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Addiction cocaine and alcohol

I’m looking for answers or comfort really... been with my partner over a year. He claims he mental health issues from long term drug abuse since his twenties. However he’s unpredictable he makes plans breaks them, recently things seem to have escalated and I think he’s doing more than he was, or maybe he was and was good at hiding it. He drinks excessively bottle vodka a night!

He says he has it under control but I beg to differ. His mood swings after are awful, he self pity he doesn’t apologise for his behaviour or the things he’s says or his actions, he dissapears and ignores me sometimes hours or even a hole day.

The latest incident he dissapears yesterday I he said he had a busy day, but I know he wasn’t working not sure where he was but he wasn’t in work. But he insists he was. Now the lying had begun. He drank a bottle of vodka and stayed away last night.

What honestly do I do? I’ve tried to help, be empathetic but he shuts me out and withholds emotion from me almost like punishment

replying to Gil

Hello Gil, I can't offer any answers but I empathise with you. My husband is an alcoholic and I've spend so much time over the years questioning and doubting myself, when he was in denial or lying about what he'd been doing.

Please take care of yourself and get support if you need it.

replying to Gil

Hi Gil, unless your partner wants to quit himself there is very little you can do for him. They become totally emotionless and can switch off from everything other than their addiction. I don't want to tell you what to do but I fear that things are only going to get worse. If you yourself need help or advice there should be a local drug advisory service in your area. You can also get advice from the Icarus Trust. Best of luck.

replying to Gil

I have been there myself. Loving husband abusing alcohol and taking cocaine. Disappearing. The come downs when he returns, the physical symptoms. They can be good at hiding their addictions and will lie and manipulate.

There is no comfort for us until your partner acknowledges he has a problem and seeks help. Only he can do this.

Emotions will not come into it, the coke sees to that I'm afraid and my heart goes out to you.

I hope he sees the light soon before its too late. All you can do is be there for him when he needs you so look after yourself and be strong.

replying to Gil

Having been in a relationship with an addict for years, it’s now too painful and difficult to leave due to love, loyalty, children and shared assets. I also don’t want to add to his burden, therefore my advice may sound harsh but if you can leave then this might be the best time to do it.

You deserve a good relationship and if the first year has been like this, then what are later years going to be like? It doesn’t mean you can’t point him in the direction of help at a local support centre if he wants it. Take care and I apologise if this sounds harsh.

Access to this forum has been temporarily disabled for all users. If you are looking for immediate support, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123.

We have temporarily closed this forum for maintenance and review.

Adfam exists to provide support for, and improve the lives of, families affected by substance use, and we have found that in recent months the balance of posts has shifted to focus on users’ personal issues with substances and addiction. While we recognise that these are issues that deserve support, the high volume of posts had become unmanageable for our small team, and was preventing us from facilitating support for families. We have closed the forum to re-evaluate, and we will be re-launching as soon as possible with a renewed focus on family support. From that point on, we will not be facilitating any conversation regarding individuals’ own substance use.

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