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replying to B8988

I think your right about the pills.. that he really had coke. The amount of times i said to my gf ill stop and i really wanted to! I just wasnt prepared or did enough research.

He needs to do a prevention plan.

Im more prepared and determained now and even tho ive had it once a month or once a week. I finally admitted i was an addict new years eve and then stayed up all night planning my month ahead how to fix it. When i set my self targets and goals its a lot easier.. and my names danny lol dnt matter about 1st names haha how u feeling anyway now?

replying to Danman83

Haha I’m Bev, I feel ok today. I feel sorry for him in a way as I couldn’t think of why anyone would choose to live like he is. He’s lost everything and he had a lot!

I don’t know, I think he may of had pills as maybe he couldn’t get coke or couldn’t afford it? As usually he has sniffles the next day but didn’t, that’s more worrying in a way as has he got to the point where he just feels the need to take anything now, when he’s bored or feeling crap? He used to have a opiate addiction too to prescription drugs, and codeine. But he managed to get off that eventually, maybe he just likes feeling out of it. So odd though as he never touched a drug til he was in his 30’s, well dabbled a bit as a teen but never was really fussed by drugs.

replying to B8988


I'm sorry to read your story but you sound like an amazingly strong person. As you say some days will be bad and if you did feel the need for support for yourself you might want to contact us at The Icarus Trust.

We are a charity the provides support for people dealing with an addictive partner or family member. Maybe you would find it helpful to speak with one of our trained and experienced people.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

Good luck with everything and keep strong.

replying to B8988

Hello , B8988 I know it’s a long time since you posted your thread along with the other ladies but I’m googling at 5am in the morning with the exact same scenario on my hands at the minute . 18 months I’ve had my husband lying to me , uses everyday saying it’s work stress that causes it , then comes home disengaged with our two young boys and does nothing to help me around the house . Just watches me run myself into the ground in the same cycle . He’s recently gone to the NHS drugs program but I’ve seen absolutely no improvement , the lies are still coming . He’s spending around £900 a month on coke . I am so lonely , fed up and his addiction is tarnishing everyday of my life . I’m stressed around my kids constantly and everyday is another acting role . I see you ladies posted these in 2019 . How are you all now ? Where are you up to in life ? I’m looking for hope I guess - deep down I’m ready to pack in our marriage I think I can’t take much more x

replying to B8988

Hi Purpleheart and others

I'm in the same boat here in 2022. Been dealing with this for about 4 years but as a serious addiction since the beginning of 2020. I'm at the end of my tether too.

It's my partner who is the addict. Partner is a term I use loosely as he is my child's father whom I live with... but the relationship has pretty much imploded due to his addiction and I am trying to move. I have been bidding on properties for 6 months... just trying to hang in there.

He used to use cocaine but someone taught him how to turn it into cocaine you can smoke/inhale. Crack basically, and that is when all hell broke loose. He is extremely addicted to doing this. He is a shell of the man I once knew. He has developed severe mental health issues since... I mean totally unstable mood, suicide attempts, severe paranoia, depression, insomnia...

He is selfish... got us into terrible debt. I can't trust him with money at all.

I just found that out yesterday - I gave him the money to pay a month overdue family bill (for services we all use and rely on and it was his responsibility to pay it) as he had spent the original money for the bill on drugs. I came home to find him high... I asked him if he'd paid the bill and he said 'some of it' and implied he'd spent some of the money on another bill that needed paying... I am convinced he used part of the bill money to pay got drugs as he has no other money so how'd he get the drugs?

I'm livid but I have no voice. I cannot confront him about it. It would not go well. What has made me so upset is that I earnt that money doing freelance work. I'm disabled and ill and it takes a lot for me to do any work. I gave him nearly all the money I earnt bar 20 for food shopping and he had around 16 for drinks and cigarettes. I feel like a mug!

Every time I go away for a few nights to save my own sanity I come back and he's ransacked the place (it literally looks as if we've been burgled) and it stinks of cigarettes (which I hate) and the kitchen is a mess because he never does any washing up while I'm gone. I can see exactly how he will be living when we are no longer living together. I will still have to be part of his life as I am going to have to facilitate child contact. The only way our child will be able to spend time with him is if I am there... he's not fit to care for our child like this!

I just wanted a nice quiet, stable family life and instead I'm dealing with this. I can't wait to get out.

replying to B8988

Hi ladies

I’m sorry you are going through this. And what I am about to say will not make it better but you need to listen to what I am telling you.

These men will not change. They will suck the life out of you, gaslight you and leave your head spinning with guilt and shame. But you are not to blame. They are, every selfish line they snort or smoke is disrespecting your needs on a basic level.

Hear me when I tell you that it is impossible to have a relationship with an addict. The lies the manipulation. It will not end.

If you can’t do it for yourselves do it for your children. It’s five years ago this year my addict ex husband left me! Accusing me of an affair I never had but the drugs will warp their minds.

I went on a journey to hell and back. I took the man back when he begged and 6 months later he punished me for it with further lies drugs and blame.

You pack your bags and leave. My sons suffered untold amounts. Nearly five years later and guess what? He has given up! Even cigarettes!

Well you may say well done him, isn’t this great! But no, he’s a bigger c@nt then when he wax using. Buying a flat up my road despite me divorcing him and trying to use my boys as some pawns in a game.

Do you want to watch your 15 year old son have to throw his dad out of the house for trying to start on you. It will break your heart! The sense of injustice at it all will never leave me. But just in case you think that their giving up will bring the dream back again, I caution you not to be fooled. Cocaine ruins the brain Pernanently! That lovely man you met all those years ago, fell in love with, had fun with, made dreams with us dead. Forever dead. There is no coming back. There is only you moving forward.

I spent 3 years of self blaming tears and despair. It was only when I met a truly good man that I realised his manipulative and abusive my ex husband was.

Please do not think about it any longer. You have a life to live and you deserve to live it. Pack your bags and leave them now. xxxx

replying to B8988

Hi Bluebell

I absolutely agree with you. I had my wake up call last year and realised he will never change. He is just incapable of it... any time he says he will... he cannot keep it up. My friend who escaped an abusive relationship about the same time I was having my revelation pointed it out to me. It just rings true and I think about it a lot.

Also, he actually will have a day or two of being nice and if I ever feel myself wavering, I remember it never lasts. Without fail, every single time he reverts to type and is nasty, abusive and back to unhealthy habits (substance abuse of all types).

I'm desperately trying to get out. I'm in a difficult position where I am having to wait until I'm rehoused. I'm crossing my fingers and praying this happens within the next few months.

I agree - I read that crack is one of the worst or the worst for altering the mind and brain and is almost impossible to stop. I think there is probably the odd person who can quit it but as you say, their personality is never the same again...

He is so unstable, volatile, intense paranoia... I don't want to live my life surrounded by that and our child deserves a million times better.

I'm sorry that you went through such an awful situation too and that you continue to suffer. I can imagine my one being vindictive and trying to use our child as a pain. That's why I'm being very careful.

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