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1165 threads

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Newbie and needing advice by

Hi all New here and relatively new to all this. Looking for some advice. Last July I started dating a guy who was 5 months into recovery (I now know that’s not advisable for him to do). We had an amazing 7 months, he was doing great, although he was putting a lot of pressure on himself to achieve a lot very quickly. He has a history of mental health issues, deep rooted very traumatic stuff from his childhood. A month ago out of the blue he started distancing himself from everyone. He completely shut his family out and his contact with me was becoming less frequent. I eventually found out he has relapsed. Obviously there was tension but I supported him as best I could. He assured me he didn’t want to continue and would stop again. He didn’t. It was a long distance relationship and his contact continued to dwindle, it felt like when I wasn’t physically with him he’d forget I existed. Sunday just gone, I’d had enough, told him I was fed up of the way he was treating me, that I wanted to be with him and support him but he had to take into account my feelings. I’m ashamed to say I screamed and shouted (out of frustration). In one conversation he said said he wanted to be with me, didn’t know if he wanted to be with me; didn’t want to be with me. And that was that, we were over. He said he didn’t deserve to be happy and didn’t think he’d ever settle down. His family are sadly used to these episodes and have said they think he’s scared and running away from me. That he doesn’t think he deserves me. I want to support him but at the minute I’m leaving him be, he’s shut himself away and I don’t want to force the issue. But I have no clue what to think about what’s going to happen. I feel like I’m in limbo and I have no idea what I should do Any advice or shared stories would be amazing Thank you ????

Advice & help please!!! by

I’ve posted a few threads about my boyfriend alcohol and cocaine addiction. He’s abused his body since 21 and the past 3 years he went completely off the rails cocaine mainly drinking and crack cocaine for a few months. This was very much before my time with him. He expressed he isn’t normal and damaged soul when we rekindled years later from when we first dated. He did all the chasing to get with me. I had reservations cause I loved him before but we were in different worlds. This time more mature both have children from broken relationships. The relationship has been a rollercoaster to say the least. He’s unpredictable, unreliable and moody, bad temper. I’ve cotton on to his cycles and I think he’s addicted to cocaine and drinks he’ll of a lot!! Life has been hard but things I believe are in a much better place for him. Business, money coming in, I’m supportive (too much feel like a doormat sometimes). But he just seems to wollow in negative thoughts, smallest thing he snaps and disappears. He’s vile to me verbally at first I blamed potential mental health and kept telling myself it’s that and he doesn’t mean the things he says. Other times he’s drunk or off his head he’s shouting in my face calling me c**t and s***g etc. Accused me over months of all sorts. He rarely apologies but says it’s mental health he’s not normal or I should listen to anything he says when he like that. I’ve onky ever felt a tiny uncomfortable a few months back when he was pushing me into a the wall and I made it clear I wasn’t having that and to leave. He dissapeared the weekend I believe to binge and I’ve had time our to think things over and remind myself it’s nog me and nothing I’ve done although he’ll make it about that it’s about me! He’s been in a vile mood Monday, Tuesday and yesterday evening he rared up again not picking for a row and dissapears again. Intoxicated with vodka. He’s threatened or made it clear cancelling a trip away we had planned in the coming week. He uses my past failures to belittle me in nasty messages. I’ve read a lot online about projection and that it’s clearly something inside him he can’t deal with that projects his shit onto me. I’m at my wits end. I’ve tried being calm, empathetic reached out to him and asked him what is going on, can he talk to me about how he feels, what’s going on inside his head, why does he feel the need to lash out at me but he ignores and just continues to fire belittling failures into me. He told me he is what he is and he’s not normal but if I think he can do better than go find someone else. Honestly is this me? Is he really emotionally damaged from drugs and alcohol that there is no coming back? Is he battling something horrific? Does he truly love me? Just feel so unwanted, unloved, helpless and questioning everything all the time. He’s jackal and Hyde his tempers are horrendous he flips at the smallest insignificant things. Almost like an excuse to walk out and do whatever he’s doing? Does anyone have similar experience or advice on how to handle such a situation like this?

