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Share Your Story

1114 threads

4810 posts

My Codeine problem by

I am writing this as a way to document my progress but also maybe help others. How did I get in this mess? Most people who are addicted to painkillers usually have a 'trigger event' Mine was 3 broken ribs, for which I took co-codamol. I noticed at that time a euphoria and also removal of all the worries. And believe me there are a few: As a parent of 2 small children (2 and 5) with a very demanding job and wife that is retraining and therefore earns very little we have money problems because of a massive mortgage and nearly a grand is paid a month in childcare. I am on my own with the kids most of my waking hours that are not at work, because my wife is a trainee teacher as spends every waking hour lesson planning or marking. She makes £800 a month after tax which is crazy. She works 3.5 days a week and spends the other days socialising. I am trying to be ok with that. Hence Codeine was a form of escape. It took 3 years to get from occasional abuse through to the very serious situation of of taking nearly 600mg codeine a day as codeine phosphate tablets. I found an easy way to get them from online pharmacies. They cost a lot of money and i must have spent 5 grand at least. I also drink a bottle of wine a night and take diazepam too. This situation was obviously unsustainable. But, amazingly no-one knows as far as I am aware. You will be thinking - how could I let this get so bad, but those of you know that codeine resistance builds in plateaus - one day 90mg will do nothing at all and you need to up your dose to get the same feeling. What now I am now absolutely case iron determined to sort this out. Obviously I feel ashamed for spending money like this and being so irresponsible, but that works as a motivator for me now. My taper is going to have a lot of discomfort associated with it - but will drop quite quick then slowly reduce after that. This is mainly because of the expense of the tablets, and because I want to get to a safe dose as quickly as I can. Where am I now? Totady I am down from 600mg to 330mg. This is almost a safe amount to take a day (allegedly 240mg) so that's something. I will now reduce to 90mg a day and then drop 15mg a day. There has been a lot of symptoms - all of the ones you read about. But the worst has been the depression - its been difficult to get out of bed even. Especially as you gather your thoughts and know you face a day of discomfort. I take 5-htp and this helps a lot. Exercise really helps, and vitamin B seems to help too. The other golden rule is to keep continually busy until the end of the day. Having 2 small children and a wife that works all evenings has both filled this time but also made loneliness a bit of an enemy. If there are any positives I have a sex life again and also am enjoying going to the toilet (sorry if this is oversharing). My stomach bloating is massively reduced and I can see my abdominal muscles again. For alcohol - I strictly limit my drinking, but I do allow myself 2 glasses of wine, because its dangerous to stop straight away. After a week, I will cut this out completely - that will save £3 a day (I was buying a bottle a day). The only way I could reduce my drinking was to wait until later in the evening before I started. For me, this is 9pm (we go to bed at 11). Hopefully I can keep posting here as a progress the bumps along the way. I have noticed no two days are the same - some are not too bad - today is OK. Yesterday was terrible. There's only one thing missing for me now - that's someone to talk to. I'm too ashamed to talk to friends so the anonymous forum is worth a try....?

by Dfh

62 posts

I feel frustrated..... by

I have started a new relationship about 6 months ago, only to find out that he is a prescription drug user or even more that I don’t know about, it’s mainly all coming to light recently with his behaviour and being around him more, he is not working at the moment and I’m working full time he often ask me for money which I tend to give him and I running him around places he need to go. He has massive withdrawal symptoms so I’ve even took him to his drug supplier and waited in the car why he did what he needed to do. But these are the things you do when u actually fall in love with someone. Think today 28/2/19 is the final straw when he received his dole money and I went to work and when I called home for my lunch he has gone and disappeared so I guess I won’t see him now until his dole money runs out and comes back saying his sorry and he wants help and asks me not to give up on him and starts with the guilt up on me !!! Because this is a fairly new relationship for me and I don’t know how to cope with his behaviours and I’ve not told anybody about his addiction I have nobody to talk too x

My dad, alcohol and mental health by

Hi everyone, I watched my dad slowly kill himself with alcohol plus having diabetes. It was a horrendous time. It’s only just over a year since his death. I was sick of my head filled with my own thoughts so I decided to document them all in a blog. It’s helped me in such a short space of time. I talk about all sorts of emotions I went through during and after. I also talk about struggles at work, over thinking, anxiety, weight issues, socialising struggles and many other topics. My take on my counselling experience post will be on shortly. If anyone out there has had a similar experience it my help someone not feel so alone relating to my story. alternatively you yourself may be able to make sense of my emotions too and help me process them? It may even inspire others to start one too? My story starts by mentioning I was diagnosed dyslexic in university. I feel it’s relevant to the story based on my extreme empathy for other people’s feelings. If anyone is interested my tumblr blog name is : themindofcass It also needs to be read from the last post up (to follow if you wish) Have a good day everyone x

