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2885 threads

18214 posts

My codeine use needs to stop, will start next week! Need supporters by

Thanks for this forum and the amazing people on here fighting serious battles with addiction! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to fight. I was prescribed codeine 8 years ago and managed to quit once then fell back after nearly 2 years clean. Been on codeine again for 2 years now and I’m noticing a change in my thinking and processing ability. I’m much slower and prone to confusion and forgetfulness. I watched an excellent series of lectures on Amazon great courses channel about the nature of addiction and how it affects the brain! It was shocking! I had no idea that addiction can weaken the function of the prefrontal cortex which is the brains centre of logic! So it becomes harder to make right choices. Along with many reasons, mostly my children, this has been a tipping point for me and I want to quit next week. Please could I have a few/any rallying supporters to just check in on me and rally me to the finish line? Would mean a lot and I hope to support someone else on here too. Thank you.

Will I ever trust him? by

Hello, I am seeking advice as I truly don’t know where else I can turn. I have been with my husband for 10 years and happily married for 3. I have always believed I was a bit of a ‘paranoid person’ and just ever so sensitive to when people are telling the truth to me. I’ve always had a vibe! Too many times to recount, I have questioned my husband as to whether he has taken cocaine when drinking, he has always utterly denied it and made me feel so comforted by his lies. To the point where I feel silly for questioning him.... but my internal vibe has been screaming not to listen. 6 weeks ago I discovered a bag of cocaine in my bedroom, when I questioned my husband he immediately shot me with ‘it’s not mine!!’ To which I then had to remind him that only him, me and my three sleeping children were in the house. He then admitted everything, he opened up and told me it’s an addiction. That the debt that we are in is due to this secret addiction and that it happens nearly every weekend in the comfort of our home whilst I’m sleeping after a hard week of work. Fast forward 6 weeks, he has stopped, is getting therapy and has been put on antidepressants by our GP. I am supporting him and saying all the right things, but I am angry!! I do not trust a single word he says, he has the ability to lie so easily that it scares me! I feel my whole marriage has been a lie, I feel all the times we have been away, all the evenings when I have been asleep everything we have done together has been tainted now by this memory of ‘he was off his head anyway!’ All the times I have asked and begged for the truth, I know I would still be utterly clueless had I not found it. He lied to his boss this morning about sleeping in for work and I genuinely was shocked at how easy he found it to lie!! We have booked onto marriage counselling but the wait is 10 weeks. I feel totally like the betrayal has taken over and my happy marriage bubble has gone forever. Will I ever trust him again?

by fayzey

87 posts

Something needs to change by

First time ever writing something like this. I've been addicted s to cocaine for a few years now. At first it was just every other weekend but now it's very frequent. Im still keeping everyday life going but it's getting a lot harder. I'm worried I'm going to lose everything. My mental health has been getting progressively worse and I'm using to block it out, but in turn its only adding too my self destruction. I don't have many help centers near by and im too scared to tell my family. If anyone reads this, please give some advice

by Eyeuti

4 posts

Partners mood swings after cocaine binges by

Hi, I have been with my partner for 5 years and have always had cocaine in our lives. He used to use it socially every week and not see it as a problem until it became a big problem and he was doing it alone in our living room while I was in bed. I used to find white powder on the floor where he’d been sitting. He would also disappear for days and not answer his phone so I gave him an ultimatum. He can stop for months but can never seem to get past the 3 month mark. His last binge was three weeks ago and he disappeared for three days with no contact, I have also just had his daughter 13 weeks ago and this has not stopped his use. His mood swings have been horrendous since his binge and he says I’m no fun anymore so he self medicates. I do not allow him in the house if he has used so says it’s my fault that he stays away for days.

