Hi its my first time on here. I have just discovered after eight months with my partner that he has a coccaine addiction. We have split up for over a month now as he continually had no money after being paid and there was often an elaborate excuse. We had no contact for a month although he did try and message me. We spoke last week and he has said he wants to come off it and has booked appointments for counselling and to go to our local drugs advisory service. He says he associates having money in his pocket as drug money so as soon as he gets paid he struggles to buy anything other than drugs. He says his binge is once a month...but Im not sure if Im being naive to trust this. His family enable him, by giving him money, looking after him. I always cooked although he never asked me for money. I know nothing about this drug only that it is highly addictive and my main concern is buying bought back in to a web of lies whilst he continues to use. I have a young daughter, we have never lived together and Ive told him Im not getting back into a relationship with him unless he sorts himself out. Just wondered if anyone has any thoughts, opinions about the drug and how best to handle the situation.
Haha hi, I suggest you read some of our posts on here over the last few weeks.
If you aren’t madly in love with him, I’d run like the wind!
My husband was fab for 13 years before he touched a drug, then tried coke and my and his life is now a living nightmare. The difference between coke and say heroin etc. Is it is a sneaky addiction, often addicts function well and to the outside they’d never assume someone is an addict. Try living with one though and you’ll soon know.
My husband would use in our home, despite massive arguments and him swearing on our kids lives he wouldnt, hadn’t, he’d use when he was in charge of looking after them, driving the car with our children inside. The mood swings are the worst, my husband hid his addiction from me, I thought he was bi polar, one minute they are kind of normal, the next you’ll be accused of all sorts, if they can’t find anything on you they’ll make stuff up, my husband called me a slut because I’d slept with other men before I’d met him. Never a problem in the whole of our relationship, but suddenly it was! Thats because he felt low about what he was doing and needed to deflect the attention away from his drug use!
He used to be a fab dad, then he became withdrawn, he’d want to stay in bed in the mornings and never want to go anywhere with us, if he did it was obvious he didn’t want to be there. They lose interest in everything and everyone apart from cocaine! They will have no empathy for anything they do to you, you could cry and cry in front of them and no compassion will be shown, you’ll be told to get a grip!
You’ll see all this for yourself if you agree to stay with him and he doesn’t get help. See they agree they want help, they go for a few weeks, then the excuses will start and they will convince you that they don’t need to go anymore, that even if they were offered it on a plate, they’d refuse it, as it’s different this time, but it never is.
You’ll become crazy, your identity will fade away, the drug not only consumes the person who takes it, but it will take you down with it too. You’ll obsess whether he’s used or hasn’t used, whether he’s lying or not. You’ll question everything and everyone. You’ll believe all the stupid stories he will make up, he will go to great lengths to prove to you that he’s telling the truth, you’ll question yourself as he will make you believe you’re going mad! But he won’t be telling the truth, not now not ever!
Coke is the most horrible drug, it will turn the warmest of hearts into ones of stone.
Hahha funny u bev! Run like the wind hahah
If this is the start to your relationship and you arent in deep do not go back there, Bev is right, run and dont look back. He will say whatever he can to manipulate and they are the best liars. Addiction doesnt just go away, its a long long road - i suggest you read through some threads, as I think that will help you make up your mind.. sending love xxx
Sprint even! Lol
ha I agree, definitely not worth the stress if youre not in deep. Best not to be naive in this situation, as thats what will get you in trouble................ i was naive, if someone gave me the option and told me what it was, i would never have gone there, as its hell
Hi popples, im in the same situation as your bf.. but ive been with my gf for 10 years and have 4 kids together.. 1 step kid of each..
At 1st i was going to disagree with these lovely ladies above lol
But tbh they are right! You have no ties with him! No children with him.. and yo dont live with him.. so you dont need that burden.
So no matter how much it hurts. Id move on.. plus the next guy you meet.. make him fill in a questionnaire..with this 1st 2 questions... 1. Do you do coke..2. I want to see what my future mother in law is like 1st haha
Ahh that’s nice advice Dan, see that shows how you’re changing too, for the better. Someone still in active addiction would disagree with what we said or downplay it.
I’ve said this loads of times, we love the addict but hate the addiction.
As you say it’s very different if you have lots of memories, years together and kids with the person.
Cheers mate :)
'Run like the wind' ;)
If you have no history or much history keep clear. Don't make any memories. It would be different if you did have a history together and I would say support him.
I'm living my worst nightmare, fourteen wonderful years and then seven months and counting of pure hell.
I agree with the questionnaire 1. do you take coke. 2. Have you ever taken coke. 3.......