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Share Your Story

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Here I go... by

I wrote this as a reply to another person but thought it pertinent to add it as a story in its own right... Hi I have been taking over 300mg of codeine daily along with brufen and codeine X 4 plus 3 paracetamol and codeine, and 1/4 bottle of benylin. plus nighttime sleep aid and the odd glass of alcohol which dent really affect me I am not proud of this. I too got these awful pills to medicate and to manage pain. The onset of menopause and very low iron left me with chronic joint pains. SO the Dr prescribed me 84 tablets at a time every 2 weeks for 3 YEARS!!!!. I then brought more on line to supplement my dwindling stock. It has reached a point where i cannot remember things, i feel desperately miserable have had suicidal thoughts recently. I am addictions counsellor trained... you d think i would know better right? well wrong. The codiene initially worked and i used it therapeutically , but now i am taking it to feel NORMAL...whatever that means. I take them all in one go in the morning to feel normal. i wash the lot down with coffee on the way to work. I feel like its been a dirty little secret. my guts would swell up and id feel nauseas for hours, getting more and more fidgety and anxious as the day went on.. SO...i told my best friend....then i told my husband and i made an apt at a treatment centre. I am going to rehab on Friday. I tried to cut down but i couldn't cope, i couldn't afford to buy anymore on line so the benylin takes the edge off the withdrawal. I dont eat properly, i have lost interest in all of my leisure pursuits and my as a result has left me isolated. I am going to fully engage with the programme they offer, its a non 12 step facility as i couldn't possibly stomach the 12 step thing again...YET... Thats not to say that i will undoubtedly engage with social support once i get home. Its costing a ridiculous amount of money, but its been a long time coming and i feel that i am worth it. Today i called my GP and asked them to take the repeat prescription off my repeat...they didn't even call to see why...especially after being on them for 3 years solid! I am talented, intelligent and kind...im addicted to prescription drugs which are eating me alive. i have asked for help. Im desperately worried about what i will tell work..I am part time but i have to go in tomorrow and explain why i need 4 weeks off!! I am going to lie just now as im new in post and i do not want this all over my med records. it doesn't sit comfortably with me but i cannot afford to lose my job its the best job ive ever had and a catalyst to spur me onto getting well I am looking forward to my next adventure and engaging with people who are just like me...talented intelligent and kind..... Today i followed my gut instinct about telling work that i need some time off from my job... I had broken my heart over how i was going to disclose my issue with prescription drugs to my manager. Ive only been in post for 4 months!! i am lucky that i had some guidance from a dear friend who i met while i was training in addictions counselling, i asked her if i should tell them she suggested that i look at our policy on drug/alcohol and my contract both of which i did. On paper they looked supportive, my next move was to call HR and run the story past them as a third party. However after speaking with them for a very short while i came clean and told them that over time i had developed an issue with prescribed medications. I then went on to tell my line manager who was AMAZING! she told me that when i asked to see her that she thought i wanted to leave the post!! anyway after telling her we have agreed to meet the day before i go to rehab for a handover and the rest is now up to me. I already feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, she said to me this is only temporary! you will recover from this...and i will. I hope that this brings some of you some hope that there is help out there and that people really do want to help and see you get better...My addled brain just seemed to seek out the worst case scenario to ensure i kept my secret and maybe carried on limping along..for me telling my employer was right and it had freed my mind to concentrating on getting better. The next few weeks are going to be quite a journey for me. I have so much to look forward to, im terrified but hopeful. Good luck to you all Purrdy

by Dadict

2 posts

Still going strong after my lapse 5 week ago! by

Really sorry if ive not replied to anyone. But ive drifted away from this site.. probably thinking im cured lol well i aint. Im lay in bed right now at 3am. Cant sleep. And when i do im having dreams every day of using. Its really bringing me down. But ive still not used since that one time. So its once since new year :) . Im not being ignorant if ive not replied to any one.. its just that there have been loads of new post, and im lost were i was lol Hope every one is doing good? How is everyones partners? Or kids doing? Ive had to come off face book and instagram again.. its winding me up seeing everyone all happy on nights out lol. Have a good weekend! Dan x

