So my husband left me last summer, his only reason was that he just wasn't happy, but if I'm honest it was news to me and seemed to come out of no where! We'd had previous issues but I thought these were resolved and we had not long moved into our "dream house".
The seperation was tough, and there were points I was very worried about him as he just seemed down and looked "grubby" I thought maybe he was suffering with depression and voiced this to him. He seemed to pick himself up a bit and just before Christmas told me that he wanted us to work on things and appreciated me so much more now.
Things had mostly been going well. We had a few hiccups but overall it seemed better (he did not move back in but it was like we were dating again) on a number of occasions, he told me he didn't deserve me and wasn't worthy of me and every time I'd reassure him he was. He kept telling me that he wanted to be a better person for me and our children and I believed he was working on doing that until a month ago when he ended things again and I've since found out that he has started dating a girl 12yrs younger than him.
Now cocaine has caused issues in our marriage on a handful of occasions over the last few years, up until the first time (when he came home in a state after knocking someone out) I had no idea he even used it. He swore to me it was a one off and he wouldn't do it again, and has sworn the same thing on the handful of other occasions that have arisen and I've let him convince me that these were isolated incidents. I'm now finding out through mutual friends that it is much more than that and he is binging on it everytime he goes out at least which is every other weekend. Apparently he's been doing this the last couple of years.
We have children together and I'm worried about it impacting them if the habit becomes even more regular. I honestly don't recognise the man he is anymore, he is selfish and doesn't even seem concerned for his children's feelings regarding our split. When he isn't with the kids he seems to just be constantly partying and chasing this 18-20s lifestyle.
I'm starting to wonder if the long term coke use has had an affect on his mental state and whether that's the reason our marriage broke down - he lacked happiness with his family when he wasn't on a cocaine high. He tried to be better and give it up, realised he couldn't and that's where all the feelings of worthlessness came from before he just gave up completely?
I'm not really sure what my question is, I just needed to get everything off my chest, though if anyone has any answers regarding long term effects of cocaine on mental health I'd be interested to hear them.