: Share Your Story

Discuss what it's really like with your peers

Share Your Story

2015 threads

10815 posts

One month clean from coke by

I've not been on here for a while now. I had a lot to deal with. I FINALLY joined C A anonymous and have a sponsor and I am working the steps. I'm meditating each day and praying. I feel so much better, healthier and happier. I know post like this get deleted as its for family of addicts. But please try and get your loved ones to do meetings and get a sponsor. They need to work a programme that keeps them busy and to talk to people each day. It's crazy how it works, and I always said I would not do this. But I have. People are worried about the higher power and god. It doesn't have to be God. It can be your own higher power. Mine is basically the universe and energy, basically the law of attraction. You get what you give it, and I pray to this. It sounds crazy. But what's worse praying or being on drugs? Don't give up and just believe in your self.

Cocaine, lies and going round in circles by

Hi everyone, I first wrote on here over 6 months ago and I don't think I could have got through that time without the support I received from people on here that understood. My fiance had been hiding a cocaine addiction £100 and day and I ended up making him leave my home, we tried everything. He got a flat just up the road from me, we remained in contact he had regular drugs tests, drug counselor, couple's counselling with the end goal possibly sorting this mess out. He had supposedly been clean all this time, few weeks ago I was helping him clean his flat and found evidence of drug use. He admitted he relapsed, and it was done with and he wished he never did it. I was glad he was truthful. Anyway, past month we have had nothing but arguments. Alot of behavior what I saw in him before, jealousy, paranoia, blaming me for things, talking about my parenting and pulling me down. He's done nothing but sleep, had his face in his Xmas dinner, missed new years Eve because he wouldn't wake up. I knew better than to ignore my instincts again. I tested him, came back negative and I was shocked. Went round to see him yesterday and he was laid in flat in darkness, mess everywhere, blood all over his fingers from gouging at his face. Wouldn't wake up. There was powder residue on the side. He shouted at me to get out and go away and I haven't heard anything since. I guess what I need help with is how do I go forward, I know this isnt how I want to spend the rest of my life. He stopped the counselor and refused to pay him, he's obviously getting someone else's urine for tests. Do I just cut him out of my life? Iv done everything to try, everything.

by Davidk

19 posts

I’m exhausted by

I asked for help on the forum a few weeks ago about the guy I was seeing . It’s been three months now and he’s not changed one bit. I’m finding it hard to get out of the relationship as it’s my friends brother. He openly uses coke and smokes weed and drinks a lot of alcohol. He went to boarding school and is the biggest Charmer I have ever met . It all can to ahead when he encouraged me to take coke with him and I ended up taking an overdose and was rushed to hospital . I have never taken any drugs in my life even tho I had a very traumatic childhood . I use exercise as an escape. Recently he has become very controlling and asks for live location constantly . I haven’t seen him for a week and he only contacted me tonight out of his face . I’m soo exhausted and not sure what to do. Being in lock down is horrendous. We don’t live together and we live quite far apart but he has keys to my place and I’m scared he might come in a drug binge rage one night. I don’t have any family to support me and I’m struggling big time.

Husbands drinking by

Hi everyone I have never been on one of these sites before but I'm feeling really alone that I have no one to talk to and going out of my mind thinking I am being paranoid. So basically my husband drinks quite a lot, he's recently had the reversal so we can try for baby but his priorities seem to lay more with the drink that he's passed out on a night. I keep bringing it up and asking him to cut back but I just get told "I'm boring" and tonight I went to my car at tea time and I saw his van back so I thought I would sneak up on him and make him jump!! I had the shock of my life to find him behind the van downing a bottle of wine before he came in the house. I asked him why and he said I would only winge if he bought it in the house??? He finished a second bottle when he got in. Whats everyone's thoughts on this? Am I looking to much into this? Its getting very lonely sat on my own on a night while he's passed out. <

