Long story short I've know my boyfriend took cocaine before I got with him. I put it down to a social thing and didn't have a problem as everyone does it now. Anyway as time passed it started to become clear he was doing it more than I thought. We had a talk and he agreed he was taking it too much and agreed to cut down. Now I'm 4 month pregnant and he's changed into a completely different person going out all of the time, turning his phone off, ignorning me and getting himself into so much debt. He's admitted he's got a problem and made an appointment for the doctors but he's not doing anything about it it's just getting worse. I've tried everything to get him to open up and cut down but nothing working. I'm so stressed with everything and not enjoying my pregnancy at all because of it. Is there anyone in a similar situation I can talk to or even going through what my boyfriend is so I can get a better understanding.
Hey there.. hope your ok.. im in the same situation as your bf.. long story short... lol
Ive been having coke for 8 to 9 years. Ive got 3 kids and 1 step daughter. And im still with my gf.
I was 1st having it going out.. then started on my own in the house a bit because it stayed with me when i stopped going out.
Im doing my very best to quit as i hate the stuff now. Im having it about once a month. May be longer. I decided enough was enough when it started to make me suicidal and depressed. The come downs off coke are the worst feelings ive ever had. All for the sake of a good hours buzz.
There is a lot your bf can do to stop or cut down.. but he really has to want to quit. He needs to quit alcohol as this is a main trigger to get coke. Stay away from coke friends, family. And change his life totally around. how much is he having and spending?
Try watching louise clarke on you tube crack cocaine part 1, 2 3. She is an expert in this and will give you a real great insight to what it does. And how to quit.. there are a lot of sacrifices you have to make, and it is hard as i struggle from time to time. Its the biggest addiction going now in the uk. Your bf is a an addict and he has to admit it. And get help.
I had 8 councilling sessions and i quit for 3 month. Then lapsed. You think you are ok after a couple of month.. but believe me you are not! Cocaine is a sneaky sly drug. That plays mind games on you.. you start arguments, argue with your self in your head just so its an excuse to go get it.
If his behaviour is like this its his brain wanting it.. its like a devil and angel on your shoulder.
I guess you have already said.. do this for the baby.. the money can go on the baby than coke.. but no matter how much he knows this.. coke will win.
My kids get everything they need. But i feel so guilty when i have put that stuff up my nose, instead of spending it on them.
To help me stop. I listen to cocaine recovery stories on podcast and you tube, these help a lot. And ive took up.reading.. i go to the gym.
Theres a thing called triggers.. if you have not heard of it.. he needs to avoid these... say he picks up coke on asda car park.. avoid going past there as it makes him want to get coke.. id sit him down and lay some rules now.and say its making you ill and could effect the baby. If u need out im always here. Good luck
Thank you for responding, it sounds like your doing well and are on the right path thats all that matters its baby steps.
He's spending a lot, as in like hundreds on it and he will also sit on his own and have it once has has it he won't stop until it's all gone It doesnt matter if its through the week or weekends. In the past I've taken it off him and flushed it away and he's begged me for '1 more go' before i get rid, it's horrible to see someone beg for something like that. I don't know how much he's having now and how often because he's no longer living with me. I thought not having him living with me would open his eyes but he's taken advantage of the situation. I'm scared of bringing this baby up on my own and it's killing me knowing that's more than likely going to happen but I can't have my baby around him when he's doing it. When he's on a come down he's very aggressive and abusive and he's putting me through hell. He's constantly lying, trying to manipulate me, avoiding me and turning things round on me. He doesn't need a drink to have it he would rather be on his own with his sniff and weed but he also priorities his friends who take it as well. I just feel pushed out and left feeling unwanted. I just want him to open his eyes and see how good things can be but he's constantly making things worse. I've tried all sorts of different approaches with him and nothing seems to work. It seems he realises and feels guilty at the time of me talking to him and gives me all empty promises and false hope that things will be good afain then goes straight back to doing it.
Believe me him living on his own he will just get worse and be having it a lot more.
I can imagine what ever you decide its going to be really hard for you, you either stay with him and hope he does stop.. which he really needs to make a lot of sacrifices. Or like you said be on your own and scared. Its not fair on you with being pregnant and the emotions you go through.
All i can suggest if you want to make it work say its either the coke or you and the baby, or at least he puts in the effort that he wants to stop. Or you do it alone. Which believe me it will be hard at 1st. But in the long run. You will be a lot happier. Have you got family to help you?
It's made things a lot worse him not living with me and it's like hes stuck in a vicious cycle now because when he is with me I know He's thinking about that and every opportunity he gets to go out and have it he takes with both hands and happily leaves me. I've not seen him now for over a week, i was meant to see him last night to talk but when it come to coming round he was late. I rang him and his phone was off and I've still not heard from him. I don't know what to do for the best, I love him and he's the best person ever off it but it's not just ruining his life it's ruining mine too. Yes my family know the situation and they all support me and will support me with whatever decision I make. His family also support me. I'm just lost in what to do for the best
Its sounds like you are not even together.
The thing is when the baby is born and if he still is like this, theres going to be a point when you need him and it will be a lot because ive got 3 kids and its hard work, especially with a baby. Its going to be really hard and upsetting for you if his phone is off or he has done a dissapearing act, and continues to. Imagine if you want him there for the birth and his phone is off.
Plz dont think im being negative or trying to upset you or out. But with you being pregnant just be careful and think of yourself and the baby before anyone else.
It feels like we're not together any more. That's how much this has taken over. No I don't see you being negative at all, if anything talking to you is helpful. This is our first baby and I don't think he realises how hard it is being pregnant with your first child also how hard it is to bring a child up. I think he's in a world of his own I would love to be in his head for the day to know what he's thinking and feeling. It's confusing always telling me one thing and doing another
I remember when my ex was pregnant with my 1st born. I was only 19. Coke wasnt in my life then. But i was there all the all the time and i loved every minute of it. I dont get how some people can just not seem intrested.
He might be a lot worse on it than you think?? What do you want to do now though?