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4 replies

Advice

Hi,

I've just signed up to the group out of desperation.

My sister/best friend met someone around 18 months ago. ( 10 years younger than her)

He got her into drugs and she is now addicted. To cut a very long story short.... his beaten her, hit her son and beaten her dog.

He son now lives with my other sister and I have her dog.

The last time he beat her he got arrested. His currently in prison ( plead is actually today)

So I found out not only has she been talking to him, sending him money, but she is now back on the drugs.

I'm really really struggling with it all. I've tried everything and I just seemed to be lied too and let down.

I'm 6 months pregnant and all of what's been going on has perfectly me so badly I'm now " depressed" suicidal and have to be seen by a pysciarist.

She doesn't care what effect this is having on anyone and only cares about herself and her boyfriend.

I just can't seem to switch off and it's haunting me on a daily basis... to the point I don't want to live like this anymore.

She has changed so much... if someone was to tell me this was going to happen 2 years ago I would never in a million years believed them. Yet here we are living this daily nightmare.

As many of you, there is so much more going on but that's the just of it.

She is ruining her life, her son's life and everyone else around her and I just can not cope any longer.

replying to Wellsy102

Hi

I’m so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment. It’s important you talk to someone about how you are feeling.

In addition to the support options above, you can phone Samaritans on 116 123 for someone to talk to.

If you have any other questions about what other support is available please do get in touch with Adfam at admin@adfam.org.uk.

Best wishes,

Clara

replying to Wellsy102

Hi

So sad reading your story. I wish I could make it better for you but I don’t even know how to sort the mess out that am going through. Same thoughts as yourself but we have to pull through this. Especially you being pregnant. Maybe you should call the Samaritans or as the lady stated above. I only came on here today as I am at breaking point. It would be great if we could all detach ourselves as it seems the ones with the addiction are struggling but can not feel the pain that we as parents and family have to endure. If you read this then please try and speak to someone as it’s not easy being pregnant never mind losing your sister/ best friend to addiction. Please take care of yourself. X

replying to Wellsy102

Thank you for your response.

I have spoken to samrtiains, midwife, etc etc and although they are all so lovely, the problem remains the same and only one person can change it and she doesn't want too.

She said some terrible things last night to me and then rang me at 4am. He face is literally rotting because of the drugs... She has admitted to being addicted to them again but is insisting she can get off them herself.

When we all know she can't or she would of done it by now... so now we go back through the motions of supporting her, taking the abuse and then her being back on them. ( vicious circle we repeatedly go through)

Unfortunately I can't detach myself from it because God forbid anything happened to her I would never forgive. She has an emotional hold over all of us... I will always thinking if I had helped her that time this or that might not of happened.

This time I will already prepare myself for failure but maybe just have a tiny bit of hope it might be true.

Thank you for your advice x

replying to Wellsy102

Hi again. I am one of them that cannot totally emotionally detach myself from them. I have spent the past two days going through here reading and replying to some which in a way has took my mind off things. It is hard to open up to people incase you and your family get judged. It’s ok for me to not like my sons a lot of the time but I do not want other people to not like them. As it is not them I dislike it’s their habits and seeing how they are destroying themselves. At least I do get some normal days with my boys as it is not always a daily thing. Well at the moment it is with my son who’s still living at home. There is something not right as he’s only had two mornings off the drugs. Although he does work hard it’s awful seeing him waste his money to the dealers. And yes it’s good to talk but at the end of the day the problem is still there. There is no help if they do not want to help themselves so unfortunately for people like us we have to suffer. In the past I have lost two good friends to drugs and drink and this is my biggest fear. This is why I try to help them as much as I can as if I didn’t and anything did happen to them then I would never be able to live with the guilt that I was not there for them. We all have different coping strategies, sometimes I can cope other times I can’t and I have a melt down. It’s draining it takes over your life and it’s bloody awful. They are very clever when it comes to the emotional blackmail. It’s our fault, blah blah. I explode with anger seeing them destroy themselves then I calm down the next day. It’s lovely to see them normal. The boys I nurtured and love. It’s heartbreaking seeing them off their nuts. Well I am sure you feel the same. What can we do? Nothing. Mine don’t think they have a problem, they are not addicted?? Even though they do not do it daily in my eyes they are still addicts. Hope I am making sense to you and that you have a better day today than yesterday xx

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