: Share Your Story

Discuss what it's really like with your peers

Share Your Story

2826 threads

17736 posts

I’m done by

So a couple of weeks ago you probably read my post about my husband being off binging again. He was away for 2 weeks doing drugs and staying at his mums while I was at home with our 2 year old. His dad had died and it sent him over the edge apparently - so I forgave him, this past week his come down he’s been depressed, suicidal, sleeping all day - I’ve supported him and helped him find a new addition counsellor/ supported him once again, 6 DAYS on and guess what last night he didn’t come home again and the manipulative texts have started - the blaming me for not coming home because I suggested he was doing drugs, basically the same old sh*t once again. Today I will walk away from our relationship, this is making me physically ill from stress…. I can’t do this anymore I’m done supporting him, I have nothing and no where to go evehrhing is his but I would rather have nothing than be in this relationship…. It’s ruining my life

by Navy

2 posts

Thought things had changed. by

Hi, Some of you may know my previous posts, long story cut short. My partner was horrendous, used to lie and take cocaine behind my back all the time. To the point I left, got a one way abroad and was done. Then time passed, we eventually met up again and rekindle things, he was a changed man. Job, friends, social media etc and no drugs at all. He was clean and made a massive change as he knew I would never return otherwise. Fast forward some time I’m pregnant which I’m over the moon about as it’s everything I’ve always wanted and he will be an amazing father, he’s made it very clear he’s scared and has been drinking a little more recently and can you believe he’s actually taken that crap again, yes he’s come to me and told me about it so there’s no lies but how the hell do I go about this after him doing so well? I can’t even cope right now I feel like packing and going. I’m thinking because I’m pregnant he thinks he has some kind of hold on me. Which will never happen. Please some advise 😩 xxx

Unhappy by

Hi all I found out my husband was taking drugs and it broke my heart. I asked him previously many years ago and he denied it. When I exploded one evening that I new what he was doing and how hurt I felt. I can’t live like this I don’t think he knows how bad he is how this effects his health? His temper,his anger the things he says. I’ve been reading the forum for the passed couple of weeks hoping that he had stopped trying to understand how we go through this with someone we love. he said there were not drugs in the house that he loved me I was his life just to find that white stuff on my units. It’s killing me I love him so much but can’t live like this knowing he is still doing it. Well it came to a row again today and I told him he said there were no drugs and there has been he said where? all over the units!!! I’m devastated I don’t know who he is anymore. He said again I’m his life. I said I love you but this has to stop I’m going to try again but am I being naive? How do you block out what they have done? How do you Turn a new page? How do you cope?

by Navy

28 posts

Out of ideas by

Hello, my son is 24 he’s been taking coke since he was seventeen. He’s never had any money from the day he started work. Next thing we’re the pay day loans. Twice I’ve paid these people. There’s always dealers that he owes money to and there’s always a reason that I have to pay it off. He blackmails me that he’ll loose his job if his boss finds out. He’s had lots of jobs which start off ok then he has so much time off because he can’t get out of bed where he’s been on the coke that he looses them. He’s vile after a heavy night and says terrible things. I do try not to let it get to me. I have a big family but moved a long way away hoping he might get better but that didn’t work. He goes to NA which did work at first but doesn’t seem to now. He lived with a girl for six months and I really thought we’d turned a corner but they split up and we’re back to square one. He just conned me out of 500 pound this weekend. Please don’t say why did you give it to him because I’ve been asking myself the same thing. He lies he’s devious and I really don’t know what to do anymore

