I’ve posted a few threads about my boyfriend alcohol and cocaine addiction.
He’s abused his body since 21 and the past 3 years he went completely off the rails cocaine mainly drinking and crack cocaine for a few months. This was very much before my time with him. He expressed he isn’t normal and damaged soul when we rekindled years later from when we first dated. He did all the chasing to get with me. I had reservations cause I loved him before but we were in different worlds. This time more mature both have children from broken relationships.
The relationship has been a rollercoaster to say the least. He’s unpredictable, unreliable and moody, bad temper. I’ve cotton on to his cycles and I think he’s addicted to cocaine and drinks he’ll of a lot!!
Life has been hard but things I believe are in a much better place for him. Business, money coming in, I’m supportive (too much feel like a doormat sometimes). But he just seems to wollow in negative thoughts, smallest thing he snaps and disappears. He’s vile to me verbally at first I blamed potential mental health and kept telling myself it’s that and he doesn’t mean the things he says. Other times he’s drunk or off his head he’s shouting in my face calling me c**t and s***g etc. Accused me over months of all sorts. He rarely apologies but says it’s mental health he’s not normal or I should listen to anything he says when he like that. I’ve onky ever felt a tiny uncomfortable a few months back when he was pushing me into a the wall and I made it clear I wasn’t having that and to leave.
He dissapeared the weekend I believe to binge and I’ve had time our to think things over and remind myself it’s nog me and nothing I’ve done although he’ll make it about that it’s about me!
He’s been in a vile mood Monday, Tuesday and yesterday evening he rared up again not picking for a row and dissapears again. Intoxicated with vodka. He’s threatened or made it clear cancelling a trip away we had planned in the coming week. He uses my past failures to belittle me in nasty messages. I’ve read a lot online about projection and that it’s clearly something inside him he can’t deal with that projects his shit onto me.
I’m at my wits end. I’ve tried being calm, empathetic reached out to him and asked him what is going on, can he talk to me about how he feels, what’s going on inside his head, why does he feel the need to lash out at me but he ignores and just continues to fire belittling failures into me.
He told me he is what he is and he’s not normal but if I think he can do better than go find someone else.
Honestly is this me? Is he really emotionally damaged from drugs and alcohol that there is no coming back? Is he battling something horrific? Does he truly love me?
Just feel so unwanted, unloved, helpless and questioning everything all the time. He’s jackal and Hyde his tempers are horrendous he flips at the smallest insignificant things. Almost like an excuse to walk out and do whatever he’s doing?
Does anyone have similar experience or advice on how to handle such a situation like this?