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Husbands addiction

I don’t know where to start, so much has happened in the last year. I’ll give the short version...

Last year I caught my fiancé (at the time) a couple of times sniffing cocaine, believed him each time he said he was sorry and stopped.

We got married in March since then it got progressively worse (or maybe I became more aware) cocaine was being taking daily, he wasn’t coming home, his business has crumpled because of this, he’s in a difficult place financially and I’ve now just discovered he has been contacting escorts.

He goes to rehab tomorrow and knows he needs help. I know this person isn’t him but it’s so hard to deal with the hurt, lies and deceit.

Anyone else gone through this or similar?

replying to Egg04

I know it's difficult to hear but there might not be all that much you can do. If he 's not ready to quit then there' s small likelihood he will. (more likely to keep using but start lying about it).

The good bit is that on average a cocaine habit burns itself out over the course of around 5 years.

Keep a tight check on the finances ; seperate yours from his if you 've got joint accounts ; but mostly just TALK to him.

Get him to tell you why he feels he needs to take it, what it does for him, what he thinks he gets from it that makes it so worthwhile.

Addictive behaviour has a motivation. It doesn't happen because the drug has some magical power to compel someone

replying to Egg04

Hi Egg04

I found out about my husband's habit 6 years ago. He'd already been using for around 18 months at that stage. Fast forward through 4.5 years of what I thought was recovery and he had a major relapse. I uncovered many thousands of hidden debt. Then earlier this year, unpaid taxes (he's self employed) - a large sum which may bankrupt him.

I'm ending my marriage now though I love him and want to believe he can turn his life around.

I can't believe what devastation this addiction has wreaked upon us. And most of the time hidden from me. I would think carefully about staying with him if I'm honest. You will never know when he is telling you the truth and disaster is always lurking. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you definitely can't cure it. Only he can do that and it may take years.

Best of luck xx

replying to Egg04

PS I've been married for 20 years and have two kids. It's horrific that it's ending this way.

replying to Egg04

I'm the same. Happily married fourteen years.

'Husband' sniffed coke recreationally few times a year. Then March last year he started to sniff regularly and drinking excessively due to stress over an upcoming court case.

Now he's in prison, he has left me in debt as I have now found out he wasn't going to work regularly. The lies they tell. He is self employed and I have a massive tax bill and credit card bills to pay.

I'm at my wits end.

replying to Egg04

Hi

Same happened to me as all your stories, that drug really is the devil!

I will be divorced in 3 weeks, we were together 13 and married 3.

Funny thing is I had no idea until he could not hide it anymore, we had a great life god jobs etc.

I have since found out he did it all along and about 2.5 years ago that’s when it took hold properly.

Fast forward and what I have found out;

Thousands gone

Lost jobs

Not coming home

Escorts

The lies

The deceit

The man I loved changing into a monster

Left in December was with a 20 year old 2 weeks later (he 42) and asking her to marry him????

Now with some old one with 2 kids

The list goes on.

I was lucky I didn’t have kids, I separated all finances so his debt is NOT my debt.

I hate to say it but there are not many success stories, for your own life I would say leave!!

I lost over 3 stone, hair fell out and I thought I could never cope without him as I was so co-dependent.

But guess what, 6 hard difficult months later I feel so much better.

I wake up and go to sleep with no stress, my life is my own, that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach has gone, it’s wonderful.

There is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to make the decision to detach and leave or if you don’t it will carry on and on and on.

I wish everyone well.xx

replying to Egg04

Hi,

So sorry to read your post but it's good that your husband is going to get some rehab. If you would like some support for yourself, to talk through how you are feeling please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people dealing with a family member's addiction. We can offer trained and experienced people you can talk with, who would understand what you are dealing with.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

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