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simbaking by

Hello I am 52 and my ex is in addiction of alcohol and cocaine. We met 5years ago he was a nice charming funny man I knew he drank but never knew about the cocaine. We moved in together 2half years ago he used to like going out on pay day with friends and stayed our late 4am. I couldn't understand how you could stay awake so long whilst drinking. Anyway during the last year it has become worse and he is not a nice man to be around cold, unkind,lies,cheats.... He told me I take a little something to wake me up when out...not that it was cocaine...I realised it was not right and now I NO it's serious he started using in my home sniffing in the toilet...got it out one nite on the table even when I said no he carried on. So all I have to say is hes moved out coz he wants to do that than be with me it hurts so much and I don't understand any of it my friends say I'm better off but it's so hard when you loved someone. We have seen each other but he now says he wants 6months to sort himself out but can he do this alone? We still keep in contact should I cut all ties? Would appreciate some advise please..

1 post

please help by

my ex has left two children with me after just getting them back from social serv telling me she working for three days and.o jade a call from family member saying she called them saying she messed up and back with her old partner who she has to stay away from social.o know she's taking god nos wat and now o dnt no wat to say to the kids they have been taken from her before and this time it's gonna kill them and me I've got no real friends or support please help

1 post

What can i do? by

My partner has been smoking heroin for about a year. He's finally come to the point where he wants to change his life around and is seeking help, however its taking weeks for anything to be done and i don't feel like he can wait weeks. We don't have the finances to pay for private rehab and i don't know what to do next. He's a good person who wants to get better, he just made some mistakes and now he wants to get help it just isnt there. What can i do?

Letdown... by

My husband of only 3 months is an alcoholic! He had spent most of last year in & out of hospital, with variceal bleeds, two of which nearly killed him. In February of this year, a shunt was put into his Liver, to prevent further bleeds. Throughout all of this, he never drank any alcohol! Over the past 3 months, his drinking has increased, on a daily basis. Following a week long "bender" I finally convinced him to see our GP, he was prescribed anti depressants, as he says he only drinks when he is feeling low (i don't believe this to be true) & refused to attend or seek advice from a support group. He can go weeks without a drink but as soon as he has one..it spirals out of control. What I want to do is throw him out...I feel so angry, hurt, let down, after everything we've been through he's still prepared to put his life at risk? But he has nowhere to go, family are all overseast, no money as he's not working! I really don't know where to go from here...I can't sleep, eat, this is tearing me apart but everything seems to revolve around him & what he's been through! I feel as though I've supported him through everything, emotionally, financially, I'm not sure I've got anything left to give...& then I read how some of you guys have lived with this for 30 odd years & I feel such a failure...

I know what to do.... by

For many years now I have been living with an alcoholic. My husband has battled with drink for so long now I can't remember when it actually started. He has been in re-hab once, this completely wiped out our savings because I had no option than to pay for this privately. We've been to the doctor but there doesn't seem to be any help available. We just go around in circles...a few good days, then a few bad days, then the apology and the promise and so it starts over. I don't think he will ever change, and I am very sad and very lonely. I keep my family at arms length and I've lost touch with close friends and I pretend to the world that everything is OK. How do I find the strength to leave him? When he is sober life has hope, when he is drunk I hate him, despise him for what he has done and what he continues to do. And I've lost all respect for him. Right now I am in the spare room, my husband is next door, in a drunken sleep, calling out, shouting out. I can't sleep, feel so very stressed. If I ask him to leave he really has no where to go. It's complicated, this is a second marriage for both of us and my husband re-located to be with me. If I ask him to leave he could quite possibly end up on the streets....how could I live with that? The situation is hopeless, there is just not an easy answer and I have no one to talk to, hence this post.

