: Bereavement

Get support following a drug or alcohol related death

replying to MaryPoppins23

Oh that must be so worrying for you. How are you coping ? He is accepting help so that must mean he accepts his problem and wants to change. I know with my husband he swings from wanting to change to normalising his drinking. He won’t talk to anyone about it though. Refuses completely. I hope the counselling is helping

replying to MaryPoppins23

Mary Poppins 23. My husband was an alcoholic and I lost him 6 wks ago. I became his main carer in the end. His family had given up on him but I stood by him. I am heart broken. He had so many demons he couldn't come to terms with. He did go to rehab twice and relapsed both times. He was never abusive when under the influence which was every day. He suffered with abdominal hernias caused by ascites and would vomit more or less on a daily basis. The alcoholic has no easy life. I find myself thinking, if I had been stronger and left him, would he have stopped but I don't think he would have. I miss him, daft right? How can I miss all the stress and angst that goes with living with a chronic alcoholic? But I do miss him. The man inside who I married 35 yrs ago.

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hi I am so sorry for the loss of your husband , this site is an amazing support and I hope it gives you little bit of help to get through this terrible time . I have a son with addiction problems , drink and drugs and I find this site helps, I also lost my husband to alcohol and drugs so feel your pain myn was over 20 years ago but know exactly how dark things are when you first lose the person you love especially horrific when it's substance abuse , just wish to God I had this site back then , wishing you all the best and try stay strong x

1 reply

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hi to all of you and to the writer of the original post

I can so resonate with all your comments

I am sitting writing this with tears for all of your sufferings and mine too.

My husband too is an alcoholic I tried to cope but eventually could cope no longer and he went to live with his parents, who now too have reached their limits

It's the roller coaster of believing they can get better and thinking they are.

I have found the lies and the manipulation unbearable and it's so incredibly lonely. I just want to say this is so not fair, he used to be the kindest man you could meet.

I blame myself too, why did I not do something earlier? I have experienced every emotion a human can.

At the moment I am just trying to pick myself back up and look after myself and the children. It is so hard and I send love and support to all of you who find yourself in this suffering

I

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hey i just want to point out when you said did he really care for me and my answer is yes he did, im an addict im currently terrified to get help but im going to but please understand no matter the way we are and the way we come across we love our families sometimes we are just to scared to admit how bad it is incase we disappoint our loved ones and i am talking through experience where i am currently terrified to admit and hurt my family, im so sorry for your loss but he loved you and dont ever forget that xx

replying to MaryPoppins23

Brilliant that you've found strength to get help , think we all realise deep down that our loved ones do care it's the drugs and alcohol that make them the way they are but hard sometimes to remember that when your on the recieving end of their abuse , I wish you luck with getting help stay strong x

replying to Kitty888

Hi Kitty888,

This hits me hard. I could totally relate to you. My husband is always drinking everyday ever since we started dating. I noticed that he is a heavy drinker in the early years of our relationship though I swept it under the rug because he is still a good man behind his constant drinking. He also has this anger management that I’m not sure if it is associated with his drinking. Lately, we are always fighting as he always initiate a fight that I can’t help myself to engage with. I can’t bite my tongue especially if he taunts me. He’s been dropping by to his mother’s house whose also an alcoholic and fuels his habit. She always buys him beer everyday and sometimes he would sleep there because he couldn’t drive anymore. That mainly the reason of our arguments and he also admitted that his mother is his fuel for his addiction. Yesterday, we got into a big fight and he told me I’m the reason why he’s been drinking and wouldn’t want to come home. I told him we are done and he accepted it. I’m in so much pain because we have a son who is affected by our decision. I know that it’s best decision for everyone, I just need time to heal.

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hi, I just list my husband 2 months ago to alcoholism.....alcohol poisoning. We were divorcing and this is the result. I feel guilty, buti tried EVERYTHING I knew too. Myself and our daughters begged and pleaded for more than 10 years...nothing could reah him. He'd make promises....improve for a couple of weeks and then the lies and sneaking would start all over again. I had reach the point where it was ruining our lives and home...we had to have a stop to it. I watched the man I loved....(still love) slowly slipping away until he was completely gone. Its devastating!

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hi jtekg4

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking that this happens so often. Please give yourself and your daughters the time and space you need to come to terms with it. It is not easy. I am 20 months in and am still questioning myself if I could have done more, if it was my fault etc. In my heart of hearts I truly believe I did everything I could but you can't help but question yourself.

If you need to rant, vent or just share, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I feel that this is my problem, because of the lockdown I have not been able to get the counselling I think I still need. I can't discuss this with friends and family (aside from our son), as most people aren't even aware that this problem existed.

Take care of each other and yell if you need a chat, I can't promise I have the answers but I can share my coping mechanisms.

Love and best wishes to you all xx

replying to MaryPoppins23

Hi jtekg4

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so heartbreaking that this happens so often. Please give yourself and your daughters the time and space you need to come to terms with it. It is not easy. I am 20 months in and am still questioning myself if I could have done more, if it was my fault etc. In my heart of hearts I truly believe I did everything I could but you can't help but question yourself.

If you need to rant, vent or just share, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I feel that this is my problem, because of the lockdown I have not been able to get the counselling I think I still need. I can't discuss this with friends and family (aside from our son), as most people aren't even aware that this problem existed.

Take care of each other and yell if you need a chat, I can't promise I have the answers but I can share my coping mechanisms.

Love and best wishes to you all xx

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