He’s out of control by

My son is addicted to cocaine, I’m trying to help but he’s just out of control. He’s racked up thousands of £’s if debt and is asking me to be guarantor to his loans to help him out of the terrible situation he got himself in. I am refusing to be guarantor I can’t keep bailing him out financially, even when I do he just goes straight back to it, he doesn’t seem to care. I have asked him to stay home and I will try and help him through his cravings, but he goes out straight from work. to be honest I don’t think he really wants to stop he just wants me to bail him out all of the time

Worried about my daughter who may be taking Cocaine by

My 30 year old daughter is a single mum of 2 young children and has been single for about 3 years. Lately she has been going out a lot with a couple of her single friends. She doesn't get home until 3-4 in the morning. When she goes out she drinks so much in one evening the next day she spends in bed. I have the children with me overnight. One of her close friends has a cocaine addiction which she has told me about. Lately she has been spending more and more time with this friend. Since spending more time with her she always seems to have a very blocked nose and when I have asked her why she's so blocked she says she thinks she has an allergy. She has a good job and works about 30 hours a week. The last 5/6 months she literally runs out of money within the first two weeks and is now going out of her overdraft every month. She's continuously asking me to help her with money which is causing me a lot of stress as all the money I earn is going to help her. She says it's to buy food and things for the kids and to help pay her bills but now I'm starting to wonder. I have asked her where all her money is going but she says she doesn't earn enough and it's all her bills that's causing her to be so short. I'm so worried as she's also stopped looking after her house which is a complete mess when I go there. She doesn't do her washing so I end up doing it or the kids don't get clean clothes. I know she loves her kids dearly but she has changed and it's such a worry as I don't know what to do? She also has very big mood swings and is on anti depressants and seems to have highs and lows. I don't want to accuse her of anything in case I am wrong but if I leave things the way they are I can't see how things will get better and I worry for the children. Can anyone give me some advice as to how to handle this situation and has anyone else been or going through something similar?

Drugs and alcohol by

Good afternoon I really need some advice please my middle Son is 21 years old, I feel like he has an addicted personality he seems too be drinking most days and he appears too have a cocaine habit, he is working but every weekend he blows the lot, he has started giving me keep every week, but what my problem is apart from all that is he wants too get a horse as he says it will focus him towards the horse and not spend all his money on drink and Drugs, I so want too believe it will help, but I don't want a horse too suffer, please can I have some help on this, Thank you

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4 posts

Newbie by

Hi all, Will keep it brief. I feel so alone and have been supporting my addict husband for 8 years. Did not know the extent of his addiction until the night of our wedding when he left me for 3 hours to go and score. I have begged, screamed, shouted and enabled him. I am at the end of my breaking point. He has changed me as a person and still I remain. Can't talk to friends about the true extent of the problems. Sometimes I feel like killing myself. Not looking for answers just an undetstanding

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4 posts

Desperate to help son by

My son is a cocaine addict, he’s got himself into terrible debt and just can’t seem to shake his habit. I have recently been to counselling to try and understand what he is going through and they advised not to keep paying his debts (which we have done several times previously) and letting him take responsibility for his own life. It’s got to the point where I’m all out of ideas, he’s been going to nhs counselling but it just seems he’s drawn back into it and no matter how bad it’s getting financially he just goes back for more. We have asked him to stay at home and not mix with the circle of friends he has got himself into, just don’t know what to do next my husband is so close to kicking him out