1 post

Lost and no idea what to do... by

Hi, myself and my younger sister are really struggling to cope with my Dad's codeine addiction. Although our Mum told us of it several years ago, he has never mentioned it to us until recently. He told us he had saved up £2000 and was going to a rehab for a week. He thought this was the first we heard of it. Since then he lost his flat and moved in with my sister as apparently the owners are selling the building. I'm not sure this is true, when helping him move his things out, he spotted his landlords outside and made us carry on driving. We asked for proof the building was being sold and he got angry. We asked for proof he went to rehab, he again got angry. My sister has let him stay with her for two months rent free. He was supposed to be looking for somewhere to live, he turned down a house share with people from work and also refused to go to flat viewings set up by my sister. Today is his 50th birthday and he has spent the last two days not seeing any of his three children and sleeping in his car as him and my sister had an argument over the whole situation. He hasn't made any contact with her, but has been in touch with me. His addiction cost him his marriage with our mother and it is now destroying his life. We have no idea where to go for help, what help is available and how to help him get through this. It is so hard seeing him like this but I feel offering a place to stay with me will do no good. I think maybe he needs this shock to sort his life out. I have no idea if we are doing the right thing, it is breaking our hearts. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

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My son by

This is the first time I've done this. My son is 30, lives at home with me and my husband and his 7yr olds son.He works full time. I know he has been on canibis since being a teenager and this has caused so many rows and upset. I have been in antidepressants for 9 yrs due to all the trouble we've had with him. He never gives us any money towards his keep and we pay for most things for our Grandchild. I know he takes drugs, as I have seen messages on his phone, arranging to meet people and I can see he owes money. He is in debt, and had taken out numerous loans. My husband knows he has taken drugs in the past, but doesn't realise what is going on now. I don't know what to do, if I confront him, he will deny it and he will know I have been reading his texts. I feel i have to tiptoe around him, it's a nightmare at times. If my husband found out, he wouldn't cope and I try to keep the piece between the two of them. There's also my grandson to take into account. I wonder when/if it will all end and how. I have given the phone numbers I have seen to local police, and places where drugs are exchanged. It's good to read about out he families on here, and to know its not just me.

by SadSue

2 posts

How can I save his life ......it could be so good? by

My son is now 30 years old and he makes my life a living hell! He had a very well paid job until Jan this year when he was more or less forced to resign due to his addictions. He drinks too much and once he's had a few drinks he starts on the cocaine. He's got his own flat, still working and earning good money and lots of friends who encourage him to change his lifestyle and me! I try to help by being there every morning with a packed lunch for him, cup of tea and toast ( he calls round as his flat is close by) even though I'm usually shattered after working a 10 hour night shift. He borrows money off me....promising that THIS time he's going to sort himself out and like a fool I believe him every time. I always HOPE that maybe it really will be the time that he turns his life around, I know that he HATES his life and what he's doing to himself but he just can't stop. Everyone tells me to give up on him and it's got to the point where I think I will have to as he's ruining my life as well as his own. My partner doesn't support me at all but I don't blame him as he thinks he's trying to make me see sense by telling me what a "mug" I am. The thing is....I KNOW I'm a mug but I'm constantly torn between trying to help my son and trying not to let it all interfere with the life that my partner and I want to have together. It's got to the stage that my son has loans which he's taken out to get himself straight and pay off dealers, he's up to his limit with his overdraft and even though he's working he's losing the motivation to work. He knows he needs to work to sort his debts out but he can't be bothered...he'd rather sit at home drinking and buying in more cocaine on credit! I have read some of the stories on this site tonight, the ones where mothers are waiting for a knock on the door to say their child is dead and I hate myself for saying this but sometimes I think that would be the only way out of this hell!! I'm not a bad mother, I've tried and tried to help my son, I've tried so many times to get him to go with me to a drop in centre to start getting help, I've lent him money to pay off the dealers to make a fresh start, I feed him...clean his flat BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP! He's had lovely girlfriends in the past but none now for a couple of years ....he'd love to have someone special in his life but who could ever live with him? He has a gym membership that he's paid every month for years but hardly ever used but when I suggested cancelling it he said it was his motivation to get fit and stop the drink and drugs......so now I've been paying it for the past 4 months, hoping he would keep going BUT I'm wasting my money. He has my mobile phone as he lost his and I pay each month to top it up as without it he wouldn't have any work, he has my car in his name so that he can have insurance to drive as he needs to drive for his job. I'm not trying to say I'm a saint....I'm just a mother who is desperate for her son to be able to lead a normal life. I cry sometimes when I look at NORMAL people, couples, young men talking and laughing....and I think "WHY CAN'T THAT BE MY SON?". My ex husband lives a few miles away......he hates me phoning him but now and again I plead with him to try to help. He resents me asking but I feel that it's his son too and he might be able to get through to him. He'll make a token gesture...then get on with his own life again and leave me to cope with it all. I once managed to get my son to go along to the doctor to ask for help but all they did was give him some leaflets and point him in the direction of the local drop in centre. They didn't even give him a check over....maybe a liver check could have scared him into stopping the drink..which in turn would help him (maybe) stop taking cocaine. After that...he just gave up even more, and said that it was pointless as no one wanted to help him. I'm lucky that I have an understanding family, sisters and a mother who listen to me when I need someone to talk to but even they are starting to believe I should leave him to his own fate. The trouble is that I know he really wants to change but the drugs don't let him! He isn't really the hateful, selfish, sullen, self pitying person that calls round asking to borrow money......somewhere the real person is trying to surface but he can't do it because the drink and drugs are taking over. I just wish he could fight it....one day at a time....If not I doubt if he will see his 31st birthday! What a waste of life! There's so much in life to enjoy....so much for free and yet he's paying out £50 a time ( hundreds some weeks) for something that makes him feel like shit, depressed, tired, broke, friendless, angry and paranoid about just about everything!! It's just all so hopeless!!

