature or nurture paper... but I am starting to de-empathise as a self protection mechanism. I also have children to raise and protect and they are my priority 100% of the time. As soon as she drinks they're just an irritant. I'm rambling but am basically trying to figure out how to get her out? Should I wait till she's in a state and call the police - she has attacked me whilst drunk due to my, strangely, not being in a party mood. I'm (sadly) open to any suggestions - underhanded or not? Ultimately I have learned that unless someone actually, really wants to sort themselves out no amount of rehab/counselling/love/care will help. It's a decision they have to make but some seem to only make it once they've lost everything. I have a feeling she is one of those and my trust battery is on empty - and trust is everything in a relationship is'nt it?

by Angus

3 posts

I don’t know what to do :( by

Hi, Sorry for the long post. I’m joining this forum as I am at a loss on where to go from here or what to do next. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, when I met him he was honest that during his teenage years, he was addicted to weed and occasionally did cocaine. However over the last few years I have found out he still takes cocaine, I have found evidence of empty packets, he’s stolen money from me, his family and his friends to buy drugs also. Sometimes he denies taking drugs and sometimes he admits it, but the worst part is the way he gaslights me. I have literally seen dealers throw drugs over the fence or watch him approach a car, yet he will always say I’m seeing things or making things up in my head. Tonight I physically caught someone dropping off drugs and confronted my bf, who after 5 min of denying, came clean. Tonight he admitted he’s addicted to coke and will take it a few times a month. I know he has no money and has taken out loans, he says they are not for drugs but he can’t tell me what they are for. He says he wants help, but I just don’t believe him. I just don’t know what to do or how to help him. I want to leave him, and I have nothing stopping me, I own my own house, car and have a good job, so I don’t rely on him financially, I know I should have left years ago but I didn’t, I think I always hoped that if he stopped the addiction and lies, he would be a wonderful partner. I have no one to talk to, all his friends know he’s dabbled with drugs (some even take them), so I feel they are not the best to talk to. His parents know re his issue with money and drugs, but they also don’t know really how to help and seem to enable him, just like me, by loving him and keeping food on the table and a roof over his head. I can’t tell my parents as I don’t want them to hate him and also whilst they would demand I leave him, I can’t cope with the shame of them feeling sorry for me and their wonderings of “why does our daughter always picks the bad egg”. I just don’t know what to do, I wish I had more self respect to leave, I wish he would get better and wasn’t a drug addict but wishing won’t do anything and I just don’t know what to do anymore! I’m Not really sure what posting here will do, as I know what I should do, I just can’t. Maybe it’s to hear from people who are in a similar situation and will help me to realise I am not alone. I have never been around the drug scene, until tonight, I had never seen a real full bag of cocaine(they were always empty but with residue in before). I was brought up in small, quiet villages, drugs were never a thing, even when I went to uni, I was never offered them nor have I been around people doing them (except in amsterdam). This world of drugs, lies and deceit scares me and I’m scared that the dealers know where I live and feel it’s ok to drop drugs off for him (albeit over the fence). I’m so ashamed I hve ended up with this life, I just wanted a normal life, yet I’m now tangled in this mess and I hate myself for it. Sorry for the long rant, I do feel better for getting it all out though, it’s the first proper time admitting it all. If anyone has any advice on how to handle the situation, or what to do next, please let me know as I’m so lost.

by Leda

5 posts

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