I feel so alone by

Where do I start? I’ve been with my husband since we were 16, so almost 30 years. He’s now addicted to cocaine and my life is falling apart around me. He’s lost his buisness through it, our home is on the verge of being repossessed and I’ve pawned everything of value to pay off drug debts he ran up. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life, not mine! He lies to me daily, he steals from me, he manipulates me.... but I love him. He told me last night that he’s ran up another debt with a dealer, he then took what bit of money I had in the house and went missing overnight.... he’s still not home. I want my old life back, I want my old husband back xx

by Dfh

4 posts

speed by

I play ice hockey, started using speed 3 years ago to power up my game, and give me more guts when I get into fights on the ice, which is fairly often. Introduced my woman to the same drug 2 years ago, and she has been using it for Roller Derby. This year she has gotten issues with it, after she lost confidence when badly trashed by another skater during a bout--can't skate without it, gets into binges on it when she's not skating, and gets real aggressive with anybody that crosses her even slightly. Also had bad comedowns--so likely to stoke up again. Have cut back my own use, but haven't got my girlfriend to do the same--says it's still just too big a buzz! Anyone got any bright ideas for me and her?

by Dfh

2 posts

My life right now by

Ok here goes. My partner is addicted to crack cocaine. It's bad, really bad. I have tried absolutely everything to try and help him stop. We have been together 18 years. I moved to try and distance him from using. Yet he still manages to find people where ever he goes. It's madness. On and off he has been addicted to other drugs and manages to get clean albeit limited periods of time. But it seems he just can't quit crack. I'm at the end of my tether, I literally don't know what else to do. I have 1 friend who can turn to but that's it. I back him and support him 100%, steer him away from triggers etc but I'm not getting anywhere. What else is there helpwise? I've tried banning it, accepting it, limiting it everything.

by Dfh

11 posts

Long-term alcoholic husband by

As I write this, my husband is staying at a friend's house following his latest relapse - one of many. He is what I suppose you'd call 'high-functioning', having been able to hold down a successful career for many years in spite of being a problem drinker since he was a teenager. He is intelligent and a skilled liar/manipulator, which is perhaps why it took so long for us both to realise this was a serious problem. Since accepting he was an alcoholic nearly 3 years ago, he's had two periods in residential rehab, and has been in AA ever since. He goes through regular periods of being 'stable' followed by relapse. When he's relapsed he's retreated from the people who are around to support him and several times has put himself in some very dangerous situations, causing serious concern for us, his family and friends. T This latest period of sobriety was the longest he'd ever managed (8 months), but he relapsed after finding himself in the risky situation of needing to travel for work and being alone. He didn't tell anyone straight away to get help, lied about being OK to everyone and went on a binge for several days until he couldn't hide it anymore when he was due to return from his trip. I've tried to support him as I know he is ill, but I'm exhausted by the constant disruption to our lives and worry caused, as well as being extremely upset by the regular deception which makes it hard to trust him in general. I don't want to lose him and the life we've built together, but there is a lot of resentment and anger - especially as I've made many compromises in my life because of his issues, and he's had so much more support than I've had myself. That's why I've searched out this support for myself. I don't expect anyone to have any easy answers for me, but I'd like to not feel alone any more facing these problems.

1 post

My father's struggle with alcohol by

Hey all, this is my first post in the group :) I thought that sharing my issues may help take a slight weight off of my shoulders. I am 30 years old and for as long as I can remember my dad has had a problem with alcohol and his mental health. When I was younger he would go through stages of not drinking for a few weeks then binging heavy over the course of a few days (repeat, repeat, repeat). This was difficult growing up and put a lot of strain on the whole family. He retired 3 years ago and has progressively gotten worse. In November of last year, he got arrested for drinking driving on his way to a doctors appointment (to discuss his drinking problem!). I thought that this might have been the shock that he needed to try and change his ways but in fact, he has gotten worse. A couple of weeks ago we had the final straw and asked him to go and stay with his family up the country and we all needed a break. My Mum currently cares for my sick, elderly Gran and could not take the added stress any longer. Whilst with his family he did not drink and behaved, however, he returned on Monday night and was drinking again by last night. I am at the end of my tether and completely worried about how this is all affecting my Mum. We have tried councilling, medication, talking about the problem but nothing has worked. I spend the majority of my day worrying about what he is up to and what my Mum will come home to after she has finished work, this is not good for any of us and we can't go on like this any longer. If anyone has been through similar troubles it would be great to hear from you :) I wish you all the best James x


2 posts