: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

7 replies

Genuine drug problem?


I am new to this forum. My partner drinks heavily and uses cocaine weekly (mostly weekends only) . He has done so for our entire relationship of 4 years and probably for a couple of years before that too.

We are reaching the stage where we are ready to buy a house, have children and settle down. But i do not want to have children with him until he has proved that he can either control his alcohol and cocaine use, or has stopped completely. The biggest problem with his use is that he will 'pop out' for 'half an hour' and not come home until the following day, there will be no communication in this time, leaving me to worry that something bad has happened to him.

When we discuss this issue, he says that he has a drug problem and he cannot control himself or stop himself from taking cocaine once he has had a drink. I cannot relate to this at all and i cant help but think that this is his denial of self control and personal responsibility. Especially as he doesnt do it during the week (and surely he would if he had a drug problem?). .. Am i being unfair? Might he have a genuine drug problem? Or is he just using 'i have a problem' as an excuse?

I know its impossible to answer this question but if anyone has had a similar experience please get in touch.

Thank you

1 reply

replying to Bluecar

Im goin through the exact same problem.. the minute alcohol passes my lips im getting cocaine.. im on my last chance with my girlfriend. I only have it once a month.. may be once every 2 week. Or even less.. my problem if i have a drink in the house. Ill get it dropped off to me. Quite sad really. But i hate the stuff.. it makes me suicidal coming down off it. Theres no positives apart from feeling good for a bit. If you want him to stop.. he needs quit alcohol . Or you keep his phone if you go out togther. I lock mine in a safe fri and sat.. well my gf does. But the main thing he needs to quit himself.. coke makes you start arguments so its an excuse to buy it. Im in the new year now. Fresh start.. and done lots of prevention planning

replying to Bluecar

Ya know what it is I think we are all fucking stupid for putting up with it they are all the same and can’t admit or get help, don’t stick around get out of it. If you arnt enough reason to stop like I wasn’t (I’ve even got a baby on the way and it still isn’t enough) just leave him. If they’re happy doing it then let them crack on. I know I’ll never trust him to go out and not take it and you’ll be the same for the rest of you life x

replying to Bluecar

Hi, my advice.....just get out and never look back. Addiction is his issue and until he resolves it you can't do anything there. Just leave.....please!

replying to Bluecar

Yes it's a genuine drug problem.

My husband is the same now, (for the last six months) going out all hours drinking and when he has a drink he has cocaine. He doesn't do it without the drink. Three times he goes out per week and comes back the following day in a state.

I feel the friends he associates with are a cause of the problem, then the alcohol and finally the cocaine.

But at the end of the day my husband can say no to going out. No to the drink and no to the cocaine. He used to.

replying to Bluecar

I was in the same position as you, I am now, although he isnt doing it weekly, its now a 3 weekly thing - but he is getting help from support groups etc. One thing I will say, if he isnt willing to help himself, leave. Addiction isnt curable and without the right help and without him really wanting help, it will spiral out of control, I know its hard, but when children are involved and mortgages etc it will be even harder. HE DOES have an addiction, regardless of it being weekly. An addiction isnt just a daily thing. I have learnt this. I feel so sorry for you, as I know how this feels... I just dont know what to do either. I am in your exact position and I feel helpless x

replying to Bluecar

Hi Bluecar,

Thanks for posting. Your partner does have a drug and alcohol addiction but he will need to want to be helped in order for support to work for him. This isn't easy for you to deal with and you might consider getting support for yourself.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust, a charity the offers support to people, like yourself, dealing with a partner's addiction. If you contact us we could put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people who would understand what you are going through. May be talking with one of them would help to answer some of your questions and help you to make sense of things.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

I hope that this helps. Good luck.

replying to Bluecar

am in same situation except we had a baby boy except he doesn’t hon out anymore he just sit get some mad with it in house in toilet says it’s just a few drinks makes me out to be a nutter. But u can tell he totally changes and can hardly talk make sure he sorts himself b4 having a baby as it’s hard enough without one add a baby and it’s worse xxx hope ur ok x

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