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replying to B8988

I think I'm probably skirting round the nagging wife phase. I have to wait for something to happen like you say either he doesn't use as much or he takes too much and comes to his senses.

I do when we have a conversation remind him of past happy times. But conversations are few and far between now. Before the coke we would converse about anything all of the time.

replying to B8988

Yes it makes u do stupid things. I did it once to my gf. And am gutted about it and regret it .

replying to B8988

Bless you, thats so horrendous. Thats my worst nightmare you know, being pregnant and feeling the way I do at the moment.

You are right, it makes them so so selfish, I have cried my heart out and said I am leaving and hes snuck out the front and sniffed cocaine again, that comes first.

Mine knows he needs help and hes getting it, at the moment he does it about once a month so is in 'recovery' I suppose, as before he was drinking like 5 days a week and probs doing cocaine as well, not that he'll admit it.

mine relapsed on Wednesday, he went mad last night in rage and threw our wheelie bin across the garden - this is what drugs/alcohol do to him the days after, his mental health is massively affected, he cries and hates it, I am so so done with crying.

He is so determined but I have heard it so many times before. Counselling starts Monday. I cant cope with the anxiety I am living with daily.

B8988 - how did you stop getting so angry when your husband does it? when mine relapses I get SO angry, I dont blame you for throwing a glass to be honest.

Cocaine brain makes them so so selfish, like no feelings - what a vile disgusting horrible drug, I have prayed and asked god to help, and ive never been religious even. I am so done with it all its bringing me down.

I wanted to start a family with him, i am still young but thats not possible right now.. I dont want to go through this forever.

replying to B8988

georgia26- when he started sleeping rough in my garage. My garage is a horrible filthy place, it has a leaky roof and he down the garden. To stay in there at night because he has nowhere else to go in minus degree weather showed me that no one would choose this life. I suppose it’s like looking at homeless people or prostitutes, you wouldn’t choose to do them things would you? So that shows how much of a pull the drug must have.

Although I still get upset at his behaviour, my brain still kids me that he doesn’t love me as if he did he would stop. But I know my real husband loved me to death, everyone says he idolised me, that’s the bit that makes it so hard.

He’s withdrawn from old friends now and associating with local young lads (idiots) (chavs) who probably only take coke recreationally. Although when he’s on a come down he will admit he only does that because it’s part of the drug circle, he’d never associate with them normally. He used to be a really respected man, he was a fireman.

I went mad when I caught him in the pub without his wedding ring and he’d told the barmaid she was attractive, I still don’t know what that was about as normally I have no trust issues at all. I don’t know if it’s becsuse the drug makes you horny although he says if that was the case wouldn’t he have said something more sexual than “ oh youre an attractive girl” or it was as he said he felt like shit and was after attention as he realises it’s only a matter of time before I leave him as I threaten it so often.

He’s moved away now to try and get clean, he’s going to NA meetings and attending church groups although he’s never been religious. I know what you mean though, how will you know that they are trying for themselves? I sometimes think he does it just so I don’t leave him then comes back and it happens again. This time I’ve told him it has to be long term as I’m not going through it again!

replying to B8988

how sad, its like the person you love and know dies but theyre still there alive just a different person. My bf is only doing it once a month self medicating for his anxiety but I am worried itll get to this point, he is getting help, but I am struggling to deal with the relapses and stuff I get so angry, my life is on hold until he sorts this, I cannot start a family with him, I dont want to be pregnant going through this.

Sending you lots of love and strength B8988.

hoping to god mine gets over this stage, sometimes i wonder what on earth ive done to deserve this.

xx

replying to B8988

Yes it’s like they’ve died but even worse, because at least if they had you know that they were a good person and still loved you.

What you’re left with is a monster hiding in the body of the person you love. You can’t trust a word they say, even over little things that aren’t drug related, it’s like their whole personality has changed. This drives you mad and you question your own sanity even though you know really it’s them! It’s so bizarre!

1 reply

replying to B8988

Hi. Unfortunately I am now an addict for 3 years and over 40!

It took me off guard as I was fighting depression and this seemed to help.

I can confirm that although you still love your family it without doubt takes a bit of your soul and makes you extremely manipulative and cold and your sole purpose is to get coke, talk about coke or factor in when you can next take it. Its awful and exceptionally hard to give up.

It really is the devils food

replying to B8988

Hi All

just checking in to see how you're all doing <3

welcome Rev.. and well done for getting/seeking help, you got to start somewhere.

were always here for a chat if needed, Dan on here is also recovering and gives brilliant advice!

2 replies

replying to Rev

Welcome, I haven’t been on for a while, mainly due to the fact my husband has now been clean since Feb. In the past he’d tried to quit so many times, however I think that was due to me threatening to leave etc. rather then him wanting to quit for himself.

I started working on me, I went to al anon, I realised finally that I was fighting a losing battle. I realised that no matter what I did, or said, it wasn’t gonna change anything. So I made a decision to leave and not have contact with my husband, this time though I wasn’t angry with him, I wished him well and tried to move on alone. This seemed to be the turning point where he realised he now had nothing else to lose, me and his kids were the last thing. I think he knew I’d began to change.

Anyway, all the other times he was still very much in an addicts mindset, he was still secretly taking codeine, as I’d find packets etc. I guess that’s why his personality never really went back to being 100% normal. This time however he’s completely free from all drugs. I’ve completely changed how I am with him though. I know that if he’s gonna use, he’s gonna use. All the worrying and trying to stop it happening won’t change a thing, he’s free to do as he wishes, if he chooses that path that’s up to him. Obviously I’ll be upset but I’ll cross that bridge when/if it happens.

I’ve recently had some major health issues, I seem to be having some neurological problems, numbness etc. The dr thinks it’s an inflammation of my nervous system. I don’t know if the stress of all I had to deal with last year has anything to do with it but it has made me realise that I need to look after myself better! No one is worth making you sick! I’m now trying to eliminate all stress and am trying my best to live the best life I can.

I wish you well :)

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replying to B8988

this is great news - i think thats the way forward, accepting if it happens, it happens, nothing we can do will stop them.

I wish you and your husband well.. and i hope you are ok and you get the health issues all sorted!

take care my love !! i hope you live a happy stress free life :):) good luck to your husband too xx

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