Im not sure the above is true really, it sounds like youve got an alcohol problem, after all, if you cant say no then its an addiction.
It starts like this and destroys relationships and anything in its path, it starts with "binge drinking". You really need to go down to the doctor and get support before it truly gets out of control.
What are your drinking habits, how often? how did it start? do you suffer with any mental health problems?
You can love your partner to death (believe me) and still self destruct through addiction. You can have the best life and still suffer with addiction.
if you can expand on your issues a bit, itll be easier to give some advice. My other half was like you and it just got completely out of control - it started with self medicating his anxiety with alcohol, the next thing was binge drinking.
Addiction is so hard to understand.. your brain plays tricks, you may not want to, but you will..
i would also suggest reading through some of these threads, as they are really helpful.
do you use cocaine as well or just drink?