by Dasey

6 posts

My husband and cocaine by

Hi, my husband is a cocaine addict, I’ve been married for 10 years been together for 16 years. My husband is my best friend, a very loyal, honest and loving man before addiction took hold. My husband was practically teetotal before trying cocaine once when he was 30, given to him by a good friend on a day to watch the football. He soon became hooked but this was kept a secret from me for 4 years. He would use when me and my children were asleep in bed. All unknown to us. His behaviour changed massively over this time, paranoia, moodiness and generally being off with us and everyone else, these were the signs, but I failed to see the cause. I often thought he was having a midlife crisis or experiencing some kind of depression. Then the night I found out it was cocaine, was the night I was pregnant with our 5th child, he went out to buy dinner and came home intoxicated. He lied and denied everything. We had an explosive argument and shamefully I threw a cup at him. He was enraged and left! He went to stay with a friend who doesn’t use drugs. During his period away, his behaviour become worse, he hated me, he blamed me for everything, he lost his job “that was apparently my fault” as he failed a drug test. He started trying to move on, messaging other women on Facebook, telling them we had been separated ages ago and how I was abusive and how he didn’t love me. (This man adored me, everyone said the same, he’d ring me roughly 4 times everyday just to talk to me and see how me and the children were, during the whole of our relationship). He stole two cars belonging to relatives and drove intoxicated to pick up drugs. He was arrested for the one and charged. He bought cocaine on the way to the cinema when he was with our children and used throughout the film, making regular trips to the bathroom. I could go on and on! despite most of these occurrences, he still didn’t think he was an addict, he thought it was probably a bit of an issue, but he definitely was not an addict! I could see the horror on his face when it was ever suggested. To him, heroin or crack users were addicts, not him. This caused me great upset, as if he wasn’t an addict, that meant these were all choices. He went to live with his mum even further away and being so far away from us made him realise what he was missing. He got a job and trained hard at the gym, but never attended meetings. He came back and was clean for 6 months just in time for our baby to be born. He was fab with her and went back to being the fab dad to our other children that he was pre drugs. I was so happy that I felt I had the old him back. Two weeks before Christmas he relapsed, he was given some on community services, as apparently that’s a thing, it’s a jolly boys outing for drugs. I was devastated, he didn’t come home and confess, the lies started straight away and this time he couldn’t convince me, I knew he was using. He spent the next few weeks using and sleeping rough in our garage, as I wouldn’t let him in our house because I don’t want drugs around my children, especially now I’ve got the baby. The bit that hurt me the most was during one of these reckless nights, he didn’t come home for me to go on my work party, I found him slumped in the pub, alone with the barmaid. He'd apparently told her she was an attractive girl! Not in a pervy way, she said it was said in a conversation, but he was also missing his wedding ring. When I asked him why, he denied everything, he said his ring was off before he went out and swore on our children’s lives. He’s not the sort of person to cheat, at all! so again it confused me. He then confessed to saying it in hope she’d flirt back, to make him feel good about himself, as I’m always threatening him with divorce and he feels like a scum bag, at the best of times. I’ve said horrible things to him in the past, that has made him feel insecure. The once in temper I told him he wasn’t attractive to me. This was said in anger because he was behaving appallingly, but it seemed to stay in his head. He still swore he would never cheat though and that he loves me more than anything. I think he’s doing this because he knows with me now, he can no longer hide his addiction, I will eventually leave him and he’s putting feelers out for moving on. However, he says you don’t think like that when you’re on drugs, there’s no logic behind it, or thinking of moving on. You just act out on what you’re thinking at the time, every time you feel differently. It’s all still so confusing for me. I just wish he’d go back to the man he was before. It’s so horrible to see someone you love, go on self destruct and there’s nothing you can do for them.

