: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

4 replies

I don’t want to break up

My husband has always been dependent on alcohol to overcome his shyness. We have been married for 13 years and in the early years it never seemed so much of a problem. There would be the odd embarrassment & yes, he would drink, but as we got older it became a bit of a gripe, and after we had our first child it became evident that it was a problem. 6 years on, it’s still a problem. It’s the lies, the worry that he could be drinking while looking after our child. The trust is broken, but I can’t bring myself to leave.

I’m worried about the impact it would have on my son as he’s already been through a lot as his younger brother died. I worry about me not managing as my own mental health is fragile.

I think we may be in a codependent relationship, but I can’t really work our what I get from it.

I just want him to stop, and it sounds so simple, but obviously it isn’t. He’s been drinking heavily the last 4 days and I’ve called him out on it, he says he wants to change but I don’t know if it’s even possible. Please help.

replying to Jmh1311

I don't really know anything about alcohol addiction but you definitely need to speak to someone and get some support for yourself and your son. Get some advice from your local drug and alcohol support association. Good luck.

replying to Jmh1311


Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you are obviously going through a very bad time emotionally and maybe you would like some support for yourself.

Please contact us at The Icarus Trust as we are a charity that provides help for the family and friend's of drug and alcohol dependants. We offer a free service

and if you get in touch we will assign you to one of our trained and experienced people who you could talk with.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

replying to Jmh1311

Hi, im new to this forum and when i read your story it felt all too familiar with how you are feeling.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he has drinking problems. Whilst it is a constant uphill battle one of the things which is helping both me and him is being brutally honest with each other about how we feel when certain situations arise (this may feel like a silly statement but for me it got to the point where I was recording him drunk then showing him when sober and he was horrified and got to the point where I got him off drinking vodka). I have felt so lonely trying to encourage him and be there for him but some of the time I feel like I am wasting my breath. The only suggestion I can give is maybe going with him to his gp and seeing what they can do to help. They can refer him to places where he can get help coming off alcohol and give him counciling. Another thing which my boyfriend has only recently started doing is going to AA meetings. That is a massive step for him and he wouldn't have got there unless the councillor and his gps help on the way. It has taken him a lot to get to this point and he still hasn't stopped drinking and I can't see him stopping anytime soon as it's a very long road still ahead of him. There is nothing more I would love than for there to be this magic cure which takes affect over night.

I hope this helps and stay strong!

replying to Jmh1311

A very sad and difficult situation, and any of us who live with a addict would say that their mental health is the worse for it.. Life can be tough enough, and you have had to deal with tremendous emotional trauma, but living under the dark cloud of mistrust further destroys the solid foundation we all need to cling to, it is so destabilizing. As suggested above, reach out, you are not alone (and believe me it is a comfort to learn that its not all in your head). Get the support you deserve.

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