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when do you give up

I'm new here and talking about these things isn't something I thought I'd be doing it terrifies me to realise I might have to leave someone I adore.

My partner has a sever addiction to cocaine and it's become unbearable hes nasty and says some of the most hurtful things.

He disappears for days at a time on different binges . He does 4/5 days with no sleep and no food at a time he then comes back sleeps and eats for 4 to 5 days and then goes again.

He tells me to go and that he doesn't want to be with me that he doesn't want a relationship anymore but then the following day hes telling me he loves me and not to leave.

Hes had a hard life and everyone has always just left him to it his family say everyone does it and alot of them do drugs to and that I have to accept it and leave him to do what makes him happy ( can you believe people that are ment to love him just tell him it's ok)

My family tell me to run I've tried and tried I've got him off it for months at a time but he just goes back on it .

He tells me he wants a life of women coke and partying then when hes had a few days off it he wants to come home and me a husband and a dad . I don't no what to do I'm so scared I'm going to get a phone call says hes dead or seriously hurt , I'm also scared that I'm putting my own life on hold to try and help him but he doesn't want to be with me anyway .

it's so hard to figure out what he actually wants or not.

When ever he asked for help from his family and friends they end up doing it with him rather than doing what he asks .

Do I take my children and run , just leave him to it or do I keep waiting around from man that I might never get back .

sorry if this is long winded and confusing . and advise would be appreciated . take care X

replying to frenchie270909

Hi ive got a coke problem. And i hate the stuff! Im doing my best to stop! I had a lapse after 2month last week. But im back not having it again this week.

I have a gf and good job and a fam of 4 kids. When hes saying a life of women and coke and partying? I take this is other women? And not you?.

I can give you loads of advice for him to stop but im not. Im going to be honest. Id grab your fuking kids and run. And dnt look back. He does not care by the looks of it. And him disappearing, he prob has cheated.. i might be wrong. But i recan he as on that stuff.

You need seriously think is he gonnna stop? Does he want to? What means more u and the kids.. or coke and partying and women.. then theres your answer what to do

I want to stop.. im doing everything possible to.. ive deleted all mates nums.. dealers.. deleted facebook.. took up reading decorating. More time with kids and gf. My life feels so much better.

But he thinks of himself by the looks of it.. so you need to!

replying to frenchie270909

My husband was a workaholic, he is now an alcoholic he has also gambled. When I met him he was already an aholic but I didn’t know it. We have three grown up children and he had been going through periods of addiction for 11 years now ( we have been together 31 years) I am strong, but I am tired p, I don’t know if I will ever have him back. All I know is that there is nothing you can do, only he can decide to change. Do you want to allow him to have that power over you and your children. My kids were 16, 14 and 12 when it started and the youngest has been most damaged by it. How do you think it is affecting your kids? Perhaps your decision rests on the impact he is having in them.

replying to frenchie270909

it's just so draining, I'm worried if I leave him he will get worse and worse but right now I'm just full of anxiety and stress I'm trying to sort my own life out getting back Into work after have our little girl and all he does is expect me to look after him on the come downs .

Danman83 well done on wanting to better your self relapses happen but you've pulled your self back and that is what's important. keep going I've seen people beat this. my sister was on it for years and she moved onto crack it took a few months of fighting with her but shes 2 years clean with only one relapse shes doing and shes never going back .

Granvilley my dad was an alcoholic and used cocaine weed and loads of prescribed tablets we found him dead 11 months ago a month after his 50 birthday he never got to meet my youngest the day he was ment to he had his heart attack his body couldn't handle anymore he was an amazing dad and a great man but in the end he was just a shell . I dont no how you've done it so long its only been a year and a half for me and its slowly destroying me aswell as him . I tell the kids he works away so they just think hes tired when he comes back

I just wish I could show him what he could have if he stopped . I have no support with helping him get off it and one minute he wants off it the next he doesn't. he has a fantasy life online where he appears to be doing amazing , his fantasy world seems more important than the reality we live in .

sorry if thats really long winded never really spoke about it out loud

replying to frenchie270909

Hi

I'm so sorry that you are not able to talk about your feelings about your partner's addiction. That must be so hard. I'm glad you've posted as this site has some great supportive people on it and, hopefully, it helps to know that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

You may like to talk to us at The Icarus Trust, the charity I work for as we offer support to people like you who are coping with a partner's addiction. We have a team of trained and experienced people and if you contact us you would be put in touch with one of them. They would listen and offer support, maybe answer some of your questions and let you know what other help is available to you.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

It's really important to talk so I hope that you can get some support.

replying to frenchie270909

My 'husband' was the same. Going out, drinking excessively and using cocaine. He would be out all hours only coming back to come down. I was there to pass the tissues, rub his back whilst being sick. Getting the paracetamol and orange juice to cure the headaches and hangover. But he chose that lifestyle, he preferred it to the happy life we used to have.

He was a horrible, hurtful person and I will never get over the spiteful things he said to me and I cannot easily forgive now. I thought I could.

He has left the marital home for over a week now. I too worried about the come downs but at the end of the day it is his choice to sniff and drink, like he says to me it's his life he can do what he wants.

My 'husband' has been going through a very stressful time but I know I do not deserve the treatment he has dished out to me and is continuing to do so. He didn't think he had a problem, still doesn't.

The man I love has gone and no amount of pleading has brought him back. The majority of his family and friends are into drugs, taking or dealing, one way or the other so they are of no help. The anxiety is still with me.

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