Mother of six-month-old hiding booze by

Hopefully this is the right place to get another perspective and hopefully some advice. My wife and I have been together for nine years, married for two. She has a sixteen-year-old from a previous relationship, and after a long period of trying and failing, we now have a six-month-old son who is healthy and well. She has always been partial to a drink which I have always seen as something she would need bring under control for the sake of her health as well as those around her. There was always a regular cycle of work, childcare, cooking and drinking on weekdays as well as drinking more heavily on weekends, with the troubling discovery that she would have a stash of booze hidden away as well as the stuff that is obviously on show. She has a family history of alcoholism (mother) and the verbal and emotional abuse that goes with it, and she certainly uses it as a coping mechanism in the form of self-medication. Leading up to the pregnancy last year (it was IVF) she was dreading giving up booze, but did a good job of cutting it right back to a negligible amount. I was really hopeful that this would be a catalyst for taking control and learning that she doesn’t have to rely on it to be happy. Unfortunately, with the baby now here she has fallen back to her old ways and has started drinking regularly, and more worryingly hiding booze to either consume secretly or to supplement what she is drinking in the open. In terms of quantity and frequency, she drinks wine most evenings depending on how stressed she is (from 4 to 7 days a week). A couple of glasses up to a couple of bottles in an evening. She hides booze continually, which is usually wine of some variety (a couple of small bottles up to a couple of full size) although I have occasionally discovered vodka and brandy hidden as well. She really doesn’t react well to being challenged on it, and instead gets extremely upset and abusive citing my unreasonable interference and “trying to change her” as unreasonable. I do however get the odd hungover morning or two where she was particularly abusive or badly behaved, and she admits to having a problem that needs addressing. From my perspective, I am worried sick about my son and what danger he is in during her inebriated state, but also her health and whether she’ll even see him to grow up past twenty. My approach for the last couple of years has been to avoid conflict and tolerate the situation as much as I can whilst trying to offer my support in having her address the root causes that underpin this self-medication. When she has her “moments of clarity” put an arm round her and offer a shoulder to cry on and discuss how to get professional help. I am starting to reach my wits end with this approach but I can’t see any positive outcome from leaving, or being more direct and addressing head-on. I am increasingly worried about the baby, and want to make sure that whatever actions I take are 100% designed to protect him and the family/home stability he needs. I’ve loads of questions, but the main ones are: 1. Am I misreading the situation when I say it is unreasonable and unacceptable? 2. What is a constructive way to approach a solution? Any advice/opinion appreciated.

Holiday struggles by

I am on holiday with my husband who is in recovery. He is prescribed methadone and has pregabalin for pain. He also gave up alcohol last year as part of ‘getting clean’ and has done really well. We are on holiday with his family and our children and he is struggling. He really wants to drink. His family don’t understand he gravity of all this. I’m scared and anxious because I know how dangerous it could be but if I mention anything he is completely defensive.

Lapsed after 6 week on coke again :( by

So basically i lapsed on coke after 6 week. Normally i drink then get coke. But this time i didnt drink but bumped in to a friend who sold it. And then i asked him for some.. god knows why.. when i had it in my hand i.thought about trucking it away. I feel so pissed off with myself. Ive been neglecting sites and apps like this, thinking im ok now, but im not. So ill have to come on these sites everyday now looking for and helping with support. Absolutely gutted with myself:(

Please help me decide if I should keep trying CBD in order to get my life back. by

Hi Guys, So I was messed up by a dentist 2 years ago, it's been hell. To cut it short, I'm broke, in constant pain, constant surgeries, and addicted to benzos (Clonazepan and Alprazolam) and opioids (codeine and hydrocodone). I staterted sometime in the earlier months of 2018 because I couldn't stand the pain and anxiety anymore. Basically my gums are destroyed, they had to extract the 4 frontal teeth because of loss of bone and terrible job (I was going for veneers and he took out almost all my teeth). Im 31. But Ok, the question is. Obviously, the opioids and benzos along with the pain and disconfort and anxiety have me suicidal. And apathic. My mom tells me I'm not myself anymore (she's the best and is concerned). I know this, I have also thought about quitting my job but the only reason I don't is because there wouldn't be anybody to buy my meds. I've been dreaming about getting my hands on morphine or even heroine to maybe just feel numb at least for a moment. But I, well, I watched After Life last Thursday (spent all day in bed weeping because on top of everything my dog who was my everything died), and for some reason that show made me realize I haven't REALLY (almost but not really) given up yet and went to a CBD clinic with my mom on Friday. The thing is, this is the third time I'm trying CBD. A lot of people, my brothers included, claim an almost magical effect on them. I don't feel that. The first two days I feel better, almost well, and ready to start weening off my meds, but maybe that's the problem? I want it to be too quick? Because now, it's been 6 days, and I only felt good the first two days, on those days I almost didn't take other meds at all, and then on Monday, for a while, but then I felt exhausted, and I feel so hot, and my nose is running, I've had to take large dosis of my meds again, although Ive trying to never take as much as I was taking (dunno if Ive succeded). I, just don't know if CBD is for me as the first time I tried vapin it kind of worked the first 2 days and the nothing. Then I tried gummies which gave me panic attacks and my stomach couldn't stand them. Now I'm trying drops, it says 550mg (I don't know what that means, I told my story to the girl who seemed very knowledgeable and she gave me those). She said 8 drops in the morning should work, and then 10 at night. Well... I've been taking like 6 times that amount in the hopes of getting better, and nope. I'm writing this after popping 100 mg of codeine and 1 (or 2?) grams of clonozepan (I had taken 16 drops of cbd in the morning). So I feel like I already lost. I don't have money, will I need to end up taking CBD plus the other meds? Should I keep trying? Maybe I'm not doing it right? I wonder, if CBD actually doesn't work as well on some people like me, if that's a thing. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. Surely, some stories of people with other chronic pain diseases which ditched their opioids with CBD, I mean, they probably were in worse pain than me? Or is CBD magical for them? Or am I weak and already thinking of giving up? Please give me some insight. I know I should be taking the tappering easy, but I think I should be feeling better by now, and taking a bit less here and there. Thank you for any insight that can be provided.