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5 replies

Help or hindering??

Hello, my boyfriend of 6 years (off and on) has been struggling with drug addiction mainly cocaine (occasionally marijuana) he hid it for a long time in which he would mask it with social events until it got to the point where he would create social events to use it. He goes through phases where he tries to quit in which he often chooses to do himself. However I have noticed a few patterns for example he is currently trying to go sober now it has been two weeks the patterns I have noticed is that his behaviour and attitude has become erratic and very out of character he is very positive which is promising (although it comes across like a different kind of high) but from previous experiences this leads him to believe that he is "cured" in which he begins to substitute with alcohol then he relapses I can already see this happening but he doesn't. I don't know how to talk to him about this as he thinks I am being negative whilst he is progressing it has put a strain on out relationship. I don't know how to support him without coming across like I don't believe in him and he is starting to push me away. I do not know if I am being unsupportive by being worried about his sudden change in mood as to the world and himself he is absolutely fine. I can not tell if I am holding him back and this is just who he is without drugs or if I am right to be worried. I feel awful for even questioning his positive behaviour and change I am just worried he is getting carried away and will end up crashing hard.

replying to SSS

Hi, I am not sure whether yours bf has stopped using as the erratic behaviour and confidence sounds more like someone who is still using. Sounds desperate but I would check my son's pockets etc and look for signs he was still using ie small plastic packets, straws, paper rolled up

replying to SSS

Hi thank you both for your responses and he swears he hasn't been using anymore however I am very doubtful has he had started partying on a regular basis (almost every other day). I think I will definitely have to keep an eye on him although I cant seem to get through to him at the moment and he thinks he isn’t doing anything wrong (ignoring the fact he got arrested last week). Thank you I think I will have to check his things as I am at wits ends.

Thank you again it helps having people who understand!

replying to SSS

I agree with DNAnon, sounds like he is using with his erratic behaviour and confidence.

I only had to check the pockets of jeans, trousers and jogging bottoms before putting them in the washing machine, to find little plastic packets. Sometimes with coke in and sometimes ones that had been used. Don't forget to check the tiny pocket in his jeans, it's the ideal size for a bag.

Even if your boyfriend thinks you are being negative you are only doing it because you care but this will put a stain on your relationship as you are onto him and he is trying to hide the fact.

replying to SSS


I'm sorry to read your post and see that your boyfriends drug addiction is having such a strain on your relationship.

May be you would like to contact us at The Icarus Trust as we are a charity that provides support for people going through what you are having to deal with. I could put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people who would understand what you are going through and would be able to help you answer some of your questions. There may be other support near where you live that they could let you know about.

You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps.

All the best.

Access to this forum has been temporarily disabled for all users. If you are looking for immediate support, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123.

We have temporarily closed this forum for maintenance and review.

Adfam exists to provide support for, and improve the lives of, families affected by substance use, and we have found that in recent months the balance of posts has shifted to focus on users’ personal issues with substances and addiction. While we recognise that these are issues that deserve support, the high volume of posts had become unmanageable for our small team, and was preventing us from facilitating support for families. We have closed the forum to re-evaluate, and we will be re-launching as soon as possible with a renewed focus on family support. From that point on, we will not be facilitating any conversation regarding individuals’ own substance use.

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