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partners cocaine addiction

Hello, my partner (ex right now) has a cocaine addiction, we have 3 children and he’s currently living with his parents as it had gotten too much...

I’m now at the point where we are going to lose our home and I’m not quite sure where myself and the kids are going to live - council has over year waiting

List as does housing Associations and cant afford to private rent..

I’m at the point where I think once I leave my home sim drawing a line under it and don’t forever I’ll rebuild mine and the kids lives - however as much as I can move on from him he will always be their dad and I can’t bare the years of heartache they’re going to suffer...

He says he wants to change and at times I’ve really believe him however when I give him options of things to do, meetings, Dr apt, new job opportunity (he’s self employed which is a massive part of the problem) he never follows through - is he saying what he thinks I want to hear as he knows he’s losing it all or do you think he’s scared to stop?

It’s gone in for so long and had such an impact on my health I just want to be me again...

I desperately want a happy little family and all the security for

My kids - the life I thought I’d have has been trashed...

I know it’s my decision to give up on him but would like some advice on his behaviour- does it sound genuine that he wants help??

He doesn’t support financially really (but he could do as he’s earning) he knows we stand to lose everything and be homeless I just think he doesn’t believe me..

replying to Amski12

Well im trying my best to quit. I lapse once a month roughly. I genuinly want to quit. I cant stand it. I wish i never took it.

But when the urge takes over it is hard.

I suppose u need to make sure he is putting 100percent in. And not even drinking. Or with anyone that does coke.

Financially.. i have agood job and i work hard. My kids get everything they need. Rent is always paid. Turkey in july with the kids. And what i get cokewise. I can afford but then again, it could go on better things.

What is he doing to quit?

replying to Amski12

Hi thanks for replying! And good on you for trying just keep it up and try not to be too hard on yourself when you lapse just remember why you want to quit and pick yourself back up - I’m sure you’ll get there!

Currently he’s not really actively doing much, personally I think he’s scared of the change I just don’t know..

He doesn’t actually do it with drink - it’s pretty much daily - never used to do it on a Sunday which was the only family day a week... he too can earn decent money he’s self employed though (cash) so I dread to think how much he’s using a day... with his finances getting so bad it must be going on possible 2G a day (or that could be my mind running away with itself)

I’ve actually read quite a lot of you replies to people and you seem to have some great advice which I’ve sent on to him... he’s said he’s going to download the pocket rehab app.. and I signed him up to another forum - passed the login details onto him and just said it’s there if you want, he said he’s looked at it and was going to write on it today... I think he seriously lacks self esteem, seems the typical

Life of the party but it’s a front...

I don’t want to give up on him but how long can I wait...

I think it truly is the last I’ll try to help then I have to move on I have the kids to consider and if they risk losing him they need me 100%...

I’m so scared what might happen to him!

He’s tried appointments at a NHS place but said they’re no good - not sure if this is just him not giving 100%... I think he kind of wants a quick fix or someone to do all the work and him wake up addiction free... I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do...

replying to Amski12

Tbh he needs be honest with you how much is he having and then see how big of a problem he really has.

I couldnt have it every day. But every one is different. Listening to recovery stories is helping me a great deal. Russell brand is good to listen to about his heroin addiction.

And my opinion and its just an opinion and ive thought like this.. but he could be thinking the thought of not having coke again.. could be it..

He needs to no his life is better without coke.. hes obv stuck in a rut.. and a shit routine.. tell him do a plan with the kids to do activities with them.. but i dont know how old they are. Tell him the 1st month is a big hurdle.. but it will get better and the cravings will go..

replying to Amski12

Thank you so much for your advice....

I really do hope he can do it, not sure how much I get he can go on like this before he ends up seriously I’ll or worse

1 reply

replying to Amski12

he absolutely will want to quit, but addiction is a disease and it doesnt matter what is on the line, kids, jobs, marriages etc it still wont stop them if they dont invest into stopping. Some people loose everything and still continue.

the stuff is poison - it changes people.

i would suggest just working on yourself and your kids, as it will make you ill. If youve tried to support him walk away and let him get on with it, its hard, but he will need to hit rock bottom to see sense properly.

what you must remember is that you cant change someone, you cant make him give up.. I thought i could, throwing threats about etc but it just makes them worse.

its hard to accept as i felt unloved and stuff, its horrendous.

there is no quick fix, you must be 100% invested in stopping, I would recommend addiction counselling but you really need to want to give up as its £60 per session, weekly, but its worked for my other half.

xx

replying to georgia26

Hi Georgia,

Thanks so much for your reply..

This all tings so true and is completely where I’m at now.. since he left a few months ago I’ve felt so much relief and the atmosphere has gotten so much better at home - I can give the kids more of my time (which I should be doing anyway)

I’ve looked into to counselling already locally and he has a birthday coming up which I was considering buying him a few sessions - in my opinion is the best gift I could ever get him... just dont want to waste my money...

I do believe he really wants to stop but right now it’s just far too available to him... if I could get him to stop work for a while (no point him working right now anyway as it only funds the poison)

He really only has me and 2 of out friends as support as his family have buried their heads and as much as I’ve begged for help and described the n detail the lengths he can to to I think still refuse to believe it...

I’ve sent him a few things to do that I’ve seen on these posts (pocket rehab, louise Clarke etc - thank you to Danman) and if I feel he’s really trying there then I will 100% get a few counselling sessions...

He really struggles to open up he’s such a closed book that it’s so so difficult to beak him down - I mean I’ve been with him over 15 years and trying to get him to express his feelings has always been a problem...

Again thank you so so much x

1 reply

replying to Amski12

Gosh i feel so sad for you - 15 years is a long time so i understand why youre sticking by him.

My partners Mum was the same, she said he wasn't addicted, that he was just medicating his anxiety, yes I agree with her BUT he was self medicating and then he got addicted. Its so hard when families are naive to the fact.

my boyfriend has not relapsed in 6 months now, before that, he was relapsing every 2/3 weeks.. he has counselling every Wednesday for an hour, it is addiction counselling though - see this link, the man is amazing, but its not a quick fix btw, you have to be invested:

www.addiction-counselling.org.uk

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