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So Stressed Out About Partner by

Hi all I have finally plucked up the courage to join up after reading the forum a couple of times over the past month or two. I need to let this out and seek advice from people who've been there. My partner has developed a coke habit... I say habit as when I first met him, I was unaware he took or had taken drugs. Somehow after a few months he introduced me to coke. I had never taken illegal drugs before and knew nothing about them other than smelling pot smoking when I lived in halls at uni. At this point, he would take some occasionally as a recreational use linked to going out clubbing. He only bought it a few times, otherwise he'd get given a couple of lines by someone else. There didn't seem to be a habit. I did notice that he sometimes behaved quite erratically when he took it. Yet, I was more concerned about binge drinking, as this seemed to lead to very undesirable behaviour and a loss of memory of events. Fast forward to about a year and a quarter later and we move areas (for other reasons not related to drugs etc). Unfortunately, in the new area we end up living next to a guy who is a heavy drug user (weed and coke/crack mainly) who is an alcoholic and whose property is frequented by other drug users and alcoholics. Not only this, but the whole county/area seems to have more of a drug culture that we are exposed to, whereas where we lived before people did crack and heroin... we were generally not around these people so it seemed removed from us. So now my partner becomes acquainted with the neighbour and his mates. He has since spiralled into using cocaine a lot - when I say a lot, it's not daily, it's weekly. It is usually either a Friday or Saturday and a Sunday. They offer him a line or two and that starts him off. Although, he also has independently bought it without being around them. He also frequently goes halves or buys some and shares it. It's got to the point where we are struggling financially as with the coke comes buying alcohol and cigarettes. Our income is very low as it is and it's not sustainsble to spend money weekly on the drug and the alcohol and cigarettes. This alone is causing me anxiety. The bigger issue is his behaviour. I have noticed a very clear pattern - when he is on it, he is generally extremely nice to me. It's the one time he will usually be nice to me and say nice things although he sometimes gets very emotional and just talks and talks at me about things that are bothering him. Outside of taking it, he seems to have some kind of prolonged side effects/come down. Say he takes it on a Friday, then by Monday through til Thursday he will be vile towards me. When I say vile, he is extremely irritable, moody and aggressive. Nothing I do is right. His fuse is do short. He will flare off and kick off about anything... things that make no sense or are incosequential. I dread it and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have talked to him about the money, possible impact on his behaviour (which he pretty much denies) and addictive nature of the drug. He agrees to the addictive nature on some level and about the money, says he'll stop and then either the next weekend comes and he needs it to destress (his words) or he gets invited to partake in some by one of his friends/associates. He will then stay up most or all of the night, snorting it, drinking and smoking. This obviously is impacting me as I'm trying to sleep and the next day he's useless... plus it's affecting his health and he doesn't eat or sleep when he's doing it. I think the reason I am on here is because recently I went away to stay with family for a bit as I needed to go to a medical appointment near where they live and my partner had things to do at home that are easier to do while he's on his own. The agreement was that he would do those things during his time. The agreement was also that he would work on himself, his fitness and other healthy things related to getting on a good track body and mind-wise. He started off well but it has then come to my attention that he hasn't done those things. Someome I know, who knows what he was supposed to be doing said that whenever he was seen around the neighbourhood, he was hanging out drinking/down the pub etc. He was very nice to me at the end of the week and on the weekend - on the phone and when I briefly visited him. Roll around Monday and the vile person reemerges. He has been incredibly irritable with me. He has been constantly having a go at me - nothing I can do is right. He has been repeatedly blocking and unblocking me, and making accusations and threats. His behaviour is so volatile, I have never experienced anything like it before. I am treading on eggshells. I find myself saying sorry all the time to try to defuse things. As far as I knew, he'd done nothing drugs-wise since I left. He has told me that he was offered it and turned it down, but now I think he must have done a little at some point during the weekend. The behaviour he exibits during the week is: Paranoia Aggression Moodiness/irritability Extreme anger outbursts Depression Suicidal thoughts He has also been on and off some prescription medication and has used anabolic steroids on and off - this is another big worry for me and I do not agree with him using them. I don't know what to do. This weekly pattern has been going on for maybe 2 or 3 months or more... I can't even remember. I feel so confused and isolated. I keep thinking he is like this because of the substances. It seems directly linked to him taking this regularly but then I don't know if I am making excuses or if there is any hope.


