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Brother is beyond help...

My brother is 27 years old and has been abusing cocaine since he was 18 (we have recently discovered). I have suspected for a while what he was doing but my parents willingly choose to Bury their heads in the sand. He has stolen from us all, he has been frightening and aggressive, he has been abusive, he has gone missing for days and he has attempted suicide. I have always said he won't reach 30 and I am so scared that my prophecy will come true.

After his suicide attempt he made an effort to sort himself out. He was attending CA regularly but as an addict he is proficient in deceit and he soon fell back into his old ways. He has a girlfriend who is toxic and my parents do not want to address the issue. After he stole they put locks on the door and when he stole again from my sibling it was her fault as she hadn't locked her stuff away.

I suppose I'm after advice and help on how I can help my brother but also how I can get my parents to wake up. He can't do this alone, he quite clearly has mental health issues alongside his addiction but when I speak up I'm shouted down and they don't want to hear.

The only thing that will wake them up is when he is in a box.

My brother isn't interested in getting clean but I don't think he knows how.

Any assistance would be so much appreciated.


replying to Ajhall83

Hi there it’s sad that you have this burden on your shoulders. Maybe you’re parents are hoping the problem will go away. As far as I know I never had a problem with my sons stealing from us but I always had a lock on the bedroom and never left any temptation laying around. I have always been open about the drugs and the gambling and the dangers etc. But their choice is to continue doing what they like doing. They don’t think about the consequences or are oblivious to the states they get in. I am the one that has to suffer with the constant worry. There is no help out there because if they enjoy doing what they are doing and are in denial of having a habit then they do not want help. One of my sons has been in a secure unit after trying to commit suicide. He’s been admitted to hospital with cocaine psychosis and he’s only just turned 27 been dabbling since he was about 16. It is not a daily habit as he is living alone now and can not afford to but he still binges. He has got much better since I had to throw him out. I wrote about this on someone else’s post. I don’t know what you can do for your brother if he’s not willing to help himself. It’s me that wants them to stop destroying themselves but they don’t think it’s a problem. I live with the fear daily that I am going to lose one of them. Coming to this site two days ago has helped me with reading people’s posts. It’s very sad. I hope you can get to discuss your fears with your parents as they need to realise it’s become your problem too. Addiction destroys families. Hope I have helped but I am also in the same predicament. This is only a fraction of our lives. Maybe call the Samaritans although I never have myself. I have just learnt to cope over the years. I feel your pain x

Access to this forum has been temporarily disabled for all users. If you are looking for immediate support, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123.

We have temporarily closed this forum for maintenance and review.

Adfam exists to provide support for, and improve the lives of, families affected by substance use, and we have found that in recent months the balance of posts has shifted to focus on users’ personal issues with substances and addiction. While we recognise that these are issues that deserve support, the high volume of posts had become unmanageable for our small team, and was preventing us from facilitating support for families. We have closed the forum to re-evaluate, and we will be re-launching as soon as possible with a renewed focus on family support. From that point on, we will not be facilitating any conversation regarding individuals’ own substance use.

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