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18 replies

Desperate

My son has took 2 overdoses one nearly fatal this week he has lost his home .his girlfriend and his job. I did not know he is a cocaine addict. I had tried to distance myself as he had become abusive. I had guessed he was on weed. He owed thousands to drug dealers who were threatening him and the family. I am dealing with a dying mum. He has told so many lies. He has set the family against each other. I have no support as my current husband is not his dad and he does not like him. I have just started a new job and my employer has found out and will not keep me on . I cant sleep ,eat or breathe.due to chest pains. My family say they are sick of me talking about him and I should just let him die. He is a very talented musician. I have sent food to him as I am not giving him money. My life is over I cant bear the pain .I cant go to see him Im scared of the way he looks. He cries for my help. I cant bear it. How do I carry on living

replying to Millie

Dear Millie,

Thankyou for sharing your heartbreaking story. I am sorry that life must seem very tough for you right now.

It really sounds like you could do with some help for yourself. I'm wondering whether you have spoken to your GP ? Or you might like to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the families and friends of addicts. We have people you could talk to if you think that would be helpful. Maybe that would help you to feel not so alone.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

All the very best.

replying to Millie

Hi Millie I'm louise it's my first time on here I'm not sure if I'm doing it right or if you will get my message I hope you do do as I would love to chat .your life sounds just like mine my son is 29 and addicted to cocaine it's all the same paid drug dealers thousands my husband isn't his dad had my Windows put through "A good few years ago"but it never ends I always say I could write a book I have tried everything he crys and I go running because I want to save him and help him but it never gets any better .I wait for a call or knock on the door and live on my nerves and like you don't sleep as I wake up during the night with my heart racing wondering how he is I feel that he will die and like you struggle with that every day prob 24 /7 I hope you get this message and replie..louise

replying to Millie

Hi again Millie I've just read your post again and I can't tell you how similar we are it's devastating my son is homeless even though he has had more help than I can say but he's not helping himself sofa surfing tonight and I'm meeting him tommorow to get some lunch he's not eaten for 3 days and not changed his socks since last Friday?so he says how bad does that make you feel.but he prob won't turn up and he may or may not have a phone depends if he's sold it to a taxi driver for drugs as that's what he does and no benefits as no bank account and no Id the struggle continues

replying to Millie

Hi

I’m so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment. It’s important you talk to someone about how you are feeling.

In addition to the support options above, you can phone Samaritans on 116 123 for someone to talk to.

If you have any other questions about what other support is available please do get in touch with Adfam at admin@adfam.org.uk.

Best wishes,

Clara

replying to Millie

I am in the same position with my 29yr old son. I really am struggling to focus on anything else other than his addiction. Feel numb and can’t enjoy life ????

replying to Millie

I also know how you all feel my son is destroying all of us but I can’t turn against him I try and be strong and turn him away then I feel guilty I’m a bundle of nerves and am also waiting for that inevitable knock on the door xx

replying to Millie

I feel your pain it is destroying my marriage my job and my relationship with my daughter. I am fixated on his death. I worry I haven't enough money to bury him. People are fed up of me talking about him and say they wish he would die. I feel like my life is over. I dont contact him now because I am scared to see the state he is in then I feel guilty. Everyone saw us as a nice family and they now look down their nose at us. I started a new job and they are looking to fire me. I hope you have a supportive family and you have help. May god protect you and your son

replying to Millie

Hi Millie, I’m really sorry to hear about your son.. and how long this message is!!

how long has he been doing it for? Have you had any help at all? Im going through the same with my boyfriend who’s also 29 hes a cocaine addict, been to rehab which didn’t do anything they had so much freedom it was ridiculous! Tried hypnotherapy and I even quit my job to take him out the country for a few months and it still didn’t help. I was lied to for near enough our whole relationship by him and his mum until may this year when he got that bad doing it every other week! He doesn’t do it socially on his own and I to fear about that call every single day he leaves for work. I’m against lying I’ve had to go against what I believe and lie to my side of the family so people don’t think badly of him. He avoids me like the plague once he’s done it, only a few weeks ago we change our tactics he used to run to his mums and he would hide there for a few days and I’d wait for him to come home. This time I went round there.. as soon as I rang the door bell he jumped out the back window and hid ontop of the shed and he was like a scared cat. He ran away and didn’t come back until 2am. We have a no cash rule in the house, he’s not allowed to take out cash unless I’m with him and it’s for our personal training as I make him come with me, I have a tracker on his car to make sure he goes to work and also on his phone. Since that night it was like he was at his lowest point he had ever been. I paid for another isolated rehab which he refused to go to, we have it on standby in case but he promised he would go to meetings, find a sponsor and give him credit where it’s due he has! At the age of 27 it should be the best years but I know deep down he can over come this and that’s one of the reasons I stayed because he’s not a bad person, he’s the sort of guy that brings me flowers at 7am and I’m sure neither is your son. I’d say keep fighting no matter how stressful or frustrating it may be because he needs you, your husband should try to understand look up videos of how the addiction damages part of their brain. Also buy some macadamia nuts and liquorice my mother in law researched and found that when they get the feeling they need to do cocaine it helps.. hope you replie xx

replying to Millie

Hi Millie and AH91 it's so sad to read both your stories what is it with 29 year old men ..

Access to this forum has been temporarily disabled for all users. If you are looking for immediate support, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123.

We have temporarily closed this forum for maintenance and review.

Adfam exists to provide support for, and improve the lives of, families affected by substance use, and we have found that in recent months the balance of posts has shifted to focus on users’ personal issues with substances and addiction. While we recognise that these are issues that deserve support, the high volume of posts had become unmanageable for our small team, and was preventing us from facilitating support for families. We have closed the forum to re-evaluate, and we will be re-launching as soon as possible with a renewed focus on family support. From that point on, we will not be facilitating any conversation regarding individuals’ own substance use.

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