Hello, i'm not really sure where to start. My boyfriend and I are together for a couple of years now. I always knew he was taking cocaine now and then plus he smoked weed daily. Now it's even worse, he started drinking heavily about a year ago, uses drugs and gambles. Since he lost his job 4 months back he can't see anything positive in his life anymore. He needs to drink first thing in the morning to gain some sort of confidence and get through the day. He treats me like a doormat, the abuse i am dealing with on a regular basis is just unreal, i've never felt so helpless in my life. Everything i do and try to help is not good enough, he is jealous because he confidence is just gone. He is very, very aggressive and even got arrested for the first time last weekend. I try to walk away to protect myself but after a week or so he'll always get's back in touch but when he does he tries to make me feel bad, hurts me by saying alot of nasty things and how it is my fault that the relationship doesn't work out anymore.
I love him with all my heart but i feel like i am no good to him anymore. I am a mum, got 2 jobs, my life is normal let's say and i wished we could have a pretty normal life together but he doesn't want any help.
I also think something really horrible and bad must have happen to him when he was young but he says he can't remember.
There are so many raw emotions he want's to talk about but doesn't know how to so he numbs the pain.
When we are together and it comes to sex, he is very aggressive, doesn't take no for an answer if there is anything i don't want him to do.
I know deep down he is a good person, he is just lost and uses the alcohol and drugs first thing in the morning to escape.
We are seperated again since a week now, it's so hard to walk away as i want him to get better but he seems like he is not ready. How much worse can it get though?
I am scared of him sometimes as he can't control the anger anymore.
I hope somebody can help me?
By the way he is only 30 years of age and i am 36. Also apologies for my english spellings, i am German so i do try.
Thank you all already, Jess