1 post

I want to kick him out by

My son is 27, admitted heroin addiction 3 years ago, been on 2 lots of methadone. He is such a liar, he is continually having money off me and claims the big pile of drug paraphernalia in his room is 'old stuff' before he stopped using. I want him out of the house, he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, I am at the end of the road with him. I actually can not stand him. I wish he would leave of his own accord. The crap he gives me to con money out of me is unbelievable. I just can not fathom that he could be such a user, have no scruples at all, no sense of right and wrong and I am sick and tired of this life style he has forced me into. How can I get him to leave?

1 post

time to stop or drop by

So I have not been on this site before and not sure how to start. My mum has been an alcoholic for the last 16 years. - please bare in mind I am 21 years old. In that 16 years I have been trying to get my mum to seek help but she has never wanted to..my older brother and sister have also tried. In april this year I broke up with my partner who I lived with and so I moved back in with my mum..I didn't want this due to my rollercoaster childhood but i had no other options. I have been helping sort out some of my mums debts of which have built up due to her lack of interest in anything but drink...crikey that was hard but there was more of a shock to come. One night in may, I was sat telling mum the usual about her drinking and she as usual sat quiet in her own world. At this point mum was jundice (excuse the spelling) She went to the toilet to be sick a few times and after the second time i realised she was vomitting blood. I called nhs direct and had to take her through to the hospital. Mum wanted to go to bed but I knew something wasn't right. After a long day at work, I sat with her in the waiting room to eventually be told she was critical and she was being admitted there and then. The emergency team rushed her through to have blood tests and give her some anti sickness medication and much more. The doctor advised that she may nees an emergency blood transfusion there and said if I had not taken her in...tomorrow would be a different story. Alcoholism was killing my mum and i was sat watching her slowly going. I sat by her side watching helplessley as she was being brought back to strength. When she was eventually put on the emergency assesment unit, I made sure she was settled and I finally left her to drive my 20 mile journey home at 4.30am. So to now cut my story short, mum was kept in for 14 days, they gave her some medication to deal with her withdrawals. She has now been home for 4 weeks and is getting better day by day but she still has a long way to go. I have been by her side every minute I possibly can along with going to work, looking after the house and making sure the bills are paid. I have just last week been signed off work myself with anxiety and depression along with having insomnia. It is all looking up for mum...45 days without a drink...she doesnt want one and she is starting to gain her stability back however it is all looking down for me...I have taken on too much and I have wore myself to absolute breaking point and I can't see a way out. I have flashbacks everyday of that one day where I thought I had lost her, if she ever turns back to alcohol, we all know I will lose her. Please if anyone can use my story to maybe help a loved one...please do. I will happily speak more about it if necessary as speaking out loud is my only way to handle it. I am the only one who has been here for my mum and I try to think I have done her proud.

by rock

5 posts

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