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Hi, this is my first time posting. I am the wife of a recovering alcoholic, sober for almost 4 months. I am so very proud of him after spending years seeing him passed out on the sofa, unable to feed himself, hiding wine and vodka bottles all over the place, the lies, the deceit, the aggression, all the things that I am sure families and friends of any addict feel.

For me, I am finding the recovery bit difficult. When he was drinking, I knew his pattern, knew what would come next.

Now, I find I am constantly saying are you ok? Constantly looking for signs of drinking. But most difficult, I just don’t trust him after years of lies. I feel alone and at times bitter. He’s put us in this position yet he gets all the support. I thought life would be easier with a sober husband but at the moment, I am finding it tough. If anyone has any words of wisdom please share and I apologise if this is not the place for this but I don’t know where else to go

replying to MrsB097

Hi MrsB

I’m an ex addict myself and I’m sure my wife thinks similar to you but she just trusts me she doesn’t constantly ask me if I’m okay etc so maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and if you just want some reassurance then look in all the places he would usually hide stuff instead and get reassurance from not finding anything.

My addiction wasn’t alcohol but My uncle was an alcoholic for 30 years and we are close enough that I’d know when he had been drinking as I’m sure your husband would have things he does after a drink, my uncle was he talked and talked and talked, so then we’d know he had been drinking so maybe think if there was anything your husband would do when drinking ? The trust tho will just come back in time I’d imagine so just be patient and keep giving your husband support he’s made a massive improvement in his and your life by quitting the drink and it was likely the most hardest thing he’s ever done. By the way my Uncle is now 3 years sober so yes people do change and stay clean no matter then length of time :)

Hope this helps in some way and keep us posted even for a chat or a vent

All the best.

replying to MrsB097

Hi, it is really good to hear good news about someone in recovery and hope it continues for you and your husband. Sounds like good advice from Diadict. Also I would think that there is some kind of local counselling service for family members of alcholics who may be able to give you support. The Icarus Trust often posts on here and they certainly offer support. I wish you and your husband all the best with his recovery and thanks again for sharing something positive.

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