by fayzey

633 posts

My story by

First thing: I can't believe there are so few online communities where people with an addicted spouse can chat. I know addiction is a disease that touches so many of us. Why are there not more options to find community support online? My husband is one of five children. He was often overlooked as a child and taken under the wings of his grandparents and one caring aunt. Even so, I know he has spent his life trying to feel worthy. As an adult, he works in a very toxic environment where the employees are daily abused by their bosses. He won't leave because it pays very well. Five years ago, his father died and I guess that's where our addiction story begins, although I didn't know it at the time. My husband was never a big drinker. In fact, there were years where he might not have more that 12 drinks in a year. After his dad died, he and his siblings celebrated their father's memory with alcohol. My husband, very slowly and over a lot of time, began drinking. I didn't pay much attention. His drink of choice is craft IPA beer. I didn't think beer was something someone could become an alcoholic drinking. Over time, my husband began to drink more and more frequently until he was getting buzzed almost every day. That's when my warning bells went off. I talked to him and he agreed he was drinking too much and wanted to cut down. This went on for basically two years. Then things got worse. My husband's job got more ugly, COVID hit and I was gone a lot for work, our daughter became a preteen and wanted less to do with us and he found himself with free time on his hands. Sometimes he would get black-out drunk. I tried to keep him away from our daughter when he was like this. The next day he would always say that he knew he needed to cut down. I don't know why, but I believed he would and he could. I didn't realize that he was too far gone already. Within the past year, my husband began using cocaine. I don't even know how he met anyone who sells it. But he did. He has spent close to $10,000 on cocaine and alcohol in the past three months. When he's sober (in the morning) he apologizes and makes promises. We come up with game plans: I take his keys (he's banged the car up three times in the past two months); I take his wallet; he's on house arrest. None of this has worked. He finds ways to get beer and cocaine still. He goes from very loving to extremely angry. This past weekend, my daughter went on vacation with her best friend. My husband shut himself up in our bedroom and snorted cocaine for two days straight. I finally decided enough is enough. He's now day 3 in a rehab facility on the other end of the county. I called and worked out all of the logistics while he was sleeping off his weekend. He agreed to go and he went. I'm not optimistic but I'm not pessimistic either. I know he realizes he needs to get healthy. He wouldn't have gotten on the plane if he didn't know that. I truly hope that this is the beginning of a new chapter for him and our family. I guess I don't think he is an addict as much because he loves alcohol and cocaine as because he uses alcohol and cocaine to escape life. He feels like a failure and I haven't been able to convince him that he is a caring, intelligent, beautiful human. The rehab facility he is in focuses on mental health. He's on three medications for anxiety and depression and I hope they can figure out a treatment that will actually work for him. I may be misguided, but I believe that if he can figure our the mental component, he will be able to ditch alcohol and cocaine. I hope that the staff at the facility help him work through some of the deep hurt and feelings of being unworthy. I am holding up. All at the same time I am hopeful, lonely, sad, angry... I love my husband. He is an amazing person that's been lost for a while. I don't want to do life without him. Sending love and good vibes to everyone else out there dealing with addiction.

1 post

Cocaine husband I need some advice :-( by

Hi everyone, I have just rang FRANK and they gave me this website as they said it would help me as others will be going through the same thing. I found out last Jan that my husband was a cocaine addict through a lot of money going missing out of the joint account, I never realised as I had no reason to suspect anything. He left home and continued for 2 months doing a lot of drugs, in this time I became a wreck and was checking everything, phone records, emails, following him I became a spy to my shame. In March he came home as he was trying to sort himself out and I didn't want to turn my back on him. He lost his job so I took a loan out so we would be ok for money. It was hard but I thought he was doing ok. He told me the area we lived in was a trigger so we sold our house (one we had spent years doing up) and rented until we decided where we wanted to live, so he now has a lot of money in his bank account which is worrying me as we spent so many years doing the house up and made a good profit. Fast forward 3 weeks ago, we got back off holiday and he was acting strange and started an argument so said so you want me to leave, all planned I can see now and he left. He took £1000 out that night and continued to take more out each night. On the 4th day he came around and told me it was all my fault I treated him like dirt, I spoke to him badly and we were never happy. He is staying at his sisters house and says he is getting himself better as what's more important than our marriage is his health. (I agree with that I suppose) What I am struggling to cope with is all the support I have given him and he has just tossed me aside like a piece of rubbish (I know I am being selfish and making it about me but its how I feel at the moment) I have no one to talk to as friends and family where there 1st time around but they wont be this time around. I cant eat, sleep, its affecting my job, my mind is on overdrive imagining all different scenarios, I am just not in a very nice place at the moment. It has now turned to him txting saying he isn't coming back home (I didn't ask him to) and he needs to be on his own. I am so confused has anyone been through similar and how did you cope. Thanks in advance.

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.