First time joining a forum... here goes! Today I had to call the police on my 22 year old son as he trashed his room, was aggressive and threatening to me. This is due to cocaine addiction coupled with Valium addiction which has been going on and off for last 4 years. He has been in and out of young offenders and just two weeks ago spent his first time on remand in the big jail! Out on the Tuesday and back on drugs by the Saturday. This was after promising us me and his dad and also his pregnant girlfriend while he was in jail that his life was changing! However the last fortnight has been the worst by far. He’s never held a job for more than a fortnight, doesn’t pay his way and blatantly tells us he’s taken coke and it’s evident when he’s taken Valium. He does have mental health issues however I believe these have been brought on by the drug abuse. So tonight he is now in police custody facing 7 charges in court tomorrow morning as he started fighting with police! I have made the somewhat difficult decision that this time I will not be visiting him nor speaking to him on the phone as he will almost certainly be jailed. This has not been an easy decision however we have been through hell for four years and for my own health and sanity I need to make this decision. I feel so guilty but I can’t live like this any longer. So very sad.
I am so sorry this is your story, we found out in the summer our 22yr old son has a cocaine addiction. It has been the worst few months of our lives. We bailed him out in June and he has just gone out and run up the same debt and more. A counsellor told us we had to be clear with him and we must no longer enable him to continue without taking responsibility, it’s awful but the only way. I think you are doing the right thing. It’s tough love but we are praying it works. I wish you well, no parent deserves this xx
Thanks for your reply buttonboy. If only they could see what they are doing to the people that love them, as their “friends” are nowhere to be seen when it all goes wrong. Well the outcome was he was remanded, he has a great lawyer however he was extremely worried about him going to jail. He says he will not be contacting us. x
I'm very sorry to read your story. Dealing with your son's addiction and having to make the decision not to contact him must have been so very hard for you.
If you feel that you or your partner would like would like some support for yourselves, please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for those that are dealing with the impact of a family member's addictive. We have trained people who have a lot of experience and would understand what you have been going through. If you think that talking to one of them would help, please get in touch.
You can contact us on email@example.com or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.