It’s taken years to admit to anyone my secret! My secret being I lived for morphine!
1996 I had two back operations and 1997 I had an ileostomy due to crohns! So at an early age (18) I had a taste for pethadine and then morphine
Having major surgery you have no choice about how much morphine is pumped into you
2014 and 2015 two small bowel resection and 2016 discectomy on my spine
So as you can imagine I’ve never stopped taking morphine due to unbearable pain!
Then in 2012 my GP made an error on my script! Instead of 600mls of oramorph in a week she prescribed 1800mls. By 2012 the opiate had grabbed hold of me and was no longer as choice of mine to not take it when I didn’t have pain!
I will never ever judge anyone who takes drugs as I know once Ure in that circle going round and round you just cannot get off it so to speak
3 months ago I moved and joined a new surgery! Why did I hate my new doctor??? He wanted to reduce my morphine straight away!
I was in shock! I never slept that night and my life was full of dread
I was terrified as I knew what I was like without my morphine!
2012 I was on 200mg twice a day of MST! Today I’m now on 60mg twice a day of zomorph which is a 12 hour capsule. Oh and 20mls oramorph a day
I have spent the last three months living in bed! I ran out twice of medication a day early and my GP would not help me so I cut my wrists badly
My GP is a no nonsense doctor but am I wrong to blame the doctors for doing this to me
It was never the operations I had to get over it was coming of opiates
I spend everyday shaking in bed, sweating, I’m moody, Ive become violent towards my partner who I love dearly and so very sorry for my behaviour
I’m crying out for support, Ive just had an MRI Scan and have two prolapsed discs so while my pain meds are being reduced I’m left in agony
My GP wrote for an appointment three months ago for the pain clinic but failed to send any info about my health of which has delayed things
I’ve just bought Russell Brands Addiction book but I never feel like reading it
Every two weeks now I’m dropped 10mg! What am I going to be like in a months time if I can’t even get out of bed yet
Morphine has ruined my life! I’m totally addicted and I’m sorry for it! I’m sorry for not being honest, I’m sorry to my parents who saw the problem before me! I’ve lost a husband! I’ve lost my home! It’s been terrible
I can’t see me being strong enough to get through this!
I need support from who is going through the same
Oh and may I add my addiction started with codiene then tramadol and now morphine
How can someone take morphine for 20 years. I’ve never been able to have children and now I think I know why!!!
Please please help I’m desperate and very sad