2 posts

Cocaine addiction where’s it come from by

Hi, first time I have done anything like this and didn’t fancy phoning any of the lines. I’m Adam 36, three kids, good wife (never done drugs) own two businesses out side looking in great life. I’ve always done cocaine from been 18 and it’s always been a social thing I did in the pub on the weekend and never been an issue always stopped at that. About 12 weeks back things changed and I don’t know why I do have a lot of stress with work but I have only missed I guess 2-3 days in the last 6 weeks and anytime of the day. I know I’m starting to develop a problem but can’t stop myself the money ain’t a problem these days and with out mixing it with alcohol my wife doesn’t even notice. Even doing this at work now before meetings etc how can coke not be a massive issue all my adult life then this and I can see how drug problems develop now I’m taking bigger quantities and the feeling when there is none left. Scared my self the other week aswell I’m sure I overdosed body tremors racing heart and when I finally passed out I slept the clock round 24 plus hours Affecting my work and family life only slightly at the moment but has changed my mind set not happy with the normal life at the moment Any advise all would be appreciated just don’t know how to break the routine at the moment

Hi I'm new and nowhere else to turn by

Hi, I'm writing this as I have finally excepted that I can not help my partner with his drink problem. However, what I do now is a mystery. We have a small child and I'm the sole earner. So if I leave I would have to give up my job, my house and take my daughter out of a wonderful primary school. I just dont know where to start, but he won't go because I pay for everything and he hides in his bedroom drinking. He looks after our daughter when I work early mornings and late nights. But I am in a permanent panic incasev. He has one of his days and I'm not there.

by Vixem

13 posts

Breaking free of an addict - my story by

I've determined one thing - what I learned from being with an addict, I want to share with others, in the hope that helps others to break free, to see that they are not alone, to know that things can get better. Long story short, I found out my boyfriend was a crack addict about 5 months ago. Those 5 months seem like years now. I did it all - shout, scream, cry, follow him, challenge him, blame him.. beg... abandon him, try supporting him.. nothing.. NOTHING worked. His treatment of me got worse - and our relationship was destroyed by his use. You feel alone - so alone. My short journey left me suffering anxiety and stress, it ran me down until I was physically ill, my self-esteem fell to zero.. I stopped caring about myself and my own routine went out the window. I put myself into dangerous positions trying to track him down and confront the bastards supplying it to him and constantly contacting him with secret rings and texts. I was left with so much anger I felt I would kill. I would have panic attacks and nightmares and I was left with so much unresolved anger and issues... over his use and how he treated me and what he threw away. I was angry.. all the time. Last weekend, something happened... a small incident.. I tried to give him a personal gift (a portrait I had taken 4 days drawing), and he went off the radar (stopped answering calls, ignoring my texts, and then lying to me).. I was going out of my mind and could not stop sobbing. In absoutely desparation, I dropped to my knees by my bed and I PRAYED. Trust me, I am NOT a religious nut or even a believer in God, but I didn't know what else to do anymore. So I begged for strength to walk away from this man. I sobbed and sobbed and begged for help. The next day - something just ... broke inside me. In a good way. I suddenly just accepted it was over and that I was never going to change this man or his behaviour, or be able to ever trust him again. I accepted that we were never going to have the relationship we had.. he was never going to stop using from what I could see. I accepted that it was simply futile. He contacted me, and apologised as he has so many times before.. but suddenly, when you distance yourself from a situation, you see it so differently. I saw him differently. He is a junkie. And not a particularly nice person - not just because of the drugs. I reminded him that we are no longer together. I suddenly felt like a weight was removed from my shoulders. I felt like... myself again. Me. The happy me that is content with life. I felt whatever bond we had was broken - for good. I no longer had questions whizzing through my head, scenarios monopolosing my every thought, I no longer had anger burning inside me... I felt I could breath properly for the first time in months. Someone said to me 'He is your addiction' and this is SO TRUE for so many people loving an addict. I would count the days I hadn't seen him and try to break away.. I'd block him, unblock him, I'd be terrified to bump into him because I know I'd weaken.. or if he contacted me, I would go running to him. NOW? I haven't blocked him. He can contact me if he wants - or engineer a way to see me (as he has before) and I will be kind, and polite... but I will be firm. I don't need to pray for strength. I have peace of mind, I have no drama or stress, I have my self-respect back. He has been downright cruel to me at times, and I won't allow him to use crack as his excuse. I truly don't know what really happened for me, only to say 'something broke' (the final straw maybe).. but I finally feel free. I don't wait for the day he will sort himself out and come back to me clean - because the likelihood of that is pretty much zero. If you are loving an addict, I hope you find the strength to look after the most important person in your life - YOU. I hope this helps someone.