1 post

In denial by

I just don't know what to do next. My husband is an alcoholic but is in denial of this. He is also depressed which he does admit but won't take the step to get help for. I have been with him for 21 years and he has always enjoyed a drink, but now he gets up in the morning and instead of going for a coffee I hear the ring pull go on a can of lager. He's self employed but isn't working a lot at the moment and we are getting more and more into debt. He'salways been such a lovely person but is becoming a shadow of himself and I'm struggling to see what to do next - I can't do anything if he doesn't accept he needs support. I find both empty and full cans of lager hidden all over the house. I have tried to speak to him a number of times but he gets defensive when I raise it. I have tried to encourage him to seek help from the gp or a counsellor for his depression but he won't go and he wont tell me the barriers or triggers to this. He is totally shutting himself off to everyone except me and Iam now feeling suffocated. I can't go to the toilet without him asking where I'm going. He calls me all sorts of profanities in rhe evening/night but then can't remember this the next morning. Yesterday we were invited to a friends house for a bbq to see a couple of friends who had come down and we havent seen since pre covid. I had been out shopping in the morning and my husband must have had more to drink while I was out than I realised because within a couple of cans of lager at their house he was totally inebriated. He refused to eat anything even though encouraged and wet himself because he couldn't get the the toilet on time. We only live a 5 minute walk from their house but it took 40 minutes to get home. I had to carry him home because he couldn't stand which was a struggle; thank goodness he isn't a big man but he felt like a lead weight. He was shouting and swearing on rhe way home. He needed to urinate and did it against a tree then slipped and sat in it. He was yeĺling I had pushed him when I hadnt. I spent the whole time panicking that someone was going to call the police there was so much noise. We finally got home and I struggled to manage holding him and getting the key in the lock. In the house he fell and hit his head on the stairs and said I'd hit him. I spent all night checking on him because I was scared he'd vomit and choke on it. I feel exhausted and don't know how much longer I can do this for. I feel so alone and like I'm going mad.

An Addicts Journey - Change is Possible by

Where do I begin? In reality I've been popping in and out of this group for 2 years knowing that the grip of Cocaine was slowly but definitely very surely was taking a stronger and stronger hold. Always starts off the same, recreationally taken with friends to help socialising and chasing that forever high (which btw never comes). 2020 during lockdown (no excuse) more and more was being consumed. 2021 started off terribly with winter days, home schooling (I have 2 lovely young children), Dry Jan went up in smoke (or more pertinently put, up my nose) after 16 days and work was challenging. In April I believe when the gyms were back open I appeared to have got back on track and going back to good habits. The old me was back…..for 6 weeks and then Mid-May 2021 here we go again. The sleepless nights with myself downstairs while my beautiful family slept upstairs. Me making countless excuses to my wonderful wife about why I hadn’t come upstairs – working late, fell asleep on the couch, too hot (all lies lies lies). In June 2021 the wife caught me and I left the house as I saw her as a hindrance to me having a great time (hahaha, what a fallacy). I sought help in July 2021 with a couple of sessions with a Psychiatrist who said I was fine and I did feel fine. August 2021 and here we go again. The rest of the year was filled with ups and downs, resorting to anti-depressants which helped mask my erratic behaviour (and gave me something to hide behind). Xmas came and went while on it. New Years Eve I didn’t end up staying awake, the kids and my wife celebrating the New Year in our bedroom while I lay there unable to move, disabled from the days of abuse. What had a I become? Jan 2022 started off well but short lived. I couldn’t rid myself of this grip that this drug had on me. I managed a few weeks off it but something would always lead me back to it. This something being a blind spot or the beast within my mind daring me to make the call. It had got so bad that I had the dealers bank account details and he would place the copious amount of bags in the letterbox so I could slide my hand in the box and pick it up discreetly. I didn’t even need to leave the house now! All I wanted to do was watch porn and consume cocaine (along with alcohol to bring me down). You can see the downfall here, cocaine to take me high, alcohol to bring me down and it seemed forever the cycle ran. Come end of February 2022 and my blessed wife had had enough. She just said You’re no use to us at the moment, just go and clear your head somewhere. This was my moment to do as I wished, yippee! I left our home and checked into a hotel and basically drank and snorted until a few days later. My moment, my realisation had come. I missed my sons first football match. I had taken him to training, supported him and had been his biggest advocate over the previous 9 months. Just when it mattered, I wasn’t there. This was my dawn and my awakening. One of my best friends came to visit me at the hotel a day or 2 after missing my sons match. He saw a broken man, he took me out to get something to eat, I bought a bottle of lemonade and retreated back to my room. I knew I was now in this stage of going cold. I couldn’t do it anymore, the ups and downs, the lack of being in me as a man, the one that my children couldn’t look up to as a Father, the Husband who wasn’t really there. My wife had to carry the load and now, well now…..was my time March 2022 I started my recovery. I accepted I was a cocaine addict, I admitted and told my nearest and dearest what I was. A cokehead, manipulative and a liar (I told my parents, my brothers and their respective wives, my mother / sister in Laws and of course my blessed wife along with a few of my friends – maybe too many friends). Once I had accepted this was who I had become it felt as if the worries of the world had been lifted. It was now time to see the beauty that love and compassion had to offer. My words had no weight any more due to my previous actions and now it was time for action. Time for real change, visible change. My attitude to life became one of principles and values. One of being and reason. This shift only happened because I was ready. I don’t know how to describe it other than I feel truly blessed to type this to you all. I am one of the lucky few who had the chance to do this. I see many families on this forum struggling, many users who are struggling and it is heart breaking yes. Only meaningful way I can see from my experience is you look within you, like really within you and ask yourself Do I really want to change?. I changed for me and me only. I knew by doing this that the world would get the best from me. If I changed for my wife then what would happen if we had an argument? I would only resort back to my old ways. So here we are, 146 days on – my wife chairs the school charity and I help her out with activities related to this, I am my sons football teams coach, my work is back on track, my fitness is up, my wife no longer carries the load within the house and my 9 year old daughter (she’s my barometer to see if I’ve really changed, my 6 year old son would always think I’m his hero such is the nature of these relationships) and I have the best relationship we’ve ever had. So what is the point of all of the above? I was a truly broken man end of Feb 2022, now I am unrecognisable and this is all truly possible. Michael Jackson Man in the Mirror, are you ready to make the change? Only you can answer this my friend, if you are there is a whole world waiting to see the best of you……..

