Hi all. I'm new to this forum (and website) but I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. I apologise firstly for the long thread but felt I had to give some background.
My husband is a self confessed Cocaine addict. We have three children under the age of 5, the youngest being only 12 weeks old.
Last year, we were going through what I thought was just another rough patch (we'd had several of these over the 10 years we've been together but things always got better) but after numerous arguments over money going missing, I found out in the August that this missing money was actually being spent on Cocaine. Around that same time I lost my job and being 5 months pregnant I had no hope of getting a replacement job so all things financial landed solely on my husband's wages. He earns a very good wage and normally this would be enough for us to live on. He promised month after month that things would get better and no more money was owed but sure enough when payday came, we were short by approx £1500 every month. Our financial situation quickly spiralled and it got to the point that the only bill we could afford to pay was our rent. My in laws had been fantastic and were secretly helping me out financially so I could put food on the table or pay a few bills. Each month I would try and set up a new payment plan with everyone (we're talking car finance, council tax, gas/electric... All the usual bills) and then each month this would get broken. All came to a head just before Christmas when I had to take my husband to a&e as he wanted to take his own life and took what he said a large amount of Cocaine. I honestly thought that this was rock bottom and he finally started seeking some help. He was sent for CBT but he managed to lie through his teeth and they soon discharged him thinking that he was doing good. I mean don't these so called professionals have any clue about Cocaine addiction??!!
Anyway since then he seemed to be doing better but then payday came around and still we're really short. I'd get the "I'm so ashamed", "I can't lose my family", "I promise you I will get the proper help" etc etc. I've tried everything, being incredibly supportive, guilt tripping him, threatening to leave with the kids but nothing was working. His parents have now disowned him and my parents are really struggling to want to help him.
After a disastrous payday last month, I told him enough was enough and if he doesn't start seeking help then that's it, I literally can't take it anymore. My love for him has practically gone, I struggle to look at him and I definitely can't bear him touching me, even for just a second.
Anyway he started going to these CA meetings once a week (although he missed one) and he generally seemed more determined to beat his addiction. He seemed more "with it", he didn't have that look in his eyes, or the behavior that always followed suit. There were probably 2 days out of the whole month when I felt like he had done something but he just said to me that's he's been really struggling but was so proud of himself for not doing anything and that he just needed some time out to get himself together.
Anyway along comes payday today and he goes radio silent on me for the majority of the day. When I finally speak to him I find out that £1500 has gone (to I know where... His words) and the money he has given me doesn't even cover our rent. Last month was the final month before the full on debt collectors would start getting involved and now the situation is beyond bad. We're thousands of pounds in debt, and most of that is our standard household bills. We both now have defaults against our name and I have to rely on the very little benefit money I get to feed the children and put petrol in the car.
As it stands I'm better off with him not being in the house.
I can't put my children through the terrible arguments or me trying to explain why daddy is hiding himself in the spare room (which is supposed to be the baby's room), or why daddy just sits on the sofa and won't have dinner with us.
My eldest boy dotes on his daddy and I can't bare the thought of having to explain why he's not living with us anymore but I just don't know what else to do. I hate him for what he's put this family through.
I do really want him gone now but I'm scared of 1. What will he do, will he spiral out of control and lose his job and 2. Where will he go. He doesn't have any close friends, his mum won't have him and he doesn't have any money to stay somewhere.
But I just can't afford to have him here anymore.
Has anyone ever been in this situation and if so, what was the outcome? I'm scared for him.