Codeine Addiction? by

Hi Guys, I started suffering bad pain around 12 weeks ago, the doctor prescribed me codeine 30mg x 30. I used 2 a day and when they ran out I was using Nurofen plus (about 60-80mg for 8 weeks). I have now gone down quite quickly (a week tapering) to one pill a day instead of 5-7. I have been struggling very badly with health anxiety for these 12 weeks and can't tell what is causing all my depression. It could be my health worries, the codeine, or both. All the other posts I read on here talk about huge doses that they have been on for years! Is it possible that withdrawing from around 75mg a day for 90 days can cause bad depresssion? Any help greatly appreciated! :]

My Codeine problem by

I am writing this as a way to document my progress but also maybe help others. How did I get in this mess? Most people who are addicted to painkillers usually have a 'trigger event' Mine was 3 broken ribs, for which I took co-codamol. I noticed at that time a euphoria and also removal of all the worries. And believe me there are a few: As a parent of 2 small children (2 and 5) with a very demanding job and wife that is retraining and therefore earns very little we have money problems because of a massive mortgage and nearly a grand is paid a month in childcare. I am on my own with the kids most of my waking hours that are not at work, because my wife is a trainee teacher as spends every waking hour lesson planning or marking. She makes £800 a month after tax which is crazy. She works 3.5 days a week and spends the other days socialising. I am trying to be ok with that. Hence Codeine was a form of escape. It took 3 years to get from occasional abuse through to the very serious situation of of taking nearly 600mg codeine a day as codeine phosphate tablets. I found an easy way to get them from online pharmacies. They cost a lot of money and i must have spent 5 grand at least. I also drink a bottle of wine a night and take diazepam too. This situation was obviously unsustainable. But, amazingly no-one knows as far as I am aware. You will be thinking - how could I let this get so bad, but those of you know that codeine resistance builds in plateaus - one day 90mg will do nothing at all and you need to up your dose to get the same feeling. What now I am now absolutely case iron determined to sort this out. Obviously I feel ashamed for spending money like this and being so irresponsible, but that works as a motivator for me now. My taper is going to have a lot of discomfort associated with it - but will drop quite quick then slowly reduce after that. This is mainly because of the expense of the tablets, and because I want to get to a safe dose as quickly as I can. Where am I now? Totady I am down from 600mg to 330mg. This is almost a safe amount to take a day (allegedly 240mg) so that's something. I will now reduce to 90mg a day and then drop 15mg a day. There has been a lot of symptoms - all of the ones you read about. But the worst has been the depression - its been difficult to get out of bed even. Especially as you gather your thoughts and know you face a day of discomfort. I take 5-htp and this helps a lot. Exercise really helps, and vitamin B seems to help too. The other golden rule is to keep continually busy until the end of the day. Having 2 small children and a wife that works all evenings has both filled this time but also made loneliness a bit of an enemy. If there are any positives I have a sex life again and also am enjoying going to the toilet (sorry if this is oversharing). My stomach bloating is massively reduced and I can see my abdominal muscles again. For alcohol - I strictly limit my drinking, but I do allow myself 2 glasses of wine, because its dangerous to stop straight away. After a week, I will cut this out completely - that will save £3 a day (I was buying a bottle a day). The only way I could reduce my drinking was to wait until later in the evening before I started. For me, this is 9pm (we go to bed at 11). Hopefully I can keep posting here as a progress the bumps along the way. I have noticed no two days are the same - some are not too bad - today is OK. Yesterday was terrible. There's only one thing missing for me now - that's someone to talk to. I'm too ashamed to talk to friends so the anonymous forum is worth a try....?

Better person on sniff by

My husband was a big drug user in his youth but gave it up in his 20s. I had never been part of the drug clique (literally done nothing). We are both now in our early 40s and for some reason he has got me into cocaine. That is not the problem. My problem is that (1) we only ever seem to have sex if we are doing sniff and (2) the only time he opens up to me is when he is sniffing coke - my husband is a better husband on coke!!!!!!! Actually he is a nicer person on coke - it’s becoming v a problem. What do I do?!?

Desperate Times by

My husband is a functioning alcoholic. He also takes prescription co-codamol and amitriptyline. I really don’t know what to do now. I’ve told him so many times in so many ways I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I’m living a lie. Nobody else knows. I feel I can’t confide in anyone as they are all too close. I am at breaking point. I want to just go to sleep and not wake up so I don’t have to think about it or deal with it anymore.