You put it was great for 14 year? So how long has it been going down hill for? Has he started on coke when its been 14 year or all the time? Something has changed him..and your right its hard doing things on your own. Together and being on your own. Financially. Have you asked how much he spends on it?
We have had a wonderful marriage for fourteen years.
It suddenly changed in June last year. Said he felt like he was a different person, he wasn't the same any more.
He took coke once or twice a year three years ago. He didn't go out often and would refuse a line.
We have had a bit of a stressful time over the last two years with a court case keep being put off. But we were coping. He started to go out more often, twice a week but he was not taking anything then. Just getting drunk on a Saturday night and being hung over all next day. It started to change in March last year. The three times a week, getting pissed and on the coke. Then June it all exploded.
His friends all have money and he has a good job. Never asked how much but anything that you put up your nose or puke out is too much for me.
They say we take drugs to escape from things. So that court thing could of made it worse. Im only guessing here. If hes on good money i doubt he will just be getting 1 bag.. you have 1 then you want more and more. I cant suggest anything else. Other than just keep making him aware what hes doing. And ask him cut down at least and spend more time with you. If hes having it every week. He is addicted to it. Its leathal stuff and i wish i never had it.. it makes you so depressed when its wearing off and suicidal. Thats because its used all your dopamines in your brain.
I feel so sad for you reading your post - it must be absolutely heartbreaking for you. I am in a less worse position I guess, what started in the casual drinking for my boyfriend turned into a habit, the drinking habit was recognised and he does go to support groups and relapses every 4 ish weeks, when he does relapse he couldnt give a damn about me or anyone, just himself. Hes started doing cocaine as soon as he drinks too, he definitely has a problem and relapses and then has mental issues after, which is so hard for me to deal with. Until your husband admits he has an issue i think this problem will escalate. Its so so sad and such a difficult situation to be in, sending lots of love to you and strength to get through this, its so utterly horrendous xxxxx
I normally relapse after 1 month. They say cravings last a month. And 2 to 3 month your brain is trying to make u want it sneakily. You have to be off it 2 years they say to be really off it.. if u know hes relapsing every 4 week. On the 4th and 5th and 6th week. Be on his case. Take his phone off him.. dont let him drink at all!! And tell him do a hobbie or something. Then thats a good way of stopping and not relapsing
Hi Hox and REB,
Thanks for posting.If you would like some support for yourselves please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people having to deal with the addictive behaviours of a family member. We have trained and experienced people that you could talk with who would understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on email@example.com or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this is useful.
He upped his going out and drinking I think to escape the court case. Not to escape from me as I know wholeheartedly I was never a problem for him. We were always each others rock and supported each other through everything in life. The drinking has got him down and then he quickly got on the coke. I can understand the pressure he is under. The area we live is also rife with cocaine use it's a nightmare if you go out, it's on tap.
He isn't suicidal though, he's taking big risks with his health and money.
He doesn't want to spend time with me now, even though before all this he always asked if I minded him going out or if I'd made plans for us. If I asked him to stay in with me he would and enjoy being with me. If I reserved a table in restaurant he would be there in a shot. He would not begrudge me anything. His purpose in life was to make me, his wife happy and for fourteen years he did so.
I was teary when I read your post. thank you for confiding in us and telling of your experiences.
It is a sad time and I'm heartbroken.
I feel we are all in a bad position and need help but being on here does help me. Seeing that I am not alone and can also be anonymous too. We can tell the whole truth as we see it and not be judged or feel embarrassed.
My husband won't admit he has a problem so I know its going to get worse with his health and then probably financial issues. I have to wait for him to admit he has a problem and try to deal with it, but I have then got to think about his mental health and his ability to accept help and what if he can't manage it like you are experiencing. It is horrendous.
Danman, Reb and Georgia, you are a lifeline and you all help so much at this lonely time. Thank you. Lets hope for peace in our hearts and minds and the same for our loved ones.
I dont really want to say this vox.. but it sounds like you two was in the perfect relationship.. and for this to stop like that and he dont want to know you.. have you thought hes seeing someone else? It makes you do stupid stuff coke.