Son with addiction by

Hi l I'm new to this forum and would like to share my story with you. My 26 year old son has been drinking vodka daily for over 4 years. It was really bad 2 years ago and he moved away from the area and he started to realise how bad he had got and cut down a bit but not completely and was still in denial. He met a partner moved in with him and his mum and with their help got considerably better. He got mote help with his mental health and seemed to be controlling his drinking. He had a bad accident while drunk a year ago broke his back fractured his skull ripped half his ear off it was awful. He was housebound for 6 months looked after by his partner and his mum and said he would never drink again. I finally had my baby back because he didn't for 6 months and seemed to be over the worst and recovering. But that changed when he left the house for the first time alone and brought vodka. He got kicked out and lost his partner who he loved dearly. He found a flat still drunk but not as bad than I would get constant messages asking for money. He than moved met someone else and moved in with him said he was getting help and got caught secretly drinking and again got kicked out. Really don't know how to deal with this anymore its consuming my life and has put pressure on my relationship. thank you for reading

Alcoholic dad by

not really sure if I'm here for advice or just to vent, but figured either wouldn't hurt. my dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I remember. My mom said she used to keep us away from it when we were little but now I'm renting my parent's second property and my dad comes over 3-4 times a week and all he does is drink from the first thing in the morning until he passes out. He's not a mean drunk, but he becomes a completely different person and stumbles around rambling about nothing. I try my best to ignore it but I always get upset or mad whenever I hear him opening beer after beer until the whole case is gone. I know he had a pretty messed up childhood so it's definitely some type of coping mechanism. He also works hard and has given up a lot so me and my siblings could be successful in life, so in a way I feel bad for getting so frustrated. He only ever drinks when he's 'visiting' me and never gets like that anywhere else. It's like this place is his get away to drink himself to death and I'm the only one who sees it so I feel like I'm alone and have completely different thoughts about it than the rest of my family. I just really wish he would stop coming here so I don't have to get so stressed and angry about it.

Is it possible to stop smoking crack?? by

Hi everyone, any advice would be greatly appreciated…. My partner has now been on a week long crack binge, spending around £200 a day- I don’t really know what that means having never done it myself but I’m guessing it’s a lot. This is off the back of a 2 month coke relapse. He’s now suicidal and has run out of money/drugs (well he had I think he may somehow of got some more). I can’t have him back to look after him at home as we’ve got kids and I don’t want them to see him like that….plus I’m not sure I want to be around him as it’s totally taken him over - I wouldn’t feel safe. Am I overreacting? I’m scared that I can’t see any good outcome from this at all - is there any way at all he is going to be able to stop now voluntarily? Is there anything I can do to help him?? I hate the thought of him out there and I’m really worried what he might do next…. xxx

by fayzey

3 posts

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