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7 posts

Help & Advice Cocaine/drug fuelled boyfrined by

I really hope someone can offer advice or help on what I should do.... my boyfriend of 16 months seems to be on a cocaine and alcohol binge cycle every 3 weeks. I’ve observed the patterns and it becomes apparent every third week he kicks off about something which gives him the green light to more or less do cocaine and drink stupid amounts of alcohol ???? like 3.5 bottles Friday evening till Sunday! When he’s sober he suffers with depression and anxiety. He says some days are battle. But when he’s in a good place he is really good/positive. I’ve researched online and no doctor but like split personality disorder or bipolar symptoms. He becomes emotionally disconnected during this time, vile natured abusive behaviour such as name calling etc etc. Never harmed me. I’m just beside myself as this has happened over and over and I’ve just discovered it’s a pattern. Wondered if anyone had advice or similar experience and how to deal with someone like that? I’ve tried being empathetic, tried talking them around when they’re like that but it’s finds it fuels they’re nasty behaviours it’s very much jackal and Hyde as such! I’m now trying a new strategy of leaving him be when he’s like this and wait till he’s calmed down. But I don’t want him to think I’m walking away either but torn none the less ????

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10 posts

At My Wits End by

Hope this forum is still active. Here's my story, any advice will be greatly welcome and appreciated. I have known of my husband for 22 years, we were both with our partners for 19 of those years but finally got together 3 years ago, we married 2 yrs ago. I thought I was the luckiest lady ever. I love my husband so much but he has drink problems. At first we would polish off 4 bottles of wine at night most nights, the odd night we would go out and it simmered down a bit. He has always been a bit of a sickly person, throwing up with stomach pains etc. The first year we was together, he refused to go the GP and initially thought it might be IBS. I suggested one day that he cut down on alcohol to see if it helped, he did a little bit but didn't make much difference. When we got married, on day 1 of our honey moon, I ended up calling an ambulance, he was so poorly, he was in hospital for a week and was told he needed his gall bladder removed and had pancreatitis and needed to stop drinking. Once again he cut down, had surgery and his health improved. At this point he had 6 months off work. The drinking crept back in, he was having maybe 4 cans of beer every night or a bottle of wine or we would share a bottle of gin once a week. I can take it or leave alcohol. Last year he was admitted to hospital again, this time with Chronic Pancreatitis, he was in and out of hospital for 3 months and had another 6 months off work. His consultant told him that he is killing himself and 1 more drink could kill you. He finally had a shock and said he wouldn't drink. I started to buy him different non alcoholic beers which he loves and seemed happy. He started to occasionally have a bottle of beer or a can of Gin n Tonic. My working hours increased which keeps me out of the house from 10am until the early hours of Sunday morning. I come home to find him asleep but drunk, I know he is drunk because he snores louder and swears, punches himself in his sleep. When I challenge him he completly denies it. I have smelt alcohol on him a number of times and he always denies it. I really laced into him last month as he came in from work clearly having had a drink, I pecked and pecked at him until he admitted he had a shot of rum, no way was he drunk on that, so I searched the house and found a bottle of empty rum in his work bag. The same thing happened again 2 week later but this time a bottle of brandy. At this point, he agreed to go to get help, I checked opening times and location, went there to be told they had moved to another address and the closed within 5 minutes. I was really hopeful but couldn't get him seen. He agreed to go in the week but when that came he refused again. Yesterday a neighbour stopped me and asked if my husband was OK as he saw him on our local park, staggering about, he couldn't get off the bench etc... I was fuming, he was responsible for my 11 year old child at the time and he goes out to the shop and necks alcohol quickly. We argued last night, he says he don't have a problem, he is not going anywhere and that this neighbour is lying. I don't have a problem with him drinking But when he has been told he is killing himself I don't understand why he is doing. He makes himself ill then its me picking up the pieces and keeping the family going whilst he is in hospital. He is making me ill, I cry alot, I have panic attacks, I have started smoking, I go to work and don't want to come home. I love him so much, but I am not enough for him, although he says I am. He takes anti depressants and has done since his ex stopped him for seeing his little boy 3 years ago. I can't imagine life without him, I can see me being a widow within the next few years if he carries on. Where do you find the strength to support them?

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4 posts