: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

18 replies

Don't know how much more i can take.

I have been with my boyfriend 5years and in the beginning things were great he liked a drink and i thought it was just socially and because it was a new relationship so didn't think to much into it. Fast forward 3 years the drinking has become so bad that he has psoriasis of the liver I don't know what to do i have tried everything begging pleading crying ultimatums negotiations everything but it's always the same result. I feel like I am always fighting a losing battle I have to put up with the constant put downs and the jibes and the sarcastic comments every time he has had a drink and it's getting to the point now where its effecting my mental health. He has seen councillors that have told him that he will be dead if he carries on drinking but still this has no affect my Councillor said to me the other day that I need to stop doing all the things I do to help him and back off let him fall flat on his face because everything I have tried has done nothing it's like hitting your head repeatedly against a brick wall and expecting it not to hurt. I know he loves me and tells me so all the time when he's not drunk but I honestly don't know if I love him anymore I have had years of this behaviour off him and now I am just physically and emotionally drained.

replying to Claire 77

I'm in the same situation my boyfriend has been addicted to coke for 5 years. Just tonight he has been paid and he has just left the house to get some. He says he wants to stop but he doesn't seem to want to take the next step. Your boyfriend wont start to stop until he admits he has a problem and wants to. My boyfriend has cut out alcohol as that's the a trigger and it would bring on an anxiety attack but as soon as he gets some money something takes over. It's hard but you have to try and not enable him as it wont help. While you help him he has no reason to stop.

replying to Claire 77

Hi, I'm sorry but if he wont admit the problem then you should give up and end it, he doesn't sound like he cares about you either. It doesn't sound like you have kids so that should be less painful

replying to Claire 77

Hi Claire

I work in the addiction field and am in recovery myself. Loved ones often get overlooked but they need recovery as much as the person in addiction. The powerlessness can be crippling. I here what your counsellor is saying about not enabling your partner even though it's easier said than done. It's great you are seeing a counsellor have you any other support e.g. smart friends and family? Smart is an alternative to 12 steps or al anon which is the 12 step support for loved ones it was set up my the founder of aa's wife. If you need someone to talk to I'm happy to be an ear. Cass

replying to Claire 77

Hi Claire

Thanks for sharing this with us. Can I ask do you have a morgage together? Do you feel like you are trapped and have no where else to go?

I am now at the end of my tether now and thought I would share my story as it is so hard hiding what our relationship is really like inside the home, and you dont want your family to know. I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and got together 7 years ago. I met him in a pub as I was a barmaid. We both like to drink at weekends, but my husband doesnt know when to stop and he will regularly do benders most weekends. He can not do a Friday without a drink. I would go to bed and he would blast the music up and start shouting and

Bauling talking to himself. He doesnt shut up.hes laughing loud then crying. This has been happening for a long as I can remember but like you, I didn't see at first. I'm either getting wiser to it or just had enough. But either way this has to stop. There is so much more to tell but at the end of the day I've had enough of his shit. In my case I have a morgage and have nowhere else to go. Hes the money earner and without him I would struggle so much. And to clarify Monday to Thursday he is a loving caring guy who works hard and helps around the house. He is s totally different person at weekends...he is cocky, selfish,aggressive, loud,doesnt give a shit attitude and thinks hes invincible.the one thing he doesnt do is call me names or hit me but he has grabbed my wrists which leave bruise Marks. I really don't know what to do next but sharing our issues we could help each other . Are you planning on leaving your boyfriend? The fact we are in denial is they will never change.we either live with it or do something about it. I am 37 and my husband is 45 can I ask how old you and your boyfriend is ? ....

replying to Claire 77

Morning... all of your stories resonate with my life.. my hubby is amazing around the house, cooking cleaning and shopping, as I work full time, he works from home, so he gets to do things.... BUT ... that’s part of his game, his manipulation... see how good I am, see how much I help you.... so because he does “ my washing” ( our washing) he appears to be fabulous and I’m being ungrateful, when I don’t tolerate his.. “ I deserve a beer after doing all that housework”... don’t fall for it, it’s part of their addictive personality.. that’s the sad thing... they are so controlling we don’t see it.

I saw a counsellor this week and I know my options, I just need to prepare myself for the on slaughter of his abuse.. ????

replying to Claire 77

Hi Sweetpea

Thanks for your response.I was thinking the same thing that it's all part of being controlling because the one thing he doesnt and cant control is the money.all of his money goes in my bank as he doesn't have one so I do all the finances. Do you get some kind of abuse? Last night I finally got a good night sleep since friday I've only had 4 hours due to his pathetic antics. Now he would have sobered up when he wakes up I'm going to be telling him what he was like again but it's like a broken record.ive told him over and over.ive even videod him when hes drunk and he just laughs at it. To survive this relationship I need to start doing my own things on a Friday.i was even contemplating booking a hotel just so I can get s good night sleep.but then he could acuse me of cheating or something... did you have to pay for a counsellor?

replying to Claire 77

Thanks WonderWoman.

Sleep deprivation is torturous... I’ve moved into the spare room.. I’ve also had enough of his snoring, alcoholic breath and then the letchery! My hubby is also overweight... beer gut and the site of him is pathetic. He’s a cancer survivor, which makes me dislike him even more.

Last night we were watching A star is born, I wondered if he could see the damage of the drinking on their relationship but no, as he merrily downed his brandy, after the beer and wine, it resulted in an argument , when his constant interruptions and need for attention made me flip! I know I shouldn't have retaliated as it fuelled another argument and I told him to F*** off.... all over his irritating behaviour and chocolate!

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest, yes I did pay, but this morning , I have found an Al Anon group in the nearby city and I know someone who is part of the group, so I think I will try and go to one of their meetings and see how it runs and if I can get the support I need. Otherwise, it will be the paid support. ????

replying to Claire 77

Yes I definitely know how you feel if I could just get a good night sleep on a Friday that would be amazing.i dont need to go into the spare room because he wont even go to bed but I can hear him being loud and putting music on. It pisses me right off. Our house is open plan so o cant even block him out. Hes woken up this morning like nothing has happened. Hes just selfishly ruined my weekend.ive told him it needs to stop and hes like yes ok. But nothing changes. I almost always retaliate...I'm shouting at the top of my voice and luckily no neighbours have moved in next door.but they soon will be and this needs to stop. I hate him at weekends the only thing I could do to open his eyes is move out but I've nowhere to go. Hes woken up all nice asking if I want breakfast and hes going to clean the house.hes just told me sorry blah blah like that means anything. I will see if he sticks to his words next week I very much doubt it. It would be great if I could have a weekend pad somewhere and just be with him during the week...

replying to Claire 77

My husband drinks the devil Stella then goes on to vodka. Hes not overweight at all hes physically fit but his liver cant be.it will soon creep up on him..I'm not saying I am innocent I used to do benders and drink a full bottle of jd in a night but this was due to my trauma I had a stillborn baby boy. And he had a trauma and had a bad car accident and killed his gf and so that his we got together...he did actually bring me back to life and live again.but whilst I am healing and not drinking like that anymore and becoming myself again.he is still where he is when I met him. If that makes sense? I wont just give up on him cause he didn't with me. My next step is to start doing my own thing on Fridays and possibly staying out whether that's at s friends or a hotel .... how long have you been together?

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