It is good that you are telling your GF how she can help you and that you are finding things like the videos to help yourself. It helps me prepare for what could happen too.
Good luck mate.
Oh god its awful isnt it? we all laugh about it but humans really are so weird. This made me smile this morning reading this. As mine relapsed on Wednesday his mental health is horrendous, he went mad last night in rage and threw our wheelie bin across the garden :) this is what drugs/alcohol do to him the days after, he cries and hates it, I am so so done with crying. He is so determined but I have heard it so many times before. Counselling starts Monday. I cant cope with the anxiety. He works from home on Fridays too which gives him a free rein so makes me feel worse, you cant get away from the stuff its everywhere, I wont be a hypocrite as I did it the odd weekend occasionally but I dont get the big deal, I hate the stuff it made me feel paranoid - although its hard as i havent ever been addicted to nothing, not even a fag.
Its so hard to try and understand, it is a disease, youre right, but it drags everyone around you down.
The 'husband' has been at his dads. This has helped because there is plenty of alcohol but no chance of getting cocaine there. He has also been ill over the last week so he hasn't wanted to go out. Said no to the 'mates' on the end of the phone. Not Thursday, not Friday. But now he has gone out to see these 'friends', all the anxiety comes back. It only takes him to meet up for breakfast and then I'm sure he will be tempted to go out tonight. I'm hoping he has realised he feels better without the coke.
Minute theres alcohol he will want it. Trust me.
I trust you, I've learned a lot in a short time. Soon as he has a drink he will have it. He has gone out, I knew he would.
Update. He's been out a few times over the last few weeks one he came home drunk at 4am. The other he stayed out for fifteen hours. Called me on the way home and said he'd been to London. Then later it's somewhere else. After wasting hours in bed on Sunday he is violently sick, Nothing unusual but he's telling me there's something wrong as he's sicking blood. He won't go to the doctors.
Today he called me at work saying that he's moving out next week as he doesn't love me and doesn't know why, he feels uncomfortable. He also feels guilty and cannot stop crying as he says he knows how much he's hurting me but cannot help how he's feeling., He cannot explain how he went from loving me so much and couldn't live without me to nothing. When I asked about the welfare of his animals he says that he doesn't care when he's losing humans in his life. He says that he will continue the renovations on our house and will give me money each month because he won't let me go without financially. Why bother about me?
I have spoken to him and he now swears on his dads life that he hasn't been abusing cocaine only alcohol. He says that about four years ago he had been on it for a while but it didn't affect his mind at the time. He admitted that he kept that away from me. Now he takes a tiny bit to keep him going when drinking.
What do you think? I'm at a loss.
I was brave earlier and told him to leave as I was so angry and upset about him telling me he was moving out, in fact giving me notice. But then I relented, I couldn't bear to see him so upset and told him not to go, even though to see him upsets me and to be apart does also. He says that he fully understands if I hate him and he deserves all he gets. He hopes that he is sent to prison in a few months when the trial goes ahead as he wants to distance himself from everyone and all around him but when asked he says he's not worried about the prospect of going to court.
I'm going to be upset next week when he moves out but I think I have got slightly braver. We have talked more today than we have in months regretfully not to a happy ending.
Hi Hox. Thats such sad news for you. It sounds like stuffs hit rock bottom.
Maybe he cant feel love for anyone at the moment and you have more to give to the people in your life who can actually give you some love back?
Is he likely to go to prison for whatever hes in court for?
I hope you have some hood freinds around you at present?
Yes he's likely to go to prison. It's been hanging over our heads for over two years. You are right he hasn't any love for anyone or anything.
I have a few friends that I can talk to but most are mutual friends as you do in happy coupledom, I couldn't burden them with my unhappiness and troubles. It's a lonely time and we have definitely hit rock bottom.
Worst thing is he says he doesn't go out three times a week and hasn't stayed out all night for a long time plus he doesn't get drunk two nights in a row. If he can't remember these things how can he remember watering that seed?
Sounds like you have tried everything and the only thing now is to try and protect you?
Will you stand by him if he is sent down? Do you think if he is it may give you time on your own to think more clearly about what you want and need?
Maybe with all the chemical confusion he also needs time alone to tap in to his real feelings if he has any left.
Time apart may be the only way to salvage your marriage if there is anything left and also for you to regain your strengh and sense of self?