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Clean, Sober & Miserable...

Hey all..

Quick background, I’m in my early 30s and have been alcoholic since my first drink at 14, I loved it! Alcohol allowed me to be loud and confident etc and from the get go I was a greedy drinker and couldn’t get enough...

Between ages 14-25 my drinking progressed big time, I didn’t drink all the time Infact often months apart but when I did drink I caused absolute chaos and trouble always followed. I would drink until I blacked out or fell down.. I never knew when to stop..

I had a couple sober years between 25-27 and then discovered Codeine and I was in love again.. painkillers became part of my daily life on and off for 7 years, I would still drink but maybe once every 4/5 months and I only managed to abstain between drinks due to having my sidekick codiene. I thought my life was unmanageable when my only problem was booze..

My codeine addiction grew and grew just like my drinking until I was taking up to 120 pills a day.. I shouldn’t be alive!

During the last 7 years I’ve stopped so many times and had lots of days, weeks even months of being clean and sober but I could never stay stopped! By the end I was taking stronger stuff than co-Codamol and nurofen plus, I really thought I would end up on methadone.

Today I am almost 6 months sober and 8 days clean of codeine and I am miserable, I know this is normal and I’ve abused my body and brain for so long it will take a while to repair but hoping by sharing on here there are others at the same stage or further forward than me who could support each other..

I have a huge desire to be clean and sober today, I want to live! By some stroke of luck I had my bloods taken after confessing to my GP about my addiction and my liver etc all came back functioning as normal.

It’s taken me almost 6 weeks to taper down from 100+ pills a day to none but I’ve done it and today I can say I AM CLEAN AND SOBER!

Physical withdrawals have passed but mentally it’s so hard...

Thank you if you have read this far!

Love and positive thoughts to all

xAx

replying to FlowerGar

Hi FlowerGar, what a horrendous journey you have been through. It's amazing that you have come out the other side. So glad to hear you are clean and sober. Just you stick with it and I hope you will soon be mentally happy. You are still young and have the rest of your life to enjoy.

All the best to you xx

replying to FlowerGar

Huge well done to you, 8 days is an enormous achievement and you rightly should be proud.

Remember why you want to be clean, keep that as your driving force.

If the mental withdrawal gets too much talk to your doctor, dont suffer in silence or worse go back to your old friend!!

I know exactly how your feeling as I'm in this situation myself.

Good luck and kept us updated x

1 reply

replying to FlowerGar

DNAnon & addictoolong

Thank you so much for replying!

I woke up today to a powerful message on my phone..

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realise how close to success they were when they gave up”

It got me thinking I’ve lived a hellava life abusing alcohol and painkillers and the fun stopped a long time ago until I was merely existing..

Let’s see where being clean and sober will take me.. I have no other options really.. If I drink chaos follows guaranteed! I think things are bad now.. wow it will be a lot worse and all for one night of drinking.. If I go back to painkillers the only thing for me is the wooden box as my body will

Not tolerate that abuse again..

I’m attending N/A and AA meetings regularly and plan on getting to one this afternoon to keep my head fresh and remember how I have no right now to abuse alcohol or pills.. That right has been taken away by my disease of addiction and to feed it would be insane.

I never thought I could be clean and sober, that scared the crap out of me but here I am, doing it, feeling low but it can only get better!

We all got this!

Love and positive thoughts!

xAx

replying to FlowerGar

Well done you! Hope you can feel proud of what you have achieved and the meetings help you. Keep strong - It will get better!

replying to FlowerGar

Well done and keep positive!

I just wanted to let you know my feelings when reading this - my (ex at the minute) partner has an addiction and it’s tore right through our lives, we have children and I’m and so worried now the impact this will have in their lives if he doesn’t sort it... I worry constantly he will ever be able to but reading stories such as yours fills me with hope and reassurance that it is possible and he can do this (is he wants to which I’m sure he does) and he will be the dad he’s should’ve always been, the dad my kids deserve and the person he is deep down!

There’s so much more to life always a reason to keep moving forward!

Keep it up, keep positive and keep moving forward x

replying to FlowerGar

Thank you all!

Just about to head out to my meeting!

One day at a time, recovery is very possible now and I believe that..

xAx

replying to FlowerGar

You have done so well. Like you say one day at a time.

My sister is an alcoholic and her AA meetings keep her on the straight and narrow. She has had one relapse. Her life is so much better being sober.

Keep up the good work.

1 reply

replying to FlowerGar

Hox

So glad to hear that, for a long time alcohol was my only problem but because I didn’t drink all the time I thought it was okay.. my drinking would always be spaced out maybe once every few months but as above on the occasion I did drink I caused enough carnage and drank enough to make up for the time I didn’t.

I’m lucky that my Mum is an AA member just about to celebrate 20 years sobriety so I always kinda knew about AA but thought I was too young.

xAx

replying to FlowerGar

My sister also told me she was taking codeine last week. Luckily she is aware of the problems this too can cause. Hopefully she hasn't swapped one for the other.

Great news about your mums 20 year anniversary. I did go to an AA open meeting with my sister and she was the youngest there. When I made her go she actually thought it would be her and a load of homeless, drunken people. She had her eyes opened wide.

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