Theresa by

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

Fiancée, cocaine, done... by

Hi guys, I’ve been reading posts and I’m so glad I have found this site and you guys! In all honesty I’m exhausted and don’t know what to do. I’ll start from the beginning. We have been together 8 years now, we have two children together and he has two which are older and live with their mum. When we first got together I found out he smoked weed, I soon came round to it and thought well nobody ever gets aggressive or anything on weed, loads of people do it. So I accepted it. Scroll forward a few years, I was pregnant with our first child, I had a horrendous pregnancy. I thought it was just me being hormonal but I was sure he was being weird, not attentive. I sneaked a look at his messenger and he had been chatting up a girl. Eventually after arguments etc, we tried working through it. We went to London before all this and he had brought some cocaine for himself to try. I thought well once can’t harm... We got pregnant again very soon after having our first, he still wasn’t very attentive, I felt like he didn’t want me and he found me repulsive, our sex life went down the drain, he just didn’t seem interested at all. Talk after talk he couldn’t see what my problem was! It was all my fault, I never try, I stopped doing this etc etc. By this point I had bad post natal depression. Scroll forward a bit more, I find out he’s dealing it now. Between this time, he started doing it every Weekend. Now he has a £100 a day habit. My oldest is now 5 year old so he’s been doing it a while. I’ve asked him to stop and he always says he’s not addicted and doesn’t have a problem. We’ve had argument after argument about his behaviour towards me. I got brain damage from carbon monoxide poisoning and ended up with even worse anxiety. Had an anxiety attack and he just walked past me and carried on working, could t be bothered to support me. Sex life has gotten even worse than before. I’ve had a feeling for days something isn’t right, looked on him messenger and yet again he’s been messaging woman. He eventually admitted he had been messaging about 10 women, starting near Christmas; which makes sense because I may as well of done Christmas by myself. I feel so lonely all the time, more so when he’s there! I’ll admit when I found out he’s been messaging woman AGAIN, I hit him a few times, in all honesty he deserved it. I’ve managed to get him to call someone to help and we are waiting on a call in a few days. I’m just so fed up and exhausted, I feel pulled down, betrayed, unloved, ugly, am I not good enough. He says he loves me but who treats someone like that, I feel like such a mug staying but at the same time I don’t know if I have the energy to help after all the pull downs and hurtful things he says. Do I even love him anymore! I don’t know... Are all addicts like this? Selfish to the core? Why the cheating? Nothing I do for him is enough or he’s so wrapped up in himself he doesn’t notice anything I do, half the time he’s doesn’t even know what I’ve said. He doesn’t go to bed till between 3-5am some days 6-7am!! So obviously he spends half the day in bed too. So my company for the day is two children and then a grumpy addict who doesn’t want to talk to me until he goes to work and then repeat. I don’t know what to do... sorry for long rant 🤦‍♀️

Need help by

Hi there, My partner drinks. The pattern is morning drinking, not in the house assume in the car ! Comes home and is argumentative, and angry. I go out for a walk to get out of his way excuses are made by him to go out to the shops and more drink consumed and brought back Our relationship has suffered and this is mostly the topic of conversation he picks and wants to fix by talking about it. It is impossible to talk to someone who is drunk so of late have been trying to take my self away from the situation, but this also angers him and am accused of storming out. I will be honest sometimes I do get angry and shout as he is like a dog with a rag and won’t let things drop. Am accused of putting him down, slagging him off, not loving him, saying nasty things about him. I don’t slag him off, I do talk to a couple of friends as believe this helps I Do say to him that a lot of our problems could be resolved if he stopped drinking and that he drinks too much this is somehow interpreted as me saying nasty things about him. Feelings of respect, pride and love are slowly fading and been replaced by a lack of patience, embarrassment and loathing What to do ? How do you cope ? Hope1

by Hope1

3 posts

Being able to stop by

My daughter in law is taking cocaine and my son told me she has done this on and off for 6 years. It all came to a head New Year and she claims she has not done it since. As This is a new thing to me is that even possible. I know my son said soon after new year was ok but her behaviour is getting more erratic. He says she can’t be getting anything as he is there most of the time but not all of the time. I’m so worried as kids are involved but not being in the same house means I have to take what my son says as true. To be honest I think I just need to know how long people can go without?

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.