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I feel so alone

Where do I start? I’ve been with my husband since we were 16, so almost 30 years. He’s now addicted to cocaine and my life is falling apart around me. He’s lost his buisness through it, our home is on the verge of being repossessed and I’ve pawned everything of value to pay off drug debts he ran up. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life, not mine! He lies to me daily, he steals from me, he manipulates me.... but I love him. He told me last night that he’s ran up another debt with a dealer, he then took what bit of money I had in the house and went missing overnight.... he’s still not home. I want my old life back, I want my old husband back xx

replying to Lil

You are not alone Lil. I have been in the same position.

Does your husband realise he has a problem or is he happy doing what he does? I ask this because mine doesn't realise he has an addiction and it has ruined my life.

I feel for you having 'lost' your husband and your life to cocaine. Like myself. I understand you completely saying you feel like you are living someone else's life. It is a nightmare and can only be solved by your husband wanting help for his addiction and wanting it wholeheartedly. I say this because I hope he gets help soon before he loses all the ability to love what he once did. I'm in this situation and I don't wish it on anyone.

My 'husband' also went out overnight repeatedly and not returning home until he had had his fill of alcohol and sniffed enough cocaine.

Please talk to him when he returns and comes down, ask if he wants help, he is the only one that can do it.

I hope you can get your husband back and your life back on track. You must also look after yourself and keep strong.

replying to Lil

Hi Lil,

Thanks for posting. I'm so sorry that you are living through this nightmare of your husband's addiction to cocaine. I can see why you say that it feels like someone else's life.

You definitely are not alone in how you feel. I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity set up to support people like yourself. We work with many people who are living with the impact of a family member's addiction.

Sadly your husband won't able to get help until he admits that he needs it but maybe you could do with some support for yourself. If you contact us we can put you in touch with one of our trained people, who would listen to you and try to help you find a way ahead.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

I hope that this helps. All the best.

replying to Lil


You need to distance yourself. Build your own finances and back off from the situation. I'm in similar position and have done this and it helps massively. Like you I'm not prepared to leave and have been with him 14 years. It hasn't changed but I'm in control of my own life now which